Obese Friends Alienating Me

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miss_rub
miss_rub Posts: 8
in Chit-Chat
Since I stared my weight loss journey I have come to the half way point of 58 lost/58 to go.
One of the things I needed to get off my chest was: Obese people who have changed their attitude towards me since I have lost weight.

I used to inspire these girls, because I wasn't afraid to be who I was even if it meant being 240 in a bikini at the beach. Well I decided to lose weight, and since then I have stopped having these friends. And its not because of anything I did, or at least I don't believe it was anything I said.

An example of what I am dealing with:

I was having a talk with a friend about nutrition and proper BMI, you know, an intelligent conversation about weight loss and how the body works. I tell her that morbidly obese people are at greater risk of being unhealthy and develop stuff like diabetes. She took it out of context (and maybe because she is morbidly obese, which I never mentioned at all), she thought I was attacking her. She then told me "I can't believe you are turning into one of those people, just because you lost weight doesn't mean you have a right to go around snooping in peoples lives, or say I am going to get diabetes. There's no proof that being overweight is dangerous to your health." and stopped talking to me. When did I ever say to someone I considered a friend that she was going to get diabetes? I never would, that would be kinda of mean.

Another example:
My brother in laws girlfriend is extremely morbidly obese, and the first time I met her, we were all talking and hanging out, having beers, and my brother in law asked how I lost weight, esp being able to drink on occasion. I told them all, and I look at his girlfriend and all I catch is her rolling her eyes and turning her head. WHY? I never said anything about her, I didn't even talk nutrition. I said, " I eat better, eat a lot less then I used to and I get regular exercise. I dont need a gym, and I am doing it slowly, I want permanent results." Later that visit I overhear them talking in the kitchen, saying I am probably doing coke! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?

Exmaple 3:
My ex friend calls me a liar and a drug addict because we went to lunch and I ate a giant plate and had a regular drink. She said there was no way I lost weight by eating like that and accused me of being on drugs, I tell her no, and explain how I did it, and then she accuses me of being bulimic and a drug addict. Needless to say I haven't talked to her since.

ONE THING: You don't have to be on drugs to lose weight, where are these people getting this?

Why are these overweight people being so mean to me just because I lost weight? Need I remind you I am still overweight myself, just a lot smaller then I used to be! I am the same person, I say the same things, I have the same interests. What is the point? I noticed when I talk to others like me who have lost weight, they experience the same thing.

Anyone else lose their fat" friends" when they lost the fat?
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Replies

  • My0WNinspiration
    My0WNinspiration Posts: 1,146 Member
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    They're intimidated by your awesomeness.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    They're intimidated by your awesomeness.

    /thread
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,108 Member
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    People in your life come and go - your health is forever. You'll find new friends who like to take walks, hike, kayak, swim, whatever your new interests are.

    Their loss.
  • thankyou4thevenom
    thankyou4thevenom Posts: 1,581 Member
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    They're intimidated by your awesomeness.

    I couldn't have said it better myself.

    I can't count the times things like what you've been talking about have happened to me. It's time to move on from those you can. It's hard and painful to lose these people sometimes but you need to do it for your physical and mental health.
  • miss_rub
    miss_rub Posts: 8
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    They're intimidated by your awesomeness.

    I couldn't have said it better myself.

    I can't count the times things like what you've been talking about have happened to me. It's time to move on from those you can. It's hard and painful to lose these people sometimes but you need to do it for your physical and mental health.

    :)
  • jenniferrusso7393
    jenniferrusso7393 Posts: 189 Member
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    Immature-- jealous... you name it, and definitely intimidated... they probably think that they cannot do it, andso resent you for being able to do so (or perhaps you make them resent themselves since they feel, erroneously, that they cannot accomplish what you have). I guess it is time for new friends who can celebrate your accomplishments and lifestyle-- instead of undermining you-- drug use-- come on!
  • Faded_Memories
    Faded_Memories Posts: 37
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    I might be able to offer some input on this...and maybe you had the same feelings as a bigger girl, or maybe you didn't. If you didn't...you're lucky.

    I'm a big girl obviously..and I've just begun my weight loss journey. But before I started....any talk about losing weight/exercise would make me feel extremely uncomfortable/ashamed/sad on the inside. Especially when thin girls talked about needing to lose a few pounds/go to the gym.

    That is an issue with one's self, and you did nothing to affect it intentionally...but it does hurt the person to be reminded that they are over weight. Even though I am steadily losing weight right now, and feel great that I've been eating healthier/going to the gym, I still look in the mirror and think, " What do you have to be happy for. You're still a fatass."

    So to see that someone who was about as big as they were...now put forth so much effort and lose weight...it probably makes them feel worse that they aren't putting forth the same effort, or perhaps they're happy/fine with their image and they don't want to be 'preached to', not that I'm saying you're preaching. Anyways, that's my opinion. :)
  • jsiricos
    jsiricos Posts: 338 Member
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    They feel threatened, especially your brothers g/f

    She thinks that if you do it, your brother will expect her to do it.

    Just be YOU, hell with them, be the person YOU want to be!
  • Celeigh12
    Celeigh12 Posts: 763 Member
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    You need a better class of friends, obese or not.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    because people want to hear about how hard it is to lose weight. they want to have the excuse that they have to sacrifice kittens to satan and eat grapefruit for 6 months straight and run a marathon once a week.

    you showing them that all it takes is consistency, patience and time leave them no excuses.

    with that said, it's also possible that you might be coming off as preachy without meaning to be.
  • eringraczyk
    eringraczyk Posts: 123 Member
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    Sadly, I've experienced the same thing, some with women who have been my friends since junior high. Something nobody mentions is that when you lose weight, sometimes you lose friends, as well. It hurts, but I'm happier where I am now than I ever was when I was bigger.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    Oh yes, I remember these same kind of comments when I lost weight.

    I think people seeing those close to them losing weight makes them very insecure. When everyone in your "circle" is obese, then everyone feels equal. When one person decides to get healthy, I think it makes their unhealthy choices much more obvious.

    I don't speak to any of the friends I had when I was overweight, sad.. but it was necessary. I wasn't going to listen to their criticisms, belittling or whatever. I would rather cut the ties - they are unhappy.
  • squindles
    squindles Posts: 350 Member
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    I might be able to offer some input on this...and maybe you had the same feelings as a bigger girl, or maybe you didn't. If you didn't...you're lucky.

    I'm a big girl obviously..and I've just begun my weight loss journey. But before I started....any talk about losing weight/exercise would make me feel extremely uncomfortable/ashamed/sad on the inside. Especially when thin girls talked about needing to lose a few pounds/go to the gym.

    That is an issue with one's self, and you did nothing to affect it intentionally...but it does hurt the person to be reminded that they are over weight. Even though I am steadily losing weight right now, and feel great that I've been eating healthier/going to the gym, I still look in the mirror and think, " What do you have to be happy for. You're still a fatass."

    So to see that someone who was about as big as they were...now put forth so much effort and lose weight...it probably makes them feel worse that they aren't putting forth the same effort, or perhaps they're happy/fine with their image and they don't want to be 'preached to', not that I'm saying you're preaching. Anyways, that's my opinion. :)
    ^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^
  • mdawson86
    mdawson86 Posts: 5 Member
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    Jealousy. They see you doing what they believe they can't do. In the same way girls have been mean to them, they will be mean to you because they heat themselves. ****'em. Make new friends at the gym.
  • Fatandfifty3
    Fatandfifty3 Posts: 419 Member
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    Well done on your success!:happy:
    But.
    If you are going to talk fat around fat people be prepared to tread on a few toes! No one ever as the right or need to call you a druggie!
    But.
    Try to see it from their point of view. They are, like you were, stuck in their fat selves not motivated to do anything about it as they see it. You know the story! You've been there! Stood in their shoes! Try to be more sensitive around them and eventually they might get used to the healthy successful you- but equally they might not. :ohwell:
  • ihad
    ihad Posts: 7,463 Member
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    It's not about you, it's about them. Their fears, frustrations, and insecurities. Their feeling of helplessness being confronted by the reality of someone who has taken control of her life. Don't fret about it, just keep being an example of awesomeness.
  • ladyinredflush
    ladyinredflush Posts: 72 Member
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    Unfortunately, that's human nature. Those who aren't as good as you in certain areas do not want you to be more successful than they are. This happens everywhere--academics, research, in the work place, among friends, and when it comes to weight loss. I struggle with this in my classes sometimes so I just block everyone out and only talk to those who I trust. They are mad that you all of a sudden look better than they do and are bitter that you actually took an initiative towards your health. If they don't want you to be successful, don't talk to them anymore. Surround yourself among those who will lift you up, encourage you, and ultimately make you a better person both physically and mentally. Get rid of any negative influences in your life and choose your friends carefully. There are plenty of fish in the sea, don't worry about these bitter ones who are trying to drag you down and discourage you from succeeding.
  • Rochiemcskinnypants
    Rochiemcskinnypants Posts: 2 Member
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    Weight is an extremely touchy subject. You are obviously excited about your progress and proud of your acchievement (and so you should be). You have probably met some overweight girls with low body image, and most likely avoiding thinking about their health and the daunting task of loosing a lot of weight. To them you are a threat. You are telling the world that it is possible to live a normal, sociable life and lose weight.

    Be proud of your weightloss and try not to take these jibes personally. People tiptoe around the weight issue. The fact is carrying weight is a health risk. I personally dont offer any advice about weightloss unless someone specifically asks me. If they compliment me i say thanks but dont follow up with much of an explanation as to how i did it. I they ask me in a flippant way i give a quick short answer.

    I have really strong opinions about diet in terms of food additives, chemicals etc and have learned that lots of people dont care and dont want to know . They want the sugar filled quick fix rather than stick to healthy whole foods!!!!

    Good luck and congratulations
  • ladyinredflush
    ladyinredflush Posts: 72 Member
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    People in your life come and go - your health is forever. You'll find new friends who like to take walks, hike, kayak, swim, whatever your new interests are.

    Their loss.

    Yes please do! Find those who are climbing towards success and will bring you with them. Not drag you down.
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
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    I agree with what everyone else has said. They are ashamed and embarrassed of themselves and what they've become and you have surpassed them in taking your life and health back. Any mention of your weight loss to them is a reflection of their inabilities. They may even feel as if people look at them as being lazy or pigs. I know I used to feel that way when someone close to me would come right out and say hey know what I did to lose weight? I never asked them and quite honestly didn't notice that they lost weight but I felt as if they were looking at me and judging me. Which was possible since this person is very judgmental of others. My response was always wow good for you. My husband always felt that he had to defend me and would say well that's great for you but you don't have the medical issues my wife has and your approach hasn't helped my wife. I would always keep it inside but it did hurt. When I'm asked how much weight I've lost or how I lost it I keep it short and to the point and never ever bring up how unhealthy such and such a weight would be. Especially if that person asking is over weight. I keep the conversation to everything in moderation and get moving more. It's really hard to not offend someone with your accomplishments if they're self conscious or have low self-esteem. I have one friend who is morbidly obese and disabled. It doesn't bother her that I've lost weight and she always wants to hear about what I"m doing now to keep it going. She asks so I tell her. She wouldn't keep asking me if it bothered her.

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