Frustration - Wife sabotages herself - women listen up

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  • Improvised
    Improvised Posts: 925 Member
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    It's frustrating to me that so many women seem to think OP is such a catch. Is emotional abuse or/and controlling behavior so common that people see it as normal?

    Pfft. Take the post at face value and it becomes very clear that he's a normal dude who's concerned for his wife. Nothing controlling or abusive about it.

    ...That or he's a VERY skilled troll, which would totally make me laugh at this point, being strung along for 17 pages.
  • peacefulsong
    peacefulsong Posts: 223 Member
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    The times when she hides her hair, and puts on baggy clothes just drives me nuts, not because I dont like the up-do or baggy clothes, but because she is figuratively saying to herself "I am not pretty enough to get ready" We have gotten into arguments about her hair, and I have thrown her hair-bands away (that was wrong) so she wouldn't hide her hair. She has beautiful hair by the way.
    my wife is worried about not being pretty enough for me.

    Okay, I haven't read all the pages of comments yet and I think your heart is in the right place, but I think this part is important and needs to be highlighted. Do you think that perhaps at least part of the reason your wife worries about not being pretty enough for you is that you give her a hard time when she feels like wearing baggy clothes or throwing her hair up out of the way? I'm serious. Maybe it doesn't occur to you because you're truly only thinking it's a sign of low self-esteem but sometimes a girl really just doesn't want to be bothered messing with her hair. Sometimes a girl is feeling crampy and bloated or just plain lazy and wants to wear something slouchy and just be comfortable. People have low self esteem for lots of reasons but if she actually has an issue with this, I promise you that arguing with her about what she does with her hair is not going to help.
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
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    delete
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
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    People the threads nearly a year old.

    I'm sure she's gotten her answer.
  • CorvusCorax77
    CorvusCorax77 Posts: 2,536 Member
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    i think there is more to this story than you are telling us.

    I agree with whoever said you should show this to your wife and see what she says.

    I also think I get what you mean about her dressing up showing she cares about herself, but you could be wrong. I dressed up a lot for my man when I felt totally unconfident. Somedays, when I feel most confident, I'm wearing skinny jeans and a t-shirt (like in my profile pic). It might not be as you imagine it. You need to talk to HER. Not us.
  • CorvusCorax77
    CorvusCorax77 Posts: 2,536 Member
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    People the threads nearly a year old.

    I'm sure she's gotten her answer.

    man i hate it when people resurrect crap!
  • FungusTrooper
    FungusTrooper Posts: 227 Member
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    first off, he said that he was wrong to throw away her hairbands. so everyone can just jump off that high horse.

    throwing away headbands and domestic abuse are not the same thing.

    The principle is the same.

    He might call it wrong now, but recognising something as wrong isn't the same as apologising or deciding not to do it again.

    It's not the same and it doesn't really apply to this situation. Leave your own personal stories at the door when you try to help someone else.

    It is the same.

    This is the best part of this whole thread.
  • shiplizard
    shiplizard Posts: 20 Member
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    So how do you dress, OP?
  • wikitbikit
    wikitbikit Posts: 518 Member
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    People the threads nearly a year old.

    I'm sure she's gotten her answer.
    Are you doing the time warp again?

    Cos it's from last night. I think. I'm pretty sure. That's what it says, anyway. If 3-13-13 was yesterday where you are. It was here. *cries*
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,081 Member
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    People the threads nearly a year old.

    I'm sure she's gotten her answer.

    Uh....about 22 hours at this moment.

    Thanks for playing?:flowerforyou:
  • Foxxy18
    Foxxy18 Posts: 119 Member
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    Does she SAY that she doesn't feel comfortable with her own body? Because I must have missed that or something.

    It just sounds like you're controlling.. Throwing away her hair bands?? Sometimes we like a lazy day! It sounds like *you* want her to get ready and look pretty. It's her choice whether or not to get ready in the mornings, not yours. Weight is something that a lot of women struggle with inwardly. She just wants to look great for you.. Appreciate it, whether she's wearing her best or her sweats.
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
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    My husband thinks I'm gorgeous whether I wear scrubs or jeans, when I'm sick, and whatever weight I happen to be. I wouldn't have married him otherwise. I don't see it myself, but I'm happy that he does; it's evident every time he looks at me.

    Let her wear what she likes and tell her she's beautiful in whatever she's wearing. And don't throw away things she likes to wear!
  • skinnybunny_x
    skinnybunny_x Posts: 449
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    First of all, this is a fitness forum. Not a relationship forum. If your wife was posting here about her self esteem relating to her weight loss goals, it would be appropriate. However, I find your post totally irrelevant and I'm confused why you want to share this with the people here.

    You obviously know nothing about women. I consider myself attractive, I have an ideal body nowadays - thanks to my genes, and also A LOT of hardwork. (shout out to to fitnesspal, & all of my weight loss buddies who have supported me!), I'm intelligent, a pleasure to be around .. well, I could go on, but there's no point. Bottom line - I like myself, I have healthy self esteem. Just because I know I'm a hottie, doesn't mean I will put makeup on everyday, do my hair, or change out of my PJs. Of course I'm worth the effort figuratively speaking, but some days I want to TREAT myself by not giving a crap how I look physically! As a woman, it's fun to just say $%^& it, skip the 30 minutes it takes to do my makeup, and just start my day. Honestly, it can be annoying to get ready some days when you're on a tight schedule. And if you can't go out of the house without your makeup on and your hair done, you have LOW self esteem. Be happy your wife is comfortable with her natural self.

    Today I went to the park to workout with no makeup, hair messy, and baggy men's sweats on. And guess what? My husband loves it, and actually PREFERS when I don't do anything to myself, because he thinks I'm a natural beauty. So my question is,
    why do you give two darns how your wife dresses or if she primps? You married her, you are supposed to love her til death do you part.

    Maybe she thinks you're lying because you're not a genuine person. It sounds like, based on the way you worded your post, that you just say things to be nice and not because you really mean them. Give her a REAL compliment, not just a line to get on her good side.

    Your wife isn't selfish, YOU are. You married her, and therefore you accepted the role as protector, provider, friend, and confidante. I'm sure you're not the perfect stud in the sheets, so maybe you should focus on growing together as a couple regarding sex, rather than just putting all the blame on your wife. And just so you know sweetie, no woman gets turned on by a guy who is sex obsessed & nags about never getting it ... when you stop pressuring her, you will get it waaaay more. Whatever happened to romancing a woman, as opposed to nagging?

    If your wife is becoming less attractive to you, please seek counseling because it will just be a matter of time before you will stray from your marriage. I really feel for your wife, and send her all my prayers & good wishes, because being married to a man like you is definitely not a picnic.

    I'm so glad I'm married to a wonderful man who loves me for my soul, not my trophy wife worthy bod! :D
  • diabloben68
    diabloben68 Posts: 64
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    First of all, this is a fitness forum. Not a relationship forum. If your wife was posting here about her self esteem relating to her weight loss goals, it would be appropriate. However, I find your post totally irrelevant and I'm confused why you want to share this with the people here.

    You obviously know nothing about women. I consider myself attractive, I have an ideal body nowadays - thanks to my genes, and also A LOT of hardwork. (shout out to to fitnesspal, & all of my weight loss buddies who have supported me!), I'm intelligent, a pleasure to be around .. well, I could go on, but there's no point. Bottom line - I like myself, I have healthy self esteem. Just because I know I'm a hottie, doesn't mean I will put makeup on everyday, do my hair, or change out of my PJs. Of course I'm worth the effort figuratively speaking, but some days I want to TREAT myself by not giving a crap how I look physically! As a woman, it's fun to just say $%^& it, skip the 30 minutes it takes to do my makeup, and just start my day. Honestly, it can be annoying to get ready some days when you're on a tight schedule. And if you can't go out of the house without your makeup on and your hair done, you have LOW self esteem. Be happy your wife is comfortable with her natural self.

    Today I went to the park to workout with no makeup, hair messy, and baggy men's sweats on. And guess what? My husband loves it, and actually PREFERS when I don't do anything to myself, because he thinks I'm a natural beauty. So my question is,
    why do you give two darns how your wife dresses or if she primps? You married her, you are supposed to love her til death do you part.

    Maybe she thinks you're lying because you're not a genuine person. It sounds like, based on the way you worded your post, that you just say things to be nice and not because you really mean them. Give her a REAL compliment, not just a line to get on her good side.

    Your wife isn't selfish, YOU are. You married her, and therefore you accepted the role as protector, provider, friend, and confidante. I'm sure you're not the perfect stud in the sheets, so maybe you should focus on growing together as a couple regarding sex, rather than just putting all the blame on your wife. And just so you know sweetie, no woman gets turned on by a guy who is sex obsessed & nags about never getting it ... when you stop pressuring her, you will get it waaaay more. Whatever happened to romancing a woman, as opposed to nagging?

    If your wife is becoming less attractive to you, please seek counseling because it will just be a matter of time before you will stray from your marriage. I really feel for your wife, and send her all my prayers & good wishes, because being married to a man like you is definitely not a picnic.

    I'm so glad I'm married to a wonderful man who loves me for my soul, not my trophy wife worthy bod! :D

    I think you must have read someone else's post and not mine. You can straw-man all you want, but at the end of the day its not addressing the real concern.
  • skinnybunny_x
    skinnybunny_x Posts: 449
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    The real concern is that your relationship with your wife sucks, because she doesn't do her hair and wears sloppy clothes ... right?

    If your wife wants to make an account here, and ask for fitness/self esteem advice, I will help her. Not interested in giving YOU an ego boost, bud!
  • diabloben68
    diabloben68 Posts: 64
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    The real concern is that your relationship with your wife sucks, because she doesn't do her hair and wears sloppy clothes ... right?

    If your wife wants to make an account here, and ask for fitness/self esteem advice, I will help her. Not interested in giving YOU an ego boost, bud!

    Once again you used another straw man. It is fine if you feel that way and I don't want to force you to do anything.
  • holly3585
    holly3585 Posts: 282 Member
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    She's a woman!!!! I think you really need to think about THINKING LESS!!! Keep complimenting her, and spilling your love onto her. She is 22 for crying out loud!!! Who doesn't have issues at that point?!?! WOW. I think I act a lot like your wife, but at 28 am putting the pieces of 'life' together, and if my husband acted like you described-- he's be dead and I'd be in jail. I don't get throwing the hair ties---what does hair up have to do with confidence??
  • Improvised
    Improvised Posts: 925 Member
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    .
  • cehall3
    cehall3 Posts: 4
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    .
  • Boobarella2
    Boobarella2 Posts: 71
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    Well as a wife (24) with low self esteam, eres my 2 cents.

    I think its great that you want your wife to be confident and comfortable with herself, but i think you may be focasing a little too much on her apearence. Maybe when she ties her hair up and puts on baggy clothing she simply doesnt have time to spend on getting all doll'd up or just wants to relax, you should be satisfied to look at her in her natural state as much and a primed one.

    I always tie my hair up, mainly because it hasent been cut in so long and it annoys me. But i do wear un flattering clothing and iv come to realise that iv been hiding myself. All you can do is a a possitive support system for her, if it is a real issue that she cant let alone maybe talking to a counselor would help.

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