"you have such a pretty face"

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  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
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    I have never been bothered by this...I get it lots. The older I get the more I like to hear it! As others have said, take it as a compliment and have a wonderful day!

    Maybe they genuinely think you have a lovely face.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    People say dumb stuff in an effort to be consoling. Ignore.

    You could always whip around and say to the offender, "Pretty is only skin deep, but stupid and mean go to the bone."

    Or you could be the stupid and mean one saying that to someone giving a genuine compliment.

    As you will. But I think what the OP was getting at was the unspoken BUT that tends to follow "You have such a pretty face."

    I think anyone who believes that is being overly sensitive. I looked at the OP's photos and she does have a pretty face. Why make it more than it is?

    Don't think I am. The OP seemed to be bothered by it; that's why she posted. *shrug*

    Well, I mean, you suggested giving an insult in return for a compliment, so yeah that does seem kind of overly-sensitive as far as that goes.

    It sounded like she took it as an insult. Again, I shrug. I am not particularly sensitive, so stuff like that comment wouldn't bother me much. But is sounds like the OP was hurt by it. And I've heard a lot of people say they are bothered by a comment like that. Who knows if the person who said it was giving an actual compliment or being condescending? Do you really care what I think?

    It's not a matter of caring what you personally think. It's the matter of an epidemic of sensitivity, insecurity, and/or projection taking over for manners. Instead of, "Thank you!" for a compliment, we now get "Tell them that they can't change their meanness!"
  • PaulFromEssex
    PaulFromEssex Posts: 245
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    I'd be pretty happy to have someone say something so nice to me. Not enough compliments going around the world these days. (Plus you do have a pretty face. What's wrong with that? Parade it around!)
    :)

    Hey, you have a pretty face:flowerforyou:
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    OMG you are freaking tall!

    yeah I think I'd rather hear

    "you have a pretty face"


    the former: you're a freak
    the latter: you are beautiful

    hmmmm.....
  • SatchGallamax
    SatchGallamax Posts: 549 Member
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    This unspoken "but" that people keep mentioning is just a projection of your own lack of self-confidence on what is otherwise a lovely compliment. The person didn't have to say anything, but they found you SO beautiful that they felt compelled to tell you. That's pretty cool.

    People tell me all the time I have really nice eyebrows. I don't assume it's because that's the ONLY redeeming quality they can find on my face. I know it's because I kick *kitten* at tweezing.
  • PaulFromEssex
    PaulFromEssex Posts: 245
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    I never got that compliment. Nor others.

    I think you should accept it to mean someone thinks you look pretty. Faces are what people are generally drawn to.

    And you have a pretty face too :flowerforyou:
  • 98by2014
    98by2014 Posts: 29 Member
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    at least it's not "oh, you're actually quite pretty, aren't you?"

    now THAT's a knife to the chest.
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
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    This unspoken "but" that people keep mentioning is just a projection of your own lack of self-confidence on what is otherwise a lovely compliment. The person didn't have to say anything, but they found you SO beautiful that they felt compelled to tell you. That's pretty cool.

    People tell me all the time I have really nice eyebrows. I don't assume it's because that's the ONLY redeeming quality they can find on my face. I know it's because I kick *kitten* at tweezing.

    Agree100%

    Well said.
  • Rosytakesoff
    Rosytakesoff Posts: 321
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    It's not a matter of caring what you personally think. It's the matter of an epidemic of sensitivity, insecurity, and/or projection taking over for manners. Instead of, "Thank you!" for a compliment, we now get "Tell them that they can't change their meanness!"

    The OP referred to this comment as a knife to the chest. Whether she was being overly sensitive or not, I cannot say. But it clearly bothered her, for whatever reason.

    Do I think we should respond with snark to all compliments? No, I don't. But I know I am not the only one who, if given a what I perceived as a backhanded compliment, would respond with snark. And my reading of the OP's comments was that she was hurt and offended and detected condescension, ie she interepreted the comment as her pretty face was her only redeeming value. I responded with a smart *kitten* comment. Because smart assery does sometimes work in those situations. Sometimes it backfires. But again, to each her own.

    Notice I never said I took it as an insult.
  • FightTheFrump
    FightTheFrump Posts: 54 Member
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    People tell me all the time I have really nice eyebrows. I don't assume it's because that's the ONLY redeeming quality they can find on my face. I know it's because I kick *kitten* at tweezing.

    And I kick *kitten* at applying Chanel Perfect Brow! (Sometimes. Unless there were too many cocktails consumed. Then...not so much.)
  • lolagurlx0x0
    lolagurlx0x0 Posts: 149 Member
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    Take it as a compliment.

    You can fix a body but you can't fix a face.

    The problem is its condescending. - Im sure you get this all the time- After all the effort you put in- If someone said "oh you have such a pretty face" Sort of like someone saying "you have a butter face- everything hawt but her face"
    Now they said you were hot! Take a freaking compliment!

    or should I say you should take what you can get? Because thats something else im hearing- I dont like that either.

    Ive gotten this before- but I shut them down right away. Im like nah man- its all hot the face just puts a bow on it. Or I work hard to look this good- you best acknowledge the rest of it. Unless it's elderly people- I just am like- Oh thank you. So if you're old you get an exception to my shut down.


    and for the people who say- should they say nothing at all- YES they should say nothing at all. Believe it or not- It is completely optional that you approve of my face. I want it all or I want nothing

    Maybe Im ungrateful and greedy- but I wouldnt be investing this much time in self reconstruction if I wasn't. Im not grateful to "take what I can get" Im not grateful with the body I was given. Im not grateful for your pity compliments. 9x out of 10 it means you want to do a good deed for the day. And I am NOT grateful to be your good deed for the day.
  • basschick
    basschick Posts: 3,502 Member
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    Take it as a compliment.

    You can fix a body but you can't fix a face.

    Yes, this! I'm thin and would love to be told I have a pretty face. Never happens.
  • lolagurlx0x0
    lolagurlx0x0 Posts: 149 Member
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    How about this one:

    "Oh, but you could be so pretty if you lost weight!"

    :/ gee... thanks...

    Along the same lines- I hate when people say that as well. I ask to borrow their glass ball- for powerball numbers.
  • texancountess
    texancountess Posts: 52
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    OMG you are freaking tall!

    yeah I think I'd rather hear

    "you have a pretty face"


    the former: you're a freak
    the latter: you are beautiful

    hmmmm.....

    One of my best friends is 6'5 and she'd get told she was "freaking huge" - which she wasn't - all the time. When we were drunk we'd tell them they were ugly. When we were sober we'd just tell them they were rude.

    I've always been told that I have an amazing smile. From my husband, to a random old man at a fast food join, to the UPS guy, to the poor cop that showed up at my door for a loud noise complaint one time. I never took it as anything other than my having a striking smile. Does it mean that the rest of me isn't pretty? I don't think so, but then thanks to taking compliment as compliments I actually have pretty good self esteem.
  • Sweetestthing87
    Sweetestthing87 Posts: 276 Member
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    People tell me all the time I have really nice eyebrows. I don't assume it's because that's the ONLY redeeming quality they can find on my face. I know it's because I kick *kitten* at tweezing.

    And I kick *kitten* at applying Chanel Perfect Brow! (Sometimes. Unless there were too many cocktails consumed. Then...not so much.)

    Ha ha, I had someone tell me that my eyebrows looked great! It was an odd but nice thing to say.

    I was also told that I looked like a retired model, I also took that as a compliment! I could have picked it apart and tried to figure out if there was a hidden meaning but I CHOSE to see the POSITIVE. Thinking this way makes life a lot easier.
  • FightTheFrump
    FightTheFrump Posts: 54 Member
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    OMG you are freaking tall!

    yeah I think I'd rather hear

    "you have a pretty face"


    the former: you're a freak
    the latter: you are beautiful

    hmmmm.....

    As a woman who is ~ahem~ vertically challenged, I am totally guilty of saying stupid things like "Wow are you tall!!" And I always (ALWAYS!) mean it with total reverence. I would love to be like 5'10". Seriously.
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
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    Take it as a compliment.

    You can fix a body but you can't fix a face.

    The problem is its condescending. - Im sure you get this all the time- After all the effort you put in- If someone said "oh you have such a pretty face" Sort of like someone saying "you have a butter face- everything hawt but her face"
    Now they said you were hot! Take a freaking compliment!

    A guy told me I have pretty eyelashes one time, back when I was overweight. I took it as a compliment, but now looking back, was he calling me fat??
  • Nyxish
    Nyxish Posts: 16
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    It all depends on how the phrase is spoken.

    When i was younger we had a neighbor who was just all sugar and venom. She is the kind of cruel person who would look at another woman and say "Oh, you have such a pretty face" with such a pitying expression and nasty little smile it was absolutely clear she thought it was a shame "such a pretty face" was wasted on such a fat slob of an ugly body. Sure, you could blame the recipient of those statements for hearing the innuendo and being hurt by it, but hey. Some people can be just mean, and a lot of mean people like to play passive aggressive little games to make them feel powerful and to rip other people down.

    And then my grandmother, bless her, was the kind of woman who would look at an awkward teenager or a young woman who was looking a little insecure and she would smile and say "Oh, you have such a pretty face" and she would mean it just as spoken.

    It's all in the tone.

    OP, i'm sorry if someone said something dumb to you - whether they meant it to be hurtful or if they just accidentally pushed a button trying to be kind. Whatever your motivation, Go you with the keeping up on the gym and everything else you're doing!
  • onlythetancan
    onlythetancan Posts: 66
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    soon you will have a pretty face with a killer bod ;)
  • FightTheFrump
    FightTheFrump Posts: 54 Member
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    A guy told me I have pretty eyelashes one time, back when I was overweight. I took it as a compliment, but now looking back, was he calling me fat??

    Or maybe you have pretty eyelashes. :)

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