Spousal sabotage
Replies
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...nothing.. not trying to say my man is perfect but hes supportive and would never sabatoge me. my success is his success and vice versa.0
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The book Men are from Mars, Women from Venus was popular for a reason - we're different.
How my husband tells me he loves me: checks my oil, changes the lightbulbs, backs up my computer, leaves me alone to watch my favorite show. If I don't read that as love, there is a communication issue. Here he thinks he's showing it all day, I've just not been seeing it.
You have to talk about what your expectations are. And with men it's best to be direct, not vague. I need you to do x tomorrow because I'll be home too late to start dinner. Or if you are out and about and want to surprise me with something, right now I really need it to be non food related (flowers, game, puzzle or a magazine - yes give him the specific examples) or if it is food only fresh fruit please no matter how good the sale.
As for dinners - I agree with the other poster - the freezer is your friend! There is a thing called Once-a-Month-Cooking. Look it up and try a mini-plan. Have everyone help find some healthy recipes. Write your grocery list and have hubby go shop for exactly that. Then you'll be rested to cook. And don't forget your crockpot. nothing is better than to come home and dinner is hot and ready and smelling great.
So go hug him and tell him how much you love the big lug, but things are going to be a bit different for now.0 -
"Babe I got your favorite" PORK RINDS or Chicharrones. Hell no, I cannot eat those
Why can't you have pork rinds?
They're a bit high in fat, but twice as high in protein and have zero carbs.
This might be mean if he knew you were on low sodium or something.0 -
I would just tell him straight out "Hey, I am trying to be healthy and I can't eat this stuff anymore but thanks for thinking of me" and then chuck it when he's gone. LOL
Mine is pretty good, he eats whatever I cook and never complains and will walk with me or will tell the kids to leave me alone when I am trying to do my workout video but at night time, when we are watching TV and he busts out all his snacks and alcohol I have to tell him "Keep that crap away from me, Satan." HAHAHAHA0 -
Waiting around for your spouse to be on board only guarantees you'll be waiting around forever.
You'll fail and you'll never realize it's because of yourself. That's an awful way to go about it.0 -
I know my kids (2 boys 10 and 11 years old) and husband (of 20 years) do not intentionally sabotage me, but sometimes it feels like it. They want to buy chips and junk - ticks me off sometimes - they are getting better though in some ways. I try healthier snacks but I wish they were all on board with my efforts. I have to get up at 6am to get time to exercise and because it is winter, I do the Wii Fit Plus, some Just Dance etc. But on the weekend, the boys expect me to let them play to, but this is MY time, we can play again later. I feel that I need to set an example for them all, but my hubby is not a child and it is hard to watch him eat burgers and fries, lots of coffee, no incentive to eat veggies or fruit. I suggested that we have fruit and veggies out to munch on. I totally sympathize with your struggle though and I hope one day they will follow suit. It will get to a point where there won't be any junk in the house...I am hoping it will get better and because they see the improvements and leaps and bounds we make, they will eventually choose healthier lifestyles. HUGS :bigsmile: :bigsmile:
....no offense but instead of using a video game to be fit why dont you use a real workout...why not try the 30 day shred then your kids can play their game in peace..
Ohhh.. no you didn't - lol *watches thread in anticipation of comment explosion*0 -
....no offense but instead of using a video game to be fit why dont you use a real workout...why not try the 30 day shred then your kids can play their game in peace..
Seriously? Maybe the video game exercising helps her get motivated. People take what they can get.
If you use the WII fit to get your abs ill take it back...:flowerforyou:0 -
My mate hides pies under my pillow - talk about sabotage.0
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1) Making your kids wait to eat dinner till you can make it is not sabotage, it is lazy.
2) Buying you something he knows you like is not sabotage, it is thoughtful. And it is ungrateful of you to be upset because it wasn't the exact brand you like.
3) Believing your spouse is trying to sabotage you is a recipe for disaster.
I disagree! The kid part I can agree with but the hubby part, No way! I have a similar situation and alot of spouses will try and sabotage you out of insecurity. Mine just happens to Love "big women". But I've told him as long as we've been together it won't matter how small I get. But he does attempt to make me eat even when I don't want too and that is plain out sabotage!0 -
You think you have it bad?? We have little girls going around door to door, office to office selling girl scout cookies!!! I just scream, "why are you trying to sabotage me!!!" and slam the door shut!0
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....no offense but instead of using a video game to be fit why dont you use a real workout...why not try the 30 day shred then your kids can play their game in peace..
Seriously? Maybe the video game exercising helps her get motivated. People take what they can get.
If you use the WII fit to get your abs ill take it back...:flowerforyou:
Actually, Dance Dance Revolution!0 -
Definition of Sabotage: a deliberate action aimed at weakening another entity through subversion, obstruction, disruption, or destruction.
Therefore there is no such thing as intentionally sabotage. People are by nature stupid and forget. Just because fitness is one of the most important things in your life doesn't mean it’s the most important thing in your spouse’s life. I've been actively working on losing weight on 7 years and my wife still on occasionally buys food that is not good for me and I love or bakes me cookies. She does it to be nice. She also knows that ultimately it’s my choice to eat it or not.
Blaming others for bring food into your life you can't resist is a copout. Your husband got your favorite snack, give a kiss and thank him. Have a few then go workout and quit complaining. Why don’t you spend some of that long commute thinking about how nice your husband is instead of complaining about him in a public forum.0 -
I heard "What am I going to do if you are trying to cut down? I like to eat too much." He didn't have a weight problem, but when I was minding my food intake, it was threatening to him because he liked to cook, bake, and eat, and liked his partner to eat what he cooked and baked, and that was me...I put on pounds while we were together. Not even the calories burned while I was cleaning up matched the high sugar/fat cals in the food. That was just one area of contention. Since I left him, I am down 25, and have 10 to go. Still miss him, but I couldn't afford the unhealthy lifestyle that defined the relationship. We weren't married, so not "spousal" sabatoge. Maybe your hubby will get on the train with you, both get healthier! good luck! :drinker:0
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I worked for many years with a woman who was married to a much older man (like she was 30 and he was 56). She tried to lose weight so many times and if she had any success he would get so jealous and sabotage her at every turn until she gained it back and then he was happy. She died in her mid-40's of heart disease and he died less than a year later, I think mostly of heartbreak. His sabotage certainly backfired because it basically killed them both.0
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I know my kids (2 boys 10 and 11 years old) and husband (of 20 years) do not intentionally sabotage me, but sometimes it feels like it. They want to buy chips and junk - ticks me off sometimes - they are getting better though in some ways. I try healthier snacks but I wish they were all on board with my efforts. I have to get up at 6am to get time to exercise and because it is winter, I do the Wii Fit Plus, some Just Dance etc. But on the weekend, the boys expect me to let them play to, but this is MY time, we can play again later. I feel that I need to set an example for them all, but my hubby is not a child and it is hard to watch him eat burgers and fries, lots of coffee, no incentive to eat veggies or fruit. I suggested that we have fruit and veggies out to munch on. I totally sympathize with your struggle though and I hope one day they will follow suit. It will get to a point where there won't be any junk in the house...I am hoping it will get better and because they see the improvements and leaps and bounds we make, they will eventually choose healthier lifestyles. HUGS :bigsmile: :bigsmile:
....no offense but instead of using a video game to be fit why dont you use a real workout...why not try the 30 day shred then your kids can play their game in peace..
OH. This is going to be good. *kitten*'s about to get real up in here, people.
i came back to this thread just to read this comment.
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I worked for many years with a woman who was married to a much older man (like she was 30 and he was 56). She tried to lose weight so many times and if she had any success he would get so jealous and sabotage her at every turn until she gained it back and then he was happy. She died in her mid-40's of heart disease and he died less than a year later, I think mostly of heartbreak. His sabotage certainly backfired because it basically killed them both.
Thats so tragic...:( im bowing out of this thread this made me sad..0 -
Until MFP, I had no idea that men buying their women their favorite food was considered sabotage. I also never had a period before either, but thankfully there are enough TOM threads around to teach me how to deal with it. :drinker:
I'm a 41 year old man, and I know...
...oh, never mind.
As for OP: generally, us guys mess up the whole "buying stuff for you" thing. It almost always isn't intentional. Perhaps he truly was just trying to be (and actually being) nice. As for how to handle your favorite foods, you should seriously consider trying to work them into your calories for the day because, well, they're your favorites...and if there's one food you should be willing to sacrifice something for, it should be your favorite foods.0 -
....no offense but instead of using a video game to be fit why dont you use a real workout...why not try the 30 day shred then your kids can play their game in peace..
Seriously? Maybe the video game exercising helps her get motivated. People take what they can get.
If you use the WII fit to get your abs ill take it back...:flowerforyou:
Actually, Dance Dance Revolution!
Seriously!?!? Im sorry i take it back!!! GAME ON!!!0 -
I wish to issue an apology.
I had previously, in this thread, made reference to a loaf of bread. I have been informed that this was an attack or insulting post. It was not my intention to attack or insult loaves of bread, so my apologies to everyone who was offended by my cavalier attitude towards this particular type of flour based product.
Fortunately the post has already been removed on my behalf.
Again, sorry.0 -
am I seriously the only one with the Beastie Boys playing in my head?
Every.
Single.
Post (on this topic).
Can't stand it, I know you planned it,
I'm a set it straight, this Watergate!0 -
I wish to issue an apology.
I had previously, in this thread, made reference to a loaf of bread. I have been informed that this was an attack or insulting post. It was not my intention to attack or insult loaves of bread, so my apologies to everyone who was offended by my cavalier attitude towards this particular type of flour based product.
Fortunately the post has already been removed on my behalf.
Again, sorry.
Thats what you get for hating on bread...apology accepted now go build a bread shrine worm!0 -
Geez, my very overweight fiance brings me treats, but also tells me how proud he is of me. After reading this thread, I'm going to go home and kiss him. I stack the treats up and have them on my terms and I feel good about it that way.
Best of luck!!0 -
I wish to issue an apology.
I had previously, in this thread, made reference to a loaf of bread. I have been informed that this was an attack or insulting post. It was not my intention to attack or insult loaves of bread, so my apologies to everyone who was offended by my cavalier attitude towards this particular type of flour based product.
Fortunately the post has already been removed on my behalf.
Again, sorry.
Thats what you get for hating on bread...apology accepted now go build a bread shrine worm!
As long as a bread shine wouldn't be considered spousal sa-sa-sabotage!0 -
OP, consider yourself lucky. My wife is crazy supportive and it means she NEVER brings me ice cream or cheeseburgers. I wish she would sabotage my diet. Instead, she forces me to take responsibility. If she bought me those things, I could blame her and not take responsibility.In a very different way, she's sabotaging me and I'm only realizing it as I write. This has been very helpful.
But she's free to bring home all the pork rinds in the world and I will leave those disgusting things alone.0 -
OP...
I am sorry, but the only people who can sabotage you is you. I don't believe in other's sabotaging. Why? Because you have the ability to say "No." Just because he buys them for you, that doesn't mean you have to eat them.0 -
Wow...maybe for once I'm grateful my husband doesn't usually do the shopping or cooking! And if we go out for pizza he's finally learned how to order correctly...make his half with all the meat and cheesy stuff and mine is veggie. Guess I can't complain!
I can't imagine what it must be like to be married to someone who so clearly thinks of their spouse as a child.
Didn't mean it the way it sounded! I was just glad he didn't have to keep asking how I like the pizza... I appreciate all he does for me since he's disabled and unable to do a lot of other things.0 -
It really helps that my husband and I can never agree on a food we both like.
We always grocery shop together, and he still gets his junk food, but it's usually stuff I don't like so then I'm not tempted to eat it.
When it is something I do like, he asks me if it's okay if he makes it/has it because he doesn't want me to be tempted, get off track and get really frustrated. He's very sweet that way and I appreciate it - definitely not a "food pusher."0 -
Mine died last year after 20 years of marriage. I won't describe it because we don't have enough space on here. However he was supportive of my diet as my current boyfriend is. Men don't appreciate my Irish loud mouth when my diet is compromised by anyone. If I say something once about it and they hear it, I best not get any fattening gifts or the **** will go to the trash. I guess I am older and intolerant of ignorance.0
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what concerns me is that the kids are getting hungry.
also, if you seriously suspect your husband is actively trying to do you harm, why would you want him to cook the dinner?
so, look up a thread about 'freezer meals' and you can have both these problems solved. you pop a meal into the crockpot in the morning, and by the time the kids are ready for dinner, it's done.0 -
I wish to issue an apology.
I had previously, in this thread, made reference to a loaf of bread. I have been informed that this was an attack or insulting post. It was not my intention to attack or insult loaves of bread, so my apologies to everyone who was offended by my cavalier attitude towards this particular type of flour based product.
Fortunately the post has already been removed on my behalf.
Again, sorry.
Wow. Those Paleo fanatics are taking over the world. ... can't even mention bread anymore.0
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