White guy who 'loves' black women.

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  • Jonette01
    Jonette01 Posts: 38 Member
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    OP you also brought up an interesting point, what you wrote about this white guy giving off the air that he felt your sister should be thankful that he recognized her beauty. You didn't say that exactly but that was the gist, right? I think at the root of this is the general perception and stereotype of black women that exists both within our own race/culture and without. Physically we are not viewed as attractive as other women, in particular when it comes to skin color, facial features, hair. Thus the darker a black woman is, the more black her facial features are, the less attractive she is perceived to be regardless of whether she is cute or not. This results in non-black and light-skinned black women automatically being perceived as beautiful and dark-skinned black women automatically seen as being unattractive. Of course not all black people (or white) think this way, thank goodness. However this is one of the many ugly effects of racism and is seen around the world in any group of people of color who have been impacted by white oppression, invasion, enslavement, etc.

    So for people with this perception, they think they are 'special' if they actually find a black woman attractive and she should be 'grateful' that her beauty is recognized. I have experienced this from white men, I have experienced this from black men. Black men have even told me stuff like, 'You're pretty for a brown/dark girl' or 'I only date red-bones (light-skinned mixed race women) but I'll make an exception for you' and other insulting things like that. Of course anyone with any sense of self-esteem would be insulted by that...yes we live in a messed up, color-struck world but don't act like you are doing me a favor by seeing that my black self is actually cute. And despite your racial hang ups you deign to date me...um, NO.

    Very well said!!!

    Growing up in Cali I didn't really "realize" I was black...until I moved to Atlanta. It's hard to explain, but it was definitely a culture shock going from a place where diversity is celebrated (and the norm) to an environment where segregation is so apparent. But I too noticed that within the African American community the racism is equally strong. The "light skin versus dark skin" issue makes you internally aware of how you are perceived even before you open your mouth. But I enjoy tearing down walls of bigotry and changing misconceptions. I no longer mind people seeing my "color" first because I know that, regardless, my spirit will shine thru.

    I'm very much attracted to other races, so I can see why other races feel the same. I don't even mind if someone of another race considers me "exotic" because to them, I am.

    To the OP... I think the problem is that you already had preconceptions about the "white man who loves black women" before he even spoke, probably so much you (from a metaphysical standpoint) invited him into your space; you expected it even. So why be surprised when you finally experienced him first hand. Nevertheless, you can't have it both ways... insulted if white men consider black women unattractive and aggravated if they are complimentary.

    "White guy" definitely had liquid courage, like most people do in that atmosphere, and he chose to manifest his desires. I would think less of him (or anyone) for doing anything else. But until you speak to him, you can only prejudge a MAN who has an affinity (not a fetish) for WOMEN who happen to be of a darker color than himself.
  • BlackEyedPanda
    BlackEyedPanda Posts: 86 Member
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    As an immigrant woman, I have gotten that treatment quite a couple of times from native British men. Mostly in scummy pubs and most men who come to talk to me are fine.

    A couple of times though, I have been approached purely because I have a foreign accent and some men want to 'look after me'. When these men have talked to me I have felt like they think I should feel privileged that a native Briton is showing me attention. That is luckily not an attitude you bump into in London or other bigger cities that much.

    So I completely get what you are saying and I think a lot of the responses are extremely ignorant.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    Why is this obviously racist thread by an obviously racist guy still here?
  • joselo2
    joselo2 Posts: 461
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    Some very astute points there! BEP I think those guys are very patronising to you! Ugh. So true, Jonette, about confounding expectations. The best way to challenge people's views that you are less intelligent or beautiful, for race or sex or any other reason is confound it, I guess!
    Why isn't this obviously racist thread by an obviously racist guy still here?

    what thread isn't here? They must have deleted it for being racist!
  • SexyLovinmeCook
    SexyLovinmeCook Posts: 1,393 Member
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    Btw, I never heard of strong, exotic and majestic as stereotypes for black women.. all compliments.

    This...Sounds like he is just attracted to Black women...how do you know all his deep thoughts based on how he looks at a black women? Especially off some words /the way he stares.. My BF Looks at me like that and really why does it bother you so? Did you want him to drool over you?over you? I'm confused by the entire post I guess...Not that deep hun...but I hope you feel better after venting..
  • SoViLicious
    SoViLicious Posts: 2,633 Member
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    I think this guy likes your sister. My white man class me a strong queen. So what! Perhaps you wanted him to say these things to you.
  • ladyraven68
    ladyraven68 Posts: 2,003 Member
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    OK, this is probably one of my irrational things where I get het up about nothing, but last night I was really annoyed by a man, and that is not like me.... maybe it was the ale??

    But you see this white guy, he is at a part with me and my sister (we are ppl of colour) and also people of various races in the party. It is known about this guy that he LOVES BLACK WOMEN. That evening was the first time I met him properly though.... he sat down at our table, and totally ignore me (a man),our other friend (white girl)- because he only cares to talkto black women. No, he is talking to my sister. You know how brothers get around their sisters and men? he he... already I was watching very carefully. And he sits there like, in AWE of my sister , hanging on her every word, and showering in compliments. And that is nice right? But what he is saying! She is a 'queen', she is 'strong', she is 'exotic' and 'majestic'; all those stereotypes and cliches for black women. But that is not the bad thing-what gets me is he thinks he is speecial. Like he is special to see her beauty and give her time. Ummm, no- my sister is HOT and LOTS of people think this, black and white. It doesn't take someone really specialto see that. At least the rest of them don't think it a massive virtue! It was like, yes, he loves black women, but it is almost like fetish, he loves them BECAUSE they are black.

    And basically, he thinks he is being charitable and so good. Like he is really good for to see the beauty of black women, and that they should be really grateful or something, even though he was nothing speical. Like they are to sit there are give him attention all night because he is kind enough to 'love' them. And there is not respect in that.

    I was very angry about how he treated my sister and wanted totell him. I didn't though. I don't know if i was being rational or if it just the drink, aah.
    xxxx

    Some people have a *type* they are more attracted to.

    I don't see it any different than if was a preference to blondes, or tall women, or bald men, or guys with beards.

    Yes, it's nice that you want to protect your sister, but if you were my brother I'd prefer to go out without you if you were going to inspect all the guys that wanted to chat me up.
  • Davina_JH
    Davina_JH Posts: 473 Member
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    OP, it sounds like the dude was being creepy in general. Black, white, or purple aside.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    OP, it sounds like the dude was being creepy in general. Black, white, or purple aside.

    It also sounds like OP doesn't like white people. Its such a shame. Why people hate each other for their race
  • joselo2
    joselo2 Posts: 461
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    I think this guy likes your sister. My white man class me a strong queen. So what! Perhaps you wanted him to say these things to you.
    naaah he not my type, and not for racial reasons. He was the uncoolest with his fawning. I guess some people might like the dynamic, I think my sister not one though, lol.
  • PaleoChocolateBear
    PaleoChocolateBear Posts: 2,844 Member
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    I think you are reading way too much into things.

    I generally find black men to be attractive. So, because I am a white woman, me being complimentary of a colored man would somehow be less genuine and even charitable. Huh??

    Hi, come here often?
  • joselo2
    joselo2 Posts: 461
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    OP, it sounds like the dude was being creepy in general. Black, white, or purple aside.

    It also sounds like OP doesn't like white people. Its such a shame. Why people hate each other for their race
    Most of my friends are white, even relationships, because i live in a mainly white area. You are being ridiculous. I never expressed anything like this.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    b) Did you seriously said that your sister is hot? WTF is wrong with you?
    Why is this wrong? I happen to have a very good looking brother. I don't obviously fancy him sexually or anything like that but when someone tells me that my brother is hot it is not news to me.

    It's different to say you brother is handsome or your sister is gorgeous. Saying someone is hot usually implies an attraction.
    And to say it about one's sister AND mom? Sorry, that kind of weirded me out too
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
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    I get it. It seemed like he was treating your sister like a fetish instead of a person.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    Why is this obviously racist thread by an obviously racist guy still here?

    Because even the mods need to sleep
  • andyisandy
    andyisandy Posts: 433 Member
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    b) Did you seriously said that your sister is hot? WTF is wrong with you?
    Why is this wrong? I happen to have a very good looking brother. I don't obviously fancy him sexually or anything like that but when someone tells me that my brother is hot it is not news to me.

    It's different to say you brother is handsome or your sister is gorgeous. Saying someone is hot usually implies an attraction.
    And to say it about one's sister AND mom? Sorry, that kind of weirded me out too
    sounds like the op is few steps away from being on Jerry Springer
  • joselo2
    joselo2 Posts: 461
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    b) Did you seriously said that your sister is hot? WTF is wrong with you?
    Why is this wrong? I happen to have a very good looking brother. I don't obviously fancy him sexually or anything like that but when someone tells me that my brother is hot it is not news to me.

    It's different to say you brother is handsome or your sister is gorgeous. Saying someone is hot usually implies an attraction.
    And to say it about one's sister AND mom? Sorry, that kind of weirded me out too

    Well sorry if that is how you understood it, it of course wasn't what I meant. I can't beleive that yet again I have to say, of course I don't fancy my sister!!

    I suppose getting back to what some people said, maybe I WAS slightly hurt that he gave her 100% of the attention and didn't give me any, and made it so that I was totally excluded like a gooseberry. But whatever. I am a man so he wouldn't have like me anyways, he clearly like the ladies.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    b) Did you seriously said that your sister is hot? WTF is wrong with you?
    Why is this wrong? I happen to have a very good looking brother. I don't obviously fancy him sexually or anything like that but when someone tells me that my brother is hot it is not news to me.

    It's different to say you brother is handsome or your sister is gorgeous. Saying someone is hot usually implies an attraction.
    And to say it about one's sister AND mom? Sorry, that kind of weirded me out too
    sounds like the op is few steps away from being on Jerry Springer

    Sounds like he hates white people too. I cannot believe how racist this guy is being and now he's trying to deny it. Its just sad and pathetic really that in this day and age we have young folks doing this :(
  • SoViLicious
    SoViLicious Posts: 2,633 Member
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    I get it. It seemed like he was treating your sister like a fetish instead of a person.


    Ooh fetish
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    b) Did you seriously said that your sister is hot? WTF is wrong with you?
    Why is this wrong? I happen to have a very good looking brother. I don't obviously fancy him sexually or anything like that but when someone tells me that my brother is hot it is not news to me.

    It's different to say you brother is handsome or your sister is gorgeous. Saying someone is hot usually implies an attraction.
    And to say it about one's sister AND mom? Sorry, that kind of weirded me out too

    Well sorry if that is how you understood it, it of course wasn't what I meant. I can't beleive that yet again I have to say, of course I don't fancy my sister!!

    I suppose getting back to what some people said, maybe I WAS slightly hurt that he gave her 100% of the attention and didn't give me any, and made it so that I was totally excluded like a gooseberry. But whatever. I am a man so he wouldn't have like me anyways, he clearly like the ladies.

    Just ask him out next time. He might be bi. *shrug*

    Its at least comforting to know the cause of all this hate. I was beginning to worry. Its still not nice to play the race card just because somebody ignored you and found your sister attractive and not you :(
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