Emotional affair-need advice!

1235

Replies

  • Ladyiianae
    Ladyiianae Posts: 271 Member
    I am so so sorry, this as to suck and feel truly like you've been kicked in the gutt. I can't really offer any advice because either way you choose it's going to hurt. The only difference will be the degree of hurt and the duration.

    I hope everything works out for you, hang in there
  • Mads1997
    Mads1997 Posts: 1,494 Member
    once a dog always a dog
  • Lt_Starbuck
    Lt_Starbuck Posts: 576 Member
    1. Dont out your man on the internet in writing from a profile with pictures in a public forum

    2. Talk to him not us.
  • guzzlingil
    guzzlingil Posts: 60
    A dog with fleas is a dog with fleas and will always will be.....
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    To everyone else : There have been some really good responses, and some...not so good, then some, down-right ignorant. Those of you that are advising in short little comments like this...

    "Get out of the relationship." or "He's a cheating loser."

    You're basically sabotaging the OP's marriage. STFU.
    ummm, yeah...THIS is what is sabotaging her relationship... It couldn't be the cheating, the distrust or the fact that she's spying on him and reading his phone messages...its the dismissive advice from random people on the internet :laugh:
  • olDave
    olDave Posts: 557 Member
    There are two sides to EVERY story. I would love to hear your husband's side.
  • ddky
    ddky Posts: 381 Member
    Once could just be a mistake, twice is a pattern. Kick him to the curb.
  • edge_dragoncaller
    edge_dragoncaller Posts: 826 Member
    Lol, there are sexual innuendos made on this site daily. If a spouse saw their SO's posting of it, would it be cheating?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Not according to my wife and I :wink:
  • edge_dragoncaller
    edge_dragoncaller Posts: 826 Member
    To everyone else : There have been some really good responses, and some...not so good, then some, down-right ignorant. Those of you that are advising in short little comments like this...

    "Get out of the relationship." or "He's a cheating loser."

    You're basically sabotaging the OP's marriage. STFU.
    ummm, yeah...THIS is what is sabotaging her relationship... It couldn't be the cheating, the distrust or the fact that she's spying on him and reading his phone messages...its the dismissive advice from random people on the internet :laugh:

    1. I never stated, or suggested, that there were not other problems. I even pointed that out in the portion of my response that was intended for the OP. Maybe you should quote everything next time. Are you a politician by trade?

    2. An emotional vulnerable person, making a not so wise decision to ask this on a message board is getting a lot of "Leave him" responses. Yes...those posting those replies are sabotaging their marriage. Ever heard of Pavlov's Dog? Same concept. You hear it enough times, you start to believe it.
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
    Everyone realizes that this is a TROLL topic right? The OP joined this month, and has already deactivated her account after posting. Just trying to stir up crap. :huh: :grumble: :angry: :mad: :explode:

    This might be a long time member who created a throw away account to ask for advice then deleted it when she got mostly advice to end the relationship or speculation that her SO's behavior was her fault.

    Well, it would be the ultimate troll if she is posting responses on this thread under her "alter ego"...:smokin:
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    To everyone else : There have been some really good responses, and some...not so good, then some, down-right ignorant. Those of you that are advising in short little comments like this...

    "Get out of the relationship." or "He's a cheating loser."

    You're basically sabotaging the OP's marriage. STFU.
    ummm, yeah...THIS is what is sabotaging her relationship... It couldn't be the cheating, the distrust or the fact that she's spying on him and reading his phone messages...its the dismissive advice from random people on the internet :laugh:

    1. I never stated, or suggested, that there were not other problems. I even pointed that out in the portion of my response that was intended for the OP. Maybe you should quote everything next time. Are you a politician by trade?

    2. An emotional vulnerable person, making a not so wise decision to ask this on a message board is getting a lot of "Leave him" responses. Yes...those posting those replies are sabotaging their marriage. Ever heard of Pavlov's Dog? Same concept. You hear it enough times, you start to believe it.
    Whoa...relax....I was just pointing out the irony in suggesting that advice here is what is sabotaging their relationship (which is CLEARLY already very broken). There's no need to take it so personally...I wasn't attacking YOU

    I do agree with you that a lot of people spout out the 'break up' , 'dump him' advice at the drop of a hat around here, but I suspect the OP (who already deactivated, by the way) is a regular reader/contirbutor here who created a fake account to post this question. Anyone familiar with these forums HAS to know that they're going to get these types or responses....and furthermore, I highly doubt that someone who already forgave infidelity (or at least an attempt at it) once before is going to TAKE said advice and break up her 17 year relationship based on what people on a fitness forum tell her....
  • Prettylittlelotus
    Prettylittlelotus Posts: 239 Member
    I've been in a relationship 17 years. I do love this man, as any couple we've had our ups and downs. Probably about 5 years ago he was in a period where he was drinking too much and was sending horrible messages to a woman that works in our same organization about wanting to meet for you know what. As you probably figured out, I found out. Huge heart to hearts and drinking stopped and we rebuilt and moved on.
    Fast forward to today. I find messages on his phone from his high school sweetheart. Asking her to call at 0100. I was at work. Next email he said what a sexy voice she had. Another said that she has the best you know what's he's ever seen.....hands down. Now I know she lives hours away.......but how do I handle this situation??? Thanks for listening!!!!!!!

    Honestly, if you're to the point that you're reading his emails and texts, you're obsessing over his other relationships-friends or otherwise, and you just generally don't trust him, why would you want to stay?

    Even if he wasn't doing the things you say he's doing, why are you reading his texts and emails in the first place? You shouldn't be. You're overstepping your boundaries in the relationship because YOU DON'T TRUST HIM.

    End the relationship, work on your trust issues, and then find someone you DO trust and build a HEALTHY relationship together.
  • Mich3ll36
    Mich3ll36 Posts: 96
    Be done... you gave him an opportunity for change. You may love him but love yourself more.
  • daniellemm1
    daniellemm1 Posts: 465 Member
    Get rid of him, you deserve better.
  • salcha76
    salcha76 Posts: 287 Member
    put your back bone in and be done. Emotional affairs are often worse than physical. physical attaction can fade and change w/age, etc....but emotionally you need to be a team. If this person isn't available to you emotionally....move on....chin up....
  • ChickieBoom22
    ChickieBoom22 Posts: 80 Member
    Hmmm.
  • PopCorn_Said
    PopCorn_Said Posts: 119
    Leave.

    Or confront and decide (then leave).

    Find out what he says, weigh it against what you know.

    And then leave.

    As disrespectful it was when he did it the first time. I think now it is even worse.

    Leave.
  • nokanjaijo
    nokanjaijo Posts: 466 Member
    Everyone realizes that this is a TROLL topic right? The OP joined this month, and has already deactivated her account after posting. Just trying to stir up crap. :huh: :grumble: :angry: :mad: :explode:

    This might be a long time member who created a throw away account to ask for advice then deleted it when she got mostly advice to end the relationship or speculation that her SO's behavior was her fault.

    Well, it would be the ultimate troll if she is posting responses on this thread under her "alter ego"...:smokin:

    ?????

    A long time user probably wouldn't want to reveal to everybody on this forum that she had just discovered her man might be cheating on her but might still want to ask for advice about it on a board where she knows the members, knows who she respects, who she doesn't respect and can filter the advice accordingly. That is not trolling. That's completely understandable. And, I think, prescient.
  • Freemyskinny
    Freemyskinny Posts: 207
    I may only be a child and young in your eyes but I have seen my Aunt deal with my Uncles off and on cheatin' he is currently on 4. for now. she is living in a nightmare.. she is upset all the time.. worried all the time. I wish and pray everyday she opens her eyes and kicks his butt off the edge. my cousins have been put through hell due to this mans selfish choices I dunno if you have children or not I just don't find it healthy for them. or her. You NEED to get him out.. kick him out make him live on his own. he will know what he missed out on when you are gone. And if he did love you he wouldn't cheat on you.!! or hurt you.!! true love doesn't go away when a pretty girl walks by or looks his way.. True love makes a man blind to all women.! I wish you the best. i really do.

    Always, Diana.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
    Talk to HIM. You've been together 17 years so you know communication is key. Perhaps after, you will decide on counseling or divorce. But seriously, what is a bunch of strangers going to really be able to tell you? The best advice is to keep your relationship issues "in house"...or at least go see a counselor.

    Sharing your personal issues with him with a bunch of strangers isn't really going to do you any good. We don't know the whole story and what we tell you could be something that you really shouldn't take to heart. Also, I'm sure he'd be pissed if he found out and if this "messaging" turned out to be nothing...then this post would end up being the something that causes an argument (if he found out...which, though to point out, if you want honesty, you should also be able to return.)
    THIS
  • ISABELBEARD
    ISABELBEARD Posts: 15
    I have been through this ....your better than that ..the more times you forgive the easier it is for them to do it all over again. pick yourself up and move on .. kick him to the kirb ..life isn't a dress rehersal ..you don't get those years back.. be happy ...yes you will be unhappy for a few months then you will look back and say why didn't I go earlier.. go girl put yourself first. us women are stronger than we think ...
  • ISABELBEARD
    ISABELBEARD Posts: 15
    your a smart kid
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
    Does nobody recognize this as a troll? OP has had four posts, all in this thread, and now has discontinued their account. Doh!
    A sock puppet, yes quite likely. A troll? Not by my definition.
  • ISABELBEARD
    ISABELBEARD Posts: 15
    but if he was doing the right thing by her she wouldn't have to check his things ... its all about trust and loyalty quite honestly this guy is giving her reasons to do these things . ive been there when theres no trust the relationship is gone .. men do cheat you know as do women but why suffer there little games ..life s to short
    To everyone else : There have been some really good responses, and some...not so good, then some, down-right ignorant. Those of you that are advising in short little comments like this...

    "Get out of the relationship." or "He's a cheating loser."

    You're basically sabotaging the OP's marriage. STFU.
    ummm, yeah...THIS is what is sabotaging her relationship... It couldn't be the cheating, the distrust or the fact that she's spying on him and reading his phone messages...its the dismissive advice from random people on the internet :laugh:
  • DoingitWell
    DoingitWell Posts: 560 Member
    4 posts. Really? Everyone responded to this troll.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    4 posts. Really? Everyone responded to this troll.
    ....and so did you!

    Besides...someone who makes a fake account to ask a real question doesn't really qualify as a "Troll". I don't think this OP was trying to piss people off....she really has this issue, and probably just didn't want to ask it under her real profile.
  • DoingitWell
    DoingitWell Posts: 560 Member
    4 posts. Really? Everyone responded to this troll.
    ....and so did you!

    Besides...someone who makes a fake account to ask a real question doesn't really qualify as a "Troll". I don't think this OP was trying to piss people off....she really has this issue, and probably just didn't want to ask it under her real profile.

    You. Are. Hilarious.
  • Davariluv
    Davariluv Posts: 32 Member
    You have invested enough time with this man and now it's time for you to move on. Have respect for yourself and know that you deserve better and deserve to be with someone that will treat you right! Life is too short for this honey. It's going to hurt your heart and soul but eventually you will realize it's the best thing for you.
  • kelliflores
    kelliflores Posts: 1 Member
    Please leave him..you are better than that..Keep up posted on what happens..Curious to see what his excuse is this time
  • 1brokegal44
    1brokegal44 Posts: 562 Member
    Clearly he's trying to move on. Maybe you should do the same. Contrary to what we're brought up to believe, love does not conquer all. Best of luck to you.

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