Is it rude to delete/decline friends with a private diary?

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  • ChristiSykes
    ChristiSykes Posts: 186 Member
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    some people don't know their diary is private :) I just recently opened mine because I kept seeing these type discussions.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    How can I support you if I don't know what I'm supporting? How can I offer suggestions if I don't know what you are doing and what you're not doing?

    If you don't want friends with private diaries, I'd suggest putting that in your profile or asking about it before accepting friend requests.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    I have my friends list restricted to people who I have something in common with and who I interact with. Tbh I don't really worry too much if a friend chooses to have a closed diary I just do not comment on it when they post, as it would be pointless to comment on something I haven't seen. I respect my friends decisions to do this their way and concentrate on the things I have in common with them.

    This how I do things.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
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    I'm friends with people, not diaries.

    Well said.

    this.
  • WanderingLass
    WanderingLass Posts: 86 Member
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    This is an interesting question.

    My gut reaction is why would I want to be friends with someone who has "restrictions" like I have to share my diary with them (this is a generalization, not directed at the OP specifically, just using her example).

    It carries over to friends in general. I had one who had so many restrictions that it became tedious even just to send her a text. She didn't do phone calls. She didn't do emails. She only wanted texts between certain hours of the day (understandable to an extent as they have to keep the phone nearby even when sleeping since her husband is a state trooper) and these hours would change without notice. She wouldn't tell me major events - she assumed I would read them either on Facebook or on another forum we frequent. It got to a point where I didn't know when I could text her (her preferred method of communication) and I am trying to cut back on online time and spend more time doing "me" things like becoming more active, painting and writing so I was missing out on a lot of her life.

    For me, it seems more rude to put conditions on friendships. However, I also understand that if I want you to help me with my dietary habits, you need that information. So I guess -- helpful answer -- it depends? :ohwell:
  • ThickMcRunFast
    ThickMcRunFast Posts: 22,511 Member
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    Its your FL, do what you want.

    however, my diary is private because I find the notion of strangers going through my daily food choices utterly creepy.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
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    And what's with the obsession people have about diaries?! It is a TOOL, for the person using it.

    Do your friends know how big your husband's *o*K is if you're asking for advice about intimacy?

    Who really cares?! lol Get on with your own life and if you don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't list all their foods for you to see, well my guess is that loss is yours.
  • missigus
    missigus Posts: 207 Member
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    My diary's private just because if I post something community wide the whole world sees it, or so it seems. If I have a lousy day, or don't log for whatever reason, I don't need reminders of that. I know when I'm being less than perfect already and probably feel crappy about it anyway. I enjoy my friends for the purpose of giving feedback on great workouts or sometimes other issues they have going on, and because I know they are there if I want to message or personally ask a question. I'm not really looking for someone to shake their finger at my diary. That being said, I do admire the people who have open diaries, but would never critique it without invitation. I guess if it really bugs you to not know whats going on- it's up to you whether you keep 'em or not.
  • fitplease
    fitplease Posts: 647 Member
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    I try to friend people who have similar goals to me, or who encourage me in some way. If someone wants to friend me but their profile doesn't tell me anything about them, then I ignore the request.

    If a person asks me about their eating patterns and does not explain to me what they are, then it is helpful to have access the the diary. I sometimes look at friends' diaries for meal ideas, or to learn how I can budget my calories better. But, the diary is not a dealbreaker for me.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
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    I don't know I just look at their cleavage and decide from there.

    I don't even think my friends log their food.
  • hot2def
    hot2def Posts: 80 Member
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    Seems kind of childish. "I'm not gonna be your friend because you won't let me see your food diary." Why not just be a friend because you understand we are all walking this path and it is a very hard road? Each person's food may be different, but the struggle is the same.
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
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    Mine is public, I don't really care about it. I don't normally ask for food help but I tend to leave it open in case people are curious.

    I will look at diaries quite frequently and especially when I see many "under calorie goal" and lots of weight being lost.. why? because this can alert me to the fact that someone might be getting frustrated and has started trying to starve the pounds off. I don't support this method and I will not remain friends with people who are determined to do it. I will gently suggest that the person start eating more healthily but I won't congratulate stupidity nor will I suffer fools for very long. If the person continues to under eat they get booted.

    I don't ask many people to be my friends because I don't care but if someone has asked me to friend them I assume it is because they want some help with accountability. If you send me a friend invite the first thing I do is check your diary. If I don't see it I remove you. I am not here to meet people, I am here to lose weight with people who have the same goal. This isn't Facebook or twitter, I'm not here to ask about your kids, your dog or your life. I rarely comment on things that are not weight related just because I am not good with those sorts of things and I do not like discussing personal details with people I have never met.

    So yeah..I don't think its rude at all. It won't hurt my feelings if you don't want to be my friend LOL
  • jamisnyder76
    jamisnyder76 Posts: 5 Member
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    I never look at my friends food diaries. Mine happens to still be the default private setting. What works for one doesn't work for everyone anyway. There are alot more ways to support someone than their food diary.
  • Mainebikerchick
    Mainebikerchick Posts: 1,573 Member
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    I like to see what my friends are eating to get more ideas about how to switch up my diet and have some variety. HOWEVER, if their diary is private, I simply don't comment. And never in a million YEARS would I ever point out bad food choices to anyone! If you don't have anything positive or worthwhile to say, keep your mouth shut. It's just common courtesy.
  • confusious95
    confusious95 Posts: 1
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    I wouldn't unfriend someone based on thier food diary being private. But I will say I'm new at this and being able to see what other people are eating / substituting is super helpful!!! I'm not sure if mine is private? I have no problem with my friends viewing mine. Helps keep me accountable lol
  • geekyjock76
    geekyjock76 Posts: 2,720 Member
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    If they aren't as perverted or twisted as me, they don't stay friends with me.
  • nytius
    nytius Posts: 173 Member
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    Preface by saying...whatever works for you. Its your FL.

    I can't even stand when my own mother pries into my daily food intake (and she is the sweetest saint of a person I've ever met) much less some people from my friendlist. My weight is coming off steadily and at an even pace but if I hit a hump and the stuff I know that works doesn't seem to be cutting it anymore...well then I might open it up to my friends at MFP to mull over what I'm doing wrong. Until that time, I'll keep using it for myself and hopefully my MFP friends will continue to cheer and put their two cents in on the other things anyway. Holding up a mirror that reflects your flaws (and the progression of healing them) accurately is hard enough without having a bunch of people behind you looking at the reflection too. Unless the person has hit a real plateau or is asking for help, I really don't get this obsession with the diaries either.
  • neacail
    neacail Posts: 228 Member
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    How can I support you if I don't know what I'm supporting? How can I offer suggestions if I don't know what you are doing and what you're not doing?

    If any of your friends have private diaries, it is pretty safe to assume that they're not looking for suggestions with regards to what they're eating: unless they've specifically solicited your advice on the matter.
  • jessicawrites
    jessicawrites Posts: 235 Member
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    My best friend in real life is on MFP with me. We're "long-distance gym buddies" living in different states, so the main thing for us is cheering each other on to make it to the gym and support each other if we're feeling discouraged. I couldn't care less about the fact that I can't see what she eats.
  • Teeladog
    Teeladog Posts: 157 Member
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    My diary is private. I am better about logging and being completely honest when I don't worry that someone will comment on my food choices (I make bad choices on occasion but I still log them). When I went from public to private, 2 people unfriended me immediately. Probably better off without them really if that was their only criteria for being my friend.

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