Should your spouse tell you when you need to loose weight?

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  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    I'd be hurt, but I'd want them to be honest.

    If I was getting unhealthily overweight, I'd want them to let me know. It'd probably give me a wake up call! I'd also want them to be honest if I'd got so big they didn't find me sexually attractive anymore, as that's still important to me.

    I think it lies in how they suggest it. If they were mean, or degrading about it, then that's not acceptable. It also wouldn't be acceptable to me if they mentioned it, knowing that I was already trying/doing something about it. If they were tactful and nice about it though, I'd be more willing to listen to their POV.
  • turboturtlepower
    turboturtlepower Posts: 79
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    Since my husband and I both met on MFP, and we had strong choices what we wanted for in a mate (and knew about it pre-marriage) yes, we both expect it. I'm sure others could be sensitive to it. I was near morbid obesity at one time, and him overweight (we are both overweight now and working on it) and we both don't want a fat spouse. So yes, if the weight is there I want him to tell me I need to lose a bit.
  • sarahxx68
    sarahxx68 Posts: 42
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    All in the delivery. When I told my ex I wanted to lose weight his response was "Good, maybe then you'd actually be attractive."
  • UticaBoy51
    UticaBoy51 Posts: 344 Member
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    He would probably be telling you something that you already knew. If the person you are supposed to trust the most can't tell you then who can. It's all about delivery.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    My wife basically told me that my junk was getting shorter due to being a fatass. It got the point across, and that's all that matters.

    ^^^Best answer ever.

    To the OP: it is all in how you phrase it. If the hubby is a jerk about it, than he is likely to get a junkpunch. Why should he point it out, I have a mirror for the love of god. But if the hubby says: "Hey let's join the Y together. Let's go hiking. Let's try to eat better" than it is presented as a team effort rather than your a fat@ss go to the gym. Just like any treatment, it will only be successful if the person getting treatment is ready to make the change.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    All in the delivery. When I told my ex I wanted to lose weight his response was "Good, maybe then you'd actually be attractive."

    ^^^This is an example of a husband who needs a good swift junkpunch. You'll know why!
  • niftyafterfifty
    niftyafterfifty Posts: 338 Member
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    NO! When I was overweight, my husband never mentioned it or made me feel anything but beautiful and loved. I didn't need him to tell me; I knew I needed to lose weight. When I got serious, he became my biggest cheerleader. He has celebrated every lost pound with me and still makes me feel beautiful and loved.
  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
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    Being told I needed to lose weight actually made me resent them and caused me to actively refuse to change. When the mentioning of my abundance of fat stopped, I eventually found the light and started on my own, but by that time they left.

    Good riddance, I say. I never once mentioned or cared that they were fat (isn't that cute? They're complaining about me being fat when they were also?)

    So to answer... hell no. Your spouse should never do such a thing.
  • brendaj39
    brendaj39 Posts: 375 Member
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    when i saw a picture of myself and realized i was huge I turned and looked at him and asked "why didn't you tell me i was so huge?" he said he loved me no matter what...(he is a sweet heart)

    but I was close to 300lbs....before I realized how big i was...BTW I didn't have a scale at home, i had a surgery and the nurse said my weight outloud,,,that opened my eyes..thank God for the surgery!....

    So in a way, yes I think a SO should say something like maybe you should start trying to eat healthier, or start walking or doing something...but together...
  • srenea9
    srenea9 Posts: 142
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    My husband & I are both over weight. We have told each other that we need to lose weight. It doesn't bother the other because we know its the truth. I have started eating better & exercising. He has been eating better, He wont exercise. But he said if he sees a difference in the way I look he will follow what I do.
    I think is depends on the the relationship, honesty is key. You want your partner to be healthy & live a long life....tell the truth.
  • muttmom105
    muttmom105 Posts: 8
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    How about - husband tells you he's not attracted to you anymore but still loves you. Says he wants to be with you no matter what. Acknowledges that he isn't perfect anymore either. Basically eats anything he wants, whenever he wants, as you are trying to make healthy choices - for yourself of course, not for him. For example comes home after an evening shift with a buttered roll and huge rice krispie treat, eats them and a package of crackers in front of you.
  • ChantalD75
    ChantalD75 Posts: 680 Member
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    My partner told me he loves me no matter what. But did say that he likes me better when I am working out as my moods are better.
  • Katy_G2013
    Katy_G2013 Posts: 70 Member
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    My husband has never told me I need to lose weight (although I wish he would). I have taken the initiative on my own, and also included him (he is overweight as well) in my mission to get healthy. I did not outright tell him that he was overweight, but he already knew this and actually started working out with me well before he started watching his diet as well.

    I think we are well within our rights to watch out for the well-being of our significant others' -- we want them around for as long as possible, so it only stands to reason we would have their best interest at heart. Delivery of that sort of 'message' is the key though. As I said, I never told my husband he needed to lose weight -- I simply asked him if he would workout with me to help me stay accountable (I like having a workout buddy and he is my best friend so it only made sense). He agreed and since then he has noticed how much weight he would actually like to lose and now here we are, in it together.
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
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    Yes. They have to look at us naked.
  • darkguardian419
    darkguardian419 Posts: 1,302 Member
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    my ex gf says no.
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
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    All in the delivery. When I told my ex I wanted to lose weight his response was "Good, maybe then you'd actually be attractive."

    ^^^This is an example of a husband who needs a good swift junkpunch. You'll know why!

    Love how your answer changed based on whether it was a husband or wife.
  • peckish_pomegranate
    peckish_pomegranate Posts: 242 Member
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    No, never. No one should feel entitled to police another person's body/appearance, no matter how close they are.

    Anyway, people know when they need to lose weight. It's not like that just escapes their perception of themselves. I don't need anyone else telling me about my body because baby I have a mirror and a scale for that thanks.
  • paul7799
    paul7799 Posts: 98 Member
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    When you're in a relationship you can say anything you want. You just have to be prepared to deal with the consequences of what fell out of your mouth.
  • CudyBug
    CudyBug Posts: 742 Member
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    I don't think it is anyone's place other then a doctor to tell someone they need to lose weight. Seriously do people think that fat people don't look in the mirror?
  • trophywife24
    trophywife24 Posts: 1,472 Member
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    I'm torn.

    Fat people know that they're fat. It's not like you'd be telling someone something new.

    On the other hand, if someone's weight was actually harming your relationship (like you were losing sexual attraction to them or it was hurting their health).... ehhhhh........... I don't know.

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