My boyfriend doesn't like the body I am trying to get

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  • megsmom2
    megsmom2 Posts: 2,362 Member
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    it is your body. you're the one who has to live in it. he'll like it or he won't but it is still your body. if he is shallow enough that that is all that matters....are you sure that's what you want anyway?
  • PaigeAnderson100
    PaigeAnderson100 Posts: 301 Member
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    I think that you are reading too far into what he said.
    First of all, you aren't changing your body for him and if he doesn't like it in the long run than so be it... he doesn't need you at your healthiest.
    Second of all, you previously told him that you didn't want to look a certain way and when you showed him the picture of the woman that DID look that way, he said "eww" trying to defend you and make it seem like he didn't like that thinking that's what you wanted him to say. Give it time.

    Hopefully this didn't come across as rude but, it's how I took it.
  • HannahJDiaz25
    HannahJDiaz25 Posts: 329 Member
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    My husband said the same thing until I actually started to achieve a significant amount of definition. Now he loves it and encourages me :wink:

    I think that this is the best advice, at times guys are stuck in a no win situation there. If he says how much he likes that he worries that you'll think he's not attractive now (no matter how much you might assure him, he's going to worry that), so he might say "eww" when in reality he'd like it. The best advice I can give you is to do what you want to do for YOU, if he can't accept that then someone else more deserving will.

    ^this!
  • rob1976
    rob1976 Posts: 1,328 Member
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    I said so what if I change my mind.
    If you truly changed your mind, he has every right to change his. About you.
  • Junken_Diraffe
    Junken_Diraffe Posts: 716 Member
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    Didn't you start a thread a few days ago about why you don't lift heavy? Now you're lifting heavy and afraid he's not gonna like your new body?

    I'm confused. :huh:
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,775 Member
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    I hate to say this about my baby, but he is a chunky guy and I secretly think that part of it is that he may be intimidated by the body I want to have. But if that's part of it he would NEVER admit that to me. And if it is, there's NO reason for him to feel that way.

    BINGO - you hit the bulls-eye. The reason being, if you are able to lose weight, get fit and have the body YOU want, he has no excuses for being a chunky, less-than-fit-and-healthy guy. You are threatening his well-being.
  • AngryDiet
    AngryDiet Posts: 1,349 Member
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    The joke response here is, "just break up."

    If he stops finding you attractive as you improve yourself then that is actually my response.
  • mum212
    mum212 Posts: 173 Member
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    you are a beautiful girl hun and if the body you desire will make you happier and more confident then go for it, he might be saying that to put you off because he migh be worried you will get alot more attrntion from other men and is in fear of losing you rather than you being unattractive to him. x
  • 1Fizzle
    1Fizzle Posts: 241 Member
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    F**# that *%)(@*#@)(* right in the @#*$@(*#! of his *()#$&@*# with a *(#$&*@((& and *#$&@#@.

    Translation: Be happy with yourself and keep progressing! :smokin:
  • KevDaniel
    KevDaniel Posts: 449 Member
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    I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He was with me at my heaviest, and his ex was a big woman. As I started losing weight I was concerned he would not find me attractive. It hasn't really been a problem, but recently I decided to start doing weights (to tone, not get big) and Saturday I showed him a picture of a girl who has the kind of muscle definition I want. The first thing out of his mouth was "eww". The girl was laying on a weight bench pressing and the pic was dark. He said that the reason he said eww is because the angle he saw it at it looked like the girl had tennis ball sized arm muscles. He was like "You've always said you don't wanna look like that" I said so what if I change my mind. I showed him a clearer picture of what I want to look like and he was fine with the clearer picture (I don't want huge arms, on that first pic I like her stomach and thighs, which he was fine with). But my problem is now I feel like as my body keeps changing, I'm going to have to keep looking out for signs of him no longer being attracted to me. He says he would still love me, but loving someone and being attracted to them are 2 different things. And we all know what happens when a man is no longer attracted to his woman.

    Everyone changes, he will change in ways too. You have to accept him just as he has to accept you. Is he bigger? Maybe it is insecurity? I don't know I have seen my girlfriend in just about every weight, hairstyle, and physical change possible does not change the wonderful woman she is. You just have to accept a person, flaws, looks all of it . If you can't then that is something that needs to be discussed sooner rather than later.
  • hayleymc3
    hayleymc3 Posts: 128 Member
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    My fiance finds me attractive at any weight I'm at. If this guy really loves you, then he wouldn't make comments like that. To say "ew" in regards to your ambitions is wrong. I can understand everyone has their specific taste in appearances but he could have handled that differently. I would tell him that bothered you and maybe, if this is him projecting his own insecurities, it will actually help you guys out in the long run. Otherwise, I would really think about the future of your relationship.
  • frood
    frood Posts: 295 Member
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    I WAS BUMMED ABOUT THIS AND DIDN'T FEEL LIKE WORKING OUT. NOW I AM LACING UP MY SNEAKERS AND ABOUT TO GET STARTED.
    Right on! :flowerforyou:
  • bpwparents
    bpwparents Posts: 359 Member
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    My husband said he didn't want me to lose much, just wanted to me to feel better about myself. Over 60 lbs later, he loves the way I look now and is encouraging me along the way. I feel better about myself which roles over to better "our time". Do what you feel you want to do. More than likely he'll love the new you and the self confidence and stamina that comes with it! If not, move on! My husband's ex was big too so I was nervous about doing it but everything is better than ever.
  • NeverGivesUp
    NeverGivesUp Posts: 960 Member
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    What a perfect test for a relationship. You will go through a million things along the way if he is the one you will be spending the rest of your life with. It is great he is seeing you through this process. All you can do is be patient and go with the flow. Being physically attracted to your partner goes waaaaay deeper than whether someone has a tight or jiggly body in my opinion. My hubby met me when I was 230 pounds and never made any judgements no matter what size I have been. He just supported me through it all and gave me enough room to figure it out for myself.
  • HypersonicFitNess
    HypersonicFitNess Posts: 1,219 Member
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    If he likes you only based on your looks he's not worth your time (sorry to be blunt). My husband was with me at my heaviest and loved me to pieces...now that I'm thin and toned....he can't get enough of me (and we've been married over 23 years). :bigsmile:
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
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    The quote on your profile says "Changing my own life". That's an awesome quote.

    Listen to yourself.
  • lizp114
    lizp114 Posts: 202 Member
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    While its nice to have his opinion and all you have to work for what YOU want to look like. Don't please him by doing what he wants, it's your body. You have an idea of what you want to be like it sounds like. I'm sure once you get to your goal he will change his mind;) good luck!!

    I agree100% it's your body and you have to do what's best for you.
  • meghan6867
    meghan6867 Posts: 388 Member
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    The guy I'm seeing said the same thing. I told him I wanted more defined abs. And he said that he likes curvier women, etc., etc. But! when I'm running a 10k he's always there at the finishline cheering me on. He loves to see me happy with and proud of myself. That being said: I don't ever want to become stick thin or look like a body-builder or anything... my goal is just healthy (regardless of whatever weight I am).
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
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    Tell him to get f*cked.
  • pfgaytriot
    pfgaytriot Posts: 238 Member
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    Put YOURSELF first.

    End of story.

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