I want to cry and scream and..

He is awesome when he isnt around this so caled 'friend'. But this 'friend' is an awful influence (i.e... The pills)

if you are blaming the 'friend', you are making a HUGE mistake.

don't blame the 'friend'.

:-)

I'm sorry, but unless you're an orphan (and I mean a total orphan, no grandparents or anything), you have family. Go to them. I hate my family sometimes but it's better than hating myself for allowing myself to be trapped in a poopy situation. You have control, you're just not allowing yourself to use it- either because some part of you likes being treated like this (a lot of folks like to have a crutch to fall back on- "oh, I can't have friends because my boyfriend's controlling" saves you the trouble of trying to make friends and being rejected, etc etc, i know because I been there more times than I'd like to admit) or because you haven't woken up and realized that you have options. every single one of us has a brain, thumbs, and feet. use those things to go to your family. put up with them until you can get a job. make some friends at the job. find a place to live. live there. do things that make you happy. don't waste your times on things that make you feel like ****. i think you'll find that doing things that make you happy and being around people who have an iota of respect for you will, well, make you happy.

In my other post I referred to a 3-year poopy relationship in which I felt trapped and helpless. I knew I was miserable for the last two years of it- knew it in every bone in my body. I dreaded coming home to him, I dreaded phone calls from him, we had sexytime only rarely, and I constantly fantasized about telling him off or kicking him out. I felt like I couldn't do it because nobody else would want me, and because he had made me stop talking to all my friends and all I had was his friends (and you know they always side with him), and because I had already spent so much time with him and I didn't want it to be for nothing. There's nothing worse than realizing you've wasted a bunch of years of your life for NOTHING. I had been paying his medical bills, his tuition, letting him live with me, doing his laundry, and putting up with him demonizing me for sleeping with other people before we'd started dating, for talking to ex-girlfriends, for not wanting to get up at 3am when he was suicidally depressed to talk to him about it (I had two jobs at the time). He would get mad at me for things I said in my sleep, he would go through my phone and get mad about my texts, he would cry and lay his head on my lap in public and completely mortify me. This guy was a WRECK, and he dragged me down into it with him. I felt like in being with him for so long, I had sunk so low as to be completely undateable to anyone else, and rather than spend a lifetime alone I had to stay with him. I also got nostalgic sometimes about the first year of our relationship, which had been idyllic, and fooled myself into thinking it could be like that again if I just did and said the right things.

One of my friends finally kidnapped me and dragged me out to a rave (we used to go to those pretty often). I took some molly and ended up sitting outside with this guy who had brought a star chart and was showing me where all the constellations were. I thought the sky was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen at that point. We ended up talking most of the night, and it turned out we had much more in common than I did with my deadbeat loser boyfriend. Just as the sun was coming up he kissed me, and I gladly kissed him back. He asked if he could come home with me so we could spend the next day together. I almost cried when I told him I couldn't because I had a guy waiting for me at home. He took me by the shoulders, looked me straight in the eye, and said, "Do what makes you happy." In that moment everything became insanely clear to me. I hadn't done anything that made me happy in two years. I hadn't had someone give a **** about what made me happy in at least that long. I realized that what would make me happy would be to take this guy home and kick my stupid boyfriend out of the house and never speak to him again. I gave the rave guy my number and told him to call me in a week. (he never did, but I didn't care too much after the mdma wore off ) I went home and shook my boyfriend awake and told him I wanted him gone by the time I came home from work that day. I told him he had been making me miserable for years and that although I loved him on some level I didn't LIKE him at ALL. I told him that I hoped his journey went well but that it wasn't my responsibility. I put his stuff out on the driveway and went to work, and when I came home my room was all mine again.

A week later I found out that he had been cheating on me with a 14-year-old asian transgender boy. I would never have known if we hadn't broken up, because while we were together he didn't allow me to talk to the group of friends this kid belonged to. Now I know why. I was devastated for a while, but my new life without him was so much fun I couldn't stay sad for too long- I was too busy with all my new friends, parties, love interests, etc. I had forgotten how much I missed friends I'd had since elementary school, but they took me back with open arms. I had forgotten how it felt to come home happily instead of full of dread.

I've been with my current boyfriend for 2 years now and he makes me happy every single day, and when he doesn't, I let him know right away and we figure it out. We never go to bed angry with each other. I only wish I hadn't wasted so much time with loserboy- I could have met my Max way sooner, and carried less baggage into our wonderful relationship! Loser**** has a new girlfriend now and I have no idea how they're doing, nor do I care. I assume he's still living with his mom, working at togo's, and failing community college.

I have no idea if your situation is as bad as mine was, but judging by the fact you're trapped in your room asking strangers for sympathy, I'd say it is. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and take back your LIFE, woman! You are 19! You can have whatever you want and you choose this?!? stop it! *smack* get ahold of yourself! Your max is out there and if you keep wasting time with this goofball you might never meet him! your LIFE is out there and it's PASSING YOU BY!

Holy Over-share.

I'm going to go ahead and say "thank you." My post was not intended to help you, but I'm hoping that my experiences will help the author of the thread. Sometimes people feel like they're alone and that their situation is the crappiest thing ever and that nobody gets what they're going through. I want her to know that's not the case, and having been in what is probably an even crappier situation than hers, I'm in a unique place to help. If my crappy story will help another person, I really don't care if it's too much or not, or what anyone besides the person I'm trying to help thinks.

But again, thank you.

*not going to quote because it's too long*

A healthy person decides what their own boundaries are. I don't know any of you in real life, and I don't consider the internet to be my social sphere. I also don't consider this to be "intimate" or "exquisitely personal." It's what happened, and I'm not ashamed. If I wanted to keep arguing about whether or not my sharing of my experiences is appropriate, I might question whether you have some intimacy issues, because you're uncomfortable with even someone else sharing their experiences, let alone yourself, but I'm pretty done with this. I have no issue with you, I don't even know you, and I'm a little confused as to why you've decided you have an issue with me, but again, it doesn't matter- this is not real life, this is a weight-loss forum. Calm down and try contributing something positive it's much more helpful! We have enough trolls already

Amen. You really shouldn't have to defend yourself for sharing a personal story, of all things, dear lord.

To Pu_239,

While you're right that noones making her starve and lock herself up, he definitely isn't all that concerned about it or her. Relationships take 2 to work and if 1 person is dragging the relationship by themself then its only healthy to get out of that situation, if all else can't be done to help it.

Are you saying whatever decisions you have made in whatever relationships you have been in never upset your boyfriend?

I know when i have been with a girl i have done things that upset her, she has also done things that upset me... It's how the cookie crumbles.

Oh damn I piss my boyfriend off all the time lol. He pisses me off probably even more. But it's stupid little things. If my boyfriend was popping pills and letting his best friend make fun of me, well that's a whole other picture.

I didn't see any part where she said the friend was making fun of her. That's not cool. The pill popping, I don't agree with. My best friend uses. I wouldn't doubt you know some users too. In a relationship, I wouldn't be with someone who smoke weeds, pops pills, or does any other type of drugs. There are many people that allow it. For all we know the OP can be a pill popper herself.

1 - just because your an adult, you are aloud to cry.
2 - it sounds like you are a prisoner...why can you not leave your room?

Because I dont want to deal with his friends wise cracks focused at me. Can be anything from my attitiude.. My weight (especially my weight) what im wearing. It dont matter. He picks anything. Worst part is.. My bf doesnt even care. He laughs along with james. No care. Not even when im crying from the hurtful things he says.