Sad News

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terrydba
terrydba Posts: 14 Member
in Motivation and Support
My wife's sister passed last night after a long battle with brain cancer. She was just 40 and left behind a husband and 3 year old daughter. Tracking calories doesn't seem a very high priority at the moment. But these are times when convenient, high-fat, high-calorie food - and lots of it - descend on the family to "make things easier."

I've been back on MFP for just two weeks. I do extremely well during the week, I have weekends that look like weekends, and I've been right on target for an average of 2 lbs / week for 2 weeks. This is my second time trying this; stress and emotional and logistic challenges torpedoed it all last time around.

I'm not looking for a lot of "I'm so sorry for your loss" posts - I understand that. I would, however, like to hear how others may have gotten through similar circumstances without comforting-fooding your way through. My diaries are open to Pals. Thanks in advance.

==============

Wow! All the support is inspiring and very much appreciated!! It's odd - there's been so much time to prepare for this, and in the end things happened very quickly and peacefully. She had very good quality of life all the way to the last day. It is a tragic situation for the family. But believe it or not, I'm not so much worried about emotional eating per se. It's mostly that so much food that is simply pleasurable to eat is going to be so available in such huge quantities.

I very much like thinking about these foods as distractions and comforts, and that I can replace them with other distractions and comforts. I very much like the ideas about pre-preparing and pre-planning for myself. Nearly all of the extended family is here in town, and very supportive.

I've seen many posts about how positive this community is. Now I get it! Thanks everybody!!
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Replies

  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
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    Wow - I know you are seeking it, but I am sorry for your loss. That is hard!

    As far as avoiding comfort foods, I suggest you pre-plan your foods and prepare them in advance if you will be away from home a lot. Focus on high fiber and protein and fats to keep you full longer and keep healthy snacks available like nuts, yogurts, protein bars.
  • binderde
    binderde Posts: 23
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    Moderation is key, or try to stick to the veggie trays. Fruits. Emotional eating is probably one of the biggest issues for people especially when something of this nature occurs. The key is to keep yourself in line, if you slip make up for it by going for a walk or run, exercise helps with emotional stress as well. All in all just keep up with yourself, bumps are expected but it doesn't mean you have to go way off track.
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,488 Member
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    I can't even imagine the pain you must be feeling. Some people find exercise to be a good escape or way to get some relief from the pain. Crank up the ipod and just go for it.

    But seriously, don't be afraid to take some you time. If you slip a little in the calorie counting for a few weeks it is okay. This is a very difficult time. Give yourself time to grieve, have some comfort food if you want. But more than the food, just be there with your family and loved ones.
  • fourpairs
    fourpairs Posts: 14
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    It is Sad, I lost a grand daughter to SIDS at 2 ;months. I did a lot of running. It is very difficult to eat and run at the same time. Train for a marathon to raise funds to find a cure. That way you can save yourself from food and save another familt from the pain you are going through. Good luck and if you need a friend you can alway hit me up - I will stand by you side!
  • hiyomi
    hiyomi Posts: 906 Member
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    Well first off sorry for your loss and your wife's loss :(
    Second, I would think of it this way. Do you want to die early from diabetes or from a stroke because of high blood pressure? When you think of this, think of your wife and how you would want to live a long healthy life with her. That's basically how I think of things, sure I can eat all this food and it tastes soooo good, but don't you want to live a healthy life for your boyfriend and a family you are going to have later in life?
  • sissiluv
    sissiluv Posts: 2,205 Member
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    That's horrible, I'm sorry to hear it though I understand that's not what you're looking for right now.
    When my uncle, who was probably as close to a grandfather as I ever got, passed away in 2009 I didn't have much of an opportunity to stop and mull it over, at least initially as my boss wouldn't let me take the day off work. It ended up helping actually, kept my mind distracted which is what I imagine food is, as a coping mechanism.

    So yeah, keeping distracted and doing other things aside from eating to take your mind off things is the only thing I could really suggest, aside from grieving councilors. Keeping close to my family and friends helped a lot too.

    If you haven't, I would suggest googling grieving coping strategies and seeing what they have to offer.
  • Mrder37
    Mrder37 Posts: 904
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    Keep you're chin up big man sorry for you're loss
  • YummyTpn
    YummyTpn Posts: 339 Member
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    Hmmm, a tough one for sure, if there ever was one...

    I DO have to give you and your wife my condolences, that is just plain sad.

    However, I have found that when faced with trying times, having some sort of structure really helped. One way to keep structure in your life is to take care of yourself. That is, doing the best you can. I have always felt better when I track what I eat, even if I go over on the comfort foods. Letting yourself go and not taking care of yourself will only add to your grief, as it will be one more thing to feel bad about, to have to tackle. Plus, I don't know if you have children, but it's also a great example to set for them, that it is possible to stay in health in the midst of a tremendous loss.

    All the best to you and your family.
  • MissyINGa
    MissyINGa Posts: 55 Member
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    I totally understand emotional eating. I have a little boy than has chronic health issues and my life is full of stress. At times. I find myself shoving things in my mouth before I even realize it. The best advice I can give is to log your foods daily and allow yourself a cheat meal here and there. I still struggle with this. I love food and it makes me feel good but I acknowledge that I have a problem and try to keep it under control.
    Good luck and please feel free to add me if you wish.
  • KEAVES13
    KEAVES13 Posts: 90 Member
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    My brother passed away from brain cancer at the age of 32, leaving behind a wife and a seven year old son and I know that it is not easy. I am so sorry for your loss. I went through (and still do go through) many emotions..ranging from sadness to anger to guilt..and I would have days (weeks) where I'd think, life is short and I'd eat anything and everything I wanted. I am just now (4 years later) trying to get my health back on track and realizing that I need to take care of myself to do everything in my power to be here as long as I can for my two girls. I know that nothing is guaranteed in life and I'm trying to make the most of it while trying to conquer my life long struggle with food. Good luck in your journey!
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    I treat any "special time" the same way I treat the holiday season.
    Thanksgiving is ONE DAY, not a 4 day weekend.
    Christmas is ONE DAY, not a whole month, etc.....
    and limit the special eating to when you are with people in the same situation.
  • bpotts44
    bpotts44 Posts: 1,066 Member
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    I have had to learn to seperate mentally my eating from my life. Not sure how to tell you to do it, other than logging the food and having targets has made it more scientfic to me.
  • RobinC37
    RobinC37 Posts: 242 Member
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    My wife's sister passed last night after a long battle with brain cancer. She was just 40 and left behind a husband and 3 year old daughter. Tracking calories doesn't seem a very high priority at the moment. But these are times when convenient, high-fat, high-calorie food - and lots of it - descend on the family to "make things easier."

    I've been back on MFP for just two weeks. I do extremely well during the week, I have weekends that look like weekends, and I've been right on target for an average of 2 lbs / week for 2 weeks. This is my second time trying this; stress and emotional and logistic challenges torpedoed it all last time around.

    I'm not looking for a lot of "I'm so sorry for your loss" posts - I understand that. I would, however, like to how others may have gotten through similar circumstances without comforting-fooding your way through. My diaries are open to Pals. Thanks in advance.

    I'm sorry for the pain your family is dealing with right now. I really admire you for wanting to stay on track when there is so much else to prioritize and I hope I can help you. As much as is possible, try to remember that food is a distraction. When we are putting calorie, sugar, and fat laden things in our mouths, we are giving our brains a few minutes off from the situation at hand. In high school I lost a lifelong friend and I tried to fix it with food. Now, I am experiencing a different type of loss (of a job). The only thing I find works now for distraction is working out til all I can think is "Breathe in, breathe out." If you have a workout routine, try to stick with it. Working out will help you fall asleep and get good sleep. It will also offset what you do eat. You will probably be getting lots of food from people who mean well. If you know someone will be dropping by, I don't think it would be out of place to mention that something healthy would be appreciated. If you feel out of place doing that, than ask if someone can stop at the store for some bagged salads. You can eat a large salad with a small portion of the unhealthier stuff on the side.

    Don't let the food be another stressor for you. It's hard to see now, but remember that this is a temporary stage in your life. Things will slowly come back into your control and routines will be renormalized. It might set you back a little on your goal, but many things in the course of life will. As long as you haven't given up, then the journey isn't done. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you in this time and feel free to add me if you'd like.
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,411 Member
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    Damn Cancer, so sorry you are going through this. In 2010 I lost my daughter, brother and good friend all to cancer in less than 2 months. I used MFP and exercise to focus, focus. focus. It was a way for me to keep some control in my life, logging my food and exercise gave me that. God bless your family and grant you comfort.
  • housemamma
    housemamma Posts: 30 Member
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    My father passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. I'm not that much of an emotional eater so exercise is what helped me the most. Walking and bike riding helped me by giving me quiet time with my grief. Sometimes I came home with tears on my face but I was working it out. Best rides were those with lots of hills so I could focus my anger on something. The rowing machine also helped for some strange reason.

    So sorry for your loss.
  • ShunkyDave
    ShunkyDave Posts: 190 Member
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    I lost my mother to brain cancer. It doesn't ever go away, but it does feel better after a while. *hug*
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
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    For me, getting through tough times like this with out doing damage to my body has been educating myself on the power of nutrition.

    Everything we put in our mouth is either preventing disease or promoting it.

    It always seems logical to me to pay homage to someone that has passed to a disease by fighting it.


    You can take an online free class on nutrition here: https://class.coursera.org/nutrition-001/class

    Sending positive thoughts and energy to your family and wife. My sister was diagnosed with cervical cancer this summer and the thought of losing her was more than I could take. Love and light to you.
  • Fatandfifty3
    Fatandfifty3 Posts: 419 Member
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    You both have my sympathy. When something like this comes along in life its like being hit by a tsunami. Eventually those waves of grief will subside and life I'm afraid will carry on as before. Right now your No.1. concern is your family and how this is affecting them. Maybe you can be the strong man and take over the cooking and planning of meals? By making a schedule of things that have to be done by when and by whom will help everyone get through this difficult time.
    Good luck
    (Widowed 10 yrs ago)
  • janalayn
    janalayn Posts: 510 Member
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    My father passed away in May2010, 5 months after I started MFP, I also had thyroid surgery in 2010 and my MIL died March 2011 from the same cancer that killed my dad. It is easy to fall back into our bad habit of comforting ourselves with food but it doesn't really make us feel better. The best advice I can give is to feel your emotions. Cry when you need to. Allow others around you to cry when they need to. Embrace those emotions, feel them, and then use them to get where you really want to be.

    So sorry for you loss.
  • lobster888
    lobster888 Posts: 861 Member
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    I know you have a tough road -- like many others said, exercise can help. It can help you refocus. Mainly it gave me something to do. May sound funny but it help alot. You are headed in the right direction with knowing that it would be easy to fall back into unhealthy habits...but you are trying to avoid that.

    Good luck!

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