Emotional affair-need advice!

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  • wldrose75
    wldrose75 Posts: 128
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    If all that's true: life is short, and it doesn't have to be the way it's been for 17 years. But stay or go, help (for you) with working out whatever's kept you with him this long would be a good thing, would guess.

    This! My advise to you is to see a counselor by yourself. Figure out where you are and get help processing his cheating and anything else you need to process. Then you can make a decision that's the best and healthiest for you. Take care of yourself, no one else will.
  • matt2442
    matt2442 Posts: 1,259 Member
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    Well the relationship doesnt seem so healthy if you have to go through his phone to start off with..bye bye sayonara
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,713 Member
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    it's not the first time.
    it's his pattern.
    it's who he is.
    he's a liar and a cheat.
    and he's not even being careful.
    and you distrust him enough to check.
    your relationship blows.

    do you want to spend the rest of your life in this rubbis relationship?
    or do you believe you deserve better and can get better?
  • evileen99
    evileen99 Posts: 1,564 Member
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    He may have been doing this all along and you only caught him twice. He's shown you the man he is--a cheater.

    Time to move on. And get yourself tested for STDs.
  • BflSaberfan
    BflSaberfan Posts: 1,272
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    Can I recommend a forum specifically for this? Go to Survivinginfidelity.com and post in the just found out forum. I think you will find the answers and advice you need there, those people have been through it (some numerous times). Take care of yourself in the mean time. Once the shock wears off the anger is going to hit hard, make sure you are eating and sleeping.
  • irishblonde2011
    irishblonde2011 Posts: 618 Member
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    Sorry to hear you are going through this.
    I think the question you have to ask yourself is why are you letting someone treat you this way?
    Yes you are together a long time but why put up with this?

    Best of luck :smile:
  • Admiral_Derp
    Admiral_Derp Posts: 866 Member
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    There's a huge difference between harmless flirting as in goofing off with a friend, and flirting as in trying to see somebody else naked. If you all are in a commited relationship the second one is bad, and to me that sounds like what it is. But the fact is, a bunch of strangers on the internet with limited information can't really give the best advice about what to do. Open, and honest communication between the two of you can be the only reasonable place to start. Either way, don't let yourself be used. Be strong, and look out for yourself!
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
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    Sounds like it's already over, you just need to clean up the mess.
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
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    Talk to HIM. You've been together 17 years so you know communication is key. Perhaps after, you will decide on counseling or divorce. But seriously, what is a bunch of strangers going to really be able to tell you? The best advice is to keep your relationship issues "in house"...or at least go see a counselor.

    Sharing your personal issues with him with a bunch of strangers isn't really going to do you any good. We don't know the whole story and what we tell you could be something that you really shouldn't take to heart. Also, I'm sure he'd be pissed if he found out and if this "messaging" turned out to be nothing...then this post would end up being the something that causes an argument (if he found out...which, though to point out, if you want honesty, you should also be able to return.)


    yup this.
  • sally_jeffswife
    sally_jeffswife Posts: 766 Member
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    move on, If he really cared genuinely about you he wouldn't be able to do anything hurtful like that to you. To me that shows he doesn't care about you he cares about himself and is just using you like he would a jacket when he's cold. Just take comfort in knowing if he would do that when he's suppose to be with you he would prob do that to the person he's chatting with also and you still have hope in finding someone decent when you move on.
  • wantingmeback
    wantingmeback Posts: 27
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    From personal experience.......... IF THERE IS NO TRUST THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP!!!!!!
    I chalked it up to his loss and left his a** and to this day he is a miserable a**hole and deserves every minute of it!!

    **KARMA**
    I LOVE HER!!!!!
  • pjwcampbell
    pjwcampbell Posts: 17 Member
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    Run away from the affair. As fast as you can. Now.

    You think that your situation is different and will find every way you can to justify staying in the affair. Been there myself. Trust me on this. Stop it now.
  • BflSaberfan
    BflSaberfan Posts: 1,272
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    I would guess its a regular poster who didn't want to post under their usual profile for obvious reasons.
  • jraines1973
    jraines1973 Posts: 231 Member
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    I have a huge amount of respect for you that you were strong enough to move on the first time.
  • sreed016
    sreed016 Posts: 97 Member
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    You should check out

    www.survivinginfidelity.com

    Its a great support board for all types of infidelity.

    Good luck!
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    Just Break Up

    Seriously though....no trust = no relationship! Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me

    Edited to add..are you really sure its really still an "emotional affair"? If he's saying she has the best 'whatever' he's ever seen...how do you know they haven't consummated the relationship? Just because she lives hours away, doesn't mean she hasn't come to see him...or met somewhere else..

    Either way...you obviously don't trust him, or you wouldn't be reading his phone messages at this point. Its far better to move on and be either happy by yourself, or get the heck out and try to find someone you can actually trust! Good luck!
  • Marcellus_08
    Marcellus_08 Posts: 253
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    No one knows your heart and feelings like you do. I think you already know what to do but are too scared to follow through. Listen to your own gut feeling, it usually is right. Good luck.
  • kellyf_83
    kellyf_83 Posts: 20
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    i would tell him to kiss your you know what and then throw him out. thats no way to live.
  • Fitnin6280
    Fitnin6280 Posts: 618 Member
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    Oh Honey, this isn't an emotional affair. This is an affair, period. You gotta talk to him. Get counseling if you need, but in the end you need to do what is best for you, and really know one can tell you what that is. You have to figure it out for yourself.

    I wish you the very best.
  • Lovlilyn
    Lovlilyn Posts: 79 Member
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    There is a great book, "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum. I strongly suggest you buy/download it and start reading it today. It talks about how destructive it is to a relationship to be in the place where you are constantly asking yourself if you should leave or not. Then it gives step-by-step guidance on how to decide if you should stay or get out of a relationship. I really liked it because - as much as possible- it takes the emotion out of the decision and forces you to focus on the facts.

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