Should your spouse tell you when you need to loose weight?

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Replies

  • mogletdeluxe
    mogletdeluxe Posts: 623 Member
    Shameless plug, but relevant - I blogged about this before (http://russianweightsandsmallerplates.wordpress.com/2013/01/09/sports-bras-partners-and-back-braces/).

    I think that, provided it's done in the right manner and with good, supportive intentions, then your partner should never be criticised for giving you a nudge in the right direction.
  • SexyLovinmeCook
    SexyLovinmeCook Posts: 1,393 Member
    I really think it should be an open and ok topic between any couple...I do find that my significant other didn't mention it until the weight was majority loss and it kind of thru me because he never mentioned it before....Now as I have gotten more healthier he is stuck in his set way and watch while I eat better and workout daily...I have mentioned to him that he is picking up weight and need to do better with choices.. Anywho it is true when it comes from the heart it makes a difference...
  • mscoco10
    mscoco10 Posts: 527 Member
    I think all of you are right. As for my friend she's ex -military so not to much hurts her feelings. I think we all want to feel wanted by our S/O. As said before delivery is key and health is not the only issue. Your stats may be fine but extra weight can and will take its toll on your body. I think that even though it may hurt at first when you really think about it your glad to know.
  • JamesChargerWolf
    JamesChargerWolf Posts: 83 Member
    Honesty in a relationship is paramount. Brutal honestly, not so much. Should my husband tell me to lose weight? YES

    If I was unhappy with my weight and complained about my body but wasn't motivated? YES
    If it was a health issue? YES
    If I thought I looked great, loved myself, had no health issues but HE didn't like the way I looked? YES... so I knew to dump his *kitten*!

    I think we all know who we married. And you know if it's coming from their issues or out of concern/support for you. So, do you want to know what they really think? That's up to you.

    My hubs is awesome and he loves my curves, I don't think he ever had a problem with my size. But I had pain in my knees, very little energy and I wanted to lose weight. Now that I finally decided to do it, he's been very supportive. So he's exercising with me, he's eating healthy with me. He's even more likely to have tea with me "for dessert" instead of his normal Scotch!
  • callmeLyss
    callmeLyss Posts: 27 Member
    My husband never said anything to me about my weight, even when I had gained 20lbs within several months after I met him (because I moved in with him two hours away, quit my job and gym membership). Even when I mentioned the fact I had gained a bunch, he said he hadn't noticed. Regardless of if he actually noticed or really didn't, he never said anything. If he had ever said anything about that I would have been very upset. I obviously knew I had gained, but the last person I would want to hear it from would be him. But I guess if he was concerned about my health and he said it in a concerned way, not just flat out "hey, you are getting fat".
  • olDave
    olDave Posts: 557 Member
    I think women are more likely to take offence. Either way...I don't see the need for a spouse to tell the other they need to lose weight. The overweight one already is aware.
  • ashlielinn
    ashlielinn Posts: 920
    I'd probably be a little hurt at first, but it would definitely motivate me. I tell my boyfriend all the time to tell me if he thinks I'm gaining. I've worked really hard to get this far and still have more work to do, so I definitely don't want to lose any progress!
  • lacurandera1
    lacurandera1 Posts: 8,083 Member
    it would be painful, but, really, wish my bf had said something when I started to get chubby bc then i could have stopped it earlier.
  • lacurandera1
    lacurandera1 Posts: 8,083 Member
    I think women are more likely to take offence. Either way...I don't see the need for a spouse to tell the other they need to lose weight. The overweight one already is aware.

    If you're literally overweight, yes, you're probably right. But if it's just an extra 10-20 lbs, it's really easy to ignore it. I didn't realize I was as big as I had gotten with an extra 20 lbs. My mental image of myself was virtually the same as it had been for the last decade, even though I was bigger and softer than I had ever been.
  • kristen6022
    kristen6022 Posts: 1,923 Member
    I'd prefer if my BF said something. It would probably hurt my feelings but I'd hate if I wasn't attractive to him. How if he did say that now (at 147lbs and 5'11) I think I'd deck him...
  • BPayton27
    BPayton27 Posts: 626 Member
    I'd be hurt. My husband supported me when I was heavy and he supports me now. If he came at me with "you need to lose weight because I am not attracted to you any more," I might be tempted to throat punch him. However, if he sat me down and explained that he was worried about my health and it went beyond a vanity issue....I'd be more apt to listen.
  • Susan0279
    Susan0279 Posts: 69 Member
    I think that it is okay, my husband told me that I should lose some weight, he is telling the truth.

    I just think that it is the way your SO other goes about saying it.
  • notenoughspeed
    notenoughspeed Posts: 290 Member
    I told my ex she could lose a few pounds. She got really offended, especially given how much weight I needed to lose, but people need to get over it. If I can't be honest with you, even about something like your health and weight, something is wrong. I would hope my next GF would have the courage to tell me when something is wrong with me.
  • UTDodger
    UTDodger Posts: 18
    I think a spouse has a right to voice an opinion. I think how it is presented is the key however.
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
    It hurt when my partner did, but he was so right. 92lbs later I'm lower than him in weight and he's now starting to eat better. I'm glad he said something now... Just for good measure I told him it was time he did something, he agreed and acted on it. For both of us it was affecting our health so it's completely justified! Not oh your 5lbs over weight! I think it's best to be honest, but there is a way of going about it too! X
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    It really depends on the person and the couple.

    My wife is VERY body concious so she knows what she looks like and works to keep herself looking good.

    I know many people that really have no idea how big they are/have become, I think those kind of people need help.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    I think it depends how it is said (as with all things, this discussion can either be handled in a loving and caring way or accomplished with words filled with malice). Also, my husband and I were always pretty active, but our weight always fluctuates. Last time he needed a kick in the pants I told him that he could either hit the gym or as his doctor for some prozac and a reference for a good therapist. We handle conversations like this with humor and "the look." Is it my right to tell him he needs to lose a few pounds? No I don't think so. Is it my privledge to tell him that his decisions make me concerned about his mental and physical health and that I think he needs to find balance in his life, absolutely. I love him and think it's important to tell him when I'm concerned for him.
  • whitmars106
    whitmars106 Posts: 118 Member
    I totally think your spouse should be able to tell you your weight is becoming an issue. Like it was said before, delivery is key. Obviously you love your spouse, and want to spend your lives together, so make sure they are quality years. My husband was your typical athlete all through school, and in the last 13 years he's continued to put on weight. With the early death of his father (aged 54), he's beginning to take his health into consideration. His father was obese, and while not all of his health complications were weight related, that certainly didn't help the other issues. Now that I've begun my own journey getting healthy, and losing weight, it's beginning to inspire him more. I've expressed my concerns to him that I don't want to lose him at such a young age as his father, amoung other reasons. While I've always had the same problem areas (bigger thighs, arms, hips, tummy pooch), I've gained 110 lbs. since my husband first met me, granted that was 12 years ago. He loves my body just as much now as he did then, but he would have every right to suggest to me that I ought to make some changes, because if I don't, I'll be another 110 lbs. heavier in 12 years, and I don't want that.
  • drchimpanzee
    drchimpanzee Posts: 892 Member
    Grey area. If your spouse is a few pounds overweight, chubby, or however you'd phrase it then maybe not. Maybe just encourage some healthier habbits. If they're becoming unhealthy definitely.
  • crabbyab90
    crabbyab90 Posts: 111 Member
    My husband had told me after I had lost my motivation and gave up for a bit...He did it gently though...and reminded me how much better I felt even 20 pounds lighter than I am now. And it worked...and he even agreed to get a me gym membership. But it still hurt. It was the right amount of hurt for me to come back and get my revenge and get fit.
  • tonybalony01
    tonybalony01 Posts: 613 Member
    I am a firm believer that spouses/significant others should be honest with each other, but to do so delicately. Which would be worse: Hurting someones feelings for a few days then encouraging them to better themselves, or growing to resent them and being unfaithful because you aren't attracted to them anymore? That's the way I see it.
    ^This!
    Honesty can hurt sometimes; but, when you tell someone something as sensitive as needing to lose weight and do it out of love and concern, it helps both the person telling and the person being told.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    Delivery is important, but I don't see any reason why a partner shouldn't be able to express their concerns about their partners' health.


    Any time me or my husband want to point out a misstep in our goals to be the best people we can be, we say it gently and follow up with, "I just want you to live a long healthy life with me." -- it keeps us thinking about the fact that we're [each] not the only one that needs our bodies in good shape.
  • drchimpanzee
    drchimpanzee Posts: 892 Member
    Delivery is important, but I don't see any reason why a partner shouldn't be able to express their concerns about their partners' health.


    Any time me or my husband want to point out a misstep in our goals to be the best people we can be, we say it gently and follow up with, "I just want you to live a long healthy life with me." -- it keeps us thinking about the fact that we're [each] not the only one that needs our bodies in good shape.

    "Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Gettin' kinda chubby girl!"
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    If my husband noticed weight gain I would want him to tell me kindly. The best way to do this is to tell me I am very hot and attractive (in his own words) and then to say that he has noticed that I have put on some pounds or lost some fitness and that he just wants to tell me in case I wanted to do something to address it in my fitness. I appreciate honesty. Honesty and kindness in such a way that it compliments the relationship, but not to cause me to feel unattractive to my husband. I think those are natural feelings to be expected.

    On the other hand, if the partner is not fitness oriented and clearly already knows that he/she gained weight and does not want it pointed out, it is important to be aware of that as well.
  • apexgtp
    apexgtp Posts: 64 Member
    Through my experience positive reinforcement doesnt work, neither does being mean about it. Sometimes people gain weight and change into someone else completely.
  • Erienneb
    Erienneb Posts: 592 Member
    If I was told before I was ready to accept it, then I would have been hurt and withdrawn and most likely would have gone to the other extreme of continuing to hurt myself by over eating and under working.

    When I heard it when I was ready to hear it, it helped get my butt to the gym. It all depends on how you hear it, and how ready you are to hear it, I think.
  • Cindy311
    Cindy311 Posts: 780 Member
    I think a lot of people will follow by example. I was a couple of years into my weight loss before my husband began. Maybe seeing the positive changes were all he needed to change his life too. Would I have liked it if he looked at me and said you need to lose weight, probably not but he would have been right.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    Delivery is important, but I don't see any reason why a partner shouldn't be able to express their concerns about their partners' health.


    Any time me or my husband want to point out a misstep in our goals to be the best people we can be, we say it gently and follow up with, "I just want you to live a long healthy life with me." -- it keeps us thinking about the fact that we're [each] not the only one that needs our bodies in good shape.

    "Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Gettin' kinda chubby girl!"

    LOL. That would get you stabbed in my house.
  • coastie_wife07
    coastie_wife07 Posts: 99
    I would be hurt a little bit, but it looks like it was the extra push that she needed.

    I personally workout 6 days a week and watch what I eat, so if I was gaining weight then I messed up somewhere (or pregnant)
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,861 Member
    I was talking with with a friend and she mention that her husband told her she needs to drop a few pounds. At first she was offended but now she's working out and eating right. I personally think that he was well within his rights to express his opinions. I wasn't there when he said it so the delivery is key but a partner should be able to say something. What do you think?
    I used to be overweight but my wife has never been overweight. She didn't tell me I needed to lose weight because she knew perfectly well I was aware that I needed to lose weight. I have a mirror, I know when I need to lose weight.

    I lost weight when I got sick of it, not because she did.

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