Anyone else have a mother who constantly nags about weight?

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  • kelly101386
    kelly101386 Posts: 389 Member
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    My nan is like this, my cousin was slimming down a few years ago and said she lost ten pounds. My nan goes "from where, your wallet?" she is a piece of work.
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
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    My parents only tell me what they think of my weight if I'm losing. Then they tell me they think I WAS too big :laugh: when I bought my goal weight jeans my mum said 'Don't be too upset when they're too small again,' and I told her how upsetting that was. My mum does that for everything though, looking for the dark, negative view, and I just tell her 'I don't think like that.' It's her problem and I won't let it be mine!
  • Chadomaniac
    Chadomaniac Posts: 1,785 Member
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    THIS is every FEMALE i know , not just my mom.
  • chooriyah
    chooriyah Posts: 469 Member
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    That's horrible, I'm sorry. Sounds like there's space for a firm conversation - that you appreciate her concern, that you are well aware of where you are, and where you want to be, that you are taking very active steps in that direction, and that her comments only serve to demotivate rather than support you. If she wants what's best for you, she should be encouraging. If she can't manage that, she should stay well away from the topic. Didn't our mothers always say 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything'???
  • jshot278
    jshot278 Posts: 42 Member
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    My mother never "nagged" she just told me that if I gained any more weight, they'd have to bury me in a piano case! Talk about
    messing with someone's head. That remark still haunts me to this day. She's been gone for over 15yrs.
  • SamanthaClarexo
    SamanthaClarexo Posts: 353 Member
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    My mum is supportive. But my dad can be discouraging. Before I lost weight he'd come into the kitchen and saying, "Should you really be eating that...?" On holiday I'd put shorts on he'd be like, "Really...? Shorts...?" What's worse is I've never been really... 'big'. I've always had a healthy BMI. It just makes me feel like I'm not good enough. When I first started losing weight he'd laugh at my meals I'd make and try and get me to fall off the wagon, try and make me eat take aways with them etc. Once he realised how dedicated I was and how well I was doing, he soon shut up and even started taking an interest himself.
  • irishblonde2011
    irishblonde2011 Posts: 618 Member
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    Yes!!!! I come from a house of all females(feel sorry for my poor dad lol) my mom is a uk 8 and both my sisters are uk 6's TINY!!!
    I hear it all the time from my mam you have such a beautiful face you would be so much prettier if you were smaller etc. I know she talks about my weigh to everyone. It's constant. The thing is she eats crap like seriously chocolate every day and mc donald's every morning for breakfast. One my sister lost a bunch of weight and nets maybe 500 cals a day mostly cigs and coffee and I know people say oh she won't be able to keep that up well she has for 15 plus years...my other sister can't cook a egg. No lie. I moved abroad 1.5 years ago and have dropped 36 lbs in that time. Having my own kitchen and people not talking about me was Hugh for me. My boyfriend put some pictures up on facebook of me and my mom who doesn't have facebook by the way told me that she can't believe how beautiful I have become I look like my sisters now etc.. My cousins had shown her the pictures. She also told me that she was planning a intervention at one stage about my weight. The biggest I ever was a size uk 16. I honestly believe because she has never had a weight problem she does not understand. I would like to be smaller and I am getting there but it will be the healthy way. :smile:


    Good for you..
    I think comments like that would make me break down.. I am a very emotional person though!!..
    but still.. good for you on the 36lb loss.. I think mothers can be the worst critics...

    Thank you that made me smile. I am a very emotional person too but when you hear it every day you become numb to it.
    I don't think she means to be hurtful she just doesn't get it. I'm a adult now so onwards and upwards :smile:
  • Snipsa
    Snipsa Posts: 172 Member
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    I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! It's usually the ones we care for the most that can hurt us the deepest!

    I moved in with my parents beginning of this year, after finishing at university, and I've been very happy with their support!

    None of us eats clean, but they have fully supported me when I'd make me a "healthier" meal than they were eating.

    My dad has been the biggest surprise, he's been supportive without being overbearing - when I didn't exercise for three days he asked me if I was feeling ok, wanted to know if I was over-exerting myself before, and thus over-fatigued, or was I just feeling a bit lazy.

    I could honestly tell him the first day it was fatigue, the next two it was laziness - he didn't hassle me or anything, just asked if I wanted to go for a walk with him and my mom that evening - it was the motivation I needed that week to get back into the exercising groove.
  • Amazon_Who
    Amazon_Who Posts: 1,092 Member
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    Mine was like that. Everything was about being attractive. It started young with corrective braces on my legs. I had a foot that turned it way too much and needed correcting but for here it was about having attractive straight legs.

    Then orthodontics were about pretty straight smile, not my horrible overbite and jaw pain.

    My hairstyles were never "right". I was bombarded with "You would be so pretty if.....". You get the idea.

    Dieting started early. Even in high school when I was only 125 pounds (I'm 5'9") it was encouraged.
  • Weighinginwithmy02
    Weighinginwithmy02 Posts: 369 Member
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    Find one retort that you are comfortable with and repeat the exact same thing every single time she says something inappropriate and then walk away from the situation (givinger her space to think about what you just said). Once she hears that same retort for the 100th time in a week and see's she's not going to get the satisfaction out of putting you down that she usually does (and believe me, she gets a pay off of some sort out of this behavior, otherwise she wouldn't repeat it) she'll, well, she'll probably look for other ways of putting you down to make herself feel better.

    Repeat the same steps with every inappropriate behavior from her until she figures it out. She need to know (and she can only learn this if you teach it to her) that you're a confidant adult with a mind of your own who will stand up for yourself.

    I'm really sorry that your Mom acts this way towards you. It seems extremely unfair and inappropriate.
  • BubblesxDear
    BubblesxDear Posts: 12
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    My mother doesn't say anything but other THIN family members do which bugs me as they have never had a weight problem in their life but they feel its ok to comment about mine.
  • nyemu
    nyemu Posts: 43
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    I'm so sorry that you get such discouraging comments from someone who is supposed to instill confidence and support you.

    Unfortunately you can choose your friends but not your family, I suggest ignoring her, focusing on your goal, and making lots and lots of fab mfp friends to help you achieve your goals.

    Feel free to add me!
  • Juleeroch
    Juleeroch Posts: 98 Member
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    OH YES....!!! And I'm nearly 55 and she STILL does it.... PLUS she weighs about 125 lbs and is about 5ft 2in and thinks she needs to lose weight !!!
    Probably why I've been yo yo dieting for years - and still am.... Also probably why I see myself as bigger than I am.. UK size 12 and 5ft 3in and 146 lbs - ok I weigh more than I should, but not massively so...

    I look back at photos of me when I was 18, 21, 26 etc etc etc and I dont see a fat person at all...........why then was I constantly worried about loosing weight .../ being fat ???

    Parents have a lot to answer for..........
  • Supern0va81
    Supern0va81 Posts: 168 Member
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    Mine. She goes on about ow I'm to skinny/small/light.

    I agree with her.

    It is true that being skinny is just as difficult to manage as being overweight. I was supposedly too skinny in my teens and it hurt to hear that and my family would tell me that I should put on some weight and not get 'too skinny'. Now they tell me I should loose the pounds and I agree so I am. Thinking about it though, they never offer praise for looking 'good'. Is that too much to ask???

    Retrospectively I wish I had spent more time learning/acting on what I actually needed as opposed to what everybody else thought I should be doing.
  • Faded_Memories
    Faded_Memories Posts: 37
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    For me, its my father. He's Chinese...my mother is Canadian...so there is a definite cultural gap between my father and I.

    My dad has ALWAYS been on me about my weight since I was young....I just brush it off anymore. Now that I live in the UK, and he's back home in Canada, its a little bit easier to dodge the bullet...but I recently told him I'd lost 16 lbs and was going to the gym twice a week. He was all, " What about your bf? You're boyfriend is a man, and tall so he's ok. (My bf is also overweight btw). But you, maybe when I see you this year, you'll be skinny."

    I just tend to laugh and brush it off these days!
  • Flossie1981
    Flossie1981 Posts: 160 Member
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    My mum has the tendancy to refer to me when I was skinny as if it is a seperate person.... or as if I have had a complete personality transformation. She also every now and then has these "chats" with me where she goes on and on and on about my weight and then if I tell her I am trying to lose weight she will go on about it every time we talk, I prefer now not to say anything! I hate talking about my weight and she knows it.
  • Rien5
    Rien5 Posts: 51 Member
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    Yeah 15+lbs ago I used to have a little tummy (looking back it wasn't all that bad and my thighs were a bit fatty but that's apparently still ok) but my parents made fun of me for it. I'd always pick up on their negativity towards me with everything (even their negativity towards themselves) and took it out with dieting and exercise. I think I also picked up the negativity from my friends because they are really pretty skinny people but are always going on about how they don't like their figure. I wanted to be skinny to look better (to conform and to stop their nagging)and because in a strange way I look up to skinny people perhaps because its society's norm for women.
  • TamMS1974
    TamMS1974 Posts: 1
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    My daughter does this 2 me.... She always tell me think before you eat that mom. I don't want 2 hear about it later! SMH
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
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    If I had a dollar for every time my wife's mother has reduced her to tears by criticizing her weight...
  • ObtainingBalance
    ObtainingBalance Posts: 1,446 Member
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    She is ALWAYS nagging about my weight even though she knows I am working out nearly every day and eating healthy. It's like I'm never good enough in her eyes.And she has no business criticizing me. She had gastric bypass surgery at 250 lbs, lost 100 lbs, and has gained 40 lbs back in the past few years.

    I think shes casting her own insecurities on you. Her judgement is not defining you, its defining herself more than anyone.

    :flowerforyou: Ignore her. Work on what you want (goals) - her opinions are just that, OPINIONS . Everyone has their own definition of "skinny", "fat", & "pretty".

    Hugs~

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