Stupid questions you hear in customer service.
I love the prison stupid questions so i had to start one for the customer service people out there. I worked at the help desk for a couple years and now am their level 2 support and the stupid questions keep coming. For example:
Cust: I can't get the computer to power on
Rep(me): Ma'am do you see any lights on the machine
Cust: I can't hear you . you are breaking up
Rep: Are you on a cell phone?
Cust: Yes
Rep: Can i call you on your home phone so you can hear me better?
Cust: No it is cordless and the power is out.
Rep: The power is out and you can't get your computer to turn on
Cust: Yeah why ..... (customer hung up)
Share some of yours
Cust: I can't get the computer to power on
Rep(me): Ma'am do you see any lights on the machine
Cust: I can't hear you . you are breaking up
Rep: Are you on a cell phone?
Cust: Yes
Rep: Can i call you on your home phone so you can hear me better?
Cust: No it is cordless and the power is out.
Rep: The power is out and you can't get your computer to turn on
Cust: Yeah why ..... (customer hung up)
Share some of yours
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Replies
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i.worked a few cust jobs so i heard several my fav goes about like this:
cust: why did you people cut off my service, i need my service etc etc
me: sir/mam we show that you havent paid your bill in over three months
cust: oh0 -
OOO i have one lol I am a front desk manager at a hotel and here is one i hear constantly
Cust: Do you have any rooms available
Me: No we are all sold out
Cust: what if im a priority club member
Me: No we are all full
Cust: Are you sure
Me: Yes (and then i stare at them till they leave) lol
seriously i could sell them a cot to sleep on out side in the cold but i dont think they would understand my humor if i said that
lol i think yours is hilarious though0 -
Fastfood, but still...Anyway here's an interaction I had with a douche:
I'm in the drive thru taking orders and money at the same time-This guy comes up in a nice car, nice clothes-obviously had a lot of money-oddly enough I wasn't too impressed by this-
Me: "Your total is $5.26, sir."
Customer: (Handing me $20.25)"Here"
Me: "Do you have a penny?"
Customer: "No, I don't carry change, it takes up too much room."
Me: "That's ashame because you're about to."
Customer: "No, you can just give me $15.00 back."
Me: "I can also give you $14.99 since that's what I owe you."
Customer: "Well I don't like change so just give me $15.00.
Me: "Sir, this isn't unicef-if you need a handout the food back is down the road."
...somehow he found the penny.
I wasn't always this big of a douche, but if you're going to roll up, decked in bling and act all high and mighty to the college student who works nights, and weekends just to pay tuition, well, it isn't impressive.0 -
This isn't a question I heard in customer service, but when working as a network engineer at Convergys Corporation:
I open up our ticket system, and a users PC wasn't turning on.
I go up to the 5th floor and ask what's up?
I'm told "I don't know what's going on, PC just won't turn on...see?"
SHE PROCEEDS TO TURN THE MONITOR OFF AND ON!!!
I reach down and press the power button on the computer.
She was very embarrassed LOL0 -
This isn't a question I heard in customer service, but when working as a network engineer at Convergys Corporation:
I open up our ticket system, and a users PC wasn't turning on.
I go up to the 5th floor and ask what's up?
I'm told "I don't know what's going on, PC just won't turn on...see?"
SHE PROCEEDS TO TURN THE MONITOR OFF AND ON!!!
I reach down and press the power button on the computer.
She was very embarrassed LOL
LOL love that Sadly because i had a ticket open on for the person that hung up on me i knew who it was, sadly she was a manager in the tech center.0 -
That's awesome...the amount of idiots that are allowed to use computers astound me.0
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"Do you sell bread?"
I occasionally work in a bread bakery in between being a student. I also like: "Just some bread please" and "How much is it for bread?" given that we have around 30 varieties!0 -
"Hi I'm looking for a book I saw the other day."
"Ok what's the title and or author?"
"Oh I don't know"
"Where did you see it?"
"Oh it was an older book at a friend's house, I think it was blue."
"what was the topic?"
"Oh I'm not sure, it may have been fiction, or non-fiction."
"Hi, I'm looking for a book with cutting edge research on lowering cholesterol-it's really important for my husband's health. What do you suggest?"
"I suggest you talk to a doctor/nutritionist."
"Doctors don't know anything, I was wondering what you thought."
"Well, as a bookstore employee I am very qualified to be giving medical advice..."0 -
Emily_J_J LOL that is funny
I just had this
Cust: I have a file that is missing can you restore it for me
ME: okay where is the location of the file
Cust: I don't know
Me: then how do you know it is missing?
Cust:Because it is not there
Me: It is not where, if you tell me where it was i can find it and restore it from yesterday
Cust: I don't know where it was
Me: Then again how do you know it is gone?
Cust: Never mind i found it
Me: Where did you find it?
Cust: In the file
Me: Have a good day sir0 -
Emily_J_J LOL that is funny
I just had this
Cust: I have a file that is missing can you restore it for me
ME: okay where is the location of the file
Cust: I don't know
Me: then how do you know it is missing?
Cust:Because it is not there
Me: It is not where, if you tell me where it was i can find it and restore it from yesterday
Cust: I don't know where it was
Me: Then again how do you know it is gone?
Cust: Never mind i found it
Me: Where did you find it?
Cust: In the file
Me: Have a good day sir
"The files are IN the computer???"0 -
Worked in the tourism industry for a number of years and got some real gems. I sadly can't remember them all (we used to record them on a board in the staff room :laugh:, but here are a couple of standouts:
Tourist: Are these prices in dollars?
Me: Yes, they are in Canadian dollars.
Tourist: What is the price in dollars?
Me: *guesses based on accent* In US currency?
Tourist: No. In dollars.
Me: Uh...in US dollars?
Tourist: *growing agitated* NO. IN DOLLARS.
Me: Are you from the USA?
Tourist: Yes.
Me: Okay. Then I'll tell you the price in the dollars that you use in the US.
Tourist: THANK you.
:noway:
Tourist: *pointing to carved totem poles* How do you get your trees to grow that way?
I thought it was a joke, but she was really disappointed when I explained that they were carved. :frown:
Tourist: Are these prices in Yen? (Wasn't aware that Japan and Canada had merged...)
Tourist: Can we make it to Prince Edward Island and back before dinner this evening? (That's about a 6000 km / 3750 mi drive...)0 -
While manning an expo stand with services for Deaf people:
Visitor: "What do you do?
Me: "We have special telephones for Deaf people"
Visitor: "What did you say, I can't hear you".
The tricky thing about this is that most people think it is an incredibly original and amusing joke.
It's not.
But I laugh anyway.
Occasionally though, you get someone who is actually hearing impaired and genuinely can't hear me.
Not good to laugh at/with those people!0 -
:grumble: I work for a TV shopping network and take calls all night long and I get tons of them that make me want to bang my head on the desk but my favorite tends to be
may I have your item number
I don't have it
Okay, what is the item you want to order.
Well it's a ring I saw a couple of hours ago or maybe last night
Okay what does it look like
It's gold with pretty stones
Okay do you know how much it was
ummm somewhere around 100-200$
do you know what color the stone was
ummmm no I sure can't remember.
Okay ma'am I'm sorry but I really am going to need some more information if you want me to be able to find this ring for you.
<getting angry and rude> Well I dont' know why you can't find it....you just don't want to sell it to me....click
This is most common when we run a 24 hour jewerly event...I mean geez how awful am I. I can't find the pretty gold ring with a stone she saw at somepoint when we carry thousands of rings and most have them have been on air today.0 -
okay second one
Why can't I place an order
Well you have 500$ in past due payments
But I'm going to use a different credit card to order this item
Well I"m sorry but until this past due amount is cleared up I can't place an order for you, but I can use that card to take care of these past due ones for you.
No, nevermind....click
Really?0 -
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*hotel guest calls from their room phohne*
guest: 'excuse me, but do you have a hair dryer in these rooms'
me: 'are you on the cordless phone?'
guest: 'yes'
me: 'are you standing at the door of your bathroom'
guest: 'yes'
me: 'look up'
i mean...LOOK around the damn room first, especially when you're CALLING ME FROM IT...ugh!0 -
while working in an international phone service company, i got this one, a guy who never could connect to lebanon, and it was also strange from our side, because we couldn't find out where the issue was
Cust: do you think your phone lines are affected by sorcery? My uncle is a poweful wizard, and the US government does not want to let me speak with him
me: i'm not sure about that
cust: you should check with your supervisor( and he was not joking)
me: after hold: i just checked, and it seems we do have firewall on that
cust: oh, that's good, then fix the problem!0 -
I'm in quality control, so I listen to all of you guys to make sure you handle these customers properly! :laugh:
Funniest one I heard consisted of a customer calling into a tech support company yelling "MY GOOGLE IS BROKEN!" and then proceeded to ask if he should put it in the freezer to cool it down. The tech kind of ignored him, so the customer did it anyway which turned out to not be the best idea.
He then broke down about his wife leaving him and discussed his need to "look at boobies" but his google wouldn't let him. He wasn't able to take it into his local computer repair store because he was banned, and that was a whole other story.
It could've been a prank, but I've heard many pranks and this guy really did sound upset about it all.0 -
Working in a martini bar:
Customer told a server to tell the bartender that HE made the best dirty martini he'd ever had. The server told the guy that the bartender is actually a woman (me), customer argues that no woman could make a drink that good...even came up to the bar to check for himself. At the time I was muddling fruit for an old fashioned, which I am know for making the best old fashioneds in the city, even was given a $50 tip by a guy from NYC because it was the best he has had.0 -
When I was a lifeguard at an outdoor waterpark, I was constantly asked things like:
"Am I gonna die on this?"
"Am I gonna fall off the edge?"
"Has anyone died on this before?"
"If I touch the top of the other side of this slide, do I get a free cheeseburger?" (yes...like...daily, not even kidding you)
"If I pretend to drown, will you save me?" (from creepy old men, all the damn time)
On this one slide, I'd tell people in single tubes to cross their legs "Indian style" cause it was "safer"....so I could spin them really really fast when I sent em down. I did this if someone was particularly annoying. Usually teenage girls. >:D0 -
"I thought they stopped making asbestos."0
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"Hi I'm looking for a book I saw the other day."
"Ok what's the title and or author?"
"Oh I don't know"
"Where did you see it?"
"Oh it was an older book at a friend's house, I think it was blue."
"what was the topic?"
"Oh I'm not sure, it may have been fiction, or non-fiction."
"Hi, I'm looking for a book with cutting edge research on lowering cholesterol-it's really important for my husband's health. What do you suggest?"
"I suggest you talk to a doctor/nutritionist."
"Doctors don't know anything, I was wondering what you thought."
"Well, as a bookstore employee I am very qualified to be giving medical advice..."
Don't remind me!
"Was it fiction or non-fiction?"
"Yes"
"Do you know the author?"
"I think it might be a man"
"Where did you see this book?"
"It was on tv last year"
I found the damn book as well.0 -
Working in a council call centre.
Midnight - New Years Eve
Caller: There are a lot of fireworks going on outside, it's very loud and I want to complain.
Me: Fireworks are permitted until 2am today as it's New Years Eve
Caller: I don't care, its too loud and they should be banned
Me: I can't take a complain as they are allowed until 2am on NYE If they continue after that you can call back
Caller: NO I want you to stop them now.
Etc for a few minutes
FFS - called on the dot on midnight - everyone else having a naughty drink and I'm taking to an idiot. :grumble:
I have loads of these as you can sadly imagine. (not just noise)0 -
Customer: What is this finance charge on my statement?
CSR: It's the interest that posted for this month.
Customer: No one ever told me that they were going to charge me any interest to borrow money! Let me speak to your supervisor!0 -
This happened last week.
Customer: So, you're saying I can't return it because it's opened?
Cashier: That's our policy, ma'am.
Customer: But, it wasn't what I thought it was. I thought it was a DVD, not an audiobook.
Cashier: I'm sorry, ma'am.
Customer: Well, I didn't even really want it in the first place.
Cashier: Then why'd you buy it?
Customer: I don't know. ...Can I talk to a manager?0 -
Worked in the tourism industry for a number of years and got some real gems. I sadly can't remember them all (we used to record them on a board in the staff room :laugh:, but here are a couple of standouts:
Tourist: Are these prices in dollars?
Me: Yes, they are in Canadian dollars.
Tourist: What is the price in dollars?
Me: *guesses based on accent* In US currency?
Tourist: No. In dollars.
Me: Uh...in US dollars?
Tourist: *growing agitated* NO. IN DOLLARS.
Me: Are you from the USA?
Tourist: Yes.
Me: Okay. Then I'll tell you the price in the dollars that you use in the US.
Tourist: THANK you.
:noway:
Tourist: *pointing to carved totem poles* How do you get your trees to grow that way?
I thought it was a joke, but she was really disappointed when I explained that they were carved. :frown:
Tourist: Are these prices in Yen? (Wasn't aware that Japan and Canada had merged...)
Tourist: Can we make it to Prince Edward Island and back before dinner this evening? (That's about a 6000 km / 3750 mi drive...)
What's the Canadian word for dollar? :P0 -
I was a copier repair tech. Cust called with a code that affected a unit i worked on a week before.......VERY reliable, never any issues as long as preventive maintenance is done (did i say i did it a week before!?!) So i say is the large capacity tray plugged in, they never have issues unless the cable breaks and i replace it last week.
cust: yes it's plugged in do you think i am a F*%#ing idiot?
me: No sir I just know that unit is bullet proof and the plug for it is different then for the copier and is under the table, could you go check for me?
cust: Again I ask, do you think i am a f*%#ing idiot.
Me: No sir but since I am pretty sure this is the problem i am just trying to save you a $125 charge
cust: Just get over here
me: be there in 45 minutes.
me: I get there look at the unplugged tray, look at the girls by the copier and laugh, and ask I just got here and haven't touched a thing correct?
them: yes
me: walk to the complainant, and tell him i found the problem please come and see what happened.
WE: walk to the copier, and ask ladies, have i touched this machine? they say no! I crawl under the table and plug the unit in.....the tray lifts code clears!!! (NO **** I KNEW THAT) I look at the guy and ask Remember the question you asked me on the phone? The answer is yes you are!
His boss called my boss, I was in the office at the time and was asked to talk to him, I told him the story and the guy was gone when I went back!
BEST DAY OF MY LIFE! I got to tell a customer he was a f*&%$ing idiot with out saying it and my boss backed me up! YES!
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I used to be a waitress in a pub years ago. On the menu were 2 different sausage sandwiches that people always had a question about.
They'd ask: "What is the difference between the sweet sausage and the hot sausage?"
My answer: "The taste."
Alright, maybe you had to be there!0 -
I used to work at a grocery store in New York, and I had a man come up to me, 100% serious, and ask me 'Are we in Canada?'0
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I used to be a waitress in a pub years ago. On the menu were 2 different sausage sandwiches that people always had a question about.
They'd ask: "What is the difference between the sweet sausage and the hot sausage?"
My answer: "The taste."
Alright, maybe you had to be there!
One wears a bikini, the other compliments the one wearing a bikini...0
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