Why are people so mean?!
Replies
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I guess I am lucky (or naive) because I have not seen the mean comments yet. You are right - we are all here for the same reasons - to get healthy, lose weight and find some encouragement. The mean people I have encountered have been outside o MFP so far. Last week, someone looked at me and said "I guess it is true - you have lost a little bit of weight". She followed that with "but it looks like you still have a really long way to go". Just plain cruel!0
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There are some legit arguments here. But a lot of what you're seeing is just back and forth between friends.
A lot more of what you see is people trying to keep misinformation from going unchecked in the forums. If they just ignore a thread full of incorrect info then it's as good as saying that info is correct.
Often when someone is disputing incorrect info, they aren't just or even primarily doing it for the OP's benefit. It's for the people lurking who may not realize that a source isn't reliable, or that a practice isn't healthy.
Don't you think it's worth a little arguing to make sure that you're getting correct information?
I am quoting this for the OP because THIS is what most of those people are often trying to do. I hope you didn't ignore this because it didn't support your point.
I don't have a problem with legitimate responses. This guy posts alot and he isn't rude. there are people who just go on 'attack' and have to be snarky and cocky with their responses. They never give any legitimate help. One forum comes to mind: a woman said she lost weight and would like to know how to lose more weight in her abs. Soooo many people responded with 'lose more weight'. She was looking for exercises, nutrition tips, etc to help her lose more weight. Responses like that don't help people. Only a handful recommended workout tapes and things they have done to concentrate on their core, but too many responded with a 'duh' response.0 -
I just keep wondering why people don't take advantage of the ignore button. If you don't like the way someone responds to posts, just hit that little triangle next to their username, select "ignore" and POOF, no more posts by that person. Easy, and no need for whiny "everyone is so mean to me" posts.
GREAT advice.
My solution was to not reply to posts anymore, or read threads that might be controversial.0 -
To reply on the topic:
Because they aint cool like me :laugh:0 -
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I'd ask why people are so sensitive? Why do people need their hands held.
MFP is just like the real world. You are going to get some very nice people, some rude.
Or what I see myself about 95% of the time.. when somebody is being "mean" it simply means they aren't saying what the OP wants to hear.
The real world doesn't coddle you. Why should MFP?0 -
I just keep wondering why people don't take advantage of the ignore button. If you don't like the way someone responds to posts, just hit that little triangle next to their username, select "ignore" and POOF, no more posts by that person. Easy, and no need for whiny "everyone is so mean to me" posts.
See, you had me, up until the last sentence. Maybe there is a need. Maybe this post will help someone to think before they speak, or before they type. Yes, it's absolutely productive to ignore negativity but if someone feels compelled to stand up and make a call for kindness, that to can be productive. Asking for people to be kinder is not whining, it's conducive to growth in the human condition. My point is we are all trying to get fit and motivated to do so, so what is the point of being mean to others. We should be encouraging each other.
I believe that people that are mean, are unhappy.0 -
People are mean because it makes them feel better about themselves...it's usually a self esteem issue
And I've seen more rude posts here that have nothing to do with correcting misinformation. I'm pretty surprised at the lack of civility on many threads. It's an interesting phenomenon. I just figured there's so many people here, there's going to be all types.0 -
It's the internet.
^^this0 -
There are some legit arguments here. But a lot of what you're seeing is just back and forth between friends.
A lot more of what you see is people trying to keep misinformation from going unchecked in the forums. If they just ignore a thread full of incorrect info then it's as good as saying that info is correct.
Often when someone is disputing incorrect info, they aren't just or even primarily doing it for the OP's benefit. It's for the people lurking who may not realize that a source isn't reliable, or that a practice isn't healthy.
Don't you think it's worth a little arguing to make sure that you're getting correct information?
I am quoting this for the OP because THIS is what most of those people are often trying to do. I hope you didn't ignore this because it didn't support your point.
I don't have a problem with legitimate responses. This guy posts alot and he isn't rude. there are people who just go on 'attack' and have to be snarky and cocky with their responses. They never give any legitimate help. One forum comes to mind: a woman said she lost weight and would like to know how to lose more weight in her abs. Soooo many people responded with 'lose more weight'. She was looking for exercises, nutrition tips, etc to help her lose more weight. Responses like that don't help people. Only a handful recommended workout tapes and things they have done to concentrate on their core, but too many responded with a 'duh' response.
Ah but see that is the only legitimate response. You can't reduce body fat in a specific area. You can work specific muscles, but abs are made in the kitchen not the gym. Telling someone that doing 37 crunches per second will not make their abs any more visible. It might be seen as mean, but that is the truth.
You can't lose more weight just in your abs. Recommending specific exercises is misleading, but the others are seen as mean?0 -
I thought MFP was supposed to help motivate and push each other. I've seen so many nice comments back and forth between people and dishing out tons of encouragment. On the flip side, it is SO discouraging when people post things and are followed up with negative or harsh responses. This is not Twitter, or Facebook (where negativety and cyber bullying is everywhere). This is a place to help each other. Even if you don't agree with what people say, why bother putting in the effort to bring them down and be rude?! Not everybody has the same workout routines, times to eat, things to eat, life circumstances and so forth. Don't tear people down bc you don't agree with that they are saying. That is all
Spread love, not anger!
:flowerforyou:
Annie x0 -
Just read through this thread in another few minutes - it's filling up with lots of great examples.
I actually do find people behave differently online. It's rare for me to see someone shout in someone's face irl, "You're a fat, lazy, stupid pig and I know everything and you know nothing." But I've seen it here - that's practically a quote from a thread. So as much as people are mean and rude irl, I think it's easier for people to do it here.
If your an avid poster, you've seen the same questions posted and reposted and may lose patience when someone not as seasoned asks again. Or doesn't use search. They may not even know search exists or how to use it. Tolerance could go a long way, both on and offline.I guess I am lucky (or naive) because I have not seen the mean comments yet. You are right - we are all here for the same reasons - to get healthy, lose weight and find some encouragement. The mean people I have encountered have been outside o MFP so far. Last week, someone looked at me and said "I guess it is true - you have lost a little bit of weight". She followed that with "but it looks like you still have a really long way to go". Just plain cruel!0 -
AWWW man..I thought they were flirting with me.... :noway: :grumble:0
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To the OP - you've lost SIX pounds. That's more than ten percent of the way to your goal in a month. At this rate of loss you'll easily lose 50 pounds in a year! You are kicking butts and you will be a success as long as you stick to it and don't give up.
But I forget myself. This is a thread about mean people and complaints, not about motivation. This is a thread about negativity, not positivity. We each define our realities by what we choose to feed to our brains, whom we choose to listen to, the friends with whom we surround ourselves . These are your choices; make better choices.0 -
I think the poster put this up just so she could pre ignore all of us who responded... thus never seeing negative posts on any of her other threads... bravo! Your blinders are now firmly attached.
Now seriously... yes some people are mean. People are that way. It is human nature and it is unavoidable. I am so sick of all this PC junk. I can't say killing babies is wrong that might offend someone who did it. I can't say sleeping with every available person spreading untold numbers of diseases is wrong that is personal life choice. I can't say murdering a woman who dishonors her family is wrong I am being insensitive to their culture. I can't say entering this country without a passport is illegal I am suppose to just call it undocumented. Screw it! If you post something that is wrong I am going to say you are wrong. I will try to do it nicely but if you get your panties in a bunch over it I will not feel bad.0 -
They're just a bunch of haters. Ignore them.0
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Pretty much proves the point!0
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I also think some folks are unaware that when people post questions or responses (and yes, there is such a thing as a DUMB question, but I defend the rights of people who post them) are from REAL people that may be struggling a LOT... and that flippant responses and "mere" words can hurt. For some, this is their only source of support in something that is very personal... and it's a shame the meanies are inclined to shroud their callousness in "sarcasm" or "humor." Debate and arguement are not at risk - you can do both and still be polite.
^^Agreed^^
I try never to come off as "mean" to newbies. But if I've seen the same person posting the same bad/dangerous info every day for 6 months, there's a good chance that my politeness is going to start to slip. My responses are going to get shorter and more to the point for starters, which is sometimes perceived as "mean" here.
What *does* often happen to newbies is that they come in, guns a'blazin', with a bunch of incorrect info that they have heard somewhere, and with which they're going to enlighten us. Most of the members who have been around awhile respond by saying that the info is incorrect, and the newbie feels ganged up on because of the sheer volume of responses. It's not that any one poster would have come off as mean, it's just that they're overwhelmed by how many people refuted their information.0 -
There are some legit arguments here. But a lot of what you're seeing is just back and forth between friends.
A lot more of what you see is people trying to keep misinformation from going unchecked in the forums. If they just ignore a thread full of incorrect info then it's as good as saying that info is correct.
Often when someone is disputing incorrect info, they aren't just or even primarily doing it for the OP's benefit. It's for the people lurking who may not realize that a source isn't reliable, or that a practice isn't healthy.
Don't you think it's worth a little arguing to make sure that you're getting correct information?
I am quoting this for the OP because THIS is what most of those people are often trying to do. I hope you didn't ignore this because it didn't support your point.
I don't have a problem with legitimate responses. This guy posts alot and he isn't rude. there are people who just go on 'attack' and have to be snarky and cocky with their responses. They never give any legitimate help. One forum comes to mind: a woman said she lost weight and would like to know how to lose more weight in her abs. Soooo many people responded with 'lose more weight'. She was looking for exercises, nutrition tips, etc to help her lose more weight. Responses like that don't help people. Only a handful recommended workout tapes and things they have done to concentrate on their core, but too many responded with a 'duh' response.
But the thing is....the people who said "lose more weight/reduce your body fat" were right.
People just want to hear what they want to hear.0 -
or as I read somewhere else...
Can't spell MFP with out the MF'ers....0 -
There are some legit arguments here. But a lot of what you're seeing is just back and forth between friends.
A lot more of what you see is people trying to keep misinformation from going unchecked in the forums. If they just ignore a thread full of incorrect info then it's as good as saying that info is correct.
Often when someone is disputing incorrect info, they aren't just or even primarily doing it for the OP's benefit. It's for the people lurking who may not realize that a source isn't reliable, or that a practice isn't healthy.
Don't you think it's worth a little arguing to make sure that you're getting correct information?
I am quoting this for the OP because THIS is what most of those people are often trying to do. I hope you didn't ignore this because it didn't support your point.
I don't have a problem with legitimate responses. This guy posts alot and he isn't rude. there are people who just go on 'attack' and have to be snarky and cocky with their responses. They never give any legitimate help. One forum comes to mind: a woman said she lost weight and would like to know how to lose more weight in her abs. Soooo many people responded with 'lose more weight'. She was looking for exercises, nutrition tips, etc to help her lose more weight. Responses like that don't help people. Only a handful recommended workout tapes and things they have done to concentrate on their core, but too many responded with a 'duh' response.
Ah but see that is the only legitimate response. You can't reduce body fat in a specific area. You can work specific muscles, but abs are made in the kitchen not the gym. Telling someone that doing 37 crunches per second will not make their abs any more visible. It might be seen as mean, but that is the truth.
You can't lose more weight just in your abs. Recommending specific exercises is misleading, but the others are seen as mean?
Its not what you say, its how you say it. You just offered an explanation for why she needs to lose more weight. They just said "lose more weight". She was dieting and exercising and had already lost weight. She wanted to start focusing on how to get abs. Losing weight helps you do that of course. Ab exercises and machines were made for a reason. Every workout video I have ever bought has a section on ab training. Recommending a few would not have hurt them. To not do that is what is 'mean' to me.0 -
Because we evolved on a planet where everything wants to eat us.
hmmmm, but I want to eat EVERYTHING!0 -
people are mean in real life and the internet that is life, get used to it...
I like to encourage people ...but if I see someone post some BS like "skipping breakfast will make you go into starvation mode" then I will call them on it ...is that "mean" I guess it depends on what your definition of mean is...0 -
There are some legit arguments here. But a lot of what you're seeing is just back and forth between friends.
A lot more of what you see is people trying to keep misinformation from going unchecked in the forums. If they just ignore a thread full of incorrect info then it's as good as saying that info is correct.
Often when someone is disputing incorrect info, they aren't just or even primarily doing it for the OP's benefit. It's for the people lurking who may not realize that a source isn't reliable, or that a practice isn't healthy.
Don't you think it's worth a little arguing to make sure that you're getting correct information?
I am quoting this for the OP because THIS is what most of those people are often trying to do. I hope you didn't ignore this because it didn't support your point.
I don't have a problem with legitimate responses. This guy posts alot and he isn't rude. there are people who just go on 'attack' and have to be snarky and cocky with their responses. They never give any legitimate help. One forum comes to mind: a woman said she lost weight and would like to know how to lose more weight in her abs. Soooo many people responded with 'lose more weight'. She was looking for exercises, nutrition tips, etc to help her lose more weight. Responses like that don't help people. Only a handful recommended workout tapes and things they have done to concentrate on their core, but too many responded with a 'duh' response.
But the correct responses are the ones you thought were mean. The ones for workout videos and such will help with core strength but will not reduce belly fat.
ETA: I see you responded above. But you still seem to think that we should be giving wrong advice because it's more helpful. Sure, they should explain that spot reduction isn't possible, and I'll bet there were people who did. I would consider your examples short and to the point, and possibly not completely clear to the OP, but I would not call them mean.0 -
People are mean because threads like the following get made on a daily basis:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/891455-why-are-people-so-mean0 -
There are some legit arguments here. But a lot of what you're seeing is just back and forth between friends.
A lot more of what you see is people trying to keep misinformation from going unchecked in the forums. If they just ignore a thread full of incorrect info then it's as good as saying that info is correct.
Often when someone is disputing incorrect info, they aren't just or even primarily doing it for the OP's benefit. It's for the people lurking who may not realize that a source isn't reliable, or that a practice isn't healthy.
Don't you think it's worth a little arguing to make sure that you're getting correct information?
I am quoting this for the OP because THIS is what most of those people are often trying to do. I hope you didn't ignore this because it didn't support your point.
I don't have a problem with legitimate responses. This guy posts alot and he isn't rude. there are people who just go on 'attack' and have to be snarky and cocky with their responses. They never give any legitimate help. One forum comes to mind: a woman said she lost weight and would like to know how to lose more weight in her abs. Soooo many people responded with 'lose more weight'. She was looking for exercises, nutrition tips, etc to help her lose more weight. Responses like that don't help people. Only a handful recommended workout tapes and things they have done to concentrate on their core, but too many responded with a 'duh' response.
But the correct responses are the ones you thought were mean. The ones for workout videos and such will help with core strength but will not reduce belly fat.
And just because a point blank answer isn't useful to YOU, doesn't mean it isn't helpful to someone else. Shouldn't you be respectful of the people who just have plain, point blank personalities?0 -
Your example is a good example of how to "argue" a point. I am talking about the people that call each other names and saw awful things, in a place that is supposed to harness positivity and encouragement. There is a very easy way to disagree, but some people are plain mean about it.
If you saw people calling each other names, then you probably saw two friends being facetious.0 -
Well what do you consider mean? It's usually hard to figure out what someone means online when you can't go off of tone and inflection-- I often see comments construed as mean when the reader just read it as being mean or when the commenter is just being blunt or straight-forward. I don't really see being blunt as necessarily being mean/rude, personally. I basically just give people the benefit of the doubt when reading their comments.0
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The question isn't, "why are people so mean?" around here as much as "why are people so whiny?"
Seriously, I am on the threads quite a bit and I haven't seen near the number of "mean posts" that is apparently around here... especially compared to the number of threads exactly like this one... and trust me, you haven't seen mean until you have been in a mommy forum or a political/current events forum (both of which I have been a part of at one time or another)...
But then I have the ability to read the sarcasm font... which apparently is a gift from God since it is becoming more and more obvious not everyone has that ability.0 -
I just found that button by accident a week ago or so and got rid of a bunch of zombie profile pic's that way. I just wish people would use it to block booty pictures since those are a big motivation for me lol, and i can't post them cause they are against the rules, lol.I just keep wondering why people don't take advantage of the ignore button. If you don't like the way someone responds to posts, just hit that little triangle next to their username, select "ignore" and POOF, no more posts by that person. Easy, and no need for whiny "everyone is so mean to me" posts.0
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