"Married" but not "MARRIED"
Replies
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How someone defines their relationship is completely up to them and the other person in the relationship. Personally, I would never put "married" on my FB until there was a piece of paper, because I have numerous family members and family friends that would question. My BF and I are about to be cohabitating, and even though we have every intention to marry, I will not define it as such until it is legal, because unexpected things happen. I was in a year and a half long relationship where we were living together, he proposed, we intended to get married, and it never happened because he left. Anyway, my point is, if you're not actually married, and want to define yourself as such, especially in a forum as public as FB, I would be very careful about that and be prepared to deal with questions, backlash, etc., because of it.
*edited for typos0 -
what i fail to understand is why when someone is curious of a topic, so many people reply with either to mind your own business or why do you care?
what's is so wrong with the OP wanting open discussion to gain some perspective? she's not using the question to poke or jab at people. she's just looking for some dialogue to better understand people with different ideals.
^^This was going through my head as I read the numerous responses...Almost to a T! I see the perspective of "mind your own business", and "don't you have better things to worry about", sure...But what's wrong with being curious as to why you wouldn't get married if you're in a long term committed relationship? She obviously doesn't have that standpoint on the issue, and nobody can get into other people's heads to see their perspective so I think it's a completely valid question to ask.
Heck, when I read the OP I thought "yeah...I wonder why some people do that I don't get it". But as I read through some of the responses (well, the constructive and thoughtful ones that didn't just say "mind your own business") I actually got to thinking "Hmm....I wonder if I even want to get married anymore". Keep in mind that this is coming from a chick who has been in a relationship for 3 years and has been hoping for a proposal for the past 2 years.
Thinking about it, marriage is really nothing but a piece of paper. Yeah, it legally binds you to that person and makes taxes different...But if you're already living with that person and sharing a life with them (maybe even with kids) anyway, what exactly would marriage change in your everyday life? I would hope it wouldn't change the relationship itself...right? I'm starting to see weddings as excessive and overdone, but it's always a good excuse to drink and shake your booty, I guess :drinker:0 -
well mine and my bf status is set to married on fb but we aren't we live together and share money. reason why we aren't married is because am nearly 19 and his just turn 19 we have been together 2 nd half years and we have all the time in the world to get married and have kids
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Marriage is really nothing more than a written contract. Marriage isn't recognized without a license.
Now being "married" doesn't have to be a legal document. Lots of people I know live together for years without getting married (and hopefully have a will and living trust to protect each other).
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But about the tax thing,yes now that we have a kid we will be at least filing our taxes as common law,even though according to facebook I'm not even in a relationship with him.
the feds recognize no such thing, your state, maybe. otherwise same sex couples could file as married as they also qualify as "married" under the common law rules.
never mind, didn't look where you were from.
Actually, in the US (and I am pretty sure we are the only ones who refer to the Feds), as long as your state recognizes common law, the federal government does, as well. However, it was often written into the original 19th century laws that the couple had to be otherwise eligible, and Texas still feels the need to be explicit about the whole man and woman thing when it comes to common law.0 -
Thinking about it, marriage is really nothing but a piece of paper. Yeah, it legally binds you to that person and makes taxes different...But if you're already living with that person and sharing a life with them (maybe even with kids) anyway, what exactly would marriage change in your everyday life? I would hope it wouldn't change the relationship itself...right? I'm starting to see weddings as excessive and overdone, but it's always a good excuse to drink and shake your booty, I guess :drinker:
^^^ This0 -
what i fail to understand is why when someone is curious of a topic, so many people reply with either to mind your own business or why do you care?
what's is so wrong with the OP wanting open discussion to gain some perspective? she's not using the question to poke or jab at people. she's just looking for some dialogue to better understand people with different ideals.
^^This was going through my head as I read the numerous responses...Almost to a T! I see the perspective of "mind your own business", and "don't you have better things to worry about", sure...But what's wrong with being curious as to why you wouldn't get married if you're in a long term committed relationship? She obviously doesn't have that standpoint on the issue, and nobody can get into other people's heads to see their perspective so I think it's a completely valid question to ask.
Heck, when I read the OP I thought "yeah...I wonder why some people do that I don't get it". But as I read through some of the responses (well, the constructive and thoughtful ones that didn't just say "mind your own business") I actually got to thinking "Hmm....I wonder if I even want to get married anymore". Keep in mind that this is coming from a chick who has been in a relationship for 3 years and has been hoping for a proposal for the past 2 years.
Thinking about it, marriage is really nothing but a piece of paper. Yeah, it legally binds you to that person and makes taxes different...But if you're already living with that person and sharing a life with them (maybe even with kids) anyway, what exactly would marriage change in your everyday life? I would hope it wouldn't change the relationship itself...right? I'm starting to see weddings as excessive and overdone, but it's always a good excuse to drink and shake your booty, I guess :drinker:
you're awesome!0 -
Thinking about it, marriage is really nothing but a piece of paper. Yeah, it legally binds you to that person and makes taxes different...But if you're already living with that person and sharing a life with them (maybe even with kids) anyway, what exactly would marriage change in your everyday life? I would hope it wouldn't change the relationship itself...right? I'm starting to see weddings as excessive and overdone, but it's always a good excuse to drink and shake your booty, I guess :drinker:
That is where religion and personal preference comes in. Sure, legally it is a piece of paper. But for many, the ceremony and proclamation with family and friends deepens the commitment by affirming it.
Beyond that, should be the same really. Should be, I sez.0 -
I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and we have lived together since July 2011. However, I still refer to him as my boyfriend. 2 years to me isn't THAT long, but I guess these days some marriages don't last that long :P
However, many of the older woman we work with starting referring to him as my husband which I found strange/ random since I have been in relationships of this length before and never had someone refer to my boyfriend as my husband. Oh well, doesn't change the way I feel about him My guess is that since some of these woman are religious, maybe they feel more comfortable thinking of us as "married" instead of living together unmarried. Might not always be the case, but I think it might be in our situation. Eventually maybe we'll get married, who knows. But right now there are other things we are more focused on
As for facebook, some people (mostly younger) do change their status to "married" as a joke I believe. Just like some people (males and females) will refer to their bestfriend as their "wifey". Or others change their status between 'married' and 'divorced' when they fight with their partner. I don't pay much attention to it, I'm happy with my relationship so if people want to refer to themselves as 'married', or not have a status or whatever, that's their business. I didn't change my status to "in a relationship" until we were already together 6 months and living together lol. We just didn't put as much thought into facebook relationship status I guess 0 -
Marriage is really nothing more than a written contract. Marriage isn't recognized without a license.
Now being "married" doesn't have to be a legal document. Lots of people I know live together for years without getting married (and hopefully have a will and living trust to protect each other).
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Will and living trust don't come close to all the legal documents (where it's even possible) needed to offer protection. Many of the options don't legally exist though-so we make our bed and lie in it.0 -
So, there is some schools of thought that the marriage racket is exactly that, a racket. Why should 2 cohabiting people not be able to get similar benefits as those with a piece of paper? throw in that there are still people in this country that CAN'T get married, even if they want to, and many refuse to get married because of that injustice(or maybe I just know a lot of people like that).
Of course, I'm married, but it made sense, both emotionally and economically.0 -
Personally, I find it harder to come up with a reason TO get married, rather than a reason to NOT get married.
If you're happy, living in the same house, and enjoying life with your family, what motivation could you possibly have to get married? Everything is already perfect, because you're with the one you love
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Marriage is really nothing more than a written contract. Marriage isn't recognized without a license.
Now being "married" doesn't have to be a legal document. Lots of people I know live together for years without getting married (and hopefully have a will and living trust to protect each other).
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
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Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Will and living trust don't come close to all the legal documents (where it's even possible) needed to offer protection. Many of the options don't legally exist though-so we make our bed and lie in it.
Just for the record, I'm not intending this to be a complaint or a whine that we non-married people should get all the benefits of being married. It is my choice, and like all choices, I accept the consequences. Just pointing out that a couple pieces of paper don't "protect" much. Again-not complaining.0 -
Personally, I find it harder to come up with a reason TO get married, rather than a reason to NOT get married.
If you're happy, living in the same house, and enjoying life with your family, what motivation could you possibly have to get married? Everything is already perfect, because you're with the one you love
Amen. Marriage is not the end goal for everyone. Happiness and being with the person I love is what matters to me.0 -
Where I am (I'm not sure if it's the same everywhere) once you live with someone whom you are sleeping with for 12 months you are consider common law. Common law is the same as married except you didn't have a wedding and you don't have a piece of paper. You still must file joint taxes... you are responsible for each others debts... should you separate you still split things like a normally married couple does. You don't just get to say this was mine and this was yours, etc... you have to split unless there was a document set up. I've seen many marriages and relationships go bad. When my now husband and I moved in together I had him sign a piece of paper stating should anything happen the car was mine and the dog was mine. Some think that was terrible to do but I've seen too many bad relationships. He understood. Some people I know don't see the point of spending the money on a wedding as they are common law and have the same benefits/issues as legally married couples.
And with others, what does it matter how they decide to classify themselves? I don't think it's anyone elses business how I decide to classify my relationship.0 -
I don't really care how people define their relationship or what they call the other people in their life. I don't see that it is anyone's business.0
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i was "married" recently and i got dumped. don't "marry"0
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I have wondered this myself, but more geared toward those that are "married" after dating for a couple weeks. I don't think I've ever called someone my "husband" when they weren't actually my husband, but I've also been married to more men than most (at different times of course)! :blushing: Different strokes for different folks! :drinker:0
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i was perfectly fine living together with our daughter (who was planned) but my husband wanted to get married so i said yes. I didnt want to be with anyone else and it was obviously important to him so why not?0
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I don't typically refer to myself as married, but I do sometimes call him hubby and his mom my MIL in forum posts, because it is so much faster than saying, "My boyfriend for 6 years whom I live with and is the father of my 2 children," and "My longtime boyfriends mother." I am a stay at home mom, so taxes aren't the issue. I want to have a real wedding and a real honeymoon. I don't want to go to the courthouse in jeans and sign a certificate. I want to be in a place financially that it won't make me cringe so much when I see the bills for the wedding/honeymoon, even though I am sure my mom will pay for it like she did her other children. I don't think I should spend more of her money if I couldn't afford it on my own. So, that probably won't happen until both my kids are in school and I am also working. Also, don't you know the divorce rate? If we decide to break up, it would be easier to just do it. (except for the whole kid thing.) Also, I'm not Christian, so I don't think I am living in sin. Though both my boyfriend and his entire family are strongly Christian. I think that whatever god there is won't condemn me for not being married or send me to hell because I don't believe. I think if you are a good person you will reap the rewards after death, and that bad people will also reap theirs. There is no rush for me to get married. I'm happy enough. What will it change, other than what the government controls? Plus as far as the will and all that stuff goes, my boyfriend really doesn't have much to offer in that way. I would move back in with my mom until I got back on my feet.0
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If there ever was a better reason, I can't think of one.0
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Yes there are lots of other legal documents that are entailed, but I was just speaking from just a very basic sense of protection.Marriage is really nothing more than a written contract. Marriage isn't recognized without a license.
Now being "married" doesn't have to be a legal document. Lots of people I know live together for years without getting married (and hopefully have a will and living trust to protect each other).
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
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Will and living trust don't come close to all the legal documents (where it's even possible) needed to offer protection. Many of the options don't legally exist though-so we make our bed and lie in it.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
She was late and her brother was a sniper in the Marines.
^^^^^^ha ha ha ha ha0 -
My "husband" and I consider ourselves married even though technically we aren't. We have been together for more than 5 years and he considers my son (from a previous relationship) his own. We are planning on getting married as soon as I finish nursing school. We both decided to wait. I needed to do this for me and I didn't think that it was fair to have him pay for my schooling when he just spent over $100,000 on his.0
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As as a great man ones said "Mawwiage. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove…"0
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My husband/boyfriend/partner/significant other and I have been together for more than 10 years and have a 7-year-old daughter. We have really never seen the point in getting "married" because neither of us are religious, and otherwise, what's the point? It's just a piece of paper.
I often refer to him as my "husband" because "boyfriend" sounds like someone I've been with for a few months; "partner" makes us sound like a same-sex couple (nothing against same-sex couples); "significant other" is too formal and politically correct; and "baby daddy" sounds too trashy.
It really has nothing to do with a tax dodge. We just don't care enough about formalities to get married.0 -
As as a great man ones said "Mawwiage. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove…"
LOL ! Love that movie!:laugh:0 -
Early in our relationship, in an organic conversation, I told my partner I had nothing against people not being legally married but saying they were married, but that I didn't care whether I ever got married or not but I wouldn't call myself married, or call any man my husband, unless there was a piece of paper involved.
It came up because he had been with his partner for 10 years before me and they had a "commitment ceremony" and referred to eachother as husband and wife. He had stated that he never wanted to ger married.
Funnily enough, with NO pressure from me, we're now getting married in May. With the piece of paper. And Elvis. But piece of paper
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Personally, I find it harder to come up with a reason TO get married, rather than a reason to NOT get married.
If you're happy, living in the same house, and enjoying life with your family, what motivation could you possibly have to get married? Everything is already perfect, because you're with the one you love
There are very specific reasons related to medical issues and death, military spouses (preferential placement, benefits, on base housing...), immigration issues (spousal visas), child custody...even if you yourself don't ever want to get married, it is important to recognize that our society offers a lot of benefits for marriage. This is why marriage equality is such an important issue.
In the meantime, I do wish that cohabiting were common enough to come up with an alternate term for the in laws. At the same time, I wish that the religious folk would realize that the very prevalence of "in laws" demonstrates how inextricably governmental marriage is in the US. Ministers can turn people away because they don't attend church regularly, because they don't approve of the match, etc. legalizing marriage has no affect whatsoever on the religious aspect of the institution!0
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