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    Husband unhappy with my weight :(

    1235

    Replies

    • Posts: 245
      I would tell him to eff off and find someone who loves YOU for YOU, not for who you COULD be or USED to be..but for you. Dump the trash and move forward in life...it feels so much better to fly freely than be held in chains from someone like this. I was married to my ex husband for seven years, and he put me down everyday. Even though we had kids, and after trying hard to make it work, I finally broke away. It was the hardest thing I Have ever done..but now I have found someone who loves me and supports my dreams. I'm going to college now and embracing life with my kids. If you don't have kids, I would say DIVORCE. He's obviously a jerk. If you do have kids, I would say to think carefully and do your best to keep your kids in your life. It will be a hard road but you should never live under someone's hateful shadow like that. It's depressing and could eventually become a suicide case.
    • Posts: 1,251 Member
      I would say that your husband is a stupid chump!!!!!!!!! He should be encouraging you to become healthy not to become a particular weight...
      MAYBE HE IS DOING EXACTLY THAT! We haven't spoken to her husband, have we?
    • Posts: 1,251 Member
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      I'm considered "overweight" on the BMI scale. I am at the very high end for weight based on my height.

      My blood pressure is perfect. I've had all kinds of blood tests - everything comes back perfect. EKG - textbook perfect.

      So, while they say I am "overweight" what is going on with the inside shows this weight is perfect for me. So. My point is.. I don't have to be 120lbs to be healthy. I can be healthy at 150lbs too.

      Pretty sure, that shows I have overall health - which isn't based strictly on the number on the scale.
      Yes, and that's great! If you are healthy at that weight, then good for you! But if you weren't healthy at that weight, I'm guessing you'd try to lose more, right?
    • Posts: 1,251 Member
      I would tell him to eff off and find someone who loves YOU for YOU, not for who you COULD be or USED to be..but for you. Dump the trash and move forward in life...it feels so much better to fly freely than be held in chains from someone like this. I was married to my ex husband for seven years, and he put me down everyday. Even though we had kids, and after trying hard to make it work, I finally broke away. It was the hardest thing I Have ever done..but now I have found someone who loves me and supports my dreams. I'm going to college now and embracing life with my kids. If you don't have kids, I would say DIVORCE. He's obviously a jerk. If you do have kids, I would say to think carefully and do your best to keep your kids in your life. It will be a hard road but you should never live under someone's hateful shadow like that. It's depressing and could eventually become a suicide case.
      Wow, talk about clueless.
    • Posts: 3,937 Member
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      I completely agree.

      Oh good grief.

      You do realize she can be 160lbs and be healthy, right? You do realize that not every single person's body HAS to be 120lbs to be healthy, right? *shakes head*

      When I first hit my goal weight, my doctor said "Perhaps, we should try losing a little more?". I knew I didn't want to lose more. I asked for him to run blood tests, etc to see where I stood health-wise. You know what? He never said another word about my weight after we ran them all. Everything comes back perfect. There's no reason for me to force myself to an uncomfortable for my body weight of 120lbs just to fit into someone else's standards. If I'm healthy and happy at this weight - why on Earth would I need to force myself to lose more (and let me tell you -- to get to 120lbs, I would have to resort to some pretty unhealthy habits. My body does NOT want to be that small).
    • Posts: 935 Member
      Your husband wants you to lose weight and you do as well so why not just focus on that for now and not worry about the end goal? It doesn't seem worth the fight when you haven't reached that point yet. One day at a time. Good luck.
    • Posts: 17,121 Member
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      BMI is NOT a good way to judge if you are healthy or not. Did you know that bodybuilders are considered morbidly obese based on the BMI scale?

      SAFE TO SAY OP IS NOT A BODYBUILDER.
    • Posts: 9
      I totally agree!
    • Posts: 1,251 Member
      To the OP:
      You said this: My husband thinks I should go down to about 130lbs and we argued about this.

      So what were his reasons that he argued with you about for wanting you to be 130 lbs? Conveniently, you are leaving that part of the story out.

      If he told you he wants you to be 130 lbs because he thinks you will be ugly and fat at 160 lbs, then yes he is a jerk.
      If he told you he wants you to be 130 lbs because he is concerned that you will be unhealthy at 160 lbs, then he is being a caring husband, concerned about your health.

      So what exactly did he say?
    • Posts: 106 Member
      Sorry your husband is being like this, yes he shouldn't care what weight you are except for health reasons. Your doctor however is correct about you aiming for 115-120lbs. I'm 120lbs and same height as you and aiming to lose that last 3lbs and I got up close to 150lbs and felt VERY fat so I don't know how you'd like to be 160lbs..

      Everybody has different body types, bone mass etc. I used to weigh 130lbs and looked emaciated. I found I was happier and healthier looking and feeling at 140. (now I just need to get back down to that)
    • Posts: 715 Member
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      Wow, talk about clueless.

      Holy crap, no kidding....
      She should divorce him for being concerned about her weight?
    • Posts: 3,937 Member
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      If we all knew what weight we should be, we wouldn't be here.

      She KNOWS hers is 160lbs. She clearly stated that in her original post - which we seem to be discounting. She knows she is happy, healthy and content at 160lbs. Just like I know I'm happy, healthy and content at 150lbs. I listen to my body. I pay attention to what it is telling me - just like the OP does. I'm not sure why people are telling her she's wrong. Maybe for HER 160lbs IS perfect. We don't know what her medical tests would say or her body type.
    • Posts: 1,251 Member
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      Oh good grief.

      You do realize she can be 160lbs and be healthy, right? You do realize that not every single person's body HAS to be 120lbs to be healthy, right? *shakes head*

      When I first hit my goal weight, my doctor said "Perhaps, we should try losing a little more?". I knew I didn't want to lose more. I asked for him to run blood tests, etc to see where I stood health-wise. You know what? He never said another word about my weight after we ran them all. Everything comes back perfect. There's no reason for me to force myself to an uncomfortable for my body weight of 120lbs just to fit into someone else's standards. If I'm healthy and happy at this weight - why on Earth would I need to force myself to lose more (and let me tell you -- to get to 120lbs, I would have to resort to some pretty unhealthy habits. My body does NOT want to be that small).
      You clearly haven't comprehended anything else that was said. YES she can be healthy at 160 lbs. Not everybody HAS to be 120 lbs to be healthy. BUT she could be UNHEALTHY at 160 lbs and should GO TO THE DOCTOR to find out when she has REACHED that weight. To say she wants to be 160 lbs NO MATTER WHAT, is stupid.
    • Posts: 17,121 Member
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      MAYBE HE IS DOING EXACTLY THAT! We haven't spoken to her husband, have we?

      TRUTH.

      women on MFP love to crucify the hubz! BAD! NO CHEAT DAY!

      tumblr_mh1azwmfDG1s3jwk3o1_500.gif
    • Posts: 3,937 Member
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      SAFE TO SAY OP IS NOT A BODYBUILDER.

      SAFE TO SAY YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT IN PUTTING ALL YOUR FAITH IN THE BMI CHARTS.
    • Posts: 170 Member
      It's your body so you need to do what makes you happy. Good luck
    • Posts: 3,677 Member
      To the OP:
      You said this: My husband thinks I should go down to about 130lbs and we argued about this.

      So what were his reasons that he argued with you about for wanting you to be 130 lbs? Conveniently, you are leaving that part of the story out.

      If he told you he wants you to be 130 lbs because he thinks you will be ugly and fat at 160 lbs, then yes he is a jerk.
      If he told you he wants you to be 130 lbs because he is concerned that you will be unhealthy at 160 lbs, then he is being a caring husband, concerned about your health.

      So what exactly did he say?

      Overly-involved random is overly involved.
    • Posts: 3,937 Member
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      You clearly haven't comprehended anything else that was said. YES she can be healthy at 160 lbs. Not everybody HAS to be 120 lbs to be healthy. BUT she could be UNHEALTHY at 160 lbs and should GO TO THE DOCTOR to find out when she has REACHED that weight. To say she wants to be 160 lbs NO MATTER WHAT, is stupid.

      And you clearly only comprehend what YOU want to believe.

      And to tell her she can ONLY be healthy if she's lower than 160lbs is stupid.
    • Posts: 2,544 Member
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      That is you, not her!!

      I am 159 right now and I don't feel fat. I am 2 inches taller, but really don't think that matters a whole lot, especially if you gain weight in the butt or boobs area. I am not so lucky with either area. JS

      Her doctor told her to lose the weight but yea, you "don't feel fat". Now, that's sound medical advice!
    • Posts: 1,251 Member
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      She KNOWS hers is 160lbs. She clearly stated that in her original post - which we seem to be discounting. She knows she is happy, healthy and content at 160lbs. Just like I know I'm happy, healthy and content at 150lbs. I listen to my body. I pay attention to what it is telling me - just like the OP does. I'm not sure why people are telling her she's wrong. Maybe for HER 160lbs IS perfect. We don't know what her medical tests would say or her body type.
      she is basing that number on how she looked at that weight - not on what her health stats were, or at least she never mentioned that at 160 lbs all her tests were fine.
    • Posts: 632 Member
      and the man bashing continues
    • Posts: 25 Member
      Not really sure why your husband has any input on how much you weigh whatsoever. My husband doesn't. He wants me to be healthy and happy and the number on the scale doesn't matter. We don't have arguments about how much I should weigh. He has no input on my weight loss because it's not for him, it's for me.

      Frankly, if he started telling me what I should weigh I'd be rethinking some things.
    • Posts: 1,251 Member
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      And you clearly only comprehend what YOU want to believe.

      And to tell her she can ONLY be healthy if she's lower than 160lbs is stupid.

      When the Hell did I tell her she can only be healthy if she's lower than 160 lbs? Please quote me, I'd love to see that.
    • Posts: 2,261 Member
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      BMI is NOT a good way to judge if you are healthy or not. Did you know that bodybuilders are considered morbidly obese based on the BMI scale?

      THIS^^

      I think doctor's should take both BMI and BF% into account when they are setting goals for patients.

      I am 5'2" tall...I started at 228lbs...I am currently ~195lbs. My goal is currently set for 145lbs. I am fully aware that by BMI standards, that is 10lbs "overweight". However, I am strength training ( lifting heavy), so I am going to have more muscle mass than the average 38yo female. Right now I have the idea that I would like to be a size 6--if I hit that at 160lbs, I may stop!

      ETA: for those who are bashing the OP for "seeking attention of men other than her husband"...she never said she was SEEKING the attention. She said that she GETS attention from other men, and she wishes it was from her hubby.

      Every woman wants to feel pretty. My hubby DOES tell me I'm pretty...but it still makes me smile when I catch a guy checking out my squat or whatever...
    • Posts: 2,097 Member
      Well, my opinion is that you are too far away from your goal weight to know if any of you will be happy with it. Why don't you wait to freak out until you get there?
    • Posts: 18 Member
      Sometimes our partners can be a little insensitive and we can be too. I don't think this should be a battle. It just isn't a deal breaker. He wants what HE THINKS is the best for you and you really cannot blame him for loving you and wanting the best. Unfortunately egos always love to jump into the middle of stupid disagreements and blow things way out of proportion. If I were you, tell him that you love him and understand that he just wants the best for you and that you will agree to disagree with him now but promise to readdress it with him when you reach your goal of 160. One of the two has to put down the weapons (our ego) and take the high road and understand where he is coming from. I hate being in a fight with my SO. And sometimes I am the one who has to do the loving thing and find my loving feelings and begin making up. Is it worth the loss of intimacy over a difference in opinion? And that is all it is if you look at it. he's entitled to his opinion and you are entitled to yours and you need to find the common ground if you want things to work out. This is just not worth the loss of intimacy with your man...and again...this is my opinion. You will show him in the end that you are right....but is it worth the fight now? I don't think so.
    • Posts: 1,607 Member
      Do what you're comfortable with, not what he is or isn't. It's not his body, not his choice.
    • Posts: 112
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      Ditto! What he said is correct! Do it for yourself & not for what your husband wants. Hang in there & Good Luck :smile:

      I totally agree. It is your body and you are doing this for yourself. :)
    • Posts: 335 Member
      I think often people don't realize how much a person weighs. When I met my ex husband I was 150 lbs and size 9. He always thought I weighed like 125...LOL

      My current fiance seen some pics of me a couple years back when I got down to 160 and I was a size 7. He said how great I looked in the pics and that I should get back down to 130 like that...so they often have no idea what we actually weigh!!! I am going to go by how I look and feel in my clothing. I have a tentative goal of 160 again and then I will see what I look like. Funny how was 10 lbs heavier, 25 years older and a size smaller!!! Our bodies change over time.
    • Posts: 445 Member
      You should be the weight YOU feel best at.

      Please yourself first, because you're the one living in your own body. Please everyone else (including your husband) second.

      Remember that happiness comes from being happy with yourself first. Changing yourself just for your husband will not make you happy.
    This discussion has been closed.

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