Do your partners/family give you support or not?
Replies
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Not really, but I don't require it.
This is my thing. Nobody elses.
I don't think I have ever made any announcement or proclamation that I am losing weight. I have not taken any pictures of myself in the mirror. I have no progress pictures. All I am doing is trying to eat healthier and exercise a bit more. So, I don't think I have given my wife any indication that I need that verbal and active support. I'm pretty unassuming, in general - so I don't want me getting healthier to be an overblown crusade - i'd rather just do it under the radar.
my wife loves me if i am 160lbs or 460lbs, and that's all the support from her i need.0 -
My boyfriend eats whatever the f@#k he wants, and when we go grocery shopping he's the one throwing cookies and chips in the cart. He's got a little bit of a belly himself (mostly from soda I think), but it's not my business to criticize him when he's still at a normal, healthy weight. He doesn't exercise with me, he doesn't constantly encourage me, and he says "don't blow your diet" every time I talk about wanting to eat something like ice cream. And then proceeds to snarf down a whole bag of snack mix in front of me. :P
But you know what? It doesn't bother me. Because this is MY weight loss, not his, and ultimately at the end of the day it is most important to ME. Sure, I liked it when he told me tonight that he's proud of what I'm doing. But praises from him like that are few and far between. He's not required to be supportive simply because he is my boyfriend, and to expect that from a loved one is just setting yourself up for disappointment and upset. Your family is there to support you, yes, but that doesn't mean they have to be your personal cheerleaders all the time-- you can't force everyone to be on your same game plan.
If you feel like your husband is demoralizing you on accident (or on purpose), then communicate that to him. Tell him that his teasing is discouraging to you, and that you would appreciate more positive encouragement. But don't expect him or anyone else to hold your hand and guide you every step of the way. Be grateful for support you DO receive, but realize that if you want this bad enough, if you really want to change your life, you'll do it for YOU, and not for recognition or approval from anyone else!
I agree with this wholeheartedly. My S.O. is very different than I and will go about things in a different way which leads to a certain amount of criticism or no support at all. Despite that, I know that my weight loss is MY job, not his. He rarely says anything to congratulate me and is rarely open to eating healthy food with me. It's been a learning process but one that makes me realize just how strong I am to continue meeting my goals.
You don't need anyone but yourself to keep you running on the treadmill. You don't need anyone to tell you "Good job!" when you put down the box of cookies. Your body will tell you just how well you've done because it will show when YOU (and no one else) have put in the work.
I hope this helps!0 -
My Fiance is very supportive and constantly tells me to stay on track and how proud he is of me. It would be much harder for me if he wasn't supportive. I also do the grocery shopping so I make sure that for the most part the food that is coming into the house is healthy and if not I make sure it is small amounts of things that don't tempt me!0
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My husband sometimes gets annoyed that I spend what he considers too much of our precious free time exercising. But other than that, he varies between supportive and indifference. He is fine with the healthy meals I cook because I'm a good cook and he is lazy. And he is very complimentary of my body and my fitness improvement, but doesn’t like to hear about my fitness goals all the time. MFP forums and other online fitness groups have helped with that.0
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My parents are supportive of everything I do to better myself as a person, so absolutely! My husband has been wonderful, too. He has taken this whole journey with me and changed his lifestyle, too -- picking out better options at the supermarket, finding new and interesting vegetables and fruits that we can add into our diet, buying and using healthy cookbooks (and he's formed a newfound interest in cooking as an art). We'll take walks together, go to the gym together, and he'll even join me in the basement for Gillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. I couldn't ask for a better guy!
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[My husband] varies between supportive and indifference. He is fine with the healthy meals I cook....and he is very complimentary of my body and my fitness improvement, but doesn’t like to hear about my fitness goals all the time. MFP forums and other online fitness groups have helped with that.
This.0 -
My fiance is surprisingly quite supportive. I started the MFP journey and made up my mind to not give up this time. I talked to my fiance and he told me that no matter what I did he supported me. A week or so into the logging, I get a friend request on MFP from him! I asked him about it and he said, "You don't have to do this alone. I'm with you." My last relationship was...complex. I'm still very hesitant with anything weight related around my fiance. My ex was a FA and every time I tried to make a positive change I was met with guilt trips and manipulation about how fat people can be healthy too. I tried to explain that my goal wasn't ultimately weight loss, it was making my body healthier. He wasn't going for any of it. Let's just say I lost about 160 pounds of *kitten* when I dumped him!
My mom is also a huge support. She buys me healthy snacks and doesn't mind when I order a fruit cup instead of chicken at Chick Fil A. She never asks how I'm doing, but she cheers when I annouce a loss and encourages if I have a gain. She also always helps when I get random muscle cramps.
My dad isn't that supportive. He typically has pretty harsh words if he sees me eating something fried or sweet, even when I've worked it into my calories for the day. He lost about 100 pounds a few years ago and is adamant that the only way to lose is his way. His way or the highway. I'm sorry but I can't survive on soup and crackers all the time. I need veggies and fruit and dairy and more than just around 1000 cals a day.0 -
The perfect answer, bravo!0
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My boyfriend supports me 100%. He tells me what a great job I'm doing when I keep up with working out and always enjoys the food I make. And he's patient with me.
My family is a different story. I feel as if they want me to lose weight for different reason. No one gets excited about the things I do because I've done it before years ago and they think I'll give up again. I have had one person tell me I look like I lost weight and then my dad ask me if I gained weight and have been working out.
Just hang in there. If you're doing this for yourself, be proud of how far you've come. ignore everyone else's negativity0 -
I live with my brother. He started on MFP about 2 weeks before I did. Thank goodness we aren't competitive with each other since I would definitely lose (he has lost about 1.5 pounds to every 1 that I have lost). I won't say that we comment on each other's weight loss, but we will say something if we hit a milestone. When one of us makes dinner, everything that had a bar code sits on the counter until the other has had a chance to scan it. There is no finger pointing when one of us blows those extra calories that we have left since we both understand that it is allowed. I can, however, honestly say that I would not have been this successful on my own. I do hate that he is a guy and I have to work twice as hard for less results, but at least it's working.
Outside the house, I have friends who I can talk about this stuff with in minute detail and they are all right with that and offer help and compliments when warranted. A lot of people at work are also very complimentary which is a great help especially now that I have been at a plateau for about 3 months. I know I have to just keep on doing what is best for me and still hearing people tell me that I look good even when I know the scale hasn't moved in 90 days is just what I need.0 -
my ex fiance wasn't supportive at all, No encouragement No motivation, so i decided that HE was also a BIG WEIGHT that i needed to get rid of!!!
now i'm alone but i'm doing this for me! and without him and his negativity i feel so much lighter both physically and emotionally!!
dont let anyone stand in the way of finding the real you,
charlie0 -
I am so lucky I have a tremendous amount of support from my family and friends. I also am so lucky I have a good nurse practitioner who is currently letting me weigh in one a month or once every two weeks going over my food diary eliminating what I need less of and letting me know what I can eat more of. She is great. My friends and family have never pushed me to lose weight. If I did they thought it was super great and if I didn't I was still beautiful. But with me I won't allow myself to date anyone seriously for feeling that they should be with someone slimmer not prettier just smaller. Does anyone have any idea's how I can ever possibly get passed this?
HELP!!!!!
Virgolee0 -
He'll smile and high five me when I come out and say "I lost .8 pounds!" And I hold my hand in the air.
That's all I ask for. Celebrate with me.
Honestly, I feel S/O can't win. If they congratulate you TOO much, then it can insinuate that they aren't happy with how you are. It can become ammo for later if you slip. So it's best they be calm about it. lol.
If he tried to "manage" my weight loss or hold me accountable... I would be PI**ED. It's my body.0 -
My boyfriend eats whatever the f@#k he wants, and when we go grocery shopping he's the one throwing cookies and chips in the cart. He's got a little bit of a belly himself (mostly from soda I think), but it's not my business to criticize him when he's still at a normal, healthy weight. He doesn't exercise with me, he doesn't constantly encourage me, and he says "don't blow your diet" every time I talk about wanting to eat something like ice cream. And then proceeds to snarf down a whole bag of snack mix in front of me. :P
But you know what? It doesn't bother me. Because this is MY weight loss, not his, and ultimately at the end of the day it is most important to ME. Sure, I liked it when he told me tonight that he's proud of what I'm doing. But praises from him like that are few and far between. He's not required to be supportive simply because he is my boyfriend, and to expect that from a loved one is just setting yourself up for disappointment and upset. Your family is there to support you, yes, but that doesn't mean they have to be your personal cheerleaders all the time-- you can't force everyone to be on your same game plan.
If you feel like your husband is demoralizing you on accident (or on purpose), then communicate that to him. Tell him that his teasing is discouraging to you, and that you would appreciate more positive encouragement. But don't expect him or anyone else to hold your hand and guide you every step of the way. Be grateful for support you DO receive, but realize that if you want this bad enough, if you really want to change your life, you'll do it for YOU, and not for recognition or approval from anyone else!
I love this!!! This is so true. You have to do it for you and nobody else. My hubby is the same way. He can eat whatever he wants and not gain weight. He would make brownies and cookies all of the time and it was soooo hard for me to say no to those things. Finally, I told him that he was making it so much harder for me and it took some convincing...but eventually he understood. Now he is very encouraging and is my biggest supporter, even though he still won't work out or eat healthy, lol. You can't force anyone to do anything, but you can tell them how you feel and try to get them to understand you need help and support, and ultimately continue to choose the healthy path regardless of what they do. If they aren't willing to give that to you...that is a whole other story for another day, lol. Best of luck to you!0 -
I'm really the one who insists on getting to the gym, or running, because I've realized that it's cheaper than therapy. I'm also the one that tends to buy healthier, because I like how it tastes. I don't have any support system in that sense, but I've never really needed one.
Sometimes, though, it would be nice to have someone support the damn dishes. Because I KNOW I'm not the only one eating on them.0 -
No. He's overweight as well. When I told him I wanted to lose 90lbs...his response was "Why...I love you as you are...so should you". For me, it's about being healthy...and seeing my daughter grow up and have kids of her own. I was 33 when she was born...so I'm already "behind". Sometimes I feel he tries to sabotage me...but I won't allow it. I do the grocery shopping...and I don't buy junk. He complains...but I feel it's best for all of us.0
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Can't say I have much support, but I don't expect it either. I haven't shared the fact that I'm even on this journey with people at work. I know I'd have some people attempting sabotage if they knew. Best to keep it quiet for a while. As for family, I come from a family that discusses nothing even remotely important, ever. So, no support there either. But it's been that way my whole life, so it's what I expect. Sure, sometimes I wish it was different, but there's no point wishing for something that isn't going to happen. I have one person who even knows what I'm trying to accomplish - a cousin, who is very supportive. Other than that, no one even knows I'm trying losing weight. And for me, this time, it's not so much about the weight, it's about lowering my blood pressure and keeping diabetes away for as long as I can. Losing weight is just a side effect of watching my sodium and sugar levels. I have a long way to go (ticker only shows the first 10% I want to lose, I have over 100 lbs to go). People will notice eventually, but since I'm not doing this for them, it really doesn't matter if, when, how or why they notice.0
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It depends on your idea of support. My partner is glad that are walks are more challenging now, but most mornings he would rather I stayed in bed to snuggle.
The good thing about tracking is that he trusts me to eat the right amount. Otherwise, my measly 1500 calories looks pathetic next to his 3000-4000 calories. I made it clear early on that my calories can include, well, pretty much anything. My goals are more oriented to eating more healthy foods.0 -
I've done it without support (i say this lightly, they supported me but they didn't diet or say much to me really), and I've done it with support. Everyone in the house went on a diet, and it is much easier. However, you can do it without the support using websites like this one, or finding a friend who wants to lose weight and encouraging them to join you. As you lose weight and it becomes more noticeable, you'll start getting comments all the time from random people. lol
In the end you are doing it for you!0 -
Support? She tried to sabotage my goals. The more progress I made and the happier I became the more effort gave trying to show she didn't like it. Needless to say, I parted ways after 7 years. Like I've always said to people, it's a lifestyle..0
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my family doenst give me much support they even laugh at me for weighing/ counting things oh well guess people dont get it0
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My husband is encouraging and tries really hard to hide the sweet stuff around the house. He loves me at this weight and says he will love me at any weight:) . He only Needs to tone up and keep fit and has started exercising with me. I'm lucky that he eats anything I cook and likes the healthy menu lately. My two year old just copies what mommy does. I haven't come out to friends and extended family yet. I come from a culture where some extra pounds are celebrated so I'll get flak for losing weight on my side of the family.0
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Mine wasn't nearly as supportive until he got on the fitness train as well. 0
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Just have to move on and not let every comment get to you. Or you will drive yourself insane. I cope by running.
^^^^Do you RUN AWAY, or do you run back also? ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^:huh:
I run in a circle
:laugh: LOL :laugh:0 -
I have no support from friends or family.
I am laughed at from both ends.
I am doing okay.
I struggle sometimes with my eating habits (I have a terrible sweet tooth lol), but although I am doing this all on my own, my progress is going fairly well and I know everything will work out great. 0 -
My husband is incredibly supportive. He has even started restricting his diet and exercising with me. It's my mother who bothers me. She has been morbidly obese for almost a decade now and she constantly makes discouraging remarks, but I've come to recognize that it's because she thinks I'll fail the same way she has every time she's tried to diet. I hate it and have even stopped talking to her and seeing her for the most part to avoid such comments while I'm in the process of losing weight. Still, I can't wait to see the look on her face when I go back home after reaching my goal weight, and I sincerely hope it will convince her that people do succeed without expensive diet plans and gym memberships. It's truly part of what motivates me on days when I want to stress eat or when I have gained weight back so I can't say it's all bad.0
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We work together, we are getting married next year so whay better start. We both use MFP and both completed insanity together.
She only has to lose a few lbs to be healthy whereas I sit in the obese group. But we just get on and do what we gota do and support each other. We'll both benefit in the end, we are a team.0 -
I live with my parents and it was very hard in the beggining. My mother is the one who cooks and making her count the number of tbs of oil or weighing the meat was very hard. Dad has always been fit and he never cared much about what he was eating until he found out his cholesterol was high.
The hardest part was one year ago when I was anemic. It was a pain to even get up from bed and I had no idea why. My parents kept on telling me: YOU ARE NOT MADE TO WORK OUT, STOP! When I got fed up and did the tests, I was so relieved.
So yeah, it's hard in the beggining but thankfully, it's gotten much better. And we've all lost a lot of fat too! 0 -
I agree with everyone. You have to do this for you and not the compliments from others. Sometimes they just don't get it and sometimes I think they are intimidated, especially if they too are out of shape. First you shaping up makes them feel pressure to do the same while they may not really want to or feel motivated to. Second he may feel he is encouraging you and supporting you by questioning your dietary choices. (I for one would smack him in the head and tell him to let me manage what goes into my mouth and he can support me by not judging what I do and do not eat.) Also insecure people think "If she loses all this weight and gets into shape is she still going to want to be with me?". I know it seems like a silly thing to think because Love is Blind right?, but I know at least 4 women who have gotten in shape and ended up divorced. Partially because they changed their lifestyle and found they no longer had common interests/goals with their LO. Instead of wanting Movie Night with Buttered popcorn they now want to take a long brisk walk. Partially because there were issues in the marriage to begin with and their new found weight loss gave them a new found confidence to get out of a bad marriage.
Bottom line change is scary. Especially when you are not the one changing.0 -
Stupid Phone posted twice but I will edit this post to say to OP. Good job for taking control of your life! Don't let anyone discourage you and find people to be in your life that will support your new goals. Find activities you and your husband can do together that make him feel confident that you will always be a part of his life. Let him know that this is your journey and all you need from him is a well placed pat on the back every now and again 0
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