Wife gets depressed when I lose weight. What to do?

Depression typically results from there being a difference between what one believes and what is. So many meds are prescribed when what really is needed is work on finding the distortions held and working on embracing and accepting reality.

No generally that is feeling sorry for yourself. Depression is generally a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be brought on by stressors, or traumatic events. It is not a matter of accepting reality! And your view on the cure for depression is just as skewed!

The pharmaceutical industry loves this point of view as they're responsible for fostering it. Sure, all human processes are chemical based, how obvious. True severe depression may be helped by chemical adjustment but most forms would benefit from adjustments in awareness and from psychological work.

It's quck fix that will not provide a permanent solution vs. addressing underlying cause. Plenty of excellent writings on this if interested.

I am VERY well versed in depression as I have suffered from severe depression for most of my adult life. It is true that there are psychological interventions that help, however the indication that all you have to do is accept reality is bs. My reality is a fantastic life with no merit for being depressed, sometimes the medications prescribed level out the imbalances and allow the body the time it requires to rebalance. I agree that long term use is not a good idea, but it can not always be treated with counselling. or adjustments in awareness. That's like saying someone with an infection doesn't need antibotics, anti depressants are a boost to what is lacking in the body'

I am VERY well versed in depression as I have suffered from severe depression for most of my adult life. It is true that there are psychological interventions that help, however the indication that all you have to do is accept reality is bs. My reality is a fantastic life with no merit for being depressed, sometimes the medications prescribed level out the imbalances and allow the body the time it requires to rebalance. I agree that long term use is not a good idea, but it can not always be treated with counselling. or adjustments in awareness. That's like saying someone with an infection doesn't need antibotics, anti depressants are a boost to what is lacking in the body'

I agree with you on the point that there are some people that nothing but medication or some other severe drastic measure will help like ECT. I am one of those people that suffer from being severely bipolar and no amount of intervention or talk therapy will bring me out of the state that I am in(Which isn't usually for a few weeks). It is either medication, or wait till my body finally self regulates itself. Multiple hospitalizations are fun times. I also don't have a horrible past, I do have some issues but who doesn't. Nothing that I feel should cause my body to react this way. However, in regards to the majority of the population I do believe that people are under treated and over prescribed. Too many people are popping pills for what a couple sessions of talk therapy would cure. People look for the easy way out. It is much easier to take a pill than deal with what's really bothering you sometimes.

Also antibiotics are being over prescribed and its beginning to become a problem where diseases are starting to become immune due to over use of antibiotics in our culture. People take their kids to the dr for antibiotics for every little cold when their body is more than capable of handling the infection. Do plenty of people need antibiotics for real reasons, yes. But are a ton of people taking antibiotics and antidepressants for all the wrong reasons too, yes.

The OPs wife isn't depressed shes just upset because she isn't seeing progress like every other thread on this site. And feels like she isn't doing as good as a job because her results arent as good as her husbands.

Women unfortunately have a much smaller margin of error when it comes to losing weight than men do.

Its not the same and not fair to either one of you to be comparing. It's pretty much apples to oranges.

Just reassure her that the weight will come off. She just needs to stay on track. Its a marathon not a sprint. You could also have her measure herself she may see a difference there rather than the scale. Scales can be misleading.

This is so true. I used to get a little bummed when my husband seemed to be shedding pounds with ease and I was working my tail off and getting nowhere. I had to realize that there was really no comparison and learn to celebrate my progress. Keep encouraging and educating her, my husband really helped to change my perspective that way. Measuring also worked for me because I could see changes in my body that the scale wasn't reflecting. As I stuck with it I could see my shape changing and my clothes fit better even though I wasn't dropping as many pounds.

She needs to understand that women typically lose weight slower than men and that shes doing an EXCELLENT job! Any loss is a positive and 6 lbs is good! Maybe don't go to the weigh ins, or do them separately and keep your weight losses to yourself. Is she on MFP? Have her join!!! Plenty of love and support/motivation here for her!

I have been on both Medifast and Weight Watchers with my wife and each time I start to lose weight and she doesn't lose, then she gets depressed. I decided to get us both on weight watchers after the holidays and she seemed really excited about the program. I had been doing pretty well on my own but I wanted to get her on the program because I thought the meetings would help us out. And it happened again.. Last night at the weigh in I hit my 5% and got a Bravo from the group and my wife gained .4 over the last week but has lost 6 lbs overall in 3 weeks. Once again she told my she was depressed that she has not lost as much as she thought and smugly told me "great job".. Just wondering if anyone else has run into this same scenario and if so what suggestions they may have. I am always telling her how good she is doing and to keep up the good work. I am always offering to play tennis with her, run, walk.. whatever it takes to get her moving.. She lacks motivation when it comes to working out.
THanks for any advice or share thoughts if you have had this same situation.

If she can't lose more per week, you could lose less. Just adjust your calorie deficit down until you are losing at roughly the rate as your wife. If you are running a 1,000 calorie deficit a day currently, dial that down to 500 a day for a week or two and check results. If you are still losing at a higher rate than your wife dial it down to a 250 calorie a day deficit.

I'd be peeing in my pants if I lost 6 lbs. in 3 weeks. JS

I understand!!! My husband and I started together at the beginning of the year -- I am down 9 & he's down 14. Which is GREAT, except that he can eat a lot more, do no excercise and snack on junk once in awhile and I earn each and every pound (and I workout!). It's just the way it is. No one's fault! Tell her to keep it up she's doing AWESOME!!! And have her reach out to other women to help her keep in track with....it may help with her motivation!

Depression typically results from there being a difference between what one believes and what is. So many meds are prescribed when what really is needed is work on finding the distortions held and working on embracing and accepting reality.

No generally that is feeling sorry for yourself. Depression is generally a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be brought on by stressors, or traumatic events. It is not a matter of accepting reality! And your view on the cure for depression is just as skewed!

The pharmaceutical industry loves this point of view as they're responsible for fostering it. Sure, all human processes are chemical based, how obvious. True severe depression may be helped by chemical adjustment but most forms would benefit from adjustments in awareness and from psychological work.

It's quck fix that will not provide a permanent solution vs. addressing underlying cause. Plenty of excellent writings on this if interested.

I am VERY well versed in depression as I have suffered from severe depression for most of my adult life. It is true that there are psychological interventions that help, however the indication that all you have to do is accept reality is bs. My reality is a fantastic life with no merit for being depressed, sometimes the medications prescribed level out the imbalances and allow the body the time it requires to rebalance. I agree that long term use is not a good idea, but it can not always be treated with counselling. or adjustments in awareness. That's like saying someone with an infection doesn't need antibotics, anti depressants are a boost to what is lacking in the body'

Well, you seem to be ignoring the part where I acknowledged there are some cases requiring meds. You seem to be calling bs by assuming your personal situation applies to all. And I'm unclear why not using meds equates to getting no help. I certainly didn't say that. I'm not making anything up and welcome detached disagreement more than personalizing something and discrediting it on that basis.

I am versed in this area although wouldn't leverage that into dismissing other opinions. Excepting your case, of course, depression today is over medicated and the root cause under addressed. By saying that I in no way dismiss the difficulty of individual situations. That said, treating depression is somewhat analogistic to weight loss. The easy, quick fix is for most less effective than addressing the underlying cause and industry profits from the quick fix.

The other thing is if your situation isn't typical, how is it logical to extrapolate it to most?

Same thing here. My wife is always encourages me, but beats herself up. Right now she's not even trying, but still lost 4lbs this month because I insist we cook more often and not order take out.

We have a home gym and she asked me if there were enough exercises she could do, without adjusting or removing the seats to get an all body work out and I said there are. She said she'd think about it, so I follow up once a week and ask her if she'd like to join me or have me show her the exercises. She still says no, so I go and do my own thing.

AWWWW-I feel bad for you both. Like a previous poster said, men lose weight (in general) more easily than women do, especially depending on homrones/age/other stuff. That having been said, it sounds like she might need extra reassurance. NOT encouragement, NOT comptition, but reassurance. That you love her no matter what. That you want you and her to be healthy. That you will be by her side during the journey and afterwards as well. And if she doesn't want to go on the journey-that's her choice and you will love her regardless. If she lacks motivation for exercise-then maybe she needs a different way to get moving. Not sure what you have tried/are already doing. In my case, if my hubs wanted me to go to the gym, for example, I would never go. I know this about myself. When I started trying to lose weight a couple of years ago, I struggled to walk around the block. I could ride a bicycle for a FEW minutes. That's all I could do. Oddly enough, shortly after I started trying to eat well and exercise, I discovered geocaching. Looking for plastic frogs filling up tupperware in the woods using a GPS. It was FUN! And it gave me a reason to go for a walk. I did more exercise in a couple of months trying to find those hidden containers than I did for years before that total. And I was so determined to find them. I began hiking hills and streams and rocks and all sorts of places I had never imagined I would go. Because it was FUN! And a couple of years later, I haven't really looked for too many frogs in the woods, but I walk miles and miles. I go hiking in the woods and up the hills without a "reward" other than the joy of getting out into the middle of nowhere and hiking and enjoying the scenery and the animals and and and. I just went snowshoeing for the first time a couple of weeks ago, and we are going again on Sunday. Uphill. In the snow. Both ways, LOL!

Sorry for such a long post, but I am hoping maybe you can see what happened to me, and help your wife find something that she likes to do and you can both do together. My hubs just helped me along and took things at my pace at first. By being patient and reassuring, he created an awesome hiking/cycling/outdoor activity partner for himself as a by-product. I had no idea it could be so enjoyable to walk places instead of driving thru McDonald's on my way to the ice cream store...

Start small and ask her to join you. Make sure she feels welcome, secure, and that you are overhoyed to have her along even if it isn't a whole lot. We can all improive if we have enough support-IF we want to.

Best of luck!

if she doesnt and wont get off her *kitten*, then she really shouldnt take it out on you, or anyone else, when she loses. I dont take it out on my boyfriend,

Nuts. This did not show up in my post.

Depression typically results from there being a difference between what one believes and what is. So many meds are prescribed when what really is needed is work on finding the distortions held and working on embracing and accepting reality.

No generally that is feeling sorry for yourself. Depression is generally a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be brought on by stressors, or traumatic events. It is not a matter of accepting reality! And your view on the cure for depression is just as skewed!

The pharmaceutical industry loves this point of view as they're responsible for fostering it. Sure, all human processes are chemical based, how obvious. True severe depression may be helped by chemical adjustment but most forms would benefit from adjustments in awareness and from psychological work.

It's quck fix that will not provide a permanent solution vs. addressing underlying cause. Plenty of excellent writings on this if interested.

I am VERY well versed in depression as I have suffered from severe depression for most of my adult life. It is true that there are psychological interventions that help, however the indication that all you have to do is accept reality is bs. My reality is a fantastic life with no merit for being depressed, sometimes the medications prescribed level out the imbalances and allow the body the time it requires to rebalance. I agree that long term use is not a good idea, but it can not always be treated with counselling. or adjustments in awareness. That's like saying someone with an infection doesn't need antibotics, anti depressants are a boost to what is lacking in the body'

Well, you seem to be ignoring the part where I acknowledged there are some cases requiring meds. You seem to be calling bs by assuming your personal situation applies to all. And I'm unclear why not using meds equates to getting no help. I certainly didn't say that. I'm not making anything up and welcome detached disagreement more than personalizing something and discrediting it on that basis.

I am versed in this area although wouldn't leverage that into dismissing other opinions. Excepting your case, of course, depression today is over medicated and the root cause under addressed. By saying that I in no way dismiss the difficulty of individual situations. That said, treating depression is somewhat analogistic to weight loss. The easy, quick fix is for most less effective than addressing the underlying cause and industry profits from the quick fix.

The other thing is if your situation isn't typical, how is it logical to extrapolate it to most?

Whew. Your pedanticism makes the brain hurt. Do you actually talk like this on a daily basis?

Depression typically results from there being a difference between what one believes and what is. So many meds are prescribed when what really is needed is work on finding the distortions held and working on embracing and accepting reality.

No generally that is feeling sorry for yourself. Depression is generally a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be brought on by stressors, or traumatic events. It is not a matter of accepting reality! And your view on the cure for depression is just as skewed!

The pharmaceutical industry loves this point of view as they're responsible for fostering it. Sure, all human processes are chemical based, how obvious. True severe depression may be helped by chemical adjustment but most forms would benefit from adjustments in awareness and from psychological work.

It's quck fix that will not provide a permanent solution vs. addressing underlying cause. Plenty of excellent writings on this if interested.

I am VERY well versed in depression as I have suffered from severe depression for most of my adult life. It is true that there are psychological interventions that help, however the indication that all you have to do is accept reality is bs. My reality is a fantastic life with no merit for being depressed, sometimes the medications prescribed level out the imbalances and allow the body the time it requires to rebalance. I agree that long term use is not a good idea, but it can not always be treated with counselling. or adjustments in awareness. That's like saying someone with an infection doesn't need antibotics, anti depressants are a boost to what is lacking in the body'

Well, you seem to be ignoring the part where I acknowledged there are some cases requiring meds. You seem to be calling bs by assuming your personal situation applies to all. And I'm unclear why not using meds equates to getting no help. I certainly didn't say that. I'm not making anything up and welcome detached disagreement more than personalizing something and discrediting it on that basis.

I am versed in this area although wouldn't leverage that into dismissing other opinions. Excepting your case, of course, depression today is over medicated and the root cause under addressed. By saying that I in no way dismiss the difficulty of individual situations. That said, treating depression is somewhat analogistic to weight loss. The easy, quick fix is for most less effective than addressing the underlying cause and industry profits from the quick fix.

The other thing is if your situation isn't typical, how is it logical to extrapolate it to most?

Whew. Your pedanticism makes the brain hurt. Do you actually talk like this on a daily basis?

LOL. If I knew you were tuned in I'd have used cartoons.

Divorce.

That's just stupid.

He should stay married and gain weight so his wife feels better.