White guy who 'loves' black women.
OK, this is probably one of my irrational things where I get het up about nothing, but last night I was really annoyed by a man, and that is not like me.... maybe it was the ale??
But you see this white guy, he is at a part with me and my sister (we are ppl of colour) and also people of various races in the party. It is known about this guy that he LOVES BLACK WOMEN. That evening was the first time I met him properly though.... he sat down at our table, and totally ignore me (a man),our other friend (white girl)- because he only cares to talkto black women. No, he is talking to my sister. You know how brothers get around their sisters and men? he he... already I was watching very carefully. And he sits there like, in AWE of my sister , hanging on her every word, and showering in compliments. And that is nice right? But what he is saying! She is a 'queen', she is 'strong', she is 'exotic' and 'majestic'; all those stereotypes and cliches for black women. But that is not the bad thing-what gets me is he thinks he is speecial. Like he is special to see her beauty and give her time. Ummm, no- my sister is HOT and LOTS of people think this, black and white. It doesn't take someone really specialto see that. At least the rest of them don't think it a massive virtue! It was like, yes, he loves black women, but it is almost like fetish, he loves them BECAUSE they are black.
And basically, he thinks he is being charitable and so good. Like he is really good for to see the beauty of black women, and that they should be really grateful or something, even though he was nothing speical. Like they are to sit there are give him attention all night because he is kind enough to 'love' them. And there is not respect in that.
I was very angry about how he treated my sister and wanted totell him. I didn't though. I don't know if i was being rational or if it just the drink, aah.
xxxx
But you see this white guy, he is at a part with me and my sister (we are ppl of colour) and also people of various races in the party. It is known about this guy that he LOVES BLACK WOMEN. That evening was the first time I met him properly though.... he sat down at our table, and totally ignore me (a man),our other friend (white girl)- because he only cares to talkto black women. No, he is talking to my sister. You know how brothers get around their sisters and men? he he... already I was watching very carefully. And he sits there like, in AWE of my sister , hanging on her every word, and showering in compliments. And that is nice right? But what he is saying! She is a 'queen', she is 'strong', she is 'exotic' and 'majestic'; all those stereotypes and cliches for black women. But that is not the bad thing-what gets me is he thinks he is speecial. Like he is special to see her beauty and give her time. Ummm, no- my sister is HOT and LOTS of people think this, black and white. It doesn't take someone really specialto see that. At least the rest of them don't think it a massive virtue! It was like, yes, he loves black women, but it is almost like fetish, he loves them BECAUSE they are black.
And basically, he thinks he is being charitable and so good. Like he is really good for to see the beauty of black women, and that they should be really grateful or something, even though he was nothing speical. Like they are to sit there are give him attention all night because he is kind enough to 'love' them. And there is not respect in that.
I was very angry about how he treated my sister and wanted totell him. I didn't though. I don't know if i was being rational or if it just the drink, aah.
xxxx
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Replies
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I think you are reading way too much into things.
I generally find black men to be attractive. So, because I am a white woman, me being complimentary of a colored man would somehow be less genuine and even charitable. Huh??0 -
Was he wearing a fedora at the time?0
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I know zero about this but maybe he really does like women that have black skin? Is that so bad? Sorry not trying to offend at all just that I think many black men are especially gorgeous but I never was around any lol so didn't be with any. I don't like certain types but is is so bad?0
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I think you are reading way too much into things.
I generally find black men to be attractive. So, because I am a white woman, me being complimentary of a colored man would somehow be less genuine and even charitable. Huh??
Well, not intrinsically, only if you considered yourself to be really charitable and good, like you was the new Nelson Mandela for feeling that way. And if you like them for stereotypical reasons of what a black man is, rather than as individuals. But am sure you don't
Thing is this was my sister, and I think people who are brothers get really sensitive bout these things no? (I mean brother/sister in the family sense, not being ebonic lol)0 -
a) I have no idea why his, yours or your sisters race and color was brought into this. Are you racist against white men?
b) Did you seriously said that your sister is hot? WTF is wrong with you?0 -
I think you're overthinking it. Because he sees black women as beautiful, exotic, and strong, doesnt mean thats ALL he sees them as. I think your brotherly jealousy is clouding your opinion of him. He likes black women. I like punk rock guys. A lot of us have specific types and even races we're more attracted to than others. There's nothing wrong with it
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:laugh: Get over it!!
I mean, is it really bad that there are white guys that like black women? Growing up, none of the white guys liked me (too afraid to admit it). I always hated the assumption that people think I'm cool with the whole "sista" "brotha" but most people after talking to me figure out that it's not really necessary.
I would be flattered if a white guy stated that he was specifically into black women or lavished me with attention.. that is because I am really into white guys. I see where you are coming from even though I don't agree 100% but I think you need to forget about it. If something really bad is stated or happens, definitely stand up. Let your sister speak for herself if need be, she has her own voice.0 -
I think you are reading way too much into things.
I generally find black men to be attractive. So, because I am a white woman, me being complimentary of a colored man would somehow be less genuine and even charitable. Huh??
This.
I know plenty of women that think black men are attractive and actually prefer to date black men.
How is this any different?
Also, I'm white and there is nothing I wouldn't do for my little sister.
That's not a trait specific to "brothers".
For someone who's so worried about stereotyping you seem to do alot of it.0 -
Eh...he's trying way too hard, but from what you said, I don't think he meant any insult.0
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a) I have no idea why his, yours or your sisters race and color was brought into this. Are you racist against white men?
b) Did you seriously said that your sister is hot? WTF is wrong with you?
Race may or maynot be relevant to this... I feel it is because it certainly coloured his interactions with us! He wouldn't be even talking to white girls. Race was very relevant to the dynamic... that he 'loved' her but felt he was entitled to something just for feeling, like as a black woman she should be all grateful and everything. Like he was white saviour Casanova.
My sister IS hot. Like, I think she is a beautiful lady, and I know many men find her attractive, men of all kinds.0 -
Btw, I never heard of strong, exotic and majestic as stereotypes for black women.. all compliments.0
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a) I have no idea why his, yours or your sisters race and color was brought into this. Are you racist against white men?
b) Did you seriously said that your sister is hot? WTF is wrong with you?
Race may or maynot be relevant to this... I feel it is because it certainly coloured his interactions with us! He wouldn't be even talking to white girls. Race was very relevant to the dynamic... that he 'loved' her but felt he was entitled to something just for feeling, like as a black woman she should be all grateful and everything. Like he was white saviour Casanova.
My sister IS hot. Like, I think she is a beautiful lady, and I know many men find her attractive, men of all kinds.
There isn't anything wrong with that in my mind IMO.. I am the same. I just really like white guys, if I'm interested, I'll go out of my way to talk to them. Now, that doesn't mean I ignore other races for friendly interaction and friendships of course but if we are talking about attraction, I probably do the same as him.
As much as people hate to admit it, some of us are attracted to specific races and I think that's OK.0 -
Also, I'm white and there is nothing I wouldn't do for my little sister.
That's not a trait specific to "brothers".
Lol, I wondered if I would make a confusion with this- to be clear I mean brothers in the biological sense, not the black guy sense, like all brothers (male siblings) are protective of their sisters.
I dunno if it is the same between a white woman and black man. My instinct says not, because the power dynamic is different. While the woman may be the white one, she is still the female, and sexism also impacts, so thw power dynamic is different- maybe a woman cannot so easily make a man feel objectified as vice versa? I dunno really, tbh.0 -
^lol at the fedora!
So you think your sister was approached by him just because she was black?
...It couldn't be that out of all the other women of all different ethnicities in the room, your sister's smile caught his eye..?
(I'm not saying he's not a creep but sheesh, not everyone who's enthusiastic has fetish!)0 -
a) I have no idea why his, yours or your sisters race and color was brought into this. Are you racist against white men?
b) Did you seriously said that your sister is hot? WTF is wrong with you?
Race may or maynot be relevant to this... I feel it is because it certainly coloured his interactions with us! He wouldn't be even talking to white girls. Race was very relevant to the dynamic... that he 'loved' her but felt he was entitled to something just for feeling, like as a black woman she should be all grateful and everything. Like he was white saviour Casanova.
My sister IS hot. Like, I think she is a beautiful lady, and I know many men find her attractive, men of all kinds.
Your profile says you're a man. Now, I am assuming you've been attracted to other women (or men maybe?). When you like somebody, you go for them. You try to ignore others. Maybe thats your problem. You're first off racist and second off a horndog who likes to sniff every girl (or guy?) in the joint rather than going for one that you like. The "white guy" (still don't understand why you feel like you had to so constantly bring that to our attention) was going for your sister. As a brother, that should bother you, of course. But the fact that you chose to mention his skin color and that YOU felt that he was feeling entitled makes me think you got a problem with white people. Get over it. Its 2013.
Still cannot believe you think your sister is hot. Seriously dude, wtf is wrong with you? Racist AND a pervert...0 -
We are all equal...regardless to race, colour, creed, religion.
In my opinion anyway.0 -
Still cannot believe you think your sister is hot. Seriously dude, wtf is wrong with you? Racist AND a pervert...
Come onnow, Ido enjoy a healthy debate but that is just unkind and unfair. I am NOT a racist, and I am DEFINITELY NOT a pervert. How is it wrong to think your sister is a beautiful lady. Don't look now but I also think mymother is beautiful. There is nothing sexual in that, obviously. You being mean
I don't know, maybe he did just like my sister in a normal way. I just fel like he was being stereotypical also like he was doing her a favour or something/ I could be wrong, I just know I felt angry. I was on the fighting juice though.0 -
a) I have no idea why his, yours or your sisters race and color was brought into this. Are you racist against white men?
b) Did you seriously said that your sister is hot? WTF is wrong with you?
Race may or maynot be relevant to this... I feel it is because it certainly coloured his interactions with us! He wouldn't be even talking to white girls. Race was very relevant to the dynamic... that he 'loved' her but felt he was entitled to something just for feeling, like as a black woman she should be all grateful and everything. Like he was white saviour Casanova.
My sister IS hot. Like, I think she is a beautiful lady, and I know many men find her attractive, men of all kinds.
So if he had been black and acted the exact same way, same compliments, same air of entitlement, like she should be grateful he was talking to her, like he was owed something, would that be ok?0 -
Still cannot believe you think your sister is hot. Seriously dude, wtf is wrong with you? Racist AND a pervert...
Come onnow, Ido enjoy a healthy debate but that is just unkind and unfair. I am NOT a racist, and I am DEFINITELY NOT a pervert. How is it wrong to think your sister is a beautiful lady. Don't look now but I also think mymother is beautiful. There is nothing sexual in that, obviously. You being mean
I don't know, maybe he did just like my sister in a normal way. I just fel like he was being stereotypical also like he was doing her a favour or something/ I could be wrong, I just know I felt angry. I was on the fighting juice though.
Seek help. Seriously. As a man of color, and more importantly, as a human being, I am asking you... go get some help before you're on news.0 -
I dunno if it is the same between a white woman and black man. My instinct says not, because the power dynamic is different. While the woman may be the white one, she is still the female, and sexism also impacts, so thw power dynamic is different- maybe a woman cannot so easily make a man feel objectified as vice versa? I dunno really, tbh.
First off my apologies for misreading your comment about brothers. That was my bad.
I'm not sure about the power dynamic to which you speak. I think white women finding black men attractive is just as equal as black women finding white men attractive.
If the guy after your sister is a creep it has nothing to do with the fact that he's white.
It's you who's attributing all this "he's doing her a favour because he's interested in her" to the fact that he's white.
In reality the guy is probably just full of himself.0 -
So if he had been black and acted the exact same way, same compliments, same air of entitlement, like she should be grateful he was talking to her, like he was owed something, would that be ok?
The air of entitlement would have suggested arrogance, maybe misogyny. I wouldn't have liked that guy either. But it would be harder to say racism, unless some kind of internal racism, idk.
Taunto, I will not listen to any more of that from you, I am not a pervert, I am a real gentleman whichis why this behaviour annoys me from the man. Thereis nothing sick or unusual about thinking someone looks beautiful, including family. If you cannot conceive of someone being thought beautiful outside of a sexual context, then I think it is YOU with the problem!0 -
I dunno if it is the same between a white woman and black man. My instinct says not, because the power dynamic is different. While the woman may be the white one, she is still the female, and sexism also impacts, so thw power dynamic is different- maybe a woman cannot so easily make a man feel objectified as vice versa? I dunno really, tbh.
First off my apologies for misreading your comment about brothers. That was my bad.
I'm not sure about the power dynamic to which you speak. I think white women finding black men attractive is just as equal as black women finding white men attractive.
If the guy after your sister is a creep it has nothing to do with the fact that he's white.
It's you who's attributing all this "he's doing her a favour because he's interested in her" to the fact that he's white.
In reality the guy is probably just full of himself.
That is exactly where I was going with my question. I've seen plenty of guys like this and it had nothing to do with my race or theirs.0 -
How long till this gets locked?0
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So if he had been black and acted the exact same way, same compliments, same air of entitlement, like she should be grateful he was talking to her, like he was owed something, would that be ok?
The air of entitlement would have suggested arrogance, maybe misogyny. I wouldn't have liked that guy either. But it would be harder to say racism, unless some kind of internal racism, idk.
Taunto, I will not listen to any more of that from you, I am not a pervert, I am a real gentleman whichis why this behaviour annoys me from the man. Thereis nothing sick or unusual about thinking someone looks beautiful, including family. If you cannot conceive of someone being thought beautiful outside of a sexual context, then I think it is YOU with the problem!
Exactly. You are assuming it is in this case because of his skin colour. Which goes back to you reading too much into it. Like I said in an earlier post, as a female I've seen tons of guys like that. Race/racism was not a factor.0 -
So what, keep your nose out of it!! If your sister is happy then leave it be!0
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I'm not sure about the power dynamic to which you speak. I think white women finding black men attractive is just as equal as black women finding white men attractive.
If the guy after your sister is a creep it has nothing to do with the fact that he's white.
It's you who's attributing all this "he's doing her a favour because he's interested in her" to the fact that he's white.
In reality the guy is probably just full of himself.
That is exactly where I was going with my question. I've seen plenty of guys like this and it had nothing to do with my race or theirs.
It is like, a woman chatting up a man has a little bit different dynamic to the other way round, regardless of race. I suppose because the world is kind of sexist.
Yeah, you might be right. I didn't like the guy but maybe it was not a race related thing. I don't know, I am not sure. It does still annoy me how he has this whole 'thing' and reputation for loving black women, it's just how I feel.0 -
All I can do is shake my head... I swear, you're the kind of person that would cry racism if a white guy DIDN'T approach your sister but opted for white woman instead. GET OVER IT0
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I know zero about this but maybe he really does like women that have black skin? Is that so bad? Sorry not trying to offend at all just that I think many black men are especially gorgeous but I never was around any lol so didn't be with any. I don't like certain types but is is so bad?
He thinks so apparently0 -
All I can do is shake my head... I swear, you're the kind of person that would cry racism if a white guy DIDN'T approach your sister but opted for white woman instead. GET OVER IT
Actually, I rarely perceive racism around me. I am not like that at all, sorry if I some how accidently give this impressions.0 -
So if he had been black and acted the exact same way, same compliments, same air of entitlement, like she should be grateful he was talking to her, like he was owed something, would that be ok?
The air of entitlement would have suggested arrogance, maybe misogyny. I wouldn't have liked that guy either. But it would be harder to say racism, unless some kind of internal racism, idk.
You sound like you are dealing with some kind of internal racism yourself. Seek help.0
This discussion has been closed.
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