I dont fit in

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2

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  • IamRoJ
    IamRoJ Posts: 530 Member
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    You aren't alone, if that's any consolation. At 43, I'm pretty sure I'll always struggle with it, but have learned ways to mask it. Most would not believe I do struggle. I started taking Improv to help with being able to think fast, and take on more gregarious characters, and treat work situations as "roles" - kind of a "fake it till you make it" thing. I still get very anxious about social situations, and tend to back out more than I'd like to admit. My coping mechanism for those is to find someone who's very comfortable in those situations and use them as my buffer to get into and out of conversations, etc.

    Good luck - don't give up. Don't be someone else, but just find people who will appreciate your quiet side too.
  • SlickFootAnna
    SlickFootAnna Posts: 611 Member
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    Highly recommend this great book - Quiet: THe Power of Introverts by Susan Cain.

    My absolute favorite book last summer.

    WEll worth it read for ANYONE!

    This.

    Also EMBRACE who you are. You don't have to be like anyone else. Be yourself. Embrace who your are and always look at yourself in a good light. You are unique, why in the hell would you want to be like anyone else? Did I also mention to be yourself?
  • forgtmenot
    forgtmenot Posts: 860 Member
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    I suffer from this too unfortunately. I was so shy in high school that I spent lunch sitting in the office with the counselors because I was too scared to ask someone if I could sit with them. It has gotten better over the years. The only thing that improved it was working in customer service. I HAVE to talk to people now, so I do it and it has made social situations outside of work much better too. Get a job working with people, put yourself in a situation where you have no choice but to talk to people and eventually the more you do it, the easier it will get. The best thing to keep in mind is that everyone has insecurities, it isn't just you. The most seemingly confident person on the outside, could be shy too on the inside, they just force themselves to pretend. Fake it til you make it as they say.

    ETA: Also, even though it has gotten better I believe I will always struggle with it. I am just naturally introverted. I prefer to watch people rather than participate all the time. I'm glad that I have gotten better because I don't think the way I was, was healthy and it was making me unhappy, but I accept and embrace that I am just introverted and a little shy and that's OK.
  • forgtmenot
    forgtmenot Posts: 860 Member
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    You aren't alone, if that's any consolation. At 43, I'm pretty sure I'll always struggle with it, but have learned ways to mask it. Most would not believe I do struggle. I started taking Improv to help with being able to think fast, and take on more gregarious characters, and treat work situations as "roles" - kind of a "fake it till you make it" thing. I still get very anxious about social situations, and tend to back out more than I'd like to admit. My coping mechanism for those is to find someone who's very comfortable in those situations and use them as my buffer to get into and out of conversations, etc.

    Good luck - don't give up. Don't be someone else, but just find people who will appreciate your quiet side too.

    I swear I didn't read this before I typed my answer lol, its almost the same thing :)
  • retrogal76
    retrogal76 Posts: 40 Member
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    so glad to hear there are others suffering with social anxiety too - I find it unbearable at times. It actually pisses me off more than anything and definitely makes me feel abnormal. I try so hard to overcome it but never works so I go the "avoidance" route - avoid any and all social situations - not good!
  • mikey1976
    mikey1976 Posts: 1,005 Member
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    bump i'm the same as you but older i feel as if life just passes by me now no friends i don't do anything really if i'm talking to older people its easy but people my age or younger no way. i get so tongue tyied that gets me fustrated. my friends on here see the real me while the rest of the world gets the fake me shy not able to be myself alot of its self confidence which i have none. so your diffently not allown. ps i maybe on the out i don't like reading i go to sleep to fast
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    Don't get me wrong, I don't get anxious. Just uncomfortable.
  • aeg176
    aeg176 Posts: 171 Member
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    Well looks like I am also part of the introvert club. My social anxiety has only increased over the years and it was directly proportional to my weight. I am so tired of being afraid to make eye contact and people thinking I am weird (i'm a really cool girl i promise i just need time to be able to show you) I have always been this way however in college i was definitely able to fake it much better than i can now. I am an adult and it is SO hard to meet people especially when you don't know how to talk to them. I just want the old me back where people actually enjoyed my company. Thank you for posting hope you are beginning to realize you are not alone!
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    Practice! I'm serious. Similar to when you're rehearsing what you're going to say in an interview or when you ask someone out. Read up on current events. The interests of your friends. Music and movies. Get well versed in the world so that you have things to readily pull from.
    Watch his people behave in social settings. The way they lean in to talk. The nonverbal things. Those are also very important and even if you SAY nothing - learning these is important.
    The more comfortable you are - the more confident you'll feel.
  • aminakhan1980
    aminakhan1980 Posts: 105 Member
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    Same here. I met my husband online because that is the only way I can talk openly and express myself. I am DESPERATE for friends but I can't stand socializing. Especially people I look up to, or that I am intimidated by. It's the worst and I must seem so rude to them. The long awkward silences, pretending I didn't hear people, no eye contact, it's horrible. I've always been like this. On a side note, there does seem to be certain kind of people that I'm not THAT scared to talk to. Like people I consider more in my league, older people, or other introverts. I hate this, but learning to live with it. I will definately check out the book!
  • kimleroy
    kimleroy Posts: 50 Member
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    If you have one available to you at your college, I would recommend talking to a therapist about this. Social anxiety is a real disorder and there are a lot of different ways out there to help you deal with it. One treatment I remember learning about in one of my psych classes is a group session, where its just a bunch of people with social anxiety together to talk. They get to practice having conversations without having to worry about being judged or looking silly because the person they're talking to is dealing with the same exact issues.
  • mgnmsn
    mgnmsn Posts: 133 Member
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    Just because you feel like you don't fit in, doesn't mean there aren't people just like you out there. They are probably just home reading a good book and doing their homework.

    LoL, this is basically what my mom said to me when I asked her why I couldn't find a woman like me when I was 16. "It's going to be hard for you to find a woman even remotely like you, because right now, she's doing the same **** you are. At home, playing video games and reading political history books, wondering why the hell there's no one like her around."

    lol this is great. i happened to find my socially awkward love when i was 14. he was my first kiss and am so glad to have found him early. what are the chances so young!

    but in all seriousness, stay true to yourself and let the pieces fall into place. get out there when you're comfortable with it and love yourself!

    ETA: i too have horrible anxiety, even going to ethan's family dinner tonight (despite knowing all of them for 7 years) makes me sick to my stomach... much love to all of you.
  • anybeary
    anybeary Posts: 188 Member
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    One of the best strategies I've come up with to battle feeling like I never have anything to talk about is to think about things you can talk about BEFORE you get into social situations. So, if I'm on my way to a party, or on my way to go see a band at a club, I'll think of a half a dozen different topics that I can launch into at a moment's notice to fill any awkward silence. I might talk about the book I'm reading, or a new band I've been listening to, or something from the news, or just any general pop culture reference. It has really helped me! The key is to bring something up, then if the other person seems comfortable talking, you let them go on about the book THEY just finished, or a band THEY just heard, etc. Then, hey, you're having a conversation! Also, ask follow up questions to things that people say. If you know you have common interests with the people you're going to be spending time with, it's even a good idea to do research before you go out, so that you have interesting contributions to the conversations. This will really help you feel more confident.
  • coradylir
    coradylir Posts: 1
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    I know how you feel. Been that way my whole life. As I've gotten older, many of my friends have moved on in their lives, and I still live at home with my mom. I feel as though life is just slipping past, and don't know how to stop it, to embrace it. Since I've lost a lot of friends, and have lost many family members in passing, I find it harder and harder to try and talk to people. I've always been really shy, and social environments have made me feel like a wallflower. Even when I try to talk to others I feel as though I'm boring them and they don't want to hang out with me. No one ever asks me to do anything. And quite often when I do get to hang out with people, they judge me for being so quiet, and some of them say that I'm stuck up. It's really hard to deal with people that have no idea what you're going through.
  • jnorman_2
    jnorman_2 Posts: 3
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    Dear Doesn't Fit in,

    Why do you think that not fitting in is a bad thing? Not smlking or drinking and out of control partying shows that you have self control and are a thinking person. Very rare in this live for today world. i am curious why you have decided to take the path not so often taken by young people. It may be that you haven't met a thinking person like yourself as of yet.

    I to walk the narrow path. I do it because I have faith in God's Word which tells us that the life today without faith tn the True God can be meaningless and a road that goes no where. I have friends because I am discerning and pick people who tend to be a little more serious about life and do not want to make the serious mistakes often made in youth..

    i am not your age. I have 3 children your age who also walk a narrower path and are discerning as to who they call a friend.
    I think you are wrong to feel you are the person out of step with everyone else. You should feel that you need to find a friend who walks in your footsteps not the other way around. Look for friends that take life seriously, feel they have a higher being to answer to, their God, find out who he is in Psalms 83:18 and search out how to follow in His footsteps. Then, not only will you be happy but lead a fulfilling and selfless life. That is something all people respect but few attain to. I wish you great success and if you want to know exactly where to look search out www.jw.org. You may find out that there are far more young people who feel exactly as you do! Best wishes for a happy future1
  • fire2heart
    fire2heart Posts: 5 Member
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    I've always felt social awkward too, especially in groups of people. I do better one on one or small groups. I'm fortunate to have found my husband who is not a very social person either. Our society favors the extrovert, but there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. I hope all of us introverts find our happy place in this world :)
  • Gallowmere1984
    Gallowmere1984 Posts: 6,626 Member
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    I've always felt social awkward too, especially in groups of people. I do better one on one or small groups. I'm fortunate to have found my husband who is not a very social person either. Our society favors the extrovert, but there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. I hope all of us introverts find our happy place in this world :)

    It only favors the extrovert until they inevitably make an *kitten* of themselves...then they become internet memes and free entertainment for the rest of us. ;)
  • Going4Lean
    Going4Lean Posts: 1,077 Member
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    I've had social anxiety my entire life. It was the worst in middle school, but I'm in college now and I've gotten a lot better, but its still so frustrating. I try to keep positive about it, but i've been getting so discouraged lately. I feel like i'm going to battle this my entire life. Whenever I hang out with people I;m always the quiet one, and whenever its me and one other person theres so many awkward silences. I feel like I never have anything to say, and it makes me feel like i'm so boring. Why is it so easy for everyone else to hold a conversation, say funny things and be themselves. Going out feels like a chore most of the time, and I always feel drained after social situations. I blush so easily as well, and then people point it out and i just feel more awkward. I feel like I'm from another planet and I don't understand how to be a normal human. I also find it really hard to connect with people in college because I don't smoke, drink, or party. I just wish it wasn't so hard to overcome this

    everything you wrote applies to me completely. It's not easy for me to let people in at all.
  • liittlesparrow
    liittlesparrow Posts: 209 Member
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    I've had social anxiety my entire life. It was the worst in middle school, but I'm in college now and I've gotten a lot better, but its still so frustrating. I try to keep positive about it, but i've been getting so discouraged lately. I feel like i'm going to battle this my entire life. Whenever I hang out with people I;m always the quiet one, and whenever its me and one other person theres so many awkward silences. I feel like I never have anything to say, and it makes me feel like i'm so boring. Why is it so easy for everyone else to hold a conversation, say funny things and be themselves. Going out feels like a chore most of the time, and I always feel drained after social situations. I blush so easily as well, and then people point it out and i just feel more awkward. I feel like I'm from another planet and I don't understand how to be a normal human. I also find it really hard to connect with people in college because I don't smoke, drink, or party. I just wish it wasn't so hard to overcome this

    I felt bad that I didn't quite fit in either, but I pretty much said screw it, I'm a little different. This is who I am and certain people will love you for it, you just gotta find those people, and they will be the ones you let in. :) It's hard, and lonely sometimes, but they're out there. Embrace the way you are! Find people with similar interest. Do what you love and you will find people. Keep your head up <3
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    I've always felt social awkward too, especially in groups of people. I do better one on one or small groups. I'm fortunate to have found my husband who is not a very social person either. Our society favors the extrovert, but there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. I hope all of us introverts find our happy place in this world :)

    It only favors the extrovert until they inevitably make an *kitten* of themselves...then they become internet memes and free entertainment for the rest of us. ;)

    Yeah, I do quite well despite being an introvert. I can speak well and with confidence when necessary. It doesnt have to be crippling.

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