Husband unhappy with my weight :(
Bobanji
Posts: 79 Member
Current weight 213lbs, 5'2 and 28yo/female. Goal weight of 160lbs. Is there something wrong with me not wanting to go lower than 160lbs? I was 150lbs at one point long ago after much diet and exercise and I hated myself. I was getting no attention from other guys, and I just didn't feel like myself, I didn't recognize the person I saw in the mirror anymore, I wasn't happy. I was very content with being 160lbs. My doc wanted me to go down to about 115-120lbs. HA yeah right! My husband thinks I should go down to about 130lbs and we argued about this. I have never been 130lbs in the 11years I've known this man. If I wasn't happy at 150lb, what makes him think I'd like being 130lbs. Why does he think he should tell me what I should weight. If he married me at this weight, why is it a problem now? I'm very upset at him right now. As a bigger girl, I have never had problems attracting men. Living in the part of the Caribbean that I live, the men actually prefer girls with meat on them. I get a lot of attention from men now even at 213lbs. I would never cheat on my husband but sometimes its nice to hear that you're pretty. I wish that attention was coming from my husband instead. I just wish my husband could care for me the same way and be more supportive of my goals. He says he loves me no matter what, but then why is he pushing this? Either way, I'm doing this for me. If my husband is not happy, I'm a fabulous enough person to know there are plenty men in the sea.
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Good. It is important that you are doing this for yourself and not because your husband wants you to.0
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Good. It is important that you are doing this for yourself and not because your husband wants you to.
Ditto! What he said is correct! Do it for yourself & not for what your husband wants. Hang in there & Good Luck
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You need to be comfortable in your own skin and if you think you'll feel best being in the 160's then that's what your goal should be. At the end of the day you have to be happy and it sounds like in order to make your husband happy would cause you to be unhappy and that's not fair to you! I'm sure he will come around once he see how healthy 160 looks on you! Just focus on your goals and everything else will fall into place!0
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At the end of the day, it is YOUR body and YOU need to be happy with it. If your husband isn't happy with you exactly how you are, then he doesn't deserve you. 0
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Sorry your husband is being like this, yes he shouldn't care what weight you are except for health reasons. Your doctor however is correct about you aiming for 115-120lbs. I'm 120lbs and same height as you and aiming to lose that last 3lbs and I got up close to 150lbs and felt VERY fat so I don't know how you'd like to be 160lbs..0
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At the end of the day, it is YOUR body and YOU need to be happy with it. If your husband isn't happy with you exactly how you are, then he doesn't deserve you.
this. and also, it shouldn't be about the number on a scale but how you look and feel :-) i am your height and i think i would look awful at 130! i would rather be a little curvier and healthy.0 -
I try to remain a very positive person and find a "reason" for the things that other's say which actually ticks a lot of people off but, I am going to try in this situation as well... hopefully it will give you new light on what your husband could possibly be saying....
Is it possible that he is happy with your weight, as he should be considering he married you at this weight and he wanted to be supportive of your weight loss by giving his perspective on things. Your doctor said 115 and you are saying 160, to me it sounds like he just threw out a number and said "130" since it's in the middle of the two. He might just want you to consider a lower number but, that doesn't mean that he necessarily wants you there.
That being said, I don't know what the situation was or what words were said but, I don't want you to have hurt feelings about something that he possibly didn't mean. You might want to communicate this further with him.
I am so glad that you keep a positive outlook on yourself and on your life that you are able to be so confident. You go girl! You rock. 0 -
Tell him it's your body so you get the final say in how you treat it. Frankly, it's not really any of his business how much you weigh or what you do with your body. If he says he loves you no matter what, he should treat you like it.0
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I think you have to treat weight loss as a series of stepping stones anyway. Make 160 an initial target, and then see how you feel when you've maintained at that weight for a while. There's no need to rule out the possibility of dropping further once you're more used to being smaller and you might get more support form your husband if you take this kind of approach rather than ruling it out completely.0
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Sorry your husband is being like this, yes he shouldn't care what weight you are except for health reasons. Your doctor however is correct about you aiming for 115-120lbs. I'm 120lbs and same height as you and aiming to lose that last 3lbs and I got up close to 150lbs and felt VERY fat so I don't know how you'd like to be 160lbs..
Just because she doesn't want to be super skinny doesn't make her wrong. You're trying to body police her here as much as her husband if. Just because YOU felt uncomfortable at that weight doesn't mean she does. Everyone carries their weight differently and GASP can love themselves without being thin.0 -
Hey there, I know when I first started this "journey" I was 295 lbs (the ticker is different as I had lost 27 lbs on my own that took almost 2 years!) and my goal was 250. I think the reason I didnt aim lower was because personally I didnt think I could do it, after all it took me two years to lose the first 27! Then with MFP this became SO much easier and before I knew it I was at 250, now I know I can do it and have aimed for 225. I have now set the target for 205! According to my BMI my idea weight is 180, that I find too little but hey who knows?
Maybe your goal of 160 is only because (just like me) you don't have the confidence that the goal is ascertainable ? I am still glad that I am doing my weight loss in babystep incruments. That way I dont feel discouraged.
I think with your positive attitude that you will reach YOUR goal in no time and you too may find yourself say "Hey, I can do this!"
I will be with you all the way!
Steve0 -
I see that everyone is jumping on the husband, but I would like to interject a bit.
I think that it is important to communicate, especially if you have a spouse. Even for uncomfortable issues such as weight gain, there are ways to broach the subject lovingly and tactfully. So if you find yourself a bit off put by your husbands or wifes weight gain I think that a conversation is needed to avoid any long term repercussions. Your husband/wife should still LOVE you regardless, but I believe that physical attraction is a key component for long term happiness.0 -
So get to the weight you feel the best and healthiest at and tell your husband you weigh 130lbs. He won't know the difference.0
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I suggest you wait till you are at 160 and then you and hubby have this discussion.... If you need to - you might not be totally happy, and might want to go a bit lower (or look gorgeous and decide to stay there ) and same for hubby - he might look at you with different eyes when you have dropped 40lbs ....
I would not stress out about it now already..... I know I changed my mind, and want to lose 20lbs more than I said originally....0 -
Okay let's start giving spouses the benefit of the doubt a little. Her Dr. said a healthy weight to her that her husband is probably aware of. Is it even possible and permissible that her husband might be encouraging her to at least compromise between her goal and her Dr's goals for her?
It's the Dr'.s responsiblity as a medical professional to inform her what the proper range is, not to just say oh you seem like a nice person and I don't want to hurt your feelings so I won't tell you what my education and training tell me is right for you to weigh.
It's the husbands duty to care for and support his wife but also to be caring and concerned about her and isn't it okay that he is trying to encourage her. I read nothing here about him trying to control or berate her so I'm just giving him the benefit of the doubt here. One more possibility is that he married her at a time when she might have talked about dieting and so he expected she would and is just still encouraging that goal of hers. It's a tough position being the watcher of someone who is making changes. I just think the Dr's goal is achievable and she should just aim for her goal. Once she's there it might seem logical to just keep going as don't we always say it's about our health so shouldn't she continue to the healthy point, instead of just the weight that seems to feel easy, or is appealing to all the other men in her region as though that's a good reason to weigh a certain amount. Don't we always say we should not be unhealthily anorexic because our society demands it, why should she be unhealthily overweight because hers does?0 -
and this ^I suggest you wait till you are at 160 and then you and hubby have this discussion.... If you need to - you might not be totally happy, and might want to go a bit lower (or look gorgeous and decide to stay there ) and same for hubby - he might look at you with different eyes when you have dropped 40lbs ....
I would not stress out about it now already..... I know I changed my mind, and want to lose 20lbs more than I said originally....0 -
Hang in there and DO IT FOR YOU... Make you happy and Dr's only go by charts and what they have learned from a book. You have to listen to what your body tells you. Good Luck and keep pushin forward.0
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Sorry your husband is being like this, yes he shouldn't care what weight you are except for health reasons. Your doctor however is correct about you aiming for 115-120lbs. I'm 120lbs and same height as you and aiming to lose that last 3lbs and I got up close to 150lbs and felt VERY fat so I don't know how you'd like to be 160lbs..
I haven't been that weight since I was 12 and I'm the same height. My body looks and feels fabulous, however, at 145-150. That's when I'm my healthiest. I do NOT believe in a cookie cutter weight per height. Bodies are built differently. I don't have the structure to look any good at that weight. Neither did my mom. She was a skeleton at that weight and so unhealthy. It's more about your bodily composition and overall health. Weight is only one factor.0 -
So get to the weight you feel the best and healthiest at and tell your husband you weigh 130lbs. He won't know the difference.
Hahahaha!
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WEight looks different on everyone. Maybe you should set your goals to a body fat % that you think looks best on you. I am sorry you are bummin. Guys (and owmen too) say crazy **** they dont understand. My husband tried to tell me weight was all based on hormones and maybe my BC is why I gained 3 lbs overnight. Ummm Ive been on BC for 10 years! I was like...Youre dumb. He will love you at 160 just as he loves you now. He doesnt know what he is talking about. 0
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It's the Dr'.s responsiblity as a medical professional to inform her what the proper range is, not to just say oh you seem like a nice person and I don't want to hurt your feelings so I won't tell you what my education and training tell me is right for you to weigh.
I think a health professional's responsibilty in this case is actually to set a realistic goal WITH the patient to improve their health. Research shows that losing 5-10% of body weight (and keeping it off, which is much easier to do than for 50% of your weight) is significantly beneficial to your health. Sure, they can re-adjust later if both parties agree it is best but if people see an out of reach goal, then sticking to any kind of healthy plan will seem a lot harder.0 -
sorry but i dont understand what the issue is here? you're still 213 pounds. arent you all putting the horse before the cart?
arguing about if you should be 160,150 whatever when you're still 213 is like arguing about what graduate school a kindergarten aged kid should go in.
at this stage in your weight loss there's more important things you need to think about IMO0 -
I haven't been that weight since I was 12 and I'm the same height. My body looks and feels fabulous, however, at 145-150. That's when I'm my healthiest. I do NOT believe in a cookie cutter weight per height. Bodies are built differently. I don't have the structure to look any good at that weight. Neither did my mom. She was a skeleton at that weight and so unhealthy. It's more about your bodily composition and overall health. Weight is only one factor.
This is exactly why I felt more comfortable at 160lbs. My body is very muscular as it is. When I lose weight, it becomes extremely obvious. I played sports all my life and even today I love lifting weights. At 150lbs, I felt like I was starting to develop the body of a body builder and I personally do not like that for me. Having some fat over my muscles kept me looking curvy and I felt good about how I looked. I have gone to get my body fat measured. At this point according to my body fat, I am obese, not Morbidly Obese, which is what my doctor had me under using only my height and weight. And there was a huge difference in the numbers. All bodies are not created equally. One weight for one person, will not always look the same or feel the same for another. In addition, I have no medical issues and never have.0 -
Okay let's start giving spouses the benefit of the doubt a little. Her Dr. said a healthy weight to her that her husband is probably aware of. Is it even possible and permissible that her husband might be encouraging her to at least compromise between her goal and her Dr's goals for her?
It's the Dr'.s responsiblity as a medical professional to inform her what the proper range is, not to just say oh you seem like a nice person and I don't want to hurt your feelings so I won't tell you what my education and training tell me is right for you to weigh.
You're giving the Dr. the benefit of the doubt too. Doctor's usually tell you to aim for your BMI, but my BMI tells me I should weigh at the low end 120 and the high end 150 (ish). I look sick at 120, though, so no matter how "healthy" that chart tells me it is, I know I look sick at that size. If she has no medical issues, is eating healthy, and exercising, she can be the empowered and beautiful person she is at 120 or at 160, but if 160 makes her happy, then she should stay there. You can always change your mind and lose more weight.0 -
Sorry your husband is being like this, yes he shouldn't care what weight you are except for health reasons. Your doctor however is correct about you aiming for 115-120lbs. I'm 120lbs and same height as you and aiming to lose that last 3lbs and I got up close to 150lbs and felt VERY fat so I don't know how you'd like to be 160lbs..
Just because she doesn't want to be super skinny doesn't make her wrong. You're trying to body police her here as much as her husband if. Just because YOU felt uncomfortable at that weight doesn't mean she does. Everyone carries their weight differently and GASP can love themselves without being thin.
Exactly! Everyone looks different at certain weights. You should aim for where you feel comfortable. When you reach 160 and you want to lose more, go for it. If you're happy there then maintain.
I'm 5'6" and 163lbs now and I want to get to 150. From threads i've looked at on here, I have the same measurements as women 20lbs lighter than I am. I look ok now, I could probably stop, but I just have in my head that I want to be 150! When I tell people I want to lose another 13lbs, some look at me like I'm a bit crazy! But I will do what I feel is right.
I'm sure your husband didn't mean to upset you. I don't think men think about weight the same way women do.0 -
I try to remain a very positive person and find a "reason" for the things that other's say which actually ticks a lot of people off but, I am going to try in this situation as well... hopefully it will give you new light on what your husband could possibly be saying....
Is it possible that he is happy with your weight, as he should be considering he married you at this weight and he wanted to be supportive of your weight loss by giving his perspective on things. Your doctor said 115 and you are saying 160, to me it sounds like he just threw out a number and said "130" since it's in the middle of the two. He might just want you to consider a lower number but, that doesn't mean that he necessarily wants you there.
That being said, I don't know what the situation was or what words were said but, I don't want you to have hurt feelings about something that he possibly didn't mean. You might want to communicate this further with him.
I am so glad that you keep a positive outlook on yourself and on your life that you are able to be so confident. You go girl! You rock.
i was thinking this too.
and i was also wondering if you kinda felt uncomfortable, like you were in limbo at 150. kind of like you feel sexy at 160, and maybe you would if you went all the way to 120, but at 150 you're too much in the 'in between' stage?
maybe it's uncomfortable because of extra skin? anyway - these are just kinda of rhetorical questions. i currently weigh so much, i have to measure it in kilos (jokes)
but i also completely agree with the others that you are the only person that has to be happy with you.
anyone else's opinion is just that - opinion. it's worth what you paid for it.0 -
Sigh...I'm sorry Angie...men suck. They're either sabotaging our efforts to be healthy out of insecurity we will leave, or they aren't happy unless we are the size of a supermodel. You can only worry about you. Do what makes you feel good. He'll either hop on the train, or he won't, but you will have the self-confidence of knowing you are doing what is best for you.
I know you are amazing because I talk to you every single day! So just be you - don't change for anyone - and go for the goals that make you happy!!!!0 -
I have to agree that it doesn't sound like he was being mean or insulting.
He may love you and worries when the doctor says a healthy weight is far different than your goal weight.
He may want you to be around for a good long time.
I am just under 5'8" and according to the charts, my healthy range is 160 to 120, and ideal weight for a long life and fewer weight related issues is 130. I got another 20+ pounds to go, but I have young children and a demanding job, and if I want to do the best I can and give those kids my best, I want to be healthy.0 -
You're so right. Everyone's entitled to their opinion, but nobody should be forcing them on you. Do what's best for you and your lifestyle and your body, and if you're happy in the end up, everyone else should be too. 0
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^^^ A voice of reasonI suggest you wait till you are at 160 and then you and hubby have this discussion.... If you need to - you might not be totally happy, and might want to go a bit lower (or look gorgeous and decide to stay there ) and same for hubby - he might look at you with different eyes when you have dropped 40lbs ....
I would not stress out about it now already..... I know I changed my mind, and want to lose 20lbs more than I said originally....0
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