How to dump a guy without being mean?
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Wait... What is he still doing? Is he acting like you simply didn't break up? Begging for a second chance? Stalking?
After all you've done, I'm baffled.
I changed my textplus number but kept my regular cell number, so he keeps texting, keeps texting, saying he loves me. I finally messaged him back, to tell him AGAIN that I do not want to be with him anymore, I said he couldn't call me on the phone, or come back on my FB, but that we could still talk as friends, he immediately goes right back into asking me who I am talking to and trying to tell me what to do, which is the main reason I dumped him in the first place. So now, I feel like I have to dump him ALL OVER, even though I never said I'd changed my mind. It's just frustrating.
OK, just my two cents. You need to tell him firmly, "I no longer wish to have any communication with you at all. We can not be friends, and our relationship is over. Please stop contacting me. I will not respond to you or write you again after this message. If you do not, I will be forced to seek a restraining order."
And for the love of god, follow through and DO NOT EVER REPLY OR WRITE HIM AGAIN.
I said that in shouty caps and stuff, so it's totally valid
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You know you don't actually want to be his friend... so don't tell him that. It's not the 'nice' way to do it. It sounds like he has some issues, so maybe it's time to say, "Actually, it is you, and I don't want to be your friend. Kick rocks, bro."0
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but that we could still talk as friends, he immediately goes right back into asking me who I am talking to and trying to tell me what to do, which is the main reason I dumped him in the first place.
you have to cut him out. no friend-zone.
you need to explain this clearly to him in person, then physically walk away.
that'll do it.
edit: Also, the old "it's not me, it's you" line should work well.0 -
Is he showing up on your door step? That's stalker and needs policee involvement.
Um yeah, no. Please do not call the police because a guy you just dumped showed up at your door. If he shows up with a gun, or if he refuses to leave and you truly feel you are in danger, have at it. But being annoyed that someone you actually have a personal relationship with won't get the hint that it's over does not constitute being stalked. The police have bigger fish to fry.0 -
You guys are right. Initially I told him that I would not be contacting him at all, no texts or calls or anything, but I eventually gave in. I shouldn't have. I shall go cold turkey, and if that doesn't work, I will direct him to this thread.0
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if you have done it nicely....and he's not getting it....then you just may have to get mean...
it's hard......but some men need that....
they really do.
Yes . . . some of us crave it... uncontrollably.0 -
If he thinks you are being mean, that's his problem. You can't control how someone else reacts to a situation. Just move on and don't concern yourself with the fact that he is making himself miserable.
Good luck.0 -
You guys are right. Initially I told him that I would not be contacting him at all, no texts or calls or anything, but I eventually gave in. I shouldn't have. I shall go cold turkey, and if that doesn't work, I will direct him to this thread.
Have you tried the "I'm pregnant with triplets, congrats daddy" approach, yet?0 -
Just tell him your gay and move on.0
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you have to be mean....end of story...he's not taking the hint....
you have to be mean...
i had this happen last October/November....and he kept calling and texting and calling and texting....first I responded with thanks but no....
then I responded with NO....
then i said I'm not responding anymore....leave me alone.
and I ignored all texts.....he still texted well into November and December...i finally got the last one in January....
it's been quiet since....0 -
if you have done it nicely....and he's not getting it....then you just may have to get mean...
it's hard......but some men need that....
they really do.
Yes . . . some of us crave it... uncontrollably.
i know Burt...i know......
your time will come....0 -
it's been quiet since....
That's because he finally finished his masterpiece, a marshmallow sculpture of your body. He doesn't need Alex is Hawks anymore, he has something much, much better now! You were just the mold, a cast-off in the production process! BWAHAHAHA *cries*0 -
Is he showing up on your door step? That's stalker and needs policee involvement.
Um yeah, no. Please do not call the police because a guy you just dumped showed up at your door. If he shows up with a gun, or if he refuses to leave and you truly feel you are in danger, have at it. But being annoyed that someone you actually have a personal relationship with won't get the hint that it's over does not constitute being stalked. The police have bigger fish to fry.
Just.... thank you....=]0 -
You guys are right. Initially I told him that I would not be contacting him at all, no texts or calls or anything, but I eventually gave in. I shouldn't have. I shall go cold turkey, and if that doesn't work, I will direct him to this thread.
Have you tried the "I'm pregnant with triplets, congrats daddy" approach, yet?
This would be a fantastic idea, but I haven't slept with him. We've only been dating for 3 months, I knew he was off after 2, and I try not to give it out to EVERY crazy that comes my way.0 -
"I love you and want your babies NOW! Also, I need some of your blood so I can drink it so you will ALWAYS be a part of me!"
That should scare him away, unless he's the creepy kind that would then give you his blood... with a boner...0 -
Cold Turkey. Doing it nicely makes us guys think that there might be something left. If you do it cold turkey, and blunt, i'll get the picture and never call again. Try it. It sounds mean, but its actually the only way that works.
^^^ Always worked well for me.0 -
If you haven't yet, you break up over phone or in person. No friend-zone.
If you've already dumped him, and he's not handling it, then you say you don't wish to be contacted anymore (this means in words that men understand, like this: "Don't contact me again", no "hints"), and then go no contact. Block, unfriend, everything.
If he persists despite that THEN it's time to be meaner.0 -
Set him up with one of your friends. I think he would take that better.
Probably be happy.0 -
Does this mean we're breaking up?0
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But still making him understand it's really truly over. I tried the "it's not you, it's me" it didn't go so well. Help a sister out.
Enough of this soft crap. I'm 42. I've been dumped, I've dumped women. It is never pleasant and can't be made pleasant.
Keep in mind that most men are very direct, regardless of intelligence. They don't do nuance as well as women.
Tell him plainly. "This is not working for me, it is not going to work for me. We don't need to date any more. Sorry, but I won't be changing my mind."
Any hemming or hawing or telling him you still like him as a friend will just provide a glimmer of hope that he can get you back. Kill that glimmer where it lives. He will hate you for a few weeks, but I bet a year from now will thank you for ending it clean and quick and letting him get over it for a bit and move on.0 -
I found that when someone fixated on me.... I had no choice but to be blunt and mean. not CRUEL and deliberately hurtful, let me be clear lol, but just very blunt and mean.
"I really don't get why we're even having ANY sort of conversation at all at this point- and your reaction to this further prooves my point that I don't want to be with you. At all. ever."0 -
"I love you and want your babies NOW! Also, I need some of your blood so I can drink it so you will ALWAYS be a part of me!"
That should scare him away, unless he's the creepy kind that would then give you his blood... with a boner...
good grief no! He's telling her that he loves her. That will only make him that much more crazy.0 -
If you broke up with him in a text, you can't really be all that concerned about his feelings. You told him it's over. Move on.
It wasn't JUST a text. Geez, I'm not 15. I just meant I told him in every way possible.
:drinker:0 -
Wow - I haven't heard relationship advice this bad in a long long time. There are some good ideas in this thread, but the others are just shocking.
Simply put - be yourself. Since you provided almost no details it's quite difficult to give you strong direction. You did, however, say he keeps messaging you and saying he loves you, and asking/telling you about what you're doing.
- Take some time before replying to texts, FB, or picking up calls. When you reply, "Hey I was doing XYZ so I wasn't available, what's up". He will slowly realize that he isn't your priority.
- When he says he loves you or the like, be straightforward and say "I'm sorry I'm not there anymore" or "I don't feel that way". You need to say this every time he says that to you. After a few times, he will understand
- As for the controlling, if he tells you what to do you reply with "Thanks for the suggestion but I don't think I can do that" or "I don't think that's what I'll be doing".
Not rocket science....0 -
If you don't want to be mean don't lie, make up stories, or excuses. Just tell him Mr. XXXX I'm sorry, this is not working for me. I no longer want to date you. Thank you for the fun we had together. I hope you find someone who can appreciate you. Then walk away or hang up. (Don't text that’s for cowards). If he calls you do not answer the phone. If he keeps calling then you can text with something like "We have ended our relationship, please give me the respect of space and do not continue to call or text me." Also unfriend him on facebook.
Breaking up is like getting waxed. would you rather they pull the strip off quickly or slowly? The letting people down easy or with "we'll still be friends" is just pulling the wax off slowly.0 -
"I'm breaking up with you"......
thats the way i like it0 -
Send Taylor Swift to his house to do it for you.
Sorry, but that is really funny!!!0 -
it's been quiet since....
That's because he finally finished his masterpiece, a marshmallow sculpture of your body. He doesn't need Alex is Hawks anymore, he has something much, much better now! You were just the mold, a cast-off in the production process! BWAHAHAHA *cries*
Marshmallow? MARSHMALLOW???
you told me it would be warm caramel cake....for that soft all encompassing warm thick feeling .......0 -
You have to make sure that he understands in to uncertain terms that you do not want to be with him.
Don't allow him to think there is a possibility of anything more, if he has to hear the words say it.
"I don't see anything with us beyond a friendship"0 -
ANH720 said it best by saying this."Hey, you don't seem to be getting the message and I don't want to be mean but your behavior is stressing me out and making me unhappy. Our relationship is over and I don't want to pursue a friendship".
Then stop responding to him, block him if you have to.
For all those that said get a order put on him, you are wasteing the courts time, tax payers money... unless he is being threatning or causing harm there is no need to waste the courts time or tax payers money. Simply tell him the truth.0
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