Is it jealousy? Or should I stop losing?

Erikalynne18
Erikalynne18 Posts: 558 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
"You're shrinking away!" (in an concerned voice)

"You've lost enough already, you should eat this...." (hands over junk food)

Is anyone else encountering similiar comments? I have lost 28 lbs so far since September (so at a healthy rate) through healthier choices, portion sizes, and activity. But it seems the comments have suddenly changed from "It's really starting to show, good for you!" to something that suggests people (outside of MFP) think I have an eating disorder! I consistantly net around 1450- 1600 calories a day so I don't believe I have an ED! I even eat back my excercise calories too.

So any suggestions? Have you had similiar comments? I don't want to give this up since I am close to my goal weight (7 lbs left- although I'm more concerned now with toneing than the scale). However, it is ackward when someone makes these comments. I try to explain that I eat MORE now (just healthier) than I did before, but I'm not sure if they believe me though lol.

Concern? Jealousy? Little of both? Interested to read the replies :)
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Replies

  • chymerra
    chymerra Posts: 212
    unless they live in your body, they have no say.

    ignore the nay-sayers; do what YOU want do to. you will never be happy if you always listen to other people.
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 558 Member
    I will list some stats in case anyone is wondering.
    SW- 165
    CW- 137
    GW- 130
    Height- 5'6
    Current measurements:
    Bust- 39
    Waist- 28.5
    Hips- 36

    I don't believe these are "too low".
  • chels0722
    chels0722 Posts: 465 Member
    I think your goals are reasonable. Do what is best for you and don't worry about what other people say. Maybe it's jealousy, maybe it's not. Hard to tell. Just do you and enjoy being healthy.

    Congrats on the weight loss!
  • ameliaannakin
    ameliaannakin Posts: 344 Member
    I get this all the time. It's not that I don't eat, I have a really healthy appetite and eat more than ever since starting to use MFP properly, i just exercise a lot and stay slim. I just tend to ignore everyone. I feel better in myself and that's all that matters :)

    Ax
  • SakuraRose13
    SakuraRose13 Posts: 621 Member
    Well they are not use to you being smaller perhaps so may bet o them you look to thin now.Its hard sometimes to see a person lose wieght and go from overwieght to normal wieght.No worries its not jealousy really Im sure after losing the rest of my wieght people will tell me the same thing but instead of them thinking I was overwieght before they look at me and say really I couldn't tell.So its sorta wierd for me since Im overwieght still,but some of my friends who havent seen me a in a couple months say I look great not lost wieght but better. by the way you have done an amazing job so far !!
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 558 Member
    Thanks for the support girls! :) I really am loving this site and maybe Mrsmiller84 is right in that people just aren't used to seeing me at a healthy rate so in comparison they believe it's too low. I really am just trying to be a better, healthier me :) So it kind of caught me off guard when people seem to think I am becoming unhealthy :S lol. Oh well, maybe it will just take them time to get used to the new me :)
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    Fat is "normal"...lean isn't. People are used to seeing people, at minimum, being overweight. I forget the study, but I was reading one several months back when I was trying to determine my goal weight and BF%...it was all about truly healthy weights and BF% vs what people perceived to be healthy.

    Just as an example, a 35 year old 5'10" male (avg) weight about 180-185 with a BF of 22-25% was visually considered to look "healthy" In reality, this is an unhealthy BF% and weight (unless it was muscle) and puts the individual of those same stats at moderate risk for heart disease, diabetes, and other diseases.

    Conversely, a male of the same stats was considered by most in the study to look too thin at 173 Lbs and 19% BF...the very highest end of healthy.

    People are used to seeing fat *kitten*, plain and simple.
  • _Lori_Lynn_
    _Lori_Lynn_ Posts: 460
    It may be envy. When I am heavy, people don't say a word with their mouths, but I see the look on their faces (friends) when they look me up and down.

    However, when I am losing weight the women will say, "you're getting too thin" - even when my BMI still says I'm overweight, etc. I don't know what the deal is, but you're not alone.

    Maybe they just aren't used to seeing you look like that and it is a shock to them. Or what I bet it is. . .MISERY LOVES COMPANY. Is it usually the overweight ones which tell you that you're overweight? That was the case in my situation.
  • dixiewhiskey
    dixiewhiskey Posts: 3,333 Member
    This is the beauty of MFP..

    I am about 2" larger around my waist than you, same other measurements but I'm at 168lbs. I think you should do what works for you... maybe focus less on the GW, its only a #. Focus on becoming more fit, which doesn't necessarily mean that you have to drop any more weight. Make yourself happy, that's all that matters.. personally I don't want to weigh as much as you do and maybe that's where your friends/family have concern. I don't really think they are being jealous but I don't know them.

    Best of luck to you
  • ailiel
    ailiel Posts: 18 Member
    I'm 5'7" and I get this all the time. Since I've been at goal I've been told my breasts are too small, I am too skinny, gain back 5 pounds.

    I think I look great and I'm happy. I hate hearing this and never hear this at all from people who did not know me when I was overweight. It's only people who knew me before who make these comments. I think it's not a reflection on my weight or looks now, but more the dramatic difference that they are reacting to. I lost 60 pounds in a year in a reasonable healthy way. I did it textbook, but still I think for some people it can be a little jarring and dramatic to see a substantially smaller person where a larger one used to be.

    If I was getting questions from people who meet me now about my looks (are you okay/are you sick/are you hungry?) I would take them more seriously.
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 558 Member
    This is the beauty of MFP..

    I am about 2" larger around my waist than you, same other measurements but I'm at 168lbs. I think you should do what works for you... maybe focus less on the GW, its only a #. Focus on becoming more fit, which doesn't necessarily mean that you have to drop any more weight. Make yourself happy, that's all that matters.. personally I don't want to weigh as much as you do and maybe that's where your friends/family have concern. I don't really think they are being jealous but I don't know them.

    Best of luck to you

    Everyone has different body shapes and carries weight differently, it's crazy how different our bodies are! lol. I hate my bust (back aches!) but I have learned to love my curves since I've been working out :) Have you checked out http://www.mybodygallery.com/ ? So many different shapes, it's great :)
  • CristinaL1983
    CristinaL1983 Posts: 1,119 Member
    This is the beauty of MFP..

    I am about 2" larger around my waist than you, same other measurements but I'm at 168lbs. I think you should do what works for you... maybe focus less on the GW, its only a #. Focus on becoming more fit, which doesn't necessarily mean that you have to drop any more weight. Make yourself happy, that's all that matters.. personally I don't want to weigh as much as you do and maybe that's where your friends/family have concern. I don't really think they are being jealous but I don't know them.

    Best of luck to you

    It's funny that you say that. I'm 5'7'' 165 same bust measurement, an inch smaller in the waist and 4 inches bigger in the hips (I know where all my fat is right now, lol)...

    OP, Your measurements right now seem healthy (and very attractive :) congratulations) but since you only want to lose 7 pounds, I'd say you aren't exactly shooting for "unhealthy" territory. No one but you gets to live in your body and look in the mirror every day. I would say that I wouldn't get too attached to a number but that if you want to lose a few more pounds, you are probably fine to do so.

    I do think that a lot of the time people are just surprised by how different you look and may be legitimately concerned for your well being but mostly just because they aren't used to seeing you at a healthy weight.
  • tomcornhole
    tomcornhole Posts: 1,084 Member
    I think you look hot.

    "You're shrinking away!" (in an concerned voice)

    "You've lost enough already, you should eat this...." (hands over junk food)

    Is anyone else encountering similiar comments? I have lost 28 lbs so far since September (so at a healthy rate) through healthier choices, portion sizes, and activity. But it seems the comments have suddenly changed from "It's really starting to show, good for you!" to something that suggests people (outside of MFP) think I have an eating disorder! I consistantly net around 1450- 1600 calories a day so I don't believe I have an ED! I even eat back my excercise calories too.

    So any suggestions? Have you had similiar comments? I don't want to give this up since I am close to my goal weight (7 lbs left- although I'm more concerned now with toneing than the scale). However, it is ackward when someone makes these comments. I try to explain that I eat MORE now (just healthier) than I did before, but I'm not sure if they believe me though lol.

    Concern? Jealousy? Little of both? Interested to read the replies :)
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 558 Member
    If I was getting questions from people who meet me now about my looks (are you okay/are you sick/are you hungry?) I would take them more seriously.

    Good point! I'll try to keep an eye out for this :) I don't believe any one new has made negative/concerned comments so far :)
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 558 Member
    It's funny that you say that. I'm 5'7'' 165 same bust measurement, an inch smaller in the waist and 4 inches bigger in the hips (I know where all my fat is right now, lol)...

    OP, Your measurements right now seem healthy (and very attractive :) congratulations) but since you only want to lose 7 pounds, I'd say you aren't exactly shooting for "unhealthy" territory. No one but you gets to live in your body and look in the mirror every day. I would say that I wouldn't get too attached to a number but that if you want to lose a few more pounds, you are probably fine to do so.

    I do think that a lot of the time people are just surprised by how different you look and may be legitimately concerned for your well being but mostly just because they aren't used to seeing you at a healthy weight.

    Aww thank you :) I have worked my butt off I tell you but it has so been worth it :) Since New Years I have increased my calories and added in strength training so I think that has helped me shave off some inches! The 7 lbs left would bring me to my previous lowest weight when I was in the best shape of my life! That's why I picked it, but I'm not too concerned if I reach it or not :) And I agree, it might just be the comparison to my old weight that has caused concern :)
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 558 Member
    I think you look hot.

    HAHAHA... thanks for the compliment :)
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 558 Member
    It may be envy. When I am heavy, people don't say a word with their mouths, but I see the look on their faces (friends) when they look me up and down.

    However, when I am losing weight the women will say, "you're getting too thin" - even when my BMI still says I'm overweight, etc. I don't know what the deal is, but you're not alone.

    Maybe they just aren't used to seeing you look like that and it is a shock to them. Or what I bet it is. . .MISERY LOVES COMPANY. Is it usually the overweight ones which tell you that you're overweight? That was the case in my situation.

    it's good to know I'm not the only one getting these comments! :) Oh well, consensus seems to say I am still healthy so I will keep on treking to the ultimate me :D
  • GiddyupTim
    GiddyupTim Posts: 2,819 Member
    When you weigh want YOU want to weigh, then you have confidence. Nothing looks or feels better than that.
    congrats on your weight loss.
  • jinglett
    jinglett Posts: 69
    On my previous trip down my road to healthy, lean weight for me I was within 5 pounds of my goal weight and feeling on top of the world. The world kept battering at me with those comments --you're too skinny, aren't you done losing weight yet, you look fine--don't lose any more weight. It was exhausting and it wore at me and I let up on my goals--a pound here and a pound there crept up on me. Then, I had severe appendicitis and it took over two years to recover and the rest of the weight returned during that time. DON"T LISTEN TO THOSE VOICES!!!!!! BE STRONG and CONGRATULATIONS! Buy some fun clothes, walk tall and enjoy your hard work and dedication and keep working hard and being dedicated to a better healthier you! Just wait until you start hearing....well if I had "XYZ" what you have or had I could lose weight too.....

    Again congratulations and believe in the new you--it's precious!
  • dym123
    dym123 Posts: 1,670 Member
    DON"T LISTEN TO THOSE VOICES!!!!!! BE STRONG and CONGRATULATIONS!

    ^This times a thousand.
  • aprmay
    aprmay Posts: 216 Member
    Congratulations! I think you look awesome!
    You don't seem like you are doing anything unhealthy, so ignore the naysayers and keep rockin' it.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I think by everything you said...you seem fine and so does your final goal of maybe seven more pounds but toning being more important. I don't know if jealousy is the impetus for those remarks or a real and true fear that you are "headed" in a bad direction. ED's are scary and so many of us know so little about it or how it comes about or what it really actually looks like that maybe they are just preemptively warning. Jumping the gun so to speak. I suspect once time passes and you only get musclier/leaner but not thinner or gaunt. Those comments will go by the wayside. Congratulations judging by your wall you have made great progress and I wish you luck on the final phase of your goals.
  • kristaketter
    kristaketter Posts: 4 Member
    I have to tell you I know exactly what you are going through. My grandmother has always told me ( I was chubby as a kid, got skinny then gained weight back and now I am losing it again) that I needed to lose weight, that I was too chubby, that clothes would never fit me. Once I started MFP and began losing she tried shoving all sorts of candies and cakes and such in my face. I think you have to do what feels good for you and know that you are not alone with the struggles of weight loss. I think at some point it can become jealousy, but instead of being cruel back; approach the situation with a "you should join me on MFP, you will be amamzed." I wish you lots and lots of luck.
  • RoadsterGirlie
    RoadsterGirlie Posts: 1,195 Member
    Nope, you are not alone at all.

    What's really bad is I eat around 2000 calories a day, but some folks make me feel like I have an eating disorder because I'm choose to pass up a piece of cake.

    Fat people are also used to seeing other fat people.
  • keem88
    keem88 Posts: 1,689 Member
    i get this all the time.
    i think part of it too is people are getting used to overweight being the norm, so when someone is average or leaner, they get remarks like you are so small! no. everyone else is just large.
    but yeah, if you are eating enough, you feel fine and have reasonable goals, screw em all. do you.
  • mikegl1
    mikegl1 Posts: 238 Member
    A difference. Once they get used to it nothing will seem that drastic and they'll live with it. For me, before I got hurt again, I had my GFs sister tell me the same sort of stuff. Now she thinks I looks fine..... once healed and I start losing again I am sure she will think some of the same stuff as I lose more.
  • The_Kid84
    The_Kid84 Posts: 28
    I personally haven't experienced this other than through my 5 year old daughter. Other classmate parents always crack jokes about her being thin asking if she eats well... I usually just laugh and shake my head. That kid regularly puts me to shame at the table. I think they are just used to seeing over weight kids in the classroom. I know for a fact there are a few in her class that prob weigh about 2-3 times and are shorter... I'd much rather have her been healthy and active and appear smaller verses a kid sitting in front of the tv all day.

    So I see no difference in adults. Overweight is the norm sadly.
  • NicoleisQuantized
    NicoleisQuantized Posts: 344 Member
    unless they live in your body, they have no say.

    ignore the nay-sayers; do what YOU want do to. you will never be happy if you always listen to other people.


    QFT
  • lilpoindexter
    lilpoindexter Posts: 1,122 Member
    I believe in today's language they are called "haters". People ask if you have cancer, or if you are sick, blah blah blah...Open up any picture of any get together in 1978, and you won't see any fat people. Go anywhere in public (Walmart is good)...and just keep a mental note of the overweight people...the paradigm has shifted, in a bad way. Fat is the new normal. Keep up the good fight. Switch normal back to normal.
  • kazzsjourney
    kazzsjourney Posts: 674 Member
    I did get those comments....and it messes with your head. You (and I) need to build a bubble and let the external comments bounce off us. It really comes down how you feel...if your not satisfied yet keep going (presuming you are not underweight) :)

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