Teddy Bear Types, Ladies and Dating?

Is it an American phrase? I understand what it means, but we don't really use that phrase in the UK. We would just say "overweight."

We like to BS ourselves over here across the pond.

I would have thought teddy bear is more the cuddly type, bit more than chubby and a bit less than chunky.

WOW.. I must say that I am pleasently surprised to see how many people actually chimed in on the topic of disccusion. Kudos for you all in sharing your colorful thoughts and feelings regarding the matter.

HOWEVER before I go further I want to address a couple of people whom shall remain nameless. It was apparent after reading your posts that you felt insulted, offended, or that I was looking for input from a personal level. Well first off; if you felt any negative feelings after reading my post, maybe something I said touched a never and is true. I am no judge of you, in fact I like to have deep stimulating conversation regardless of the topic. If you cannot articulate your thoughts in a respectful even keeled way dont even post because us POSTIVE and OPEN MINDED individuals can do without your SARCASIM and NEGATIVITY.

SECONDLY; You can see me, I am not skinny guy and I am chubby, overwieght, a teddy bear (whichever your preferance). Ill take my shirt off in a crowd of woman if so necessary. I have a job, a house, a career etc etc (all the things a successful man should have). No I am not saying that to boast, but I am addressing the fact that I know my worth and the type of guy I am. I have not and will never base my worth on a societal norm or what anybody thinks of me. Either you like me (bonus for you) or you don't (your loss). it is just that simple.

NOW THAT THAT IS CLEAR.

I tend to think personality and chemistry go whole heartedly into attraction. Sure we live in a society where sex sells, every where you look you see the fit and trim, etc etc.. (so why wouldn't we as a society find that to be attractive, or secretly aspire to be that). Most of it is cognitive I would dare argue, but we all like what we like. THERE is a sock for every foot. Whomever you choose as long as you are happy, that person treats you right and protects your heart, that is the TRUE definition of WINNING!

For me personally, I found that most of the "teddy bear" types who would hit on me, or we just didn't "click" in other ways (I'm a math-y/science-y person, which seems to throw guys sometimes). The last "teddy bear" I went out with, asked if I was going to sleep with him after our (first) date. Needless to say, there wasn't a second.

On the other hand, I have two really good male friends from my freshman year of college, who are teddy bears. Sadly, anytime I was single, they weren't, or one of them were and I wasn't. Had either of them ever been single when I was, I'd have dated either without hesitation.

The man I'm dating now, has a bit of a "beer belly", and is a little overweight, but he treats me like I cause the sun to rise in the morning.

I've never really been into super buff guys or the ones who live at the gym.

I think it all boils down to just a personal preference thing. And I don't think its necessarily always the fact that the guy is heavier. Sure, there are certain women (in the context of this post of course....this goes for both men AND women) who simply go by physical attraction. I mean, if you've ever been on a dating website, there are pages and pages of "available" folks out there, so they have to choose to weed a majority out someway. Of course, some of them will start their weeding with simple appearance. I know that I've been 'guilty' of that (though I don't think its necessarily anything to feel 'guilty' about). Some might go by the clothes one wears (maybe they see it as a clue as to your success or your lifestyle); some might go strictly by the smile (as that 'window to the soul'); some may scan and go strictly by age (I personally know MANY that have a distinct age group they look for); some perhaps look for the "income" section; other may go by location...... you've seen these things before, so because somebody chooses not to pursue you, I wouldn't necessarily assume that it means they didn't like your weight or size.

I am 6'0". When I started to date again after my wife had passed, I had put on weight up to the point where I was at my heaviest (300 lbs). I look back on pictures of myself then, and I don't necessarily think it was so much my weight as it was my self confidence being shot, I didn't have much of a smile back then, and remembering how I was, I pretty much just sat around and drank. However, when I was at the bar that I hung out at all the time back then, when I was "in my element" so to speak, I would get approached by women of all sorts (from the proverbial "tens", to those quite older and many quite younger). When I was at that place, I was among friends and in a family atmosphere (it is a pizza place with a game room for kids, with a bar section as well.....a real neighborhood hangout for families of all sorts...). I sat nightly with a group of guys from my age, all the way up to a few gentlemen in their 80's. We would gather around the bar and swap stories and jokes, laughing so loudly. It was the outgoing side of me that attracted many of the women. Of course, back then I was an attorney and newly widowed, so many were attracted to THAT, DESPITE the weight.

So what I'm saying there is that when you are on a website, all they have is a picture (hence putting so much on the physical), and if they look past that, then all they have is typed words.... no voice inflection, no readily apparent sarcasm and hint of anything being tongue-in-cheek. They read it how they hear you saying it, which as we all know from message boards is sometimes not at all how you intended for something to come across.

Now, as for me, if I'm just looking on a website and narrowing things down, yeah, sure, if I see a "ten", smoking hot with a great body and I don't necessarily think we would be a good match by her words, I may still give it a try simply because of her looks. I would also admit that I may have, for looks alone, dismissed somebody that may have been an incredible soul-match. But the internet is what it is, you have to have some sort of way to weed out the herd. Now, in real life? When seeing people talk, how they carry themselves, how other people respond to them, what kind of sparkle exists in their eyes and smile? All that stuff plays a factor, and I can tell you there are people out there from 100 lbs to 300 lbs that are both hideous to me because of the way they carry themself or treat others, and there are women out there from 100 lbs to 300 lbs that are, quite frankly, smoking hot to me because of the way they carry themselves and the way they interact with others, or the way they look at you, or their smile.........

In the end, the internet is the internet. Get out there in person.....its a much, much better way to meet people if you can find the time or the right gathering place.

that is me, more often than not.

Have always, always, always gone for the teddy bears, without exception.

In the end, the internet is the internet. Get out there in person.....its a much, much better way to meet people if you can find the time or the right gathering place.

When I was on an internet dating site, I wound up making friends with some of the women in my general area. One of those ladies threw a party, and that's where I met my the man I later married...who had been on the same internet dating site (but we'd never connected). Those who choose internet dating might find it easier if they network the heck out the connections they make that way.

I a man with some chub on him.

If I were on a dating site and I were asked that question, my honest answer would have to be, if you don't take care of yourself, how can I expect you to take care of a girlfriend/wife/family/job/household/children? If all I know about someone is a line or two about his hobbies, interests, and a few pictures, I'm going to have to assume the worst, and think that since he doesn't take as good of care of himself as he could, then his priorities aren't in the right place.

Again, this is only going off what I would know about someone based on the average info given on a dating site profile. In the process of losing weight, injuries or health problems that prevent you from losing weight would not factor in.

Just my personal opinion, since you asked.

teddy bear guys don't seem to go for me, which is too bad because i like bigger guys

I've never considered weight when I meet a man. They just have to be able to keep up with me.

I have no aversion to dating someone of the Teddy Bear persuasion, but have never been asked. Now I have had some teddy bear types tell me I am too fat (this was recently with me at 185 lbs).

I just want someone who is active and wants to do things with me, not sit around the house watching TV all day. I base things on chemistry and similarities, not body types.

when i complained to a friend how terrible my online dating luck was, she said 'well, do you only message the girls that look like victoria secret models"

i was like 'well .... not ALL the time' lol.

I wonder if a similair question could/should be asked of the OP.

Even then, it may not necessairly be that the girl is flat out refusing or really even overlooking you. I"m sure that some of those women get nearly 100 messages or more daily on some of the popular sites.

So, speaking as as Yeti, sasquatch, north american wild ManBear, or whatever you like to call us, I have seen both sides. I have been looked over for my size, I have been dumped because my weight was an issue even after I lost 125lbs. I always went for the larger girls, I never found the wispy, waif-like women attractive, I find my larger than average girlfriend amazingly beautiful and I have zero issues with her body.

Now, I am larger than the average bear at 6'8" and currently 475 pounds but I carry the weight a lot differently,. Yes there is a gut, but its not that profound, and my broad shoulders and long legs help distribute things evenly

But I am also very active, I walk a lot, I like to do things outside, I'm not a couch potato at all.

People have a pre-conceived notion that all overweight people are lazy, or antisocial, or unhealthy, so we get the brush off. I've gone on dates to see the girl walk in to the restaurant, make eye contact with me, and turn around and walk out. Do I have health issues due to my weight? Sure, but it's also something I am actively working on.

Do I open a date or discussion with how I used to weigh 600 pounds and how I got off of a handful of meds I was taking? No. because I don't want to be defined by my weight. My weight can change. My health issues are rapidly being resolved. I want them to meet the person who is a photographer, gamer, musician, and father to 2 awesome kids rather than just dismissing me because of what is essentially a temporary condition.

It's really sad that many people judge overweight people in a negative way. I wish that all individuals could be more open-minded and get to know a person, instead of just seeing the extra weight. Many people probably really miss out on meeting and getting to know an awesome person, because they are hung up on their weight.

I love love love the teddy bear type. I can't comment on why some girls won't give them the time of day cause I would be all over it. I married my own teddy bear type and he is super sexy to me.