Husband unhappy with my weight :(
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I'm glad some people have not given plain 'atta girls' to the original poster. While you may not be happy about your husband's feelings on your weight, you haven't shared the context of why he is saying he feels this should be your goal and we haven't heard anything from him. For the people supporting her to be 160 lbs at 5'2", shame on you. She shouldn't be shamed about her weight, but why encourage her to set an unhealthy goal?
I love the woman's suggestion to put a hold on your ultimate goal. For your husband, tell him you will be open to discussion when you hit 160, for yourself, be open to getting closer to your doctor's suggestion than 40+ pounds. But focus on reaching 160 with the possibility of more being within your abilities, because it is.0 -
Some people may try to hate on you, but if you are comfortable being at a certain weight then it's all up to you. As long as you take care of yourself eating and exercise wise, you'll be fine. If your husband has a problem with it, well then I guess you may have to think about why you'd be unhappy weighing less. 160 for your height would still be considered overweight but that doesn't necessarily mean that you should have to weigh less if you really don't want to. I'm 5'7 1/2 and my goal is 160, but a lot of ladies on here that are that weight want to lose 20-30 more lbs. I'm like "From where?" lol0
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Lose weight until you feel happy, that's it!
Hubbie should love you the way you are, especially if you are the same as when you met him! Tell him to support the journey ahead of you and that's it.0 -
He may be encouraging you to get to that weight due to the docotrs advice and health benefits of being a 'healthy weight'. firstly don't go nay more than you wnat to. Secondly don't fret about the big picture just now set smaller goals as you go. once at 160 see how you feel and whether you want to go more. Your husband will see the body changes and no doubt forget all about telling you to loose more. take it one strep at a time. no point fretting over something thats not an issue yet.
Go you for not wanting to give into the pressure tho:drinker:0 -
You seem more concerned with what other guys think than your own husband or even your doctor. Do your husband a favor and break up with him and find someone you are really interested in. As for your weight, if you think 160 pounds is a healthy or good weight, then you clearly do not want an honest answer here. And sure, do what you want, it's your life, and your health problems, but don't expect everyone here to tell you lies so you feel better about a bad decision.0
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I am sorry that you feel this way, but if what you are writing is correct, your husband isn't being a jerk and he isn't being unsupportive. Exactly to the contrary, he is being supportive and trying to encourage you. He's also being realistic about what a normal weight range is for your height.
You are petite. You would still be overweight/obese at 160. Maybe your doctor is being unrealistic by suggesting a weight of 115, but 130 is in the normal weight range for your height.
I'm pretty sure that your husband and your doctor are concerned about your health, and not just your appearance.
Try the healthy diet, eating less and moving more, and when/if you get to 160, and you're satisfied, then that is great. Complaining about people who are encouraging you get to a weight that is at the top of the normal weight range for your height is completely counter-productive. And completely unfair to your husband.0 -
What makes you think your husband or guys in general know anything about women?
I would always thing 120 lbs is the ideal. Well that was before I saw some of the amazing women on here who work there buts off.
160 - 180ish is more ideal based on height. I say lift heavy.0 -
It took a lot of courage years ago for my mom to tell me i could spare a few pounds, after i was complaining my pants were too tight. Does that mean she loves me any less?
No, it meant she loved me enough to be honest with me.
I respect a person who wants to stay in a range that is healthy (not super skinny) but i also respect anyone who is honest enough to be honest with their loved ones about why its important to lose weight and stay healthy. I'm sure he DOES love you either way, but he must love you a WHOLE LOT in order to be honest.
My boyfriend and I, six years together now, have always made sure we kept it REAL with each other. 15- pounds...okay we can manage that much weight bc we are both 6 feet and over....... But anything more than that is just too much for not only our health but also our entire body structure.
i'm 6 feet now, 180 pounds (medium shaped body). You're 5'2. I'm thinking a healthy weight would be no more than 140 as a max. My mom is 5'6 and she is 127 pounds (Size 4/5). I couldnt imagine her anymore than 140 and she's taller. For health reasons, i say stay where you are healthy. I know 'meat on our bones' is sexy. But too much is too much.
I'm for 'thick' sizes...
but not to a point where its unhealthy. not only does that become unhealthy, it becomes unattractive.0 -
Pity the Caribbean is too hot for me, else I'd move there!
That out of the way, a lot of us see ourselves in the mirror when we are overweight and don't recognize ourselves and aren't happy with ourselves. I'm like that, and I can't imagine anyone pressuring me to get fat again. So why should your husband pressure you to go below a weight that you feel happy and like yourself at?
Now your doctor is another matter. Maybe there is a health reason and a good one. And maybe there is a compromise. Women who do heavy weights often weigh in the 140s-160s and therefore carry much less body fat at a much higher weight. Perhaps your doctor would be happy with you if you did that. It does take a long time and a lot of work to build that much muscle though and maybe you won't like that look, either.
But your husband, no, sorry. I could see it if he wanted you at the weight you were when you first met, but below that? If he wanted a skinny-skinny why didn't he marry one?0 -
I've been in a similar position...I told my husband my goal weight, and he mentioned that maybe I should try to lose more. It was definately frustrating: I really don't think that most men understand the pressure women feel in regards to their weight, so maybe they don't see how those comments can hurt our feelings. I feel like it puts them in an awkward place....they want to be supportive, and they don't really know the best way to go about it. I would maybe get down to where you feel good about yourself-and maybe go get measured so that you can see what your BMI is from there. First off, he'll see how wonderful you look, but secondly, you'd have the numbers to show him that 160 might be a healthier weight for you--most of all, you need to aim for a weight that you think you can maintain. Maybe talk to your husband and try to let him know how his comments made you feel. He may not have realized that you didn't feel supported when he was possibly trying to show you a little support in his own way.0
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It's really hard, but I've learned to not base your goal completely on a number. At my very fittest, in a size 6 or so, I weighed about 140. And I'm short, 5'5" - I felt GREAT. I've always been heavy on the scale. I DO need to drop about 20-30 pounds at the moment, but I'll never be 115. I'm lucky that my husband sometimes doesn't even believe I weigh as much as I do. Sometimes the number just isn't the best representation. I'd see how it goes! Good luck to all.0
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Sigh...I'm sorry Angie...men suck. They're either sabotaging our efforts to be healthy out of insecurity we will leave, or they aren't happy unless we are the size of a supermodel.
Wow. I did not know that.
Oh yeah, almost forgot....
Divorce.0 -
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The only goal you should have is to make yourself happy and healthy... He will fall in line eventually
good luck! 0 -
You need to be comfortable in your own skin and if you think you'll feel best being in the 160's then that's what your goal should be. At the end of the day you have to be happy and it sounds like in order to make your husband happy would cause you to be unhappy and that's not fair to you! I'm sure he will come around once he see how healthy 160 looks on you! Just focus on your goals and everything else will fall into place!
Very well put!
Yes, do this for YOU and no one else. Good luck to you!0 -
Sigh...I'm sorry Angie...men suck. They're either sabotaging our efforts to be healthy out of insecurity we will leave, or they aren't happy unless we are the size of a supermodel. You can only worry about you. Do what makes you feel good. He'll either hop on the train, or he won't, but you will have the self-confidence of knowing you are doing what is best for you.
I know you are amazing because I talk to you every single day! So just be you - don't change for anyone - and go for the goals that make you happy!!!!
No
Men are wonderful.0 -
Sigh...I'm sorry Angie...men suck. They're either sabotaging our efforts to be healthy out of insecurity we will leave, or they aren't happy unless we are the size of a supermodel.
Wtf. :noway:
NO. NO. NO.0 -
I don't know if you have been, but the first thing I would do is stop talking about my weight goals with my husband. In fact, I don't. I never say a word about dieting, what I weigh now, what I should weigh, etc, etc., except that if he offers me something, I might say I don't have enough calories in my budget for it. This is my body. What I do or don't do with it is my responsibility.0
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Sigh...I'm sorry Angie...men suck. They're either sabotaging our efforts to be healthy out of insecurity we will leave, or they aren't happy unless we are the size of a supermodel.
That's a pretty broad brush you're using..0 -
Sigh...I'm sorry Angie...men suck. They're either sabotaging our efforts to be healthy out of insecurity we will leave, or they aren't happy unless we are the size of a supermodel.
I love men. Does your husband suck? Maybe. But that doesn't mean men suck.
To the OP: Why are you arguing about this? I truly don't mean this harshly, but you're at least 50 lbs from any of these goals. Maybe you should table the discussion until it's more relevant.0 -
hahah it took me 2 minutes to figure out what you were saying and then I looked at who posted it.0 -
Hi Angie, stayed focused on your own goal and take it one step at a time. My situation is very different in that in 25 years of marriage my husband never said one negative word, gave one judgemental look, or anything like that -- that all sounds great, but now I understand that my husband was an accomplice to a 150 lb WEIGHT GAIN. No one but the two of you can understand your husbands intentions, but try to not get stressed about that and keep it separate from your weight loss goal. A day to day commitment to getting fit and losing weight will have its own result -- it's a wonderful goal to plan for 160 now, when you reach that goal you can decide if you want to maintain that or set a new goal. Perhaps your husband can support you in the day to day commitment. And do find a way to help him understand that stressing a person out is not helpful in a weight loss effort. Maintaining a marriage can be hard work [like many things in life, things worth having don't usually come easy]. Kudos to making this post, I hope everyone's support is helpful to you. Best of luck!0
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He seems like a jerk. But at 5'2" you're weight should be 130. I'm about 5'3" and should be 140. I know it's hard but do it for you and no one else.0
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I completely know what you mean! I am 5'3" and I remember the first time in my life I went down to 140 I was a size 4 and I had no clue who the person in the mirror was. I myself am comfortable at 150, but we all have our own ideal weight. I don't feel awful at 160, and I think that is why I have had a hard time getting past it. Everyone's bodies are so different! I think that if you find the weight you feel comfortable at your focus should be maintaining that!0
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Go for good health. You seem to be happy as is...so just healthy it up. Eating right, exercising, make sure your vitals are good: BP, cholesterol and let your body decide where it is healthiest. Your 160 may just be optimal. And maybe hubby has more health concerns for your overweight than appearance. He is attracted to you if he married you!!! Be healthy, stay happy. As you get older it is harder to manage all of it. If your hubby is losing any physical attraction because of your weight, then kudos to him for be honest. Most long marriages bottle it up and end up in a bad situation, either cheating or divorced - so you are lucky to have a man who loves you and can be this honest. But be honest back - and let him know if it hurt your feelings. Maybe there is a little self improvement he can make as a compromise, so you don't feel like you're giving all and he's taking/enjoying the benefits. As a positive person, make this a positive - tell your hubby he owes you a 'special favor' for every pound you lose, or has to do a certain chore....make it fun...have a blast.0
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Your doctor obviously gave you a range where he believed that you would be healthy and your husband appears to be trying to compromise your goals with the doctor's advice. This is not a situation of men sucking, this is a situation of your husband caring enough about you to try to get you to a healthy weight and you not enjoying the fact that he is disagreeing with you.
Your husband cares about you, perhaps you should try to see it from his side rather than just saying you can go find another, more compliant man.0 -
you're rude. i mean that towards moc....0
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Sorry,I'm confused.I'm not sure why you are worring about what other men think if your married.And there are waaay to many threads on here about women setting their goals by what men think of them or what they want men to think of them.I don't understand that.0
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Is your husband a prize winning athletic man? Tell him to get off his horse or get out the door.
Unless it's his house.. Then, you know.0
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