So here it is, all the honesty I can muster

Congrats on taking the first step to changing your life and health, admitting honestly what needs to be changed. If going to that gym bothers you so much, try another gym or go at a different time. As for the size 2 girls, if they were not concerned with gaining weight, they would not be there! Very few people can eat whatever they want and not exercise and be a size 2! I'm not saying that those people don't exist, but they are not as common as you might think. Most people that are slim and beautiful/handsome are that way because they work at it, not because they just happen to be that way.

I also understand the BF who has trouble putting on weight. My husband is 6'1", 195 lbs with a BMI of 20.5, which is just disgusting because he eats whatever he wants to and stays slim. But he also walks an average of 10 miles a day at work, then comes home and walks some more. He has actually walked his butt off. All I can think is, dude I could walk 30 miles a day and still not manage that!

But, like you I joined MFP and started tracking what I ate. I however did not come out with a brutally honest post to introduce myself, and I again commend you for doing so. Add me as a friend, please. It's always good to have friends with similar goals, even if it is as simple as moving more, or eating better.

Good luck and God Bless you!

I'm a year older than you. While I might be slim, you have a boyfriend and house - which is something I don't!

Being slim won't make you happy. Maybe marginally healthier, but that's it.

You are a great writer...and we've all been there. I made a goal at Christmas of this year to get on the treadmill or walk at least 15 minutes a day, no matter what. Something I could do without sweating or having to wash my hair, or even change clothes, just a change toward more active.

Now, I'm running a 5K once a week and usually a couple miles two other days, and a cross training set 3-times and one DVD. I'm down 9.7 % of my body weight. The good news is...it does work, watching calories and getting more active. It's not a complex thing, but it does take a lot of planning to make sure you don't sabotage yourself.

Tackle one area of your life hard at a time, stay motivated, get disciplined, then branch to other areas. Trying to do too many new things of order at one time may create overload. Just go with the grace you are given and keep building by grace. You can do it! Remember...your journey is yours, not that girl's. Your progress is yours. Your demons are yours. You fight! You will win! Close your eyes to everyone else for a while!

The first step to ANYTHING is making a choice... it sounds like you have done that part Step 2 is taking action. This is where it gets hard. I hung a pair of size 10 pants on my wall 2 years ago.... they are still hanging there, but I am so much closer to wearing them! I am now in a 14/16 (depending on pants) and THRILLED to be there. I started out where you are now... and the girls at the gym laughed at my obese *kitten* on the treadmill..... so, I looked at them, smiled, and continued huffing and puffing. Ignore them. Don't give someone else control over your choices... by letting them intimidate you, you are choosing to let them keep you out of the gym. Forget them!!! Focus on you YOU are worth this effort!

It's lovely to see someone being so honest, and I think it's something most of us can identify with. I think we've all at one point thought "oh, I don't need to work out, my job is physical", I know I have! I've convinced myself so many times that it's ok to have takeout because I walked around shopping that day. And those girls at the gym annoy me to, I'm so jealous of them having those bodies and not seeming to put much effort in, but I try and use that as motivation, I secretly hope that one day I'll be that girl that someone is annoyed at because it looks so easy for her!

Good luck, and feel free to add me if you want support

Hello... I just joined MFP today because I, too, have hit my low. I am at the point where I cannot even stand to LOOK at myself in a full length mirror! And I, too, have no good excuse but that I am lazy (loving to eat doesn't help either!) As of today, I am 286 pounds (I am 5'10). I ache. I feel awful in my clothes, and my confidence is dwindling. I have had the gym membership for nearly 2 years and I have been there once.

So, today is the start of the start of reinventing myself. My goal is to get active - I downloaded the C25K app, and I am determined to change for me and for my family.

Your honest post gave me the courage open up myself, so thank you!

I suggest if the gym bothers you start out with a video at home. Everyone gets frustrated when they first start out because they let themself go or just didn't realize how out of shape they are. I am a former 3 sport athlete who let herself go. I started with a Jillian Michaels video (30 day shred). Let me tell you I was disgusted with myself, however, as the weeks went by and I noticed the exercises getting easier what a boost that was. I used to not be able to get through level 1 without stopping. Now I can get through level 3. Yes I am out of breath, sweating like a pig, and feel like I'm going to die at that moment. But afterwards I feel great and am proud I can get through it! So just start small and get excited as you see improvement. Even if its doing what someone suggested like walking around the block. See how many times you can do it. Then as that increases take a minute to be proud of your accomplishments. We are cheering for you.

I am lazy. Lazy that makes me fat.

This. Welcome to the club. Congrats on making a very hard step, acknowledging it.

Now stop making excuses. "they can eat anything they want" ... no such thing. btw, this is an excuse because its just another way of saying "well <insert some other entity, example god>made me gain fat easy".

Nobody cares about excuses, nobody buys them, they just nod cause they dont want to hurt your feelings. You are only fooling yourself. Good that you see it and will change it.

Now make a decision. Do you want to live life as a fat slob, or not? Choose the latter.

Get cracking, get it done. No excuses, no nothing.

All of the above, are my personal experiences, I'd be honored if you'd make it your own. Be your own drill sergeant. Good luck

You sounds just like me 2.5 years ago. Except I was weighing in at 368lbs. And if you asked me I would have told you I had tried everything to lose weight....until I was honest with myself....I hadn't really tried. So I got the gym membership and made myself go. And I hated that size 2 girl with a passion. I didn't want to be a size 2, I just wanted to not be what I was. I wanted to not be huffing and puffing. So I hired a personal trainer who's job it was to make me huff and puff. And I began to realise I was working and the weight was falling off...and that size two girl, she wasn't really working when she was at the gym, she was going through the motions. And I realised I LOVED exercise!! I had to take a break when I became pregnant and have been off with my little girl but restarted this week.

It is hard, I will not lie but you can do it. I'm really supportive and I completely understand what you are going through so if you want to send me a friend request you can!

I was in a similar place when I started my journey.

It is possible to get where you want to get, but it takes discipline and effort. You HAVE to want it.

My saying on my profile is:

"If it's important to you, you'll find a way, if not, you'll find an excuse". -- Find a way.

I started off at nearly 300 lbs, and couldn't do a single pull up or run a block without wheezing two years ago. Today, I'm 40 years old, around 200lbs, and I run with the 25 year old guys fresh out of training. I'm doing my Departments SWAT physical test...not because I have to, but because I WANT to. I have so much drive to succeed at this (fitness) that it is now a huge part of my life. In fact, I am just completing getting my certification to be a personal trainer, and I have a success story already - myself.

Anyway, point being....make yourself and your fitness a priority, and it CAN happen.

I suggest (if you can afford it) to go see a Personal Trainer. I have learned a lot taking the course, and I really feel you are in a good place to be helped by a professional, if only for ideas.