married or single folks please read....

blackmagic25
blackmagic25 Posts: 227 Member
in Chit-Chat
So my buddy has been married for about 6 six months and lately he's been telling me he's not happy and that he's wants to leave his wife. I tell him to stay because he had a kid with her but he tells me he misses the old days when we use to hangout all the time and well when he was free to do whatever. He's my best friend and I want the best for him that's why I'm here asking people that are married or think they know what he should do so I can help also since I am friends with his wife it kinda sucks that he tells me that. anyways input would really help thanks :)
«13

Replies

  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Stay out of it?
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    How old is he and why did he marry her? Was he trying to "do the right thing" because she was pregnant?
  • usernameMAMA
    usernameMAMA Posts: 681 Member
    Ouch. Maybe you should tell him to talk to his wife, not you.
  • blackmagic25
    blackmagic25 Posts: 227 Member
    he's 22
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    He shouldn't have married her if he's that young and thinking of the "good old days"
  • blackmagic25
    blackmagic25 Posts: 227 Member
    I told him not to get married because he's trying to grow up to fast I wanted him to stay single but two years again he was saying he loved her and she moved in pretty quick
  • kjoy_
    kjoy_ Posts: 316 Member
    he made his bed, let him lie in it. he made a promise for life and if he's too immature to handle that then let him drain his bank account getting a divorce and deal with the stress of raising the child of a divorce himself.
  • mikey1976
    mikey1976 Posts: 1,005 Member
    simple man up whos he going to cuddle you or wife
  • blackmagic25
    blackmagic25 Posts: 227 Member
    haha that's what I am saying but he's my boy and well I wanted to respect his decision no matter what I thought
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,654 Member
    And this kids, is why you always use protection, unless you are ready to become a husband and father!
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    I told him not to get married because he's trying to grow up to fast I wanted him to stay single but two years again he was saying he loved her and she moved in pretty quick

    Not your problem.


    ETA: I am not being snarky
  • blackmagic25
    blackmagic25 Posts: 227 Member
    simple man up whos he going to cuddle you or wife
    damn haha not even like that he's like my brother we known each other since 1st grade
  • TTHdred
    TTHdred Posts: 380 Member
    first let me say I agree with two answers already posted. You should stay out of it and tell him to talk to his wife about how he feels. That's really the only way.

    Wanting a divorce because he wants to hang out like he used to is a bit immature. And based on the age you just listed that explains why. He can't hangout as he did because he has kid, not because he is married. My husband and I have been married for 9 years and I go hangout whenever I want....sometimes with him, sometimes without. BUT we don't have kids.
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
    if he has a kid with her...tell him to grow a pair and man up cause his wild days are over. not saying he has to stay in the marriage- but he seems to not understand that he has to put his kid before himself.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    And this kids, is why you always use protection, unless you are ready to become a husband and father!

    Having a kid doesn't mean you have to stay in a relationship where you are not happy or you don't want to be.

    This is not a dress rehearsal. You don't get a second chance. So you made a mistake. It doesn't mean you have to be miserable with it for the rest of your life.
  • blackmagic25
    blackmagic25 Posts: 227 Member
    And this kids, is why you always use protection, unless you are ready to become a husband and father!
    we can say that all day but it doesn't happen
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    And this kids, is why you always use protection, unless you are ready to become a husband and father!
    we can say that all day but it doesn't happen

    Indeed.

    And not using protection and getting pregnant doesn't mean you have to propose OR stay with the gal you knocked up.
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,654 Member
    He wants to leave so he can go play the field, then what is going to happen? He will meet some other chick, get her pregnant and have TWO babies to support. He needs to grow up, and fast. And if you are a good friend, you will want him to do right by his wife and child. We all make decisions we regret later, but you don't just walk out on responsibilities because you wanna go play.
  • padipaddy
    padipaddy Posts: 12
    tell him to run like ****e off a shovel. This is not a practice, you get one chance make the most of it. If he is not happy now its unlikely he will not be happy next year.
  • MaraPN
    MaraPN Posts: 66 Member
    He has some soulsearching to do.What does he really want? If it's just the hanging out
    maybe you'll could get together once a week or so.
    If it's more than that he should asked himself if he really wants to give up his
    family to hang out with friends.
    And your involvement, you can give him advice or just stand by him as a friend but that should be it.
  • MidwestAngel
    MidwestAngel Posts: 1,897 Member
    obama_zpsa1424a97.gif
  • Laura42012
    Laura42012 Posts: 180 Member
    A) He should get a divorce because it sounds like he will cheat
    B) Everyone should have time to go out and be have fun but not at the expense of the family, if money is tight or there are no babysitters, etc.
    C) What conflict is he experiencing with his wife that causes B?
  • ShannonS2714
    ShannonS2714 Posts: 135 Member
    He has some soul searching to do.What does he really want? If it's just the hanging out
    maybe you could get together once a week or so.
    If it's more than that he should asked himself if he really wants to give up his
    family to hang out with friends.
    And your involvement, you can give him advice or just stand by him as a friend but that should be it.

    I agree with this.

    It's only been six months...has he talked to his wife? Would they consider marriage counseling? There is way more to this than what we know, and what you know....there always is. This should be something they work out together, whether they split or not.

    I've been divorced....it's not fun. I've also been the product of a divorce....that's not fun, either. I hope they can work it out, but if not I hope they can both at least be mature about it.
  • Dementedllama
    Dementedllama Posts: 177 Member
    Then he should talk to her about why he isn't happy and see if they can find a way to fix things and make it work. Marriage is a SACRED VOW. Not something you can just decide to stop when you get bored or things aren't perfect anymore.
  • SunshineT83
    SunshineT83 Posts: 158 Member
    first let me say I agree with two answers already posted. You should stay out of it and tell him to talk to his wife about how he feels. That's really the only way.

    Wanting a divorce because he wants to hang out like he used to is a bit immature. And based on the age you just listed that explains why. He can't hangout as he did because he has kid, not because he is married. My husband and I have been married for 9 years and I go hangout whenever I want....sometimes with him, sometimes without. BUT we don't have kids.

    ****THIS****
    Because even if he DOES choose to leave his wife he will still have the responsibility of putting his child before himself. Only without his wife to be part of a team/unit/family with him, things will be more difficult for the both of them.

    What is it that he really feels is missing in his life? He needs to talk to his wife about that not you. Because if it's sex, money, his career, fear of failing as a husband, a father, or just overall as a man these things do not impact YOU. They impact his wife and child. He needs to man up, face his life, and decide what is it that he really and truly needs. NOT what he wants, because that will inevitably change throughout his life. The party only lasts for a short time, he has to think beyond Friday Night and into 10-20-30 years from now.
  • ShannonS2714
    ShannonS2714 Posts: 135 Member
    He wants to leave so he can go play the field, then what is going to happen? He will meet some other chick, get her pregnant and have TWO babies to support. He needs to grow up, and fast. And if you are a good friend, you will want him to do right by his wife and child. We all make decisions we regret later, but you don't just walk out on responsibilities because you wanna go play.

    I think this is horrible advice. I've known children who were raised in a home where one or both of the parents wanted out. One of those children committed suicide at 15 because of the misery that was his home life. No one has to "do right" by their spouse. Having a child is not a reason to stay in an unhappy relationship. Children need to be raised in an environment that is full of happiness and love....not one that is full of resentfulness and hate.
  • Caged_Heat
    Caged_Heat Posts: 1,031 Member
    And this kids, is why you always use protection, unless you are ready to become a husband and father!

    Having a kid doesn't mean you have to stay in a relationship where you are not happy or you don't want to be.

    This is not a dress rehearsal. You don't get a second chance. So you made a mistake. It doesn't mean you have to be miserable with it for the rest of your life.
    Agree. My uncle wasted most of his life waiting for his three kids to grow up. He was miserable the whole time, or so we realized later. He walked out when the last one turned 18 and found a woman he was happy with. Died a happy man. In the meantime, all three kids never talked to him again for walking out. He could never provide input into their being raised anyway so it was a lose-lose.

    This is now referred to as "the good old days." Yea right.

    He should definitely try to make it work and you should tell him that. Does he really love her or not? He needs to decide that first. Then if he tries, doesn't get over his feelings of making a mistake, he should try to change.

    My opinion only.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    He wants to leave so he can go play the field, then what is going to happen? He will meet some other chick, get her pregnant and have TWO babies to support. He needs to grow up, and fast. And if you are a good friend, you will want him to do right by his wife and child. We all make decisions we regret later, but you don't just walk out on responsibilities because you wanna go play.

    And you know this how?

    And by "do right by his wife" do you mean stay with her because they have a child? Sorry but I can't agree with that one if that's what you mean.

    Don't matter that he got her pregnant and thought he'd "do the right thing" and marry her and is now realizing it was wrong. If he's going to stray then he needs to leave her legally and support the child they had. I can't condone being in a relationship where you're not happy regardless if there are kids.
  • Caged_Heat
    Caged_Heat Posts: 1,031 Member
    He wants to leave so he can go play the field, then what is going to happen? He will meet some other chick, get her pregnant and have TWO babies to support. He needs to grow up, and fast. And if you are a good friend, you will want him to do right by his wife and child. We all make decisions we regret later, but you don't just walk out on responsibilities because you wanna go play.

    I think this is horrible advice. I've known children who were raised in a home where one or both of the parents wanted out. One of those children committed suicide at 15 because of the misery that was his home life. No one has to "do right" by their spouse. Having a child is not a reason to stay in an unhappy relationship. Children need to be raised in an environment that is full of happiness and love....not one that is full of resentfulness and hate.
    Amen.
  • deannajf4
    deannajf4 Posts: 223 Member
    haha that's what I am saying but he's my boy and well I wanted to respect his decision no matter what I thought

    I'm sorry, but what respect is there to be had for a man that dumps his wife and child because he refuses to grow up!? Seriously - the answer is simple yet revolutionary - be a man of your word - discover the meaning of integrity, honour and create a family heritage that few children have the benefit of being part of these days!

    Another little tip - there is a difference between a CONTRACT and a COVENANT. Marriage is intended to be a covenant - this means that there are no conditions - that the person signing up is signing up NO MATTER WHAT the other person does (of course breaking the marriage bond through adultery creates such a deep rift in the relationship that this could be seen as ONE exception). Unfortunately people today view marriage as a CONTRACT - basically, if the other person doesn't hold up their end of the deal, there is freedom to break it. Please please people, view your marriage as a covenant, there is nothing more sad and destructive as broken marriages - for the kids, the spouses and society in general!!

Categories