Please give me some tips on motivating my man...

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  • OkieTink
    OkieTink Posts: 285 Member
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    There is nothing you can do to change another person...even your husband. Just love him and accept him for who he is.

    Good luck.:smile:

    Best advice so far...
  • FrnkLft
    FrnkLft Posts: 1,821 Member
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    What motivates me to eat better is the urge to maximize my workouts and to avoid needlessly gaining back the weight I recently lost. If he's busy, get him on the 2 day rule... never go 2 days without working out, no matter what.

    Motivating a guy is tough. I'm concerned with the way I look and present myself, but some guys aren't and avoiding health problems is the only remaining motivation... and that's weak as hell until it's too late for most people.

    Actually another motivation that I have is how my ex-gf (and women in general) are reacting to the losses and gains I've made. I love that, and I want to make it better. If you can get him to make some small gains at first, reinforce that by showing some more interest and making him feel like he should keep working at it to better himself.

    ... but approach this in a healthy way ok? You're trying to help him, not change him. God I hate that "change him" crap.
    There is nothing you can do to change another person...even your husband. Just love him and accept him for who he is.

    Good luck.:smile:

    I disagree. We should never make our significant other's feel "less than", but accepting mediocrity just breeds more mediocrity. We should expect more of others, and they should expect more of us. There's nothing wrong with him inherently for being overweight or unhealthy, but he does need to to something about it. And hell, he'll be so much the better for it!
  • PamelaGatorMom
    PamelaGatorMom Posts: 348 Member
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    for years I knew I needed to lose weight but guess what I did nothing about it...you know why...it's wasn't important to me!
    Then a couple years ago my husband was diagnosed with diabetes, he lost almost 40 pounds and I kept thinking I should probably do that too...but I didn't
    Well I kinda had a slap in the face moment looking at some pics from Christmas and knowing I was starting 2013 out turning 40 & WAY over weight, so I decided to make the change. No one told me to do it, I just decided it was time!!
    My point is until your husband decided it's time for him nothing you do or say will change that. In fact you may turn him off if you keep pushing him about it.
    YOU make healthy changes for you! And hopefully he will see a difference & join in!
  • oliviabog
    oliviabog Posts: 101
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    Be supportive, he might genuinely feel tired if he is working really hard. Eventually he will want to do something, and when he makes that decision for himself he will be truly motivated to do it for himself. As a kid who was pushed into playing competitive sport because daddy wanted me to I know that motivation isn't the same when doing something because someone else wants you to.

    If you feel that the concern for his health outweighs just being supportive then talk to him and say you are worried and want him to be around for as long as possible or something similar. It has to be his decision in the end though.
  • jzebracki
    jzebracki Posts: 112 Member
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    I am in the same boat. My husband has about 100 pounds to lose, and he knows it, but isn't doing anything about it. I have lost 47 pounds since last May, and I still have about 42 to go. I really thought that when he saw me losing weight, working out, eating better, etc., it would kick-start him into thinking about himself. It hasn't. All I can say is that each one of us on here knows that until YOU are ready to make the commitment and take control - until you have reached the "Disgusted with yourself" stage, no outside factors can truly motivate you. So, all you can do is continue on your journey, and hope that he eventually comes on board. Make sure you tell him that you are worried about his health and that you want to have a long and happy life with you! That is about as far as you should "push." He will come into it in his own time, like each one of us did. Good luck. I know it is frustrating, but continuing on your journey is the best you can do!
  • schaskes
    schaskes Posts: 103 Member
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    I agree with others - in particular on these points: 1) He has to be ready to change. 2) Try just going for walks together (my husband has lost over 40 pounds in the past 9 months, and on most days he only walks the dog for an hour. 3) Tell him repeatedly how much you love him and his body, and if you ever suggest anything make sure it is about his long-term health.
    My last suggestion is to make sure he gets a physical. My husband's doctor is the one who really started him on his weight-loss journey. Good Luck!
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
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    I know from trying to encourage my 18 year old, there isn't much you can do if the person's not motivated. With her, I keep talking about summer and prom, because I know those are things she cares about and wants to look good for. You can try to offer encouragement that's relatable to his life -- things that would improve for him if he was in shape, especially if there are things he can't do, or can't do comfortably, now. Making it about health may not work, because a lot of us feel invincible and have a "it won't happen to me" attitude.

    Other than that, if you are in charge of food prep, prepare normal-sized meals. If you are in charge of the shopping, don't bring junk into the house. When you go out to eat, suggest eating at restaurants with healthier options. Most of all, just keep getting healthy and hot and hope that he finds his own encouragement.

    Of course you have to "love and accept him as he is," but that doesn't mean you have to sit idly by and watch him kill himself. Possibly the worst advice ever. Definitely avoid nagging, though. That will probably have the opposite effect. Lead by example, and offer encouragement along the way.
  • toaster6
    toaster6 Posts: 703 Member
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    Perhaps you can voice your concerns for his health to him. Have an honest conversation with him where you tell him your concern-- no accusatory tones and no trying to guilt him into anything. He may not be motivated to improve his health for himself, but he might be for you.
  • emrogers
    emrogers Posts: 328 Member
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    only thing you can do is focus on yourself and hopefully once he see's that in your he might want to change. However you cannot change a person nor can encourage them to do something they are not ready for themselves. They have to want to change themselves first then you can be supportive!
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
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    Took 9 months for my husband to join the party. He dropped 30 lbs in like 3 months and has maintained that for a year. . .all with slight diet modifications and no real exercise. It took me a YEAR to drop 28 lbs and I lift & run to maintain. He sucks. But I love him.

    You just go about doing what you do and keep loving him for who he is. You can't change him. You can't motivate him. Once HE finds the motivation, you can be an encourager, but that's about it.
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,472 Member
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    give him lots and lots of sex and he will do anything for you.
  • ApexLeader
    ApexLeader Posts: 580 Member
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    "do what i want or i'm leaving you" that's how my wife motivates me
  • caspergirl7
    caspergirl7 Posts: 590 Member
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    Just keep doing what you're doing & he'll see how good you feel/look & maybe that will kick his butt into gear... otherwise you really can't do anything..
  • gr8pillock
    gr8pillock Posts: 374 Member
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    I know someone who motivated her husband by telling him she would give him a BJ for every 10 pounds he lost. I used to see that man in the gym all the time!! He lost like 70 pounds with that incentive.

    That being said not everyone can be motivated. And if it does motivate him there is nothing to say he will stay going forward. He has to want to do it for himself and no other reason otherwise it probably won't work.

    Every ten pounds??? Jesus, she's not from my tribe. Try a blow job every morning if he behaves and takes good care of himself and works out the day before. :)
  • thisismeraw
    thisismeraw Posts: 1,264 Member
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    Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to motivate him. He has to want to change himself. No one can make someone else change.

    I would just continue with what you are doing and he may get motivated based on the progress you are making.

    As others suggested, ask him to go for a walk with you. Instead of sitting at home watching TV go play gold, baseball, bowling, go for a hike, find a trail by your house if possible and go for a long walk. Where my husband and I used to live there was a long trail, than a park, than the trail continued and looped back towards our house. So, we would pack some veggies, fruits and a sandwich and walk along the trail to the park. Once we got to the park we would stop and have the food we brought (sometimes it was only water and some fruit and veggies) than we would walk back home.

    Can you have a conversation with him and just tell him that you are worried about him? Don't make it seem like you want him to lose weight or you are pressuring him.. just make him aware of your worries. It might help push him but again, he has to want it himself.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    Try rewarding him with sexual favors. Works very well in my house. :devil:
  • mreeves261
    mreeves261 Posts: 728 Member
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    I know someone who motivated her husband by telling him she would give him a BJ for every 10 pounds he lost. I used to see that man in the gym all the time!! He lost like 70 pounds with that incentive.

    That being said not everyone can be motivated. And if it does motivate him there is nothing to say he will stay going forward. He has to want to do it for himself and no other reason otherwise it probably won't work.

    Every ten pounds??? Jesus, she's not from my tribe. Try a blow job every morning if he behaves and takes good care of himself and works out the day before. :)

    Apparently she uses that as a birthday and anniversary treat thing. So I would say she's not from your tribe, lol.
  • lsapphire
    lsapphire Posts: 297 Member
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    Keep a food diary (calories and such) for him. Present it at the end of a week, maybe he really doesn't realize his intake versus what it should be?:bigsmile:
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    You're already withholding meat from the guy and he won't comply.

    There's only one thing you can do.

    Withhold sex.

    Ok now that's just wrong! No reason she should punish herself too!

    I like the way you think :laugh:
  • Tymeshia
    Tymeshia Posts: 194 Member
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    Ask him if he want to do the C25K training. Also,take baby steps. When I started my journey to trying to be more healthy, I started with food. Why don't you both just focus on food intake for 100 days and then tell him after the 100 day sof focusing on food you go to exercising. When I started the exercising I started with just exercising for at least 10 minutes daily and see how that works for him.

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