In love with relative of Deceased spouse.

2

Replies

  • Carolyn_79
    Carolyn_79 Posts: 935 Member
    When my mother passed away from cancer, my father ended up remarrying her sister (my aunt) and it was a hell of a lot sooner than 6-7 years. Like someone else said, life is too short to give a crap about what other people think.
  • tatd_820
    tatd_820 Posts: 573 Member
    Yes, go for it. Love is love and sometimes you find it in the oddest of places and times.
  • xMonroeMisfit
    xMonroeMisfit Posts: 411 Member
    you know, in some countries it is completely accepted and encouraged that if your husband dies, you marry someone in his family or his best friend.

    They say its actually the deceased persons' family/friends "duty" to take care of what you left behind.
  • Celestialfairie
    Celestialfairie Posts: 134
    I don't think that the deceased would wish the spouse to remain alone forever. Given that it's not immediately after and the feelings seem to be true and not fueled by passion/grief/what-have-you...

    Really, you're going to get opinions of all varieties. They should just do what makes them happy.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    Good for them. You don't choose who you fall in love with and life is too short not to grab hold of it.
  • FabMrFox
    FabMrFox Posts: 259 Member
    So I guess my question would be did anything happen while the husband was still alive between the best friend/cousin? and the kid is potentially going to have fun putting a family tree together at some point in the future
  • brevislux
    brevislux Posts: 1,093 Member
    I don't see what's stopping you.
  • dodihere
    dodihere Posts: 490
    Who died?
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    Love is a strange thing.
    Why not go for it, I'm sure no one wants you to live in misery pining for what you could be having right now.

    Also what Alex said ^^^
  • wikitbikit
    wikitbikit Posts: 518 Member
    As long as the cousin didn't murder the husband, should be ok. If the cousin did murder the husband, there is some potential for the child to get a little Hamlety I think, and that really didn't end well for anyone.
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
    life is short and love is too hard to find. go for it.
    This.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    If it had been a year or less after her husband died, that would be one thing, but after 6 or 7 years, then I'd would assume it's probably not just wanting to "'replace" her husband. She most likely loves this person based on their own merit.
  • Sweetsugar0424
    Sweetsugar0424 Posts: 451 Member
    I don't see why it would be an issue, it's been years and I'm sure the child would be aware of who this person is and this person loves the child as that's family. I would imagine no one's going to lie telling this child that this is it's father.

    My grandma married a man who died in the war so she then married her husband's brother (my grandpa). He raised his brother's child as his own and they had many other kids together as well as adopted others. My uncle loves what my grandpa did for him and wouldn't have changed a thing about his life.
  • Goal_Line
    Goal_Line Posts: 474 Member
    My father and my mother's best friend (whose husband was also my father's best friend died within 9 months of each other). Both were in their 70's with families of their owns. After about a year they started a relationship and it has been a wonderful thing for all involved. My mother has a companion who I've known all my life, I don't need to worry about her. I'd much rather her be with him than some stranger.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Wasn't this a Sandra Bullock movie?

    Sure it's unusual and some might see an ick factor. But as has been said life is short and love is rare. So be happy.
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
    So I guess my question would be did anything happen while the husband was still alive between the best friend/cousin? and the kid is potentially going to have fun putting a family tree together at some point in the future

    Because the family tree should be a deciding factor. :huh:

    As someone that has been looking at family trees these last weeks to sort out some contact info, etc. I can say it doesn't matter.

    My uncle is currently dating his cousin (after his second divorce), and her second husband (now deceased) was also her cousin but from the other side (well, except that her deceased husband and my uncle were 7th cousins but I'm not telling the rest of the family). It caused drama with his sisters (my aunts) but then everything does. They are all over 60, not having any more children and I love and support them dearly.

    Find beauty in relationships, hold on tight.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
    Only if the spouse REALLY IS DEAD. You don't want a Pearl Harbor situation on your hands...

    I thought the same thing!!

    I say go for it.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Wow. That's definitely a weird situation but I think they should give it a try. Since you said the cousin was also the best friend of the husband, he probably already loves the child like his own. And bringing a brand new person in to step into the role of stepparent could be tumultuous. One of my worst fears is that, if something were to happen to me and my husband remarried, that his new wife would be a sh*tty stepmother to my boys. And then I'd have to haunt a b!tch.

    I know right?
  • bgelliott
    bgelliott Posts: 610 Member
    I think the wife and cousin should be together if they are in love.

    True story -
    My husbands Grandmother passed away when he was very young (I think around 6). At roughly the same time a wonderful woman (we will call her Jane) lost her husband as well. Grandma and Grandpa were very close friends with (Jane) and her husband. Shortly after Grandma and (Jane's) husband passed, Grandpa and (Jane) married each other. (Jane) became my husbands new Grandma. She and Grandpa were married for about 30 years before Grandpa passed (at age 100) and about 8 years later (age 104) (Grandma Jane) too passed away. When a marriage ends in the death of a spouse, those who knew each other & knew and loved the deseased often find that they have a lot in common and the friendship can easily blossom in to love.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
    life is short and love is too hard to find. go for it.

    This
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    I think so long as there's no chance that the husband can miraculously return from the dead and appear at the wedding ceremony, just before the couple says "I do," then it's okay.

    But doesn't the husband always return from the dead in these shows?
  • Valera0466
    Valera0466 Posts: 319 Member
    The only person who could have been hurt by this has passed away. I think it would be ok.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    I think the wife and cousin should be together if they are in love.

    True story -
    My husbands Grandmother passed away when he was very young (I think around 6). At roughly the same time a wonderful woman (we will call her Jane) lost her husband as well. Grandma and Grandpa were very close friends with (Jane) and her husband. Shortly after Grandma and (Jane's) husband passed, Grandpa and (Jane) married each other. (Jane) became my husbands new Grandma. She and Grandpa were married for about 30 years before Grandpa passed (at age 100) and about 8 years later (age 104) (Grandma Jane) too passed away. When a marriage ends in the death of a spouse, those who knew each other & knew and loved the deceased often find that they have a lot in common and the friendship can easily blossom in to love.

    This same thing happened to my grandfather. She said my grandmother "willed" him to her. They were very cute together.

    I also agree, if they're in love, have at it!
  • TheLuSir
    TheLuSir Posts: 1,674 Member
    I think so long as there's no chance that the husband can miraculously return from the dead and appear at the wedding ceremony, just before the couple says "I do," then it's okay.

    But doesn't the husband always return from the dead in these shows?

    Be careful [said in mysteriously ominous voice]
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I think the wife and cousin should be together if they are in love.

    True story -
    My husbands Grandmother passed away when he was very young (I think around 6). At roughly the same time a wonderful woman (we will call her Jane) lost her husband as well. Grandma and Grandpa were very close friends with (Jane) and her husband. Shortly after Grandma and (Jane's) husband passed, Grandpa and (Jane) married each other. (Jane) became my husbands new Grandma. She and Grandpa were married for about 30 years before Grandpa passed (at age 100) and about 8 years later (age 104) (Grandma Jane) too passed away. When a marriage ends in the death of a spouse, those who knew each other & knew and loved the deceased often find that they have a lot in common and the friendship can easily blossom in to love.

    This same thing happened to my grandfather. She said my grandmother "willed" him to her. They were very cute together.

    I also agree, if they're in love, have at it!

    Yes. I have also already chosen my successor. Husband is informed and has been instructed how to woo said successor. If he were alone, no big deal but we have a kid so only nice ladies please in the event of my untimely demise by caveman club or otherwise.
  • SlimSumday
    SlimSumday Posts: 379 Member
    Life is too short to give a crap what others think. If it makes you both happy then go for it!!
    This.
  • csuhar
    csuhar Posts: 779 Member
    It's entirely doable. I've seen something similar in real life. We have a brother and sister, let's call them Jack and Jill. Both are married. Jack is married to Sue and Jill is married to Bob. The four have always been close, visiting each other, going on vacations together, etc. Then, when they were in their sixties, Jack and Jill, the sibling pair, died. After a while, Sue and Bob, finding they already had an extremely close friend they liked and, to the appropriate level, loved, got married. It worked out great.

    In some respects, keeping things "in the family" meant the bonds were largely pre-formed and actually helped because the children didn't need to incorporate a stranger into their lives.

    In my family's case (not the one described above), my grandmother remarried after my dad left for college. While there was no conflict and he was the only grandfather I ever knew, there always seemed to be this slight disconnect because my dad didn't grow up with him, meaning there wasn't a strong bond between those two generations, making connections between all three generations more of a challenge.
  • FitWithWit44
    FitWithWit44 Posts: 412 Member
    You should go with what makes you happy
  • joehempel
    joehempel Posts: 1,543 Member
    My ex-wife got together with someone that was in our wedding party (we met through him originally 10 years earlier) less than 30 days after his wife (number 3) of 5-6 years died.
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    You should go with what makes you happy

    how did you find this and what were you searching for?


    i have to know

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