Wife gets depressed when I lose weight. What to do?

Options
2456

Replies

  • JanaCanada
    JanaCanada Posts: 917 Member
    Options
    My husband always loses more than I do, and more rapidly, too! I am happy for him. At the same time, it's annoying. lol
    I understand that we ladies have a tougher go of it, but when all is said and done, it's not JUST what the scale says, but the health benefits, how you feel in your clothes, and all the other NSVs that count!

    Get your wife on MFP and tell her to add me. :)
  • 4_Lisa
    4_Lisa Posts: 362 Member
    Options

    Get your wife on MFP and tell her to add me. :)

    ^^^this
  • canadiandee
    canadiandee Posts: 196 Member
    Options
    In the past, my husband has been able to drop weight more quickly and easily than I. I think a reinforcement - from you - of how well she's doing (because she is) would help. A dozen roses? A (nonfood) date night? Breakfast in bed? Just something from you that says "I love you". Feeling better always makes me do better.
  • Cindy311
    Cindy311 Posts: 780 Member
    Options
    It would be wonderful to always be happy about our loved ones accomplishments, but sometimes jealousy sets in. I think you need to tell her that her attitude is destructive to both of you. Find things to do together so she pushes herself harder and finds some real pride in what she's able to do! Feeling sorry for herself and taking it out on you really doesn't solve anything.
  • TigressPat
    TigressPat Posts: 722
    Options
    I have been on both Medifast and Weight Watchers with my wife and each time I start to lose weight and she doesn't lose, then she gets depressed. I decided to get us both on weight watchers after the holidays and she seemed really excited about the program. I had been doing pretty well on my own but I wanted to get her on the program because I thought the meetings would help us out. And it happened again.. Last night at the weigh in I hit my 5% and got a Bravo from the group and my wife gained .4 over the last week but has lost 6 lbs overall in 3 weeks. Once again she told my she was depressed that she has not lost as much as she thought and smugly told me "great job".. Just wondering if anyone else has run into this same scenario and if so what suggestions they may have. I am always telling her how good she is doing and to keep up the good work. I am always offering to play tennis with her, run, walk.. whatever it takes to get her moving.. She lacks motivation when it comes to working out.
    THanks for any advice or share thoughts if you have had this same situation.

    Having been the "wife" I have to say the best thing you can do is ignore anything you think is "smugly" and support her while continuing your efforts.
    Women always lose less then men, and yes it's discouraging.
    You are both doing great, period.
    Her 6lb loss in 3 weeks is more than she should be expecting and she should not compare it to yours, but she will, because that's human nature.
    Try to understand that she will feel upset/bitter about this and really, IGNORE, anything she says that you might find smug, condescending, or even injurious.
    It IS easier for you. Be the "bigger" person and take her side even if you think she is acting badly (she is, but she can't help it). Do anything you can to make sure she gets some of the glory, even if you have to play down your achievements to play up hers, and take your friends aside and tell them to praise her even if you show thw weightloss more.

    what you ultimately want is for you BOTH to be happy and healthy. And right now she needs the encouragement more than you do.
  • Serendipityunt
    Serendipityunt Posts: 120 Member
    Options
    While this won't help her lose more weight, women are more receptive to having hurt someone's feelings. Tell her all about how women lose slower than men, but also tell her that she not being happy for you makes you feel bad. You're trying too, and you're not getting the support you need from her. Tell her she'll eventually lose the weight and be right where she wants to be, and you'll be right there along with her, encouraging her, but she needs to be there for you too, with the same encouragement.
  • aakokopelli7
    aakokopelli7 Posts: 196 Member
    Options
    I loath WW. It does nothing for anyone's self esteem. Who wants to weight themselves in front of people and then have all of those people to compare yourself to when they do better. I suggest NOT GOING ANYMORE!

    Also, losing 6 pounds in three weeks is a huge deal, great accomplishment! and all this sad face, you're doing better than me is bull crap. And I really don't say mean stuff like this, but someone is going to have to either put up or shut up. Weight loss is easier for a man, end of story. Period. Weight Watchers sucks. Period.
  • Rawr1978
    Rawr1978 Posts: 245 Member
    Options
    if she doesnt and wont get off her *kitten*, then she really shouldnt take it out on you, or anyone else, when she loses. I dont take it out on my boyfriend,
  • TigressPat
    TigressPat Posts: 722
    Options
    I also agree with the many posters who said get her on MFP.
    she needs female friends her own general height/weight to support her and provide more realistic "comparisions"
  • brittaney10811
    brittaney10811 Posts: 588 Member
    Options
    It may be a good idea for you two to go to a personal trainer or even a dietician together. The reason I say this is because women and men lose weight differently. Sometimes it's really easy to forget that as a girl. It's frustrating and yes, depressing. If you tell her or remind her of this, it's not going to mean much. She will just feel like you're trying to make her feel better. If you go to a professional though, and have them explain the differences she will be more likely to believe it, and will hopefully feel better knowing the differences. When it comes to weight, men and women are two completely different animals. She needs to learn and accept that she cannot compare herself to you.

    Hope this helps.

    this ^^
  • bethanykf
    bethanykf Posts: 68
    Options
    Get her to do measurements! I lost 6 pounds in my first month, but I lost 9.25 inches from my body. Six pounds is a nice steady weight loss, but I'm incredibly proud of those inches lost!
  • fmebear
    fmebear Posts: 172 Member
    Options
    Maybe you two need to go to separate meetings. Then do not tell her what you have lost so that she is not comparing herself. It is admirable you are doing it together but she needs to realize that men lose weight faster. She needs to create her own support group of women who will understand the frustrations of losing it oh so slowly while you lose it faster. Maybe she can do her weigh in not with the group.
  • Kellyeee2013
    Kellyeee2013 Posts: 221
    Options
    Provide her with encouragement. Point out the small things. Tell her you see differences. Point out her small achievements. Work out more together. Etc.
  • mum212
    mum212 Posts: 173 Member
    Options
    at the end of the day its not as easy for women to lose weight as it is men because men are built with more muscle if she gained muscle then im sure her metabolism work be faster and she will lose quicker like she wants to, i see how shes feeling because she wants quick results and she needs motivation make it a mini challenge for you both aim for like 2lb a week loss and set daily challenges such as 5 mins of an activity.............. and see if she can do it but its not just calorie control she really needs to burn those extra calories to kick bost her metabolism and kick your butt lol xxx
    edit.........
    i did gain 1lb back last week but i worked harder to get it off and burned off 2lb when i weighed this am.
  • curejenn
    curejenn Posts: 70 Member
    Options
    Whatever you do, do not do this. lol

    tell her to get over it
  • justal313
    justal313 Posts: 1,375 Member
    Options
    Divorce.

    lol, ok that made me laugh, but just because it was ridiculous.

    Seriously though from me to another husband...I know how that feels. My fiance loses 5lbs a week and I lose 1 or none at all, however, when I hear him say "a pound is a pound no matter how you look at it" it makes me feel a little better.

    No matter how obviously petty it might feel, it really makes me feel better. Just DON'T stop whatever you do!

    It seems to be the go-to piece of advice for just about any and all relationship problems on this site. Never does communication or counselling come up, it's just always "If that's the way s/he feels, then you should leave him/her"
  • SARgirl
    SARgirl Posts: 572 Member
    Options
    Maybe having her look at it from a % lost perspective rather than pounds? For example, if you weigh 250 and lose 1% in a week that is 2.5 pounds, however if she weighs 150 and loses 1% it's only 1.5 pounds. It's the same amount of percentage of body weight lost even though they show different numbers on the scale.
  • 4_Lisa
    4_Lisa Posts: 362 Member
    Options
    Whatever you do, do not do this. lol

    tell her to get over it

    or it will end in this
    Divorce.
  • tplaya07
    tplaya07 Posts: 1
    Options
    There's already been plenty of good suggestions regarding your wife, so I won't bother addressing that. But, maybe I just misinterpreted you're initial post, but it doesn't sound like your wife is very supportive of you. I understand that poor self image / depression can cause a person to have a more negative outlook on the world, but she should still be supportive of you and what you're trying to accomplish as well. If this is not the case, then there may be some other issues that you guys need to look into.
  • mraychel9606
    mraychel9606 Posts: 10 Member
    Options
    I know your kind words seem helpful to you but may be patronizing to her. My hubby loses weight at a fast pace compared to me. I am at snail pace and he can lose 10 pounds in a week. It is just our bodies. Maybe tell her to find support amongst women friends. It helps me because they encounter the same problems I do. My hubby has no clue how I can only lose a pound a week when i work out everyday and he loses 5 sitting and playing video games. Neither do I. I just came to conclusion that losing weight with a woman is so much more encouraging then doing it with my hubby. He discourages me without trying. He thinks he is being supportive but I feel it is like getting slapped in the face.

Categories