I dont fit in

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  • crystallynnl
    crystallynnl Posts: 100 Member
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    I feel the same as you
  • eemielwy
    eemielwy Posts: 20 Member
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    I love this thread so much! I have anxiety, PTSD and am an HSP, so not only am I introverted, but I'm highly sensitive to the feelings, attitudes and noise around me. I don't even like to be in certain rooms because of the way they're made up, when it's bad. It can be very stressful if you aren't taking good care of yourself properly. Counseling is good! Also, look for a local HSP or "highly sensitive persons" meetup. They're shy, quiet people who get together for gradual socialization in non-chaotic environments. They'll understand what you're going through.
  • Ghkffb56
    Ghkffb56 Posts: 263 Member
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    I've had social anxiety my entire life. It was the worst in middle school, but I'm in college now and I've gotten a lot better, but its still so frustrating. I try to keep positive about it, but i've been getting so discouraged lately. I feel like i'm going to battle this my entire life. Whenever I hang out with people I;m always the quiet one, and whenever its me and one other person theres so many awkward silences. I feel like I never have anything to say, and it makes me feel like i'm so boring. Why is it so easy for everyone else to hold a conversation, say funny things and be themselves. Going out feels like a chore most of the time, and I always feel drained after social situations. I blush so easily as well, and then people point it out and i just feel more awkward. I feel like I'm from another planet and I don't understand how to be a normal human. I also find it really hard to connect with people in college because I don't smoke, drink, or party. I just wish it wasn't so hard to overcome this

    haha we could be bffs.. im the same way.. well i guess we would never talk LOL.. .. your not alone hun :)...
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    sorry you're having a hard time.

    i had a similar issue when i first went away to college because i was raised by a sheltered parent who had social anxiety herself so i never really got out much for socializing plus i went to a college where there were HUGE class differences between me and most other people there (for instance my roommates biggest financial problems were deciding between a gold mercedes or a silver one and the fact that she couldnt take out more than $450 in cash a day from the atm. i came from a home where our financial prioblem was whether or not we'd have enough food for 3 meals a day :laugh: )

    my advice would be to meet people based on your hobbies. join some extra curricular things. i'm 41 now and some of my best mates are still people that i met through rugby. i also bonded with a 2 really good people who i met over a break because we were the only poor losers who couldnt afford to go back home and we met foraging over cheap food at the local grocery store because the dining center was closed :smile:
  • cessnaholly
    cessnaholly Posts: 780 Member
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    I am totally the same way. You might consider joining a toastmasters club. That is a great place to practice talking to other people. I get butterflies even when I go out with friends. I joined toastmasters 8 years ago and now I am able to be with people more.
  • laynie878
    laynie878 Posts: 20 Member
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    As someone who is older, let me tell you it does get better with time. I think the older you get the more comfortable you get in your own skin. You also realize that what other people think is not so important. I went through the same sort of thing you did in college--I wanted so badly to be like the others and fit it. Most of the time I just came off as awkward. You just need to find a good, small core group of friends with similar interests. I agree with others that you should put yourself out there whether it be for a job or joining a youth group or club. The more you learn to fake the small talk, the better you become in social situations. I teach now and I am in front of people all the time--students, parents, etc. You can learn how to act extroverted even if it's not your natural tendency. Now if it's so bad that you literally have anxiety attacks over social situations, I recommend seeing a therapist. Been there too, and I guarantee it will help.
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
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    My therapist had me do a "thought record" where I would go through what made me scared and what was the "worst possible situation". Usually it was being embarrassed and then I realized that no one would even care if I embarrassed myself. I can't think of a certain situation. But try and get down to that root cause. You're scared you'll make a fool of yourself? Well really, who is going to care? It's not like you'll be made fun of (for the most part, adults don't really "make fun" of others - I know I was scared of this as a kid but it isn't an issue so much anymore).

    I use this technique all the time. My anxiety doesn't come from social settings--I'm actually pretty outgoing. My anxiety is work related. I'm terrified of making a mistake at work. I know, weird, right? But by asking myself this question, I stop obsessing about little mistakes. I've had to learn how to stop myself from mentally going over my day minute by minute looking for any tiny mistake I made.

    I have to add that I'm not a brain surgeon or have any sort of job that could mean life or death to someone. I sell makeup for gosh sakes. But I still have a lot of anxiety about my job performance.

    Anyway (I got off topic there), by asking myself that question, it relieves a lot of anxiety.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
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    Hugs.jpg

    Lots of Hugs for all the sweeties who bare their soles on this thread.
  • fire2heart
    fire2heart Posts: 5 Member
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    I've always felt social awkward too, especially in groups of people. I do better one on one or small groups. I'm fortunate to have found my husband who is not a very social person either. Our society favors the extrovert, but there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. I hope all of us introverts find our happy place in this world :)

    It only favors the extrovert until they inevitably make an *kitten* of themselves...then they become internet memes and free entertainment for the rest of us. ;)

    As long as no one gets seriously hurt, ya.... that will give me a good chuckle :)
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
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    Goodness, I see myself in so many of these posts.

    I've been having major social anxiety lately and I've found that if I force myself into those situations that make me uncomfortable, it helps a little. Hoping building it up over time will teach me not to be so afraid of what others might think of me...
  • monkeyham13
    monkeyham13 Posts: 2
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    Thanks for all the replies! I read every single one, and they all made me feel better to know I'm not the only one struggling. I will definitely check out that book a few people recommended. Good Luck to you all <3
  • toomuchbootyindapants
    toomuchbootyindapants Posts: 811 Member
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    While it certainly sounds like you are an introvert - you don't have to settle for feeling awkward and shy all the time. Reading some books on how to talk to people may help settle your anxiety. My husband is an introvert and I think I recall him saying he really liked reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. There are a lot of good "self-help" books out there that teach you how to relate to people so you won't feel so alone, awkward, nervous, etc.
  • NattyLeilani
    NattyLeilani Posts: 9
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    Obviously, you're not alone!!

    I like being home. Alone. I always have. I also enjoy going out, but with a couple of GOOD friends...not random strangers. College parties always gave me anxiety, so I stuck to small house parties with people I knew. These days (as a wife and mother), I go out with girlfriends once a month to feed my need for friends. But most of my interactions with them are not in person (facebook, texting).

    What you really need to do is explore who YOU are. Don't let anyone make you feel inferior because you're not an extrovert. Figure out what makes you tick, and I think you'll do fine.
  • Cindy873
    Cindy873 Posts: 1,165
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    I can relate to everything you are experiencing. I was painfully shy growing up and I've always been an introvert. As I've gotten older I've learned to open up with people with whom I'm comfortable and bluff my way through situations that make me uncomfortable. I've almost had to train myself to not overthink things because realistically most of my issues are in my head. And I guess I'm pretty good at bluffing because I've had people act shocked when I mention that I'm an introvert and uncomfortable in many social situations. Ultimately, you can't change who you are at the core; you can only adapt your behavior to find your own comfort level.
  • committed120
    committed120 Posts: 23
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    I am the same way. I have a hard time in social settings. I moved two years ago and have not made many friends that i hang out with. I want to throw up for days before an event of any kind and God help me if I have to get up in front of a crowd, which my job requires from time to time.

    I am working on it. I am trying to learn to be comfortable in my own skin with who I am and enjoy life. I am so afraid of heights, but I'm making plans to go skydiving in the near future. It's my reward for when I lose the next twenty-five pounds. I'm gonna do it afraid and start facing my fears. :)

    I know they say people like people who have confidence, but I think I like people who have courage. Courage helps me to do things I don't always have the confidence to do. Good luck!
  • Micahroni84
    Micahroni84 Posts: 452 Member
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    Ive dealt with social anxiety since i was about 12. it was so severe at times that i would get nauseous and light headed so I know how you feel and what you need to do is learn to embrace it. Instead of being loud, funny and chatty you can be thoughtful, and mysterious which are great qualities too. Being a social butterfly is over rated and gets old and exhausting. Just be you and have fun sitting back and observing others. You might find the more you watch the less you want to become and extrovert. I know that has been the case for me,
  • Absonthebrain
    Absonthebrain Posts: 587 Member
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    and here i am thinking i was the only one like this.. however i stopped caring a loooong time ago. Ironically you just found out just from replies on this post that you're not abnormal. I am the exact same way and married the exact opposite so i have the perfect balance in life lol. You have to be who you are, some of the most successful and brilliant people in history were the exact same way. The fact that you do not party, drink etc is another plus. Some do it and some don't there are two sides to everything. I've just learned to not judge anyone for their choices and live free and peaceful.

    PS you do fit in, you're just trying to fit in the wrong place :wink:

    Well said! I am the same way too and my hubby is the extra social one.
  • jimmyalice1984
    jimmyalice1984 Posts: 171 Member
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    I don't suffer from social anxiety at all, in fact, quite the opposite, but I always envy quiet people, sometimes I think I need to keep my mouth shut a lot more often. There's nothing wrong with sitting quietly and observing and listening to what's going on around you. Don't feel like everyone who is outgoing can't appreciate you for who you are, we don't all expect or want everyone to be as annoying as we are! Just be yourself and you will find that over time all sorts of people will be drawn to you naturally and appreciate you, you'll find your own niche and you will meet people who gradually you will feel comfortable talking to, even if it's only a few words here and there. Always be yourself.

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