HOW is it selfish?

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  • FeatherBoBeather
    FeatherBoBeather Posts: 255 Member
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    thats so annoying !!!! i hear that all the time!! glad I'm not the only one. i do not want to have kids... ever.... i think its exactly the opposite of being selfish!! the world sucks!! im not raising a kid in this F'd up place. I like my freedom, independance and money. Id rather travel the world with my partner and not be tied down. i guess that sounds selfish, but the alt ernative would be worse. i know i dont want to be a parent, so being forced into it just because, is stupid and selfish.

    I relate to your sentiment about raising kids in this toxic and often f'd up world a lot.. For a while I thought I'd never want kids.. but then a friend of mine pointed out that if there weren't intelligent, decent people having kids then the world cannot possibly get better with the generations to come.. It seems that the most awesome people I know are the ones selecting to not have children.... yet there are an abundance of parents that are both awful as people and horrible examples. Kind of sad really!

    Still not sure if I'll ever be ready or want to have kids.. but I think my perspective changed a lot on the idea of it all once I thought about the conclusion my friend came to.

    To the OP: I definitely don't think it's selfish either way; having kids or not.. it's a personal choice. Just because it's currently societies 'norm' to pop out 2.5 kids & grow old, definitely doesn't mean it's the right way to live.
  • sinclare
    sinclare Posts: 369 Member
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    never had any.

    When people ask now I lie and just say I Couldn't have any...it usually shuts them up!
  • stephdeeable
    stephdeeable Posts: 1,407 Member
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    I don't want kids and never have. Kids are great and all, I just don't have that urge. I think it's selfish to bring unwanted children into the world.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
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    http://jezebel.com/5979102/anxiety-has-turned-moms-would be-moms-and-non moms-into-a-bunch-of-self immolating-harpies
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
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    It IS selfish. HEAR ME OUT! In the same way that spending time working out is selfish. And you know what? That's OKAY. The word "selfish" gets a really bad rap, but all it means is you are putting your own needs at the top of your priority list. Which happy, self-respecting adults are SUPPOSED to do.

    In order to do a great job as a parent, you have to become selfless in a lot of ways. Your kid's needs now trump your own, and it stays that way for a long time. There are a lot of rewards for all that hard work, and lots of folks are willing to make the trade. Good for them! But whether you want to shouldn't be up to them, only YOU.

    I am one of those folks who is not going to be pregnant. I married a man who had 5 kids, and so I get all the benefits of a big family but none of the parts I really did NOT want to do: diapers, infancy, etc. And I'll freely admit that my decision is a selfish one. I love sleeping through the night. I do not want to spend a huge amount of financial resources on a baby. I enjoy my life as it is, and do not intend to change it in every way by adding an infant to it.

    My step-kids are grown now, and when people ask me if I am going to ever have any "of my own," I find it to be so rude. The ones I raised ARE my own. My uterus didn't have to be involved for me to love them and care about their welfare and do everything possible to make sure their lives were awesome.

    Don't let anyone else make you feel bad about choosing the life you want for yourself. They won't be the ones changing diapers at 2 am, you will.
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
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    No one who doesn't want to be a parent should have a child. It's a massive lifelong commitment, and it's totally fine if that's not what you want to do in life.

    It does not make your selfish. It makes you reasonable about your own desires and goals in life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing not to have children.
  • mousepaws22
    mousepaws22 Posts: 380 Member
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    Ugh don't even get me started on this. I had a boss at work who would lecture me at east once a week about how I HAD to get married and I Had to have children. My family treats me like a freak because of the way I choose to live my life. I honestly have no idea what makes people think it's OK to tell others how they should be living their life.
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
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    Ugh don't even get me started on this. I had a boss at work who would lecture me at east once a week about how I HAD to get married and I Had to have children. My family treats me like a freak because of the way I choose to live my life. I honestly have no idea what makes people think it's OK to tell others how they should be living their life.

    If it makes you feel any better, they run their mouth when you DO have kids and get married too. Everybody has an "opinion" these days, and it is very very annoying.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    No one who doesn't want to be a parent should have a child. It's a massive lifelong commitment, and it's totally fine if that's not what you want to do in life.

    It does not make your selfish. It makes you reasonable about your own desires and goals in life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing not to have children.

    I agree. It is not selfish. This is exactly how I feel about it. I can't understand why anyone would want someone else to have children if they have chosen not to. And I am saying this from the perspective of someone that does have children.

    Whether someone has children or doesn't have children should never be a reason to place judgement on that person.

    To try and make someone feel bad about that is being selfish because it's putting their own issues above what is in the best interest of the person they are judging.
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
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    It IS selfish. HEAR ME OUT! In the same way that spending time working out is selfish. And you know what? That's OKAY. The word "selfish" gets a really bad rap, but all it means is you are putting your own needs at the top of your priority list. Which happy, self-respecting adults are SUPPOSED to do.

    In order to do a great job as a parent, you have to become selfless in a lot of ways. Your kid's needs now trump your own, and it stays that way for a long time. There are a lot of rewards for all that hard work, and lots of folks are willing to make the trade. Good for them! But whether you want to shouldn't be up to them, only YOU.

    I am one of those folks who is not going to be pregnant. I married a man who had 5 kids, and so I get all the benefits of a big family but none of the parts I really did NOT want to do: diapers, infancy, etc. And I'll freely admit that my decision is a selfish one. I love sleeping through the night. I do not want to spend a huge amount of financial resources on a baby. I enjoy my life as it is, and do not intend to change it in every way by adding an infant to it.

    My step-kids are grown now, and when people ask me if I am going to ever have any "of my own," I find it to be so rude. The ones I raised ARE my own. My uterus didn't have to be involved for me to love them and care about their welfare and do everything possible to make sure their lives were awesome.

    Don't let anyone else make you feel bad about choosing the life you want for yourself. They won't be the ones changing diapers at 2 am, you will.

    AGRERD!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • MzBug
    MzBug Posts: 2,173 Member
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    Ignorant people say all sorts of crap. It is no ones business but yours and your partners if you choose to have children or not. I got comments and pressure for years to have children. In my case it never was a possibility, but people will still make assumptions. When they pushed and got stupid about it I just looked at them and said "My reasons are personal and nothing you need to know." Close friends and family know, that's enough.
  • Lainn
    Lainn Posts: 281 Member
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    When my folks got married they where young (both 19) and knew they didn't want kids right away. They waited 6 years before even trying. My dad said their families said this exact thing to them. His way of shutting them up? Telling them that my mom was unable to have kids. He said they would get flustered and embarrassed. Of course when my mom got knocked up 6 years later there was some explaining that needed to be done....

    It is selfish to have kids when you don't want them. I have known too many women who let themselves get pregnant and then treat their kid(s) like crap. That is extremely selfish in my book. I applaud those who know they don't want children and are proactive to keep it from happening. Too many unloved and unwanted kids in this world already.
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
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    When my folks got married they where young (both 19) and knew they didn't want kids right away. They waited 6 years before even trying. My dad said their families said this exact thing to them. His way of shutting them up? Telling them that my mom was unable to have kids. He said they would get flustered and embarrassed. Of course when my mom got knocked up 6 years later there was some explaining that needed to be done....

    It is selfish to have kids when you don't want them. I have known too many women who let themselves get pregnant and then treat their kid(s) like crap. That is extremely selfish in my book. I applaud those who know they don't want children and are proactive to keep it from happening. Too many unloved and unwanted kids in this world already.

    Thank you!!!
  • sixpackdream
    sixpackdream Posts: 55 Member
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    never had any.

    When people ask now I lie and just say I Couldn't have any...it usually shuts them up!

    Love this!!!
  • Bumdrahp
    Bumdrahp Posts: 1,314 Member
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    It isn't selfish. Some people shouldn't have children.. at all.. ever..

    If you don't want them.. don't feel obligated to be a parent..just don't do it unless your heart is in it.
  • avababy05
    avababy05 Posts: 930 Member
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    I have three kids but know lots of people who have kids and shouldn't.That's selfish.I also have a sister who is childfree by choice and she and her husband are the best Aunt and Uncle ever!
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    for someone to NOT have children....?

    As much as it is selfless to have kids really. Neither is right or wrong.
  • soniabogonia
    soniabogonia Posts: 778 Member
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    Its not selfish.

    Luckily, for some of us its a choice we make not to have kids. Children are a huge responsibility. I like my marriage the way it is right now.

    I'm happy to live life the way i want, and feel no obligation to fulfil someone else's vision of my life.

    For the record, i have a furbaby. He's an energetic schnauzer and i love him.
  • jnichel
    jnichel Posts: 4,553 Member
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    Holy dead thread, Batman.
  • My0WNinspiration
    My0WNinspiration Posts: 1,146 Member
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    I don't want any children. I think its more selfish to have children when you know you don't want them.

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