Emotional affair-need advice!

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  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
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    Talk to HIM. You've been together 17 years so you know communication is key. Perhaps after, you will decide on counseling or divorce. But seriously, what is a bunch of strangers going to really be able to tell you? The best advice is to keep your relationship issues "in house"...or at least go see a counselor.

    Sharing your personal issues with him with a bunch of strangers isn't really going to do you any good. We don't know the whole story and what we tell you could be something that you really shouldn't take to heart. Also, I'm sure he'd be pissed if he found out and if this "messaging" turned out to be nothing...then this post would end up being the something that causes an argument (if he found out...which, though to point out, if you want honesty, you should also be able to return.)


    This X 1000! At the most, you could message people on your friend's list for support - but really? Complete strangers? Why do people do this! A relationship is between 2 people. Keep it that way.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
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    I am truly amazed by what some people put up with.
  • ahviendha
    ahviendha Posts: 1,291 Member
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    Kick him to the kerb. Even if he isn't bumping uglies with her in real life, he's doing it in his head. If this was the first time, I'd say work it out, but this is the second time you've caught him which means there is at least another 3 times you don't know about.

    my man knows if he ever cheats on me i am gone. that is my number one, unbreakable rule. i've been cheated on before and took it in stride, and he cheated again, and again. f* cheaters!
  • gwenmf
    gwenmf Posts: 888 Member
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    Get out of the relationship. You may love him, but he clearly does not respect you enough. You can find better.

    Sounds like you made him your priority while he's only made you his option. Don't waste any more time. He's shown you for a second time now.............
  • AQ3107
    AQ3107 Posts: 81 Member
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    Can I recommend a forum specifically for this? Go to Survivinginfidelity.com and post in the just found out forum. I think you will find the answers and advice you need there, those people have been through it (some numerous times). Take care of yourself in the mean time. Once the shock wears off the anger is going to hit hard, make sure you are eating and sleeping.

    This X 1000
  • swarovski75
    swarovski75 Posts: 195 Member
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    Talk to HIM. You've been together 17 years so you know communication is key. Perhaps after, you will decide on counseling or divorce. But seriously, what is a bunch of strangers going to really be able to tell you? The best advice is to keep your relationship issues "in house"...or at least go see a counselor.

    Sharing your personal issues with him with a bunch of strangers isn't really going to do you any good. We don't know the whole story and what we tell you could be something that you really shouldn't take to heart. Also, I'm sure he'd be pissed if he found out and if this "messaging" turned out to be nothing...then this post would end up being the something that causes an argument (if he found out...which, though to point out, if you want honesty, you should also be able to return.)

    Agreed. 100%. People who have never had infidelity impact their relationships don't necessarily understand there are a whole lot of complex reasons why people do this sort of thing. Talk to him directly about it. Sort it out at home. And if you need to talk to someone, talk to a counsellor. They'll give you the most objective input out there. Maybe even talk to a counsellor before you talk to your husband so you know how to approach him about it.
  • downinaggieland98
    downinaggieland98 Posts: 224 Member
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    Sorry to hear you are going through this.
    I think the question you have to ask yourself is why are you letting someone treat you this way?
    Yes you are together a long time but why put up with this?

    Best of luck :smile:

    100% agree. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
  • Sweet_Gurl_Next_Door
    Sweet_Gurl_Next_Door Posts: 735 Member
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    I would write your feelings in a journal and really examine where your heart is. that would be a more healthy approach then confronting him. take a retreat to your own space and give yourself time to think sort your feelings out.
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
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    Not cool, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. You only get one chance with me, you've given him more than that already.... Move on.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    I've been in a relationship 17 years. I do love this man, as any couple we've had our ups and downs. Probably about 5 years ago he was in a period where he was drinking too much and was sending horrible messages to a woman that works in our same organization about wanting to meet for you know what. As you probably figured out, I found out. Huge heart to hearts and drinking stopped and we rebuilt and moved on.
    Fast forward to today. I find messages on his phone from his high school sweetheart. Asking her to call at 0100. I was at work. Next email he said what a sexy voice she had. Another said that she has the best you know what's he's ever seen.....hands down. Now I know she lives hours away.......but how do I handle this situation??? Thanks for listening!!!!!!!

    He's cheating on you, sexting is cheating. Do you what a relationship that you always have to monitor his phone and emails to see what he's up to? I couldn't live with that level of mistrust. I'd leave him and move on!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,670 Member
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    Hearing one side of a story and making suggestions on it is being subjective and not objective. To be objective, we'd need to hear his side.
    Why? Well, it could well be he is a flat out cheater, or like a friend of mine who was very devoted to his wife, he got tired of being ignored/mentally abused by his wife and found comfort and speaking with another female who thought he was a good guy.

    Point is, it's NOT always the guy.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • TigressPat
    TigressPat Posts: 722
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    Kick him to the kerb. Even if he isn't bumping uglies with her in real life, he's doing it in his head. If this was the first time, I'd say work it out, but this is the second time you've caught him which means there is at least another 3 times you don't know about.

    he's a MAN
    of course he's bumping uglies in his head!

    lol
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
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    maybe YOU drove him to it.
  • jojoforme
    jojoforme Posts: 3
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    Please do not be any mans doormat!
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    maybe YOU drove him to it.

    OUCH! :huh:
  • wantingmeback
    wantingmeback Posts: 27
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    maybe YOU drove him to it.

    OUCH! :huh:

    Yeah that's kind of sh***y!! Leave it to a guy to post that!
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    Hearing one side of a story and making suggestions on it is being subjective and not objective. To be objective, we'd need to hear his side.
    Why? Well, it could well be he is a flat out cheater, or like a friend of mine who was very devoted to his wife, he got tired of being ignored/mentally abused by his wife and found comfort and speaking with another female who thought he was a good guy.

    Point is, it's NOT always the guy.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    I completely agree with this statement....there's always three sides to these things...his, hers, and the actual truth!

    That being said though...sneaking around and cheating is a cowardly and crappy thing for anyone (man or woman) to do. When you've made a committment to someone, you should get out, or at least start the process of getting out, before getting involved with anyone else.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,670 Member
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    maybe YOU drove him to it.

    OUCH! :huh:

    Yeah that's kind of sh***y!! Leave it to a guy to post that!
    If you don't personally know the OP, then why would it be ****ty? You don't believe a female can drive a male away?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • marypatmccue
    marypatmccue Posts: 521 Member
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    Standard MFP advice... JUST BREAK UP!
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    This is not about gender. This is about one person disrespecting another. Man or woman...it's bad behavior.

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