From a 4XL to a size 8!

Wow!! Your story is truly touching and so inspiring.. I do have a question. You mention how getting to the "bottom" or the reason for the problem of overeating?? or did you mention something else..

I suffer from depression and I'm not sure if its due to lack of motivation to live, or because I feel overweight etc.. but although I can say I'm happy I can tell you that no matter how many times I've thought the same thing and once I get off my depression meds I go right back down..

I've had a gastric bypass after weighing close to 300 lbs... Unfortunately, I never got to my goal weight and I'm now at 203 lbs.. Yes its alot less pounds but I'd like to weight less... Alot of it has to do with the fact that I have no motivation or energy EVER to exercise.. since after doing MFP for a few days I can tell that I don't really eat too much - a benefit of having a gastric bypass - So after all this stuff I ask.. Do you think there is some sort of emotional issue that is affecting my life to get to that point of really making an effort to exercise and think more of what I eat and get in shape (something I've never been - since I've been overweight all my life)..??

Probably. I can't say for sure but I can sort of see a little of the same patterns I went through in your post. I would think that by you mentioning your depression, previous attempts and even asking about the possibility of there being an emotional reason; there may very well be one somewhere.

For me, my eating disorder started back when I was around 10 years old. I didn't really notice it too much until a few years later and then it was really bad from the time I was a teenager until I was 22 or so. It came and passed off and on until I figured out WHY I even began to do it. It stemmed from something that goes back as long as I can remember. I remember sitting there in my therapist's office, crying and talking. I don't think I've ever cried that hard at any other time in my life. My therapist almost cried too. I'm not sure if it was what I had told him or the emotional flood gate I had let open but, either way, I learned something important that day: I was worth a lot more than I had ever thought and what others had done throughout my life didn't mean that it has to impact me for the rest of my life.

No one wants to admit when they're dwelling on something. Some times, there are definite reasons to have the natural human emotional reactions that we were born with. A hard part can be learning the difference on if you're upset because of the proper things or not or if your reactions are appropriate. (ie: Being in tears while mourning over a lost loved one is normal. vs Eating just for the sake of already having given up on yourself is not.) In my opinion, if someone is in tears over their weight and chooses to continue to do nothing about it; they should expect nothing to happen. It's also amazing the difference in mood when you see yourself in the mirror and are genuinely happy with the person you are now AND the person you've always been.