WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MARCH 2013
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Good very early morning all!! I am up at 3:30due to DH's snoring.:grumble: :grumble: He uses a CPAP, but for some reason chose to turn it off.
Barbie- Happy belated birthday! Sounds like your day was fabulous. Thank you for the advice about living in the moment. I too can spend too much time thinking about what if... instead of just enjoying the present. Will keep reminding myself to shut down that voice in my head!
Sundance- My dad has gone through 3 knee replacement surgeries over the years and says they have gotten a bit better- less pain and quicker recovery. I hope you find the same if you decide to go ahead wit the surgery.
grandmallie- When I was losing the weight, I was the last one to notice any difference. Even after 60 pounds, I didn't think I looked much different. DH finally too a new pic and put a "before" pic beside it into one pic. It was eye-opening for me. Even now though I still have times when I feel fat. I think it just takes some time to let your brain catch up with the new you.
Katla- I can relate to the low energy! I really have to push myself to get exercise in even though I love doing it. I think for me it is the stress of my job. There are never enough hours to do all I feel I should be doing and we are getting close to the state tests my students have to take. I know if I exercise it will reduce the stress and I would probably be more efficient, so I am working at it. I had a great walk outside, cold but sunny, last evening. What kind of books does Kathleen Eagle write? I am always looking for books to add to my summer reading list. I rarely have time to read during the school year.
jmkmomm- It must be so hard to watch your DH go through his health issues. I am praying for healing for him and strength and peace for you.
meg- What a schedule you are keeping!! I'll stop complaining about all of the work I have to do!! Think of all of the calories you must be burning and get some rest!
DeeDee= Glad to hear you are starting to feel better. If I had any warm air and sunshine to send your way I would, but mother nature seems confused this spring! Guess I can conjure up some in my mind- so here comes some sunny, blue-skied days!!
jb- Thanks for the info on potassium and omega-3s. I need to check my potassium intake. I am always concerned about my omega-3s because I don't eat fish or seafood. I tried to take fish oil, but don't like how it makes me feel.
Well. my alarm is going off, so I guess it is time to start my day. Hope everyone has a great day!!
Deb A in CNY where I am hoping for lots of sunshine for an evening walk!0 -
Good morning beautiful ladies:flowerforyou:
DebA
Thank you for the sunshine and blue skies:glasses: !!! I can relate to the snoring saga...DH was awful, I told him he was sucking the drapes off the windows:grumble: , I recorded him one time `cause he didn`t believe me:laugh: . I will have to say I miss those snores now
! Good memories though
!
Barbie I love "stay in the moment", I need to do that more often myself!
LindaS You know we`ll be here to support you, whatever you choose to do:flowerforyou: !
Katla I have been really low on energy too:grumble: , guess it`s all this "stuff" I need to get over. I tend to have more energy when I can exercise more. Hopefully I`ll be able to get back to it soon!
Joyce Hope DH listens to the Dr.!!! :flowerforyou:
Rori Good for you getting in your closet, I`m still just talking about it:embarassed: . I might find some things I can actually wear if I get in there
! I agree with having a great alteration person, the one I had moved:sad: , I`m still looking for someone new who will be as good as my last one!
Amanda Hope you have heat today!!! And sunshine and warm temps!!!
I think I`m calling my Dr. today, yesterday I felt absolutely horrible, I`m almost ready to say yes to the steroids:frown: , probably didn`t help that my sister-in-law told me I looked awful yesterday :sad: ! Plus one of my friends had to put his fur baby down yesterday afternoon , she was a 13 year old Border Collie/shepard mix, one of the sweetest dogs I`ve had the pleasure of knowing:brokenheart: , she had liver troubles and it just kept getting worse...I will miss her !
Hope you all have a wonderful day!!! It`s going to be a heatwave here...52 degrees today with sunshine:glasses: , warmer than it was yesterday!
Drink your water:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: and log your food!!!
Hugs,
DeeDee in NC0 -
Good morning Ladies,
well I was up and to the gym again today, did pretty well. but come home and both my poor fur babies have tummy aches, gave them some tummy meds and hope they feel better.
I just packed some snacks for the ride tomorrow and get stuff ready for the DH , because heaven forbid I dont leave him with meals lol. It would be cereal for him ...I go into work at noon and work until 6.then for a haircut....well I am hoping I can get through the next couple of days with grace and dignity...0 -
Hi, Ladies: After cleaning closets for two days in a row, today my ladder climbing muscles are sore. I did manage to walk at the mall and do some shopping at Aldi and Target. I've made progress in choosing better foods but I have a question for you. How do you get in all your fruit (2 servings) and milk without going over the alloted sugar ration? Can you help me?:bigsmile: The weather here in Michigan has been odd today. Sleet, snow, rain. It would be nice to see the sun tomorrow...
luvbuttons- I have seen this question posted before, but are you and others referring to "total carbs"? I know tracking sugars is an option, but I don't choose to use it. I just track the carbs.0 -
Good morning, ladies -
Just a brief (ha!) note this morning - busy day.
After I finished work yesterday I was puttering around the house, not much to do, trying to decide what to make for dinner for just me (DH is still out of town). I decided to hold off on dinner as I would just go to bed much too soon, so I went upstairs to continue spring cleaning. I shampooed the rest of the carpets (even edged around the rooms with the hose), washed down the baseboards, stripped the bedding in the spare room and started the sheets, etc. Basic stuff. Then as I was carrying the shampooer down the stairs I slid on the landing area - new slippers, evidently no no-skid soles. No biggy, I'll just be more careful. Got to the bottom of the stairs - and fell completely down backwards onto the stairs, cracking my back against the stairs. Ouch! I almost cried.
Anyway, called me sister to have her look at it to make sure it didn't look like something that needed to be seen, at least from the outside. Once I got over the shock I could feel that it wasn't my spine that was sore but to the left of it. I'm so fortunate I didn't hit my kidney area (a little lower) or directly on my spine - and I'm extra fortunate that the yoga and exercise has kept me relatively flexible so I can withstand a backwards bend. Anyway I appear to have done most of the damage to the muscle area to the left of my spine. I took some pain reliever after the tumble, then another set around 1am when I couldn't sleep - that one seemed to have done the trick.
I won't be exercising for a few days it appears, but I'm up and mobile at least. It's pretty sore though. DH was so upset - one of my biggest fears is falling on the stairs, and it seems most of my major injuries come from descending - stairs, ladders, mountains.
So that's my big news for the day - oh, that, and my carpets are sparkly clean
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Have a safe and sparkly day!
M.0 -
Good morning everyone! So glad to see my friends here are still chatting away. It is an amazing morning in southeastern Va... supposed to stay chilly, but it is so sunny! DH has left to go overnight to DC. I was hoping to go with him, but the guys are still here working on my remodeled laundry room, so I'm staying here on the homefront, trying not to graze in the pantry all day! At least with the sun I might get outside and walk!
DDs are coming home for Easter and I'm sooo excited to see them. Haven't seem my oldest since Christmas, which seems like an eternity. She's only 6 hours away, but it feels so far. In any case I need to plan some yummy, healthy meals for them while they're home... not just chocolate and jelly beans!
Grandmaille:noway: --- Goodness up at 3:30! The only thing I do if I get up at that hour is be thankful that I can get back in my warm bed! Great job working out before you go to work. Truly that’s dedication.
Beth – Sounds like a great book. I never want to finish books I love that much, but then I’m in a hurry to find out what’s going to happen. Hope you were able to meet the day refreshed and ready to go!
Amanda – :flowerforyou: Hope you’re feeling better and warmer. I have one electric blanket that I keep in the house just in case. One of our bedrooms just doesn’t stay warm in the winter and dd is always pulling that blankie out.
Nancy –:happy: Congrats on tucking your shirt in! It is a celebration!
M – Thanks for the masala recipe. I’m putting it together today to have on hand. For some reason I was craving carbs yesterday (the bad ones!) Something about wheat thins… they call my name from the pantry. I buy them for my husband but they get confused and think they’re for me!
JB –:happy: Great info about the potassium. I don’t know why it surprises me that eating healthier makes me feel better… It’s almost like food is designed to help us, not hurt us!
Rori – :happy: When is your conference in SD? We loved living there 1997-2000. We’re visiting friends there in May. Hoping we don’t get that Maygray weather.
DebA – I know what you mean about the snoring, only it’s not my DH here… it’s my dog!:laugh:
DeeDee – I’m sure I’m like everyone else…. Worried about you! Hoping your Dr’s visit helps you feel better. You’ve been sick too long. Want you to get well in time for our spring warmup…. Finally! Since when is it this cold this late in the year in VA/NC? I expected this in Chicago, but not here!!!:noway:
Well, I had my irish oatmeal this morning so I feel full for the morning, right?!
Hope you all have a great day! Enjoy the sun, if you have it!
Tammy In Va Beach0 -
Im back trying to type sideways with my sick puppy on my lap:sick: he only wants mommy when he isnt feeling well.
a friend of mine at the gym, gave me a couple of golf balls,roll them on my heel, HOLY COW:noway: does it hurt, but it is supposed to help with the heel, been doing stretches and picking at food:grumble: im logging it all ,but still if I'm busy im not eating...
packed a little overnight bag for tomorrow,and like I said a few snacks.there is one store on the Cape that I love love love.. and no it isn't the Christmas Tree Shop's(although they are fenominal) is Bird Watcher's General Store in Orlean's, I just lose myself there,I dont know if I will be able to get there this time, but will try.. I want to spend as much time with Ruth as I can,depending how she is feeling..
Some place's you travel to feel like home for the DH it is Florida, for me it is Cape Cod... I just wish I wasn't going for today this purpose..Oh well Say La Vie...It is beautiful and sunny but cold today.
gonna charge up the ol laptop to take with me tomorrow0 -
DebA : Kathleen Eagle is a former teacher who taught for years on an Indian Reservation, married a Native American who she describes as the love of her life, and writes about them. This particular book is set in Wyoming or Montana, and one of the main characters in the story is half Native American. Other books I’ve read have been set in the rural west, but some have also been set in cities. They all include some aspect of modern life of Native Americans.
On the issue of potassium: DH has to lower salt intake due to blood pressure problems so we bought salt substitute. It turns out to be made of potassium and it tastes like salt. There must be a list of foods that are high in potassium somewhere online.:flowerforyou:
DeeDee: I am sorry you’re feeling so awful. Is your SIL a mean girl? If not, telling you how awful you look was an expression of concern and you should get in touch with your doctor. He/she is talking about temporary steroids, right? If this won’t be a life sentence it might be worth it.:flowerforyou:
M: I hope the recovery from your fall is quick. I’m still dealing with the fall down the steps I had while bringing in the recycle bin about three weeks ago. It is healing, but taking its own sweet time. :flowerforyou:
It looks like a nice (dry) day here, and I’m planning to walk with a friend. We ramble all over town, although we go on shorter walks now than we did a few years ago because her dog is aging and doesn’t still have the old stamina. I enjoy her company and our dogs have become friends. They greet each other like long lost buddies every time we walk.:bigsmile:
Have a great day.
Katla in NW Oregon0 -
Good morning to all,
Thanks to all the ladies who responded with advice about my foot cramps, but it hasn't happened again. It may have been a freak thing. I drink LOTS of water and get plenty of potassium, so I have no idea what may have caused that, but hopefully, it was a one-time occurence.
Well, I registered for that 5K walk for Multiple Myeloma on April 27th. There are runners as well, but I know I am not in good enough shape to do the run. I can definitely handle walking at a brisk pace. My DS & DBIL will be there, and my niece, her husband, my nephew and his fiance will also be walking, I know they have done this in years past, but this will be the first time for my DH and myself. It gives us the chance to be together to suport my sister and her struggle with this disease.
:drinker: Welcome to any new members. I extend good thoughts to those who are struggling and my congratulations to those who have had successes.
Just a few personal responses....
:noway: M - That fall sounded horrible! I cringed when I read your account of your fall down the steps. It's everyone's worst nightmare! You are so lucky that you didn't do more damage. Bet you'll be sore tomorrow. Take care, and remember that moist heat along with pain meds works best. Take it easy and feel better soon.
:flowerforyou: DeeDee - Hang in there. Sometimes these things get a grip on you and don't want to let go. Hope you will find some recovery soon.
:brokenheart: Alison - You are a good and loyal friend. My thoughts are with you as you make this difficult visit. Since being on this site and reading all of your posts I have been consistent with exercise which has been my downfall in the past, so I thank you for sharing your experiences with me. Your enthusiasm for health is contagious!
Hugs,
Lucy in Delaware:bigsmile:0 -
Just have a sec to pop in this morning.
Andrew Weil's book, "Eating Well for Optimum Health" has a chapter all about fats, good and bad. He states the importance of Omega-3s for protecting the nervous system and promoting mental health. Great book, heaps of info.
Excellent sources of Omega-3s include herring, mackerel, salmon and sardines.
Also, flaxseed oil, ground flaxseed, hemp seeds, purslane, walnut oil, and walnuts.
A tablespoon of ground flaxseed is great on yogurt with walnuts and fruit. That's what I have most days for breakfast.
See this site for great info about potassium, and a good chart showing levels in different foods. www.krispin.com/potassm.html jb sees a teeny bit of blue sky amongst the clouds 0 -
Rori – I’m right there with you on being motivated by others here to dive into clothing storage areas (most of mine are in the basement in boxes/suitcases) and spring clean. Many things are on the “too big time to donate” pile which is such a great feeling. Enjoy your time in San Diego (if you can carve out any time) it’s a wonderful place, that’s where I lived before coming to Colorado (where Spring is still flirting rather than committing) :flowerforyou:
JB in Portland – Funny you should mention Omega 3s and Depression – I’ve just finished reading “The Omega 3 Connection” by Andrew Stoll, MD and am upping my fish intake plus I just ordered supplements since I don’t think I can get enough through food alone. I’ll report back and let folks know how it works for me
Jmkmomm – Good for you both in getting your walks in even though the “scenery” is lacking, and be patient with DH as he works on figuring out his ‘new normal’ (be patient with yourself even more!). I understand how your husband feels about waiting for things like the MD to see you, I’ve left more than once myself
Yoyonomore55 – About your dislike of fish oil, one thing I read in the book (see above JB) was for folks like you to take their supplement at night before bed and then the side effects don’t bother you because you’re asleep (I understand because they effect me that way too so I’m going to do this)
DeeDee – I love that you recorded DH snoring when he didn’t believe you!! What an “eye-opener” it must have been. :laugh: See your doctor, take the steroids, feel better soon!
M. – Ouch!!!!!! So sorry to hear about your fall, it can be so scary (I had a similar tumble down my basement stairs a few years ago, sore and technicolored for a couple weeks) - - glad to hear the pain relievers are keeping you feeling relatively decent (and that your carpets are sparkly clean!).
Tammy – LOL, we must buy the same kinds of crackers, because the one in my pantry get confused too and think they’re for me!
Lucy - So great you're participating in the MM walk, we have been impacted by this disease so are all the more grateful for volunteers like you and your family who raise money for a cure
JB - Thanks so much for the link to the Potassium foods, very helpful to me (and others I'm sure)
Well I actually got to exercise outdoors yesterday, and it looks like that will (finally) continue daily for the the next five days or so, which makes both Dillon the Wonderdog and me very happy! I do get bored riding the stationary bike so much and do prefer walking around the lake observing the ducks and geese and gazing at the Rocky Mountains :happy:
Brooke from Colorado0 -
I found a good website this morning, it explains about the benefits of Omega-3s, and has a very good chart (scroll down towards the bottom of the page for the chart showing serving sizes) in different foods. Worth looking at! Oh, I as far as I can see, woman our age need at least 1.1 grams Omega-3s daily. You'll see why ground flaxseed and walnuts are so good for us. :bigsmile:
http://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?tname=nutrient&dbid=84 jb 0 -
Hi Ladies.......So glad I found the continuation of this board..... Been travelling for work and lost track.
Did a little detour from MFP program last week, but back on track today. So difficult to calculate and stay under my calories when having to grab meals on the go or when dining out.
Looking forward to reading all the posts I missed from you inspirational ladies !
Happy Wednesday :-)0 -
Happy Hump day!!
Spending the day with Violet.
Her idea of fun is cleaning the bathrooms.lol
At least I`ll get some exercise.
Have a good one!
HUGS
jane0 -
Hi Pals!
Just got back from and and 3rd grade Music concert. the kids did a great job but the electricity went out in the middle of the concert so they had to sing in the dark. there were a few small emergency lights on so we could see the kids on the front row of the risers. SAD for the parents to come and see their kids perform and not be able to see them! At least they all sang out and did a great job.
2nd news of my day was my room parents threw a great Easter party at school. the kids had a blast. ONE more day of the week and then on Friday I fly out to Abu Dhabi to stay with my daughter and grand daughter for a week. I am so excited that I hope I will be able to sleep tonight. I can't wait to see my only grand daughter again. I have not seen her since November.
I am hoping that I can continue the momentum of my healthy eating and exercising while I am there all week. I find it harder when I am not at home with my regular routine. Lots of eating out and sleeping in. But I am planning to do my best.
Happy EASTER! Phyllis 0 -
bump0
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M. that sounds like a terrible fall. Anti inflamatories, heat and rest!
those third graders showed courage to finish their concert with the lights out. Their parents should be proud of them.
My husband had his follow up appointment this morning. We are not morning people at all and getting up at 8:30 is not our cup of tea :grumble: Apparently the plan is to recheck his blockage with a stress test and if he fails then it's another stent. If they can't do the stent then it's open heart surgery. I hope that scares him enough to keep up and do better with the diet and controlling his stress.
Keep smiling, logging your food and drinking your water, Joyce in southern Indiana0 -
Bumpity Bump0
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Hi, Sunshine League!:glasses:
Had a lovely supper with friends last night but learned a valuable lesson, don’t rely on the darn computer. One of the ladies didn’t show and when we phoned her she said she didn’t get the confirmation. Get back to the phone, its more personal and there can be no mistakes!
The sun has come out and the temperature is slowly rising (YEAH!), warnings of possible flooding are starting to surface (BOO!) which has me losing sleep. We still haven’t finished the reconstruction after the last flood and of course now we have no water coverage (2 claims in 5 years and you’re done!) and when I think of what it has cost us so far…. On the other side of the coin, my DH has built this basement with great care and attention to detail, starting with one massive overflow valve so with that and my great gratitude to our guardian angels, I am hoping we can hold the flood waters at bay.
I went out to examine the back year to see if I should start digging trenches to run the water off the edges of my garden and what to my wondering eyes did appear? The snow has pulled back from the house and there are a couple of hyacinths poking up in defiance of the weather and a little red nose of a tulip in a place where no tulip should be! A present for me !:flowerforyou:
I decided to do a trial run with my ‘sexy bra’ to see how it will hold out for the gala evening and wore it for a day. Yikes, now I remember why it got put in the costume bag in the first place, it is so uncomfortable and I was always tugging it into place :frown: . Maybe I should use some duct tape for insurance purposes, I have seen it at Michaels in all kinds of decorator finishes!
Have been busy cleaning the layers of dust off everything thing in the house, it’s amazing what a motivator impending guests can be, especially little guests! Must get down to their eye level and remove temptations and possible trouble areas of construction. Mind you, the construction area is a trial even for me to move around in but I know the family will want to see the progress. There was so much dust it was white and I found myself singing songs about winter wonderlands! The floors were so awful, first I swept, then I swiffered, then I washed twice and they still look dull! Grumble, grumble…. Bought the wee ones ‘Kinder surprises for girls’, a little chocolate, a little toy and no one gets too spoiled.
Linda Sundance, I get the mode of self-sabotage to stave off impending decisions but you may not need the surgery of you lose the weight and the stress on your knees is reduced. When you said that is what you were doing this week, I think I may have realized that I have been doing somewhat of the same thing! With the cost of the basement and our upcoming trip to Ireland, I felt I couldn’t spend on clothing! I lost just enough to be able to get by with the basics, just far enough to alter seams instead of start from the beginning. I don’t usually indulge but maybe I should buy a lottery ticket, just in case, after all I did win ‘3 free coffees’ in a row from Tim Horton’s! (That’s more than I have won in the history of Roll-up-the-rim!)
mwheatcraft54 – oh, oh , oh, falls can knock the stuffing right out of you! I hope you are taking it easy now!
Amanda- I hope you are doing better now,; having to go to work feeling like that is too brutal and absolutely saps you. Make sure you replace your electrolytes with something like Gatorade if your body can handle it.
Yikes, look at the time; I am supposed to be heading in to work soon for a short shift. Thought I would take a brief moment out from my cleaning to pop in. Brief? Lol! House is looking good though! Even took my kitchen curtains down for a wash.
Enjoy your day!
Hope the sun is shining for you! :glasses:
Kate, in the middle of a meltdown….. now where is my boat?0 -
Hi, ladies:
It's been a busy day of another sort. I spent it sewing a dress for my granddaughter. Now I'm looking forward to doing some exercises with a theraband that just came in the mail. That should be fun or at least different. Thanks, Moxie, for the sugars tip. No matter how hard I tried, I was always over the sugars and under the carbs. Couldn't figure out how to make it work so, like you, I'll just go with the carbs. The sun was out this morning and it actually looked and felt like spring, I say felt and looked because it's gone. Looks like winter again. Sigh. Have a good evening, everybody.0 -
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: Rori, my cat Bernie can tell when the heat pump comes on the morning (it’s on a timer) and then he wakes me up by trying to pull the cover off me and walking around on my stomach.
:flowerforyou: LindaS, you are so right about sharing your fears with your friends (that means us)….it seems to cut them in half.
:flowerforyou: Jmkmomm, my husband who recently had surgery to install a new defibrillator has two speeds----much too fast and energetic enough to scare me or couch potato in the recliner……he has difficulty finding the safe middle ground.
:flowerforyou: M, you are so right that good exercise and being fit goes a long way in preventing anything worse from happening in your fall…
:flowerforyou: Katla, you are so fortunate that you and your friend and your dogs can all walk together……..my dogs don’t like to walk with any dogs other than each other.:laugh: :laugh:
:flowerforyou: Jb, I found a bag of ground flaxseed at Costco and have been adding it to my morning shake along with walnuts that are a good source of Omega 3.
:flowerforyou: Phyllis, it seems odd to me that there would be Easter celebrations in school in Egypt
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: We danced fabulous dances in line dance today then 14 of us went to a great Mexican restaurant for lunch……I kept my hands out of the chips and ordered chili relleno and cheese enchilada with no rice and beans and side of pico de gallo….then came home and walked the dogs. Jake and I met with a roofer to get an estimate on re-roofing our house and then tried not to choke on how expensive it will be. We have company coming tonight so we prepared some snacks and did a bit of tidying and cleaning including sweeping the walks and porches outside (that was my daily dose of garden puttering). Barbie from NW Washington
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Sorry Lost my post. Thanks for all the encouraging stories funny and informative. Happy Easter too all,off for a very brisk walk now as this winter weather is just not leaving0
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I walked with my friend this morning and DH this afternoon. I have lots of available calories and spent almost 500 of them on an Alpenrose Dairy peanut butter fudge ice cream cone.
. In my case food sometimes motivates me to exercise more: translated as I work to buy calories. :devil: By the way, I only buy ice cream at a restaurant or ice cream shop. None is in my refrigerator so I can't completely pig out. :blushing:
Katla having fun in the sunshine in NW Oregon0 -
Rori - I had a pantssuit that had gotten too big for me, but I liked it. So I asked this one lady at the Y to alter it for me. Actually, I wanted to see her work and I knew this suit wasn't that involved. It wasn't lined or anything. She did a pretty good job.
DeeDee - how terrible for your friend. It's always so hard when we have to put our babies down. Isn't this weather weird? Here it is, the end of March, and I'm wearing my heavy coat! Something's wrong with this picture. What did the doctor have to say?
M - OUCH!!! Glad the pain meds worked
Lucy in DE - congrats on the 5K. I know you'll do real well.
Jane - Violet can have fun to her heart's content at my house. We have 2-1/2 baths.
phyllis - have fun with daughter and granddaughter
Joyce - keeping your hubby in my thoughts.
Am a little rushed right now. Woke up, took a yoga class then the deep water class. Did a little food shopping (only the things that were on sale) and picked up a prescription for Vince. Then senior bowling. This I don't understand, the other team had three members and they gave them a sub for the fourth. Our team only had two people on it! But, miracle of miracles, we did win one of the games. Not from my help, tho. Well, for each of the three games I did break 100. After bowling we went to buy more moist cat food for Jessica's cats, now home for dinner.
Will do a DVD by Bob Harper tomorrow. It's weights.
My sinuses are acting up again (thank you weather change) so I took a decongestant, which makes me very thirsty.
Brooke - congrats on the NSV
OK, ladies, I need your help. I honestly don't know how I feel, perhaps a bit sad. Bryan just called, the wedding is set for July 5. He told us that the reason they were rushing the wedding is because his visa expires in August, and by marrying an EU citizen, he won't have to constantly get a visa. I don't doubt that there's some love there, but I wonder how much? We've only met her once, a few years ago, for a few hours, at the house where Jessica is renting a room. The girl has never been to our home. Isn't she in the least bit curious about Bryan's family, childhood etc? Bryan was always the child who was so levelheaded and so willing to help. Last summer he sent me a SCATHING (to me it was scathing) email saying how we don't acknowledge her existence, etc. Well, he hasn't even told us her last name, I had to ask him a while ago. Then, when he's starting to plan this wedding, in addition to our expense of flying to Spain, we'll most likely be paying for Denise to fly there, he's asking us for $10,000 (US dollars) to put towards the wedding. Seems her family could only afford about $2,000. I feel like I'm losing him, not like I'm gaining a DIL. They're planning to live in France after the wedding. She's from Spain and I totally understand that she wants her grandfather, who isn't in the best of health, to walk her down the aisle. Her father is dead. I know that she has an uncle, but that's the most I know of their family. Looks like now they're going to have the wedding by a JP there in the afternoon, then they're renting a house where they're going to do the cooking, I'm guessing for only a few people. Afterwards, my understanding is that he & Dianna are planning to go to Madrid to be with some of their friends. That makes me sad because we haven't seen him in 2 years. His friends will still be there. But he's going to abandon us in a country where we don't speak the language. She lives in a little town (Avila) so it's not like they speak much (if any) English.
It seems that money is tight with them. Bryan was in a gifted class, so he's no dummy. We gave him a college education, but he hasn't taken it any further.
How have others dealt with a child living in a foreign country?We've suggested that he let us talk to her on the phone, but every time either we call him or he calls us, we've never spoken to her. I have no idea how much English she understands! Bryan says that she understands, but how much? Whenever he calls, she's always out. There were some things that I understood (like the time he called while she was getting her wisdom teeth pulled), but other times I just don't understand, why not call us when she can talk to us?
Since money is tight for them, for their wedding we are planning to give them tickets to the US, I would really like to get to know her.
Kate - lol @ duct tape
Hope everyone has a great evening.
Michele in NC0 -
Full disclosure: I do not have human biological children (but I believe that even if I did) . . .
"Then, when he's starting to plan this wedding, in addition to our expense of flying to Spain, we'll most likely be paying for Denise to fly there, he's asking us for $10,000 (US dollars) to put towards the wedding. Seems her family could only afford about $2,000. I feel like I'm losing him, not like I'm gaining a DIL. They're planning to live in France after the wedding. She's from Spain and I totally understand that she wants her grandfather, who isn't in the best of health, to walk her down the aisle. Her father is dead. I know that she has an uncle, but that's the most I know of their family. Looks like now they're going to have the wedding by a JP there in the afternoon, then they're renting a house where they're going to do the cooking, I'm guessing for only a few people. Afterwards, my understanding is that he & Dianna are planning to go to Madrid to be with some of their friends. That makes me sad because we haven't seen him in 2 years. His friends will still be there. But he's going to abandon us in a country where we don't speak the language. She lives in a little town (Avila) so it's not like they speak much (if any) English. "
I've always felt like a wedding was a luxury (rather than a necessity) for declarlng one's love for another and really doesn't require money nor pageantry. I'd want to know of my child (if they were asking this financial commitment of me) why this was important to THEM??? I'm obviously not the best arbiter of what's appropriate, but I feel like I have a good amount of common sense and discernment. Just my two cents . . .0 -
brooke - "what's important to THEM". Getting married so that Bryan can stay in France. I really don't know much about her at all. I just wish Bryan had given me the chance to get to know her some, beyond her first name and that she's vegetarian. Like I said, I haven't even talked to the girl in almost 2 years. I offered them my wedding band so that they wouldn't have to incur the expense of one, but Bryan told me that she was picking out her own. I understand -- but if money is tight, wouldn't you want to cut corners as much as possible? When Vince and I got married, money was very tight. I bought a gown for $150, it wasn't my dream gown but the price was right. I used my mother's wedding rings. Had my cousin make the wedding cake. Oh, we skimped wherever possible.
Maybe it's the mother-worry in me. Is she using him to get what she wants? Well, if so, then he's made his bed so now he has to lay in it. Maybe THAT'S my fear.
Michele in NC0 -
Michele in NC I have just read about your son and his upcoming wedding in Spain. I can identify with this so much. Our son married this girls twin I'm sure. she was not from another country but controlled my son wanted money for a wedding also same story she had no close family,or so we were lead to believe. They always had excuses why they couldn't visit usually money problems. same thing we gave our son a good education , he's our only son and she used this wanted a huge wedding and what were we going to pay, we are a one income family and did not know or like this girl enough to give her the wedding of her dreams. long story short they went to jamaca and got married no family was invited and so it began a marriage of hell for him for 15 years with us always the fault of their problems. He was always caught between me and her She only wanted money Finally I said enough and we didn't see or here from him for 5 yrs it was awful but needed for all or sanity. He then with no family to back him and no money for her finally got a divorce without us even knowing . best desison he made but he had to see her for what she was without or influence. thankfully they never had children so she is totally out of our lives now. He has just met a lovely portugeise girl with family in portugal. but she wants to be part of his family and get to know us something the other never did. He still says why didn't we tell him what we thought of his ex. and he wouldn't have married her right!! we did she had the control we did't Sorry for the rant but it just came all back don't know what to tell you cause they just seem to do their thing regardless of our thoughts or feelings. All the best to you and your family0
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No, Michele, I get it - - I had a brother go through a similar situation, but they were both completely transparent about it (she wanted green card, he loved her enough as a friend to "marry"). He's now dead, and don't know if she even knows (or cares) but it worked for them. But I must say I wouldn't have invested hard-earned cash into the "event" itself if I'd been given the chance. Again, just me . . . loyal to a fault but you must first earn it . . .0
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