Probably going to get slammed for this, but...

I'm going to venture a guess that she's probably just as self conscious about herself as you are about yourself ... and even though she probably feels good about her progress, I'm sure, as your friend, she always thinks you look great. I mean, if she hasn't seen you in a while, she may not have noticed your gain at all, and is more focused on the fact that it was nice to see an old friend.



But, I also get the feeling that women would have a lot less trouble with 'vindictive' 'backstabbing' behavior if they stopped assuming everything another woman said and did was out of nastiness and spite.

This is silly. You gaining weight doesn't mean you can't look great. If that were the case, I guess I NEVER look great because I weigh more than you! lol Now, I know I look great, so I don't need any validation from my friend to tell me that...And I guarantee you had she said you're overweight, you would have posted a thread complaining about the audacity of this girl to comment on your weight.

I could tell by the way she said it and how she spent the next few minutes describing how she got in shape that what she said was just a back-handed compliment.

Or, you could be more self-conscious of your weight, and be negatively projecting your insecurities of your weight onto her happiness in getting fit?

FYI: There's been quite a few psychological studies on the attractiveness of friends to other friends. You guys said you used to be close friends. She hadn't seen you in awhile. She was probably feeling good and more positive with her own success.

She probably did think you looked good.

I agree with this. I find myself complimenting people more often now that I feel better about myself.

LOL I clearly don't explain myself well. It wasn't about her losing weight and me being jealous. I was actually happy she was in better shape because she was always sick before and now isn't as often. And no she was not complimenting me on how I was dressed and how my hair looked. It was very clear when she launched into a 20 min dissertation on how she goes to the gym everyday and all of its benefits and that I would love it that she was trying to say something with out saying it. We used to spent every weekend together for years, so I know her well. She does that kind of thing to people all the time.

My whole thread was meant to focus on people being honest and saying what you are really thinking. But telling someone an outfit looks great on them and then telling a friend it looks like a tent or telling a guy that his tshirt looks great when you can see its 2 sizes to small, or doing like my friend did - THOSE ARE NOT HONEST!! If someone is your friend why do you lie to them. Do you have to be as brutal (and tactless) as I tend to be - no. But you can at least be honest.

I walked into my bosses office last week and told him he smelled (i was actually talking about his office, but brain to mouth communication isn't always working) Did I mean it to be insulting, no, I was just trying to tell him that there was an odor because I know that he sees a lot of clients and who wants people wrinkling their nose when they walk into someones office and talking about it later.

LOL I clearly don't explain myself well.

My whole thread was meant to focus on people being honest and saying what you are really thinking.

we got that. then you reacted dishonestly toward her and told everyone here how you really feel. :flowerforyou:

I told her the same thing. I'm not afraid to be honest about what I'm thinking. Does it get me in trouble sometimes, yes, but I would rather know I was saying what I really thought than hiding it with false compliments.