Can getting in shape ruin a relationship?
Replies
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I said i would sleep with 6 women for every ab that popped.
I now have a six pack and slept with only .5 women since i started
I have to ask....
Which half was it?0 -
Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.
snap
oh that much I know... tis why I'm now working towards single status....
How does one work towards single status? Is there an app? M25SS?
haha... technically I am still married... we are separated... I am therefore not single. Once the divorce goes through, which has already taken hours and hours of mediation (a lot of work), I will be single.
Therefore... I'm working towards single status.
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Well in an insecure relationship, any change in dynamic will rock the boat. But even in a secure one, the changes not related to your appearance can be difficult. For example, if have more energy, make friends related to fitness, or develop hobbies (hiking, for example) that you didn't have before it causes a strain.
There was an article (in the NY Times i believe) about this recently. Couples who have disparate fitness levels are the new "you drink, but I don't" type problem. It can be a matter of outlook and approach to life. If it changes dramatically, growing pains result that a couple cannot resolve.
Jealous jerks are a whole other story. Never underplay your fabulousness for those around you that need that. It's a bottomless pit.0 -
Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.
snap
oh that much I know... tis why I'm now working towards single status....
How does one work towards single status? Is there an app? M25SS?
haha... technically I am still married... we are separated... I am therefore not single. Once the divorce goes through, which has already taken hours and hours of mediation (a lot of work), I will be single.
Therefore... I'm working towards single status.
Hah, just perved your profile there MireyGal76. It was just insecurities. Looked at your pics, I think your Abs probably made him feel emasculated and no man can handle feeling emasculated.
FYI, yer damn hot.0 -
Yes it did. And I say "did" because that relationship is over. And truly, it had more to do with me relocating my backbone than my actual change of shape. Turns out, he was never going to be satisfied with my appearance, and I was blind not to have seen this from the very beginning...hair, clothes, makeup...I could do no right...unless I was fixing something, or baking something, or cleaning something. Turns out, he wasn't wanting a partner but a maid/secretary and someone to endlessly listen to his stories and nod and laugh at the appropriate points...actual opinions or intelligence were not cared for (unless he needed something typed or proofread, or his taxes done; or things picked up from the store; or bills paid etc. etc. ad naseum).
The day I realized I was constantly depressed, overweight, had misplaced my spine, and was simply a bystander in my own life - and set about to change that - was the beginning of the end.
And btw, I'm really not bitter (although that first paragraph may have sounded like it); I learned an awful lot about myself. It was a lesson worth learning.0 -
Could have but didn't. Thankfully! But... We are still discovering ways to relax and spend our time together without food and restaurants being the main and central focus.
Btw, I agree with this quote belowAny change can ruin a relationship if the other partner does not want to change or if the partner changes in a different direction.0 -
Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.
snap
oh that much I know... tis why I'm now working towards single status....
How does one work towards single status? Is there an app? M25SS?
haha... technically I am still married... we are separated... I am therefore not single. Once the divorce goes through, which has already taken hours and hours of mediation (a lot of work), I will be single.
Therefore... I'm working towards single status.
Hah, just perved your profile there MireyGal76. It was just insecurities. Looked at your pics, I think your Abs probably made him feel emasculated and no man can handle feeling emasculated.
FYI, yer damn hot.
thank you :flowerforyou:
for the record, the six pack came AFTER we split... I just leaned out and started toning at that point.
But now... being a 6'1" boxing chick with a six pack... I've really narrowed my playing field. lol
sadly it takes a very special, and secure, man to want to hang with me. :-P0 -
I'm working on a lifestyle change because of ME; of course my husband exploding a couple weeks ago in a fight stating I let myself go since our daughter was born had nothing to do with it.
. He pointed out that I never finish what I say I am going to do, diet and exercise is one of them.
Sadly he is right. I was too busy worrying about and taking care of everyone else to worry about me. I am no good to anyone in my life if I cannot take care of myself.
Something I needed to hear unfortunately not at the sake of my marriage.
This didn't answer your question, OP, but I can contest how NOT getting a shape can ruin a relationship...0 -
yes it can my husband was convinced I was doing this for someone other than myself. He still struggles with me being on this site, so when hes around I have to stay away. lol Ive had 5 kids Im doing this for me and my family. I want to be healthy. Since Im a stay at home mom and I never leave the house without some kids in tow he knows Im not doing anything but apparently he still worries.0
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I'm sorry you went through that. What you are describing is a relationship that was already unhealthy from the start.
When my husband met me I was already a dancer, so fitness has always been a big part of my life. He was also very fit and active. He played on the soccer team at our college, biked, hiked up mountains and ran down, danced with me, did calisthenics and Tai Chi, went on outdoor adventures. He went on a biology expedition and kayaked for 6 days straight (camping out on tiny docks) through parts of the everglades where biologists had not been before (shark and/or crocodile invested in some parts), and he discovered some new species of bugs. He is a physicist, but was accompanying a biologist friend (I was traveling in India at the time). And he also builds things. So, we do some things together but also do things separately. We are both fit, but go about it in different ways. He loves and supports my happiness and fitness and he compliments my fitness all the time. He supports me in the ways that he knows is helpful to me. Fitness is not just for my physical health, but my mental and emotional health as well.0 -
YES,,, you get too hot looking, then they are jealous as hell.0
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I dated a guy in the past that wanted me all to himself, he would constantly have nothing but unhealthy food, only take me to disgustingly greasy restaurants, comment on my weight, call me a fatass and tell me he was doing me a favor by being with me because no one else would want to. When I started losing weight he got meaner, I had bought some sexy lingerie and he told me I looked like a walrus, we would have sex and the entire time he would tell me how disgusting I was.0
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I suppose it could but my wife and I are just the opposite. We both thrive off of each other's accomplishments and encourage each other in our fitness goals. Not to mention the benefits that go along with being in shape .
My thoughts exactly... and by "benefits", I think you meant to put this face right here
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Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.
^^^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0 -
Sounds like it affected your relationship in a positive way, imo.
Why would anyone want to be with someone controlling in that way?
I suppose it is potentially natural for someone in the relationship to be threatened by their partner getting into shape, as if that person may leave them, so yes. But this can turn into either a positive (learning how to be less insecure and more trusting of one's partner, and/or even becoming more in shape as well) or a negative (controlling, abusive; dissolution of partnership) outcome.0 -
It affected mine! My (ex) boyfriend was never really very forthcoming of his emotional support of me - especially once I started training for my first half marathon. He started with the underhanded insults and came across like he was waiting for me to fail miserably. I had self confidence issues, and we had been together for years, so I tolerated it. When he wasn't there as I crossed the finish line 5 months later (mind you - a day after cheering him on at HIS first half marathon) and didn't congratulate me I knew it was time to move on. Lesson learned, the people closest to you should be your biggest supporters - not filling you with ANY doubt of your own success or potential!
I have since upgraded to a much, much more supportive man who is also now my workout partner! 0 -
Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.
Yes. My husband and I have been together for 20 years today. Gaining 90 lbs didn't ruin our relationship and losing 60 so far hasn't ruined it either. He has loved me and been wonderful and supportive no matter what I've weighed.0 -
The short answer is NO. Getting in shape cannot ruin a relationship... it only revealed what was there and brought it to light. You are absolutely correct in your assessment here... It is his insecurity... and the weight loss only served to reveal his insecurity. Doing this is something you have to do for yourself... and if it reveals something in your partner, then it is NOT YOUR fault... It only reveals what is there anyway. I am sorry this happened to you. Similarly, I think that when others downgrade you because you are out of shape and it "ruins their relationship" then it is a problem in the partner in that case as well... I am who I am whether I am 225 or 425... Yes, I am a more energetic and able bodied person at 225 than when I was 344, but the person within is who I am... That being said, my wife has always been supportive of me, regardless. That being said, life is better without the extra weight.0
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I don't think the fact that my body is changing upsets my husband. I think the fact that I go to the gym after work instead of coming home to cook for him and clean the house bothers him. Now he is forced to make himself dinner. I don't feel bad at all.0
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Yes! I dated a very insecure, controllin' man for a while. When we first met I was about 150 lbs, then lost 25 lbs, he complained I was too skinny. Then I gained it back, and I was a "fat cow". It boiled down to he didn't want any other man to be interested in me so he tore me down til I believed he was right. Now, even though I am married to a man who truly loves me no matter my size, I still deal with issues from it. It affects my relationship even now.0
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Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.
snap
oh that much I know... tis why I'm now working towards single status....
How does one work towards single status? Is there an app? M25SS?
haha... technically I am still married... we are separated... I am therefore not single. Once the divorce goes through, which has already taken hours and hours of mediation (a lot of work), I will be single.
Therefore... I'm working towards single status.
Hah, just perved your profile there MireyGal76. It was just insecurities. Looked at your pics, I think your Abs probably made him feel emasculated and no man can handle feeling emasculated.
FYI, yer damn hot.
thank you :flowerforyou:
for the record, the six pack came AFTER we split... I just leaned out and started toning at that point.
But now... being a 6'1" boxing chick with a six pack... I've really narrowed my playing field. lol
sadly it takes a very special, and secure, man to want to hang with me. :-P
:laugh: Sadly, We're too late for one another...I'm married. Keep rocking though, you could be the poster girl for the "Are you Man Enough for me" Ladies club.0 -
Yes I think it can have an effect if the other person isn't supportive. I was pretty much in the same boat as you...Someone very insecure and was happy with the way our lifetyles were...Lazy and and unhealthy....I made up my mind that I wanted to be healtier not only for myself, but for my children as well...It got to the point where I had lost quite a bit of weight and other people would notice and say nice things and even comment to my husband about it and he would never say a word. I tried getting him involved, but he didn't care, and thought it would be too hard. We got into a lot of arguments and he would constantly call me obsessed. I am working on my single status now like you, not only for this reason, but for many other reasons as well. However, I do believe that me bettering myself was really the starting point of the downfall of our marriage.0
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Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.
There are two sides to every story and I'm sure the relationship wasn't very strong to begin with. Sour grapes on the forums again. Funny how this is allowed but celebrations aren't.
Um...huh? What im saying is she should be allowed to celebrate her weight loss and not feel like it is responsible for problems in her marriage. Bad attitudes, lack of trust and the inability to be happy for your significant others victories can definitely ruin a relationship. If her husbands response to her weight loss is the previously mentioned negativity than you can be sure that its going to be a problem.0 -
Nvm, i'm skeered. Answer: It seems that way to me so far.
How do I deal: Just keep logging and trying to incorporate exercise into my life. MY life.0 -
would constantly call me obsessed
I hear that way too often in my home. It gets very irritating.0 -
Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.
There are two sides to every story and I'm sure the relationship wasn't very strong to begin with. Sour grapes on the forums again. Funny how this is allowed but celebrations aren't.
Um...huh? What im saying is she should be allowed to celebrate her weight loss and not feel like it is responsible for problems in her marriage. Bad attitudes, lack of trust and the inability to be happy for your significant others victories can definitely ruin a relationship. If her husbands response to her weight loss is the previously mentioned negativity than you can be sure that its going to be a problem.
Firstly, I didn't take what she said initially as being sour grapes. I think perhaps your response was referring to how it seemed that she was saying it was all his fault, and I will acknowledge openly that it takes TWO people to wreck a marriage.
I could smash him and say it was all his fault, but I am sure that there are just as many fingers to point at me when it comes to why our marriage failed. I've heard it said that it takes two people to propagate disrespect... the one person who is being disrespectful, and the other who is allowing it to continue.
Regardless, I'm not blaming my "getting in shape" as the only reason why my marriage failed. I am not as naive as that.
I am of the belief that it may have been a catalyst that forced us to look at our relationship with open eyes.
In any event, I was curious to see if there were people who had experienced this struggle AND found a way to overcome it and how...
I thought the topic valid to the site - since a number of people here are drastically changing their lifestyles for the better, and thereby injecting potentially drastic change into their relationship... I can't see how tips to improve and strengthen relationships along the way would be a bad thing. 0 -
Nvm, i'm skeered. Answer: It seems that way to me so far.
How do I deal: Just keep logging and trying to incorporate exercise into my life. MY life.
I saw your post before you edited. Let me just say that I've been miserably overweight for years and i married a man with a six pack that loved me despite my weight. But the bigger i got the more i loathed his dedication to fitness. My attitude was bad and i was making us miserable. My husbands success and dedication was not the problem in our relationship. I was. My crappy attitude and feeling stupid and ugly standing next to my husband who obviously loved fitness. At one point in our relationship he gained weight and was miserable and felt bad about himself and in that moment i realizes that i never wanted for him to feel like me. I encouraged him to get back in shape, changed my attitude and now our relationship is strong again. Just keep doing what you are doing and don't let her discourage you. Just understand its about her insecurities and do what you can to encourage her through your example. Some day she might get it.0 -
and it's not always insecurities or a less then solid relationship that causes these issues, we all have a "type" that we are attracted too, if the other person in the relationship no longer fits into that type because of the changes they have made (bigger or smaller) it can cause issues.0
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Getting in shape didn't ruin your relationship, your spouses poor attitude and insecurities ruined it.
snap
oh that much I know... tis why I'm now working towards single status....
How does one work towards single status? Is there an app? M25SS?
haha... technically I am still married... we are separated... I am therefore not single. Once the divorce goes through, which has already taken hours and hours of mediation (a lot of work), I will be single.
Therefore... I'm working towards single status.
Hah, just perved your profile there MireyGal76. It was just insecurities. Looked at your pics, I think your Abs probably made him feel emasculated and no man can handle feeling emasculated.
FYI, yer damn hot.
thank you :flowerforyou:
for the record, the six pack came AFTER we split... I just leaned out and started toning at that point.
But now... being a 6'1" boxing chick with a six pack... I've really narrowed my playing field. lol
sadly it takes a very special, and secure, man to want to hang with me. :-P
Whatevs. I ain't scared of you. What's your official single date? I'm making a notation in my calendar0 -
Man think that if you look good that you might one day realize {how good you really look} and start looking for attention somewhere else. It's all insecurity, i think instead of them telling you "dont work out" etc.. they should motivate their wife and be proud to have a good looking wife with a HOT BODY!0
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