My boyfriend doesn't like the body I am trying to get
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I'll have to second these previous comments.
He might feel awkward about it at the moment but then once thing change he will probably be fine with it.
A cuple guys i dated didn't want me to lose any weight because they didn't want me to be better looking in fear of other guys wanting me. (winners I know)
One guy let me get fatter than fat and kept telling me I was fine because he loved me and didn't care, but i was SO EFFING MISERABLE and self-concious that relationship didn't last.
decent guys will say they like you how you are and if you get super disgusting (either too skinny/veiny or too fat) they will probably comment on your health.
a good thing to do is to not make a big deal about it. DO what makes you happy (actually happy, not OCD "happy)
the worrying could cause more of a problem than the actual body transformation.0 -
Is it possible that he thinks as you tone and become the women you want to be that he may not be the man you want anymore??
I am willing to bet that this is it. he is insecure and worried you will get all hot and leave him.0 -
I hate to say this about my baby, but he is a chunky guy and I secretly think that part of it is that he may be intimidated by the body I want to have. But if that's part of it he would NEVER admit that to me. And if it is, there's NO reason for him to feel that way.
I think you are right. I have never been more than 150 pounds but when I met my man I was only 110. He has been in love with me through thick and thin, no pun intended
but recently I lost about 10 pounds and I was working out to Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred. The first day, he was nice and supportive and whatever. The second day he was just kinda like giving me this weird look. I asked him about it and he was just like, "You don't need to look like that." I told him that I appreciate that he loves me for me but I NEED to do this for myself and he dropped it and didn't say anything negative again but yeah, it is kind of a blow to not have your significant other really rooting for you. He was rooting all along and I think you are right - either they are insecure with themselves or they are insecure that maybe YOU will find someone new once you reach that sexy, ripped new look. I am gonna do what I want regardless and good luck to you as well. I agree that if someone is in love with you, nothing (esp not weight gain or loss) will change the person's feelings for you. 0 -
THIS COMMUNITY IS A-FREAKIN-MAZING! YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH ALL OF YOUR COMMENTS LIFTED ME UP OMG I COULD JUST CRY LOL. I WAS BUMMED ABOUT THIS AND DIDN'T FEEL LIKE WORKING OUT. NOW I AM LACING UP MY SNEAKERS AND ABOUT TO GET STARTED. YOU GUYS ARE WONDERFUL. IT'S AMAZING TO HAVE SO MUCH SUPPORT FROM A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T EVEN KNOW ME, BUT I KNOW THAT YOU CAN RELATE.
TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT SAID WAIT AND SEE, HE MAY LIKE IT: FUNNY THING IS WHEN I FIRST STARTED WORKING OUT HE KIND OF BLEW IT OFF. BUT WHEN I STARTED LOSING WEIGHT HE STARTED TELLING ME I INSPIRED HIM AND HE STARTED WORKING OUT WITH ME AND LOST TEN POUNDS. SO I WILL CROSS THE BRIDGE WHEN I COME TO IT, AND FOR NOW JUST CONCENTRATE ON MY GOALS! YOU GUYS ARE ALL FABULOUS AND HAVE REALLY MADE MY DAY. NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THE ISSUES THAT COME WITH A FITNESS JOURNEY BETTER THAN PEOPLE WHO ARE ON THAT SAME JOURNEY. I LOVE ALL U GUYS, I'M REALLY TOUCHED.0 -
I'm going to have to keep looking out for signs of him no longer being attracted to me. He says he would still love me, but loving someone and being attracted to them are 2 different things. And we all know what happens when a man is no longer attracted to his woman.
I've extracted what I think is the most pertinent part. My husband's ideal body in a woman is a volleyball player, long, lean, very very tall, pretty straight up and down, and nothing but legs. Look at my pictures, I am 5'4" on a good day and have enough donk to keep an *kitten* man happy for years . . . I married a leg man, not an *kitten* man.
My ideal man is about a foot taller than me, and build like Dwayne Johnson (The Rock), yum . . . I love an exotic looking man with some serious steel. I married the guy next door, and he is 5'10".
Are we not attracted to each other because we don't fit these ideals? **** no, we find great enjoyment out of each other's bodies, we have a deep love and commitment to each other, we are a matching set. You need to worry about you and your enjoyment of your body. If you feel sexy and attractive he will find you sexy and attractive.0 -
I also think the photos come into play. All of the photos are usually them pumped and flexed. When you are just standing there relaxed, you don't look ripped. Does that make sense?:)0
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I'm going to have to keep looking out for signs of him no longer being attracted to me. He says he would still love me, but loving someone and being attracted to them are 2 different things. And we all know what happens when a man is no longer attracted to his woman.
I've extracted what I think is the most pertinent part. My husband's ideal body in a woman is a volleyball player, long, lean, very very tall, pretty straight up and down, and nothing but legs. Look at my pictures, I am 5'4" on a good day and have enough donk to keep an *kitten* man happy for years . . . I married a leg man, not an *kitten* man.
My ideal man is about a foot taller than me, and build like Dwayne Johnson (The Rock), yum . . . I love an exotic looking man with some serious steel. I married the guy next door, and he is 5'10".
Are we not attracted to each other because we don't fit these ideals? **** no, we find great enjoyment out of each other's bodies, we have a deep love and commitment to each other, we are a matching set. You need to worry about you and your enjoyment of your body. If you feel sexy and attractive he will find you sexy and attractive.
And all of this ^^^0 -
If he doesn't like you for what you become there are plenty of men who will. Be your own star. Shine for you and no one else.0
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Agree with PP about the photos being taken during a workout. My muscles have some crazy definition when I'm lifting, but I look soft and cuddly when I'm relaxed.
Also, something that no one has mentioned..... Your muscle shape and size are largely genetic. As you lift, especially if you are eating at a deficit, you won't be getting any more muscular. You'll just have less fat on top of. In my case, it took me at least six months before starting to lift weights. I KNOW I lost LBM during that time. So, while I might look like I have "more" muscles now, I'm just strong and healthy and don't have 70 pounds of fat covering it up.
Be strong. Be you. Rock what you've got. And if he loves you, he will love what you are doing for yourself.0 -
Go after what you want, and either he will come around or he won't. It's not your responsibility, to make him "come around" and support you.
Maybe he's learning he has body issues, is worried about losing you, or is struggling with an idea that you're changing to find another partner.0 -
it is your body. you're the one who has to live in it. he'll like it or he won't but it is still your body. if he is shallow enough that that is all that matters....are you sure that's what you want anyway?0
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I think that you are reading too far into what he said.
First of all, you aren't changing your body for him and if he doesn't like it in the long run than so be it... he doesn't need you at your healthiest.
Second of all, you previously told him that you didn't want to look a certain way and when you showed him the picture of the woman that DID look that way, he said "eww" trying to defend you and make it seem like he didn't like that thinking that's what you wanted him to say. Give it time.
Hopefully this didn't come across as rude but, it's how I took it.0 -
My husband said the same thing until I actually started to achieve a significant amount of definition. Now he loves it and encourages me
I think that this is the best advice, at times guys are stuck in a no win situation there. If he says how much he likes that he worries that you'll think he's not attractive now (no matter how much you might assure him, he's going to worry that), so he might say "eww" when in reality he'd like it. The best advice I can give you is to do what you want to do for YOU, if he can't accept that then someone else more deserving will.
^this!0 -
If you truly changed your mind, he has every right to change his. About you.I said so what if I change my mind.0 -
Didn't you start a thread a few days ago about why you don't lift heavy? Now you're lifting heavy and afraid he's not gonna like your new body?
I'm confused. :huh:0 -
I hate to say this about my baby, but he is a chunky guy and I secretly think that part of it is that he may be intimidated by the body I want to have. But if that's part of it he would NEVER admit that to me. And if it is, there's NO reason for him to feel that way.
BINGO - you hit the bulls-eye. The reason being, if you are able to lose weight, get fit and have the body YOU want, he has no excuses for being a chunky, less-than-fit-and-healthy guy. You are threatening his well-being.0 -
The joke response here is, "just break up."
If he stops finding you attractive as you improve yourself then that is actually my response.0 -
you are a beautiful girl hun and if the body you desire will make you happier and more confident then go for it, he might be saying that to put you off because he migh be worried you will get alot more attrntion from other men and is in fear of losing you rather than you being unattractive to him. x0
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I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He was with me at my heaviest, and his ex was a big woman. As I started losing weight I was concerned he would not find me attractive. It hasn't really been a problem, but recently I decided to start doing weights (to tone, not get big) and Saturday I showed him a picture of a girl who has the kind of muscle definition I want. The first thing out of his mouth was "eww". The girl was laying on a weight bench pressing and the pic was dark. He said that the reason he said eww is because the angle he saw it at it looked like the girl had tennis ball sized arm muscles. He was like "You've always said you don't wanna look like that" I said so what if I change my mind. I showed him a clearer picture of what I want to look like and he was fine with the clearer picture (I don't want huge arms, on that first pic I like her stomach and thighs, which he was fine with). But my problem is now I feel like as my body keeps changing, I'm going to have to keep looking out for signs of him no longer being attracted to me. He says he would still love me, but loving someone and being attracted to them are 2 different things. And we all know what happens when a man is no longer attracted to his woman.
Everyone changes, he will change in ways too. You have to accept him just as he has to accept you. Is he bigger? Maybe it is insecurity? I don't know I have seen my girlfriend in just about every weight, hairstyle, and physical change possible does not change the wonderful woman she is. You just have to accept a person, flaws, looks all of it . If you can't then that is something that needs to be discussed sooner rather than later.0 -
My fiance finds me attractive at any weight I'm at. If this guy really loves you, then he wouldn't make comments like that. To say "ew" in regards to your ambitions is wrong. I can understand everyone has their specific taste in appearances but he could have handled that differently. I would tell him that bothered you and maybe, if this is him projecting his own insecurities, it will actually help you guys out in the long run. Otherwise, I would really think about the future of your relationship.0
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Right on! :flowerforyou:I WAS BUMMED ABOUT THIS AND DIDN'T FEEL LIKE WORKING OUT. NOW I AM LACING UP MY SNEAKERS AND ABOUT TO GET STARTED.0 -
My husband said he didn't want me to lose much, just wanted to me to feel better about myself. Over 60 lbs later, he loves the way I look now and is encouraging me along the way. I feel better about myself which roles over to better "our time". Do what you feel you want to do. More than likely he'll love the new you and the self confidence and stamina that comes with it! If not, move on! My husband's ex was big too so I was nervous about doing it but everything is better than ever.0
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What a perfect test for a relationship. You will go through a million things along the way if he is the one you will be spending the rest of your life with. It is great he is seeing you through this process. All you can do is be patient and go with the flow. Being physically attracted to your partner goes waaaaay deeper than whether someone has a tight or jiggly body in my opinion. My hubby met me when I was 230 pounds and never made any judgements no matter what size I have been. He just supported me through it all and gave me enough room to figure it out for myself.0
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If he likes you only based on your looks he's not worth your time (sorry to be blunt). My husband was with me at my heaviest and loved me to pieces...now that I'm thin and toned....he can't get enough of me (and we've been married over 23 years). :bigsmile:0
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The quote on your profile says "Changing my own life". That's an awesome quote.
Listen to yourself.0 -
While its nice to have his opinion and all you have to work for what YOU want to look like. Don't please him by doing what he wants, it's your body. You have an idea of what you want to be like it sounds like. I'm sure once you get to your goal he will change his mind;) good luck!!
I agree100% it's your body and you have to do what's best for you.0 -
The guy I'm seeing said the same thing. I told him I wanted more defined abs. And he said that he likes curvier women, etc., etc. But! when I'm running a 10k he's always there at the finishline cheering me on. He loves to see me happy with and proud of myself. That being said: I don't ever want to become stick thin or look like a body-builder or anything... my goal is just healthy (regardless of whatever weight I am).0
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Tell him to get f*cked.0
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Put YOURSELF first.
End of story.0
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