Peer pressure to eat unhealthfully. . .
Replies
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It is nice being able to touch bases with others that are in the same boat. Ah yeah, when you're with friends it's the hardest. There's a certain vibe for when the group is going to dinner, or even if you're just with one friend that wants to do dinner. I've noticed, too, that if you are with a friend, they propose going to dinner, then you take the healthy card and say "nah, I'm trying to eat healthier" then that can make them (some friends) self-conscious, and then disrupt the mood of the evening. Oh what funny societies we live in today.I get pressure all the time from people trying to get me to eat more food. It is especially difficult for me to say no to my family because they feel bad that I am not eating the food that they made. My parents get really upset when someone doesn't eat their food. For example, they will say that I am saying their food isn't good if I don't want to eat it.
Also when I hang out with my friends its really hard to say no to going out to get ice cream or things like that.
I wish I had some helpful advice, but I am honestly still working on it myself! But I wanted to let you know there are others out there in the same position!0 -
Goodness. It's really not hard to keep everyone happy. The girls at work like to bake treats and give them to all. I won't insult them, but I don't eat it right then and there either. I accept with graciousness " my how wonderfull... I'll save it for after XXXXXXX" - then I wind up giving it to someone who would really appreciate it. We all win and noone has to be made to feel bad, guilty or unappreciated.
It's not hard.0 -
Thank you for your perspective on the subject. I have been thinking a lot about how I can be a more assertive and self-assured person. I never really thought of this issue in that context, but it makes me want to face that barrier more. :]
I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.
When I was your age, OP, I had trouble saying "no" to people, as well. This is one of many things I do not miss about being that young. I hope you get better at saying "no"--life is a lot more enjoyable when you do not worry quite so much about what other people think.
Well, how about this. Imagine various scenarios when people try to pressure you to do things you do not want. (I have to deal with this a lot--impositions on my time, invitations to social events I would rather avoid, invitations to have some crappy chocolate covered pretzels that everyone's grubby hands have already rummaged through, etc.) Practice saying "no" in your head--different ways of saying it. "No, but thank you for asking." "No, I am sorry, but I am not going to be able to make it." You don't even have to make up excuses--if you want to be polite, smile and apologize, or thank people for trying to include you, but eventually, they will stop hassling you. If you go out of your way to make excuses or explain yourself, it doesn't necessarily make others feel better. How often do people say "no" to you, and do you really care when they do? It works the same way on their end.
...and remember "no" is a complete sentence. Just say simply in no aggravated tone. "No." imagine an onslaught of really good reasons and again. "No" simple polite to the point. Let the other person worry about making this big tyrade of things to say. You can just still say "No" and leave it at that.0 -
Just say no thank you. Or save some calories for some chocolate. You need to learn to have iron self control about what you put in your body because a lot of time happiness is centered around food. So of course friends and family will want to share this with you. Because to them its good times. Just say no and don't worry who will be upset. It's really silly to get upset over something like that anyway.0
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This sounds similar to my grandparents. With my grandpa, food = love. Even if we go out to dinner, and I am overly stuffed, he ALWAYS asks me, "have you had enough? Are you sure? Are you sure? You've had enough?" My grandma always tells me "have more". And it drives me nuts! This is an excellent idea, though. I eat out with my grandparents maybe once a week, and I should maybe just confront them and tell them that I'd appreciate it if they stopped pushing food on me.I had this issue with my ex-fiance's mother, she was the BIGGEST food pusher I've ever met in my life, she felt that food equated to love. They would make food for 20 people when they're were only 6, which meant there were always tons of leftovers. Not to mention she would always make things slathered in butter, heavy whipping cream, and always had 3 different desserts ready so I often opted not to eat a lot of things over there. Occasionally I had to be so forceful that I was rude, but at the end of the day being rude doesn't add calories to my behind, and often those small occasions of hurt feelings are forgotten within minutes. If it continues to happen, I'd suggest a casual conversation with the person, letting them know that you're trying your best to eat healthy and that they are making it hard for you by shoving goodies in your face.
Good luck!0 -
That's really awesome that it's not hard for you. But for me, like I explained in my post, I avoid friction. I am unassertive. I am un-confrontational. With these aspects, it is hard.Goodness. It's really not hard to keep everyone happy. The girls at work like to bake treats and give them to all. I won't insult them, but I don't eat it right then and there either. I accept with graciousness " my how wonderfull... I'll save it for after XXXXXXX" - then I wind up giving it to someone who would really appreciate it. We all win and noone has to be made to feel bad, guilty or unappreciated.
It's not hard.0 -
Ha, I really like your reply, too. "No thank you" is still polite enough that people would probably still push it. But just "no", in a polite tone, is firm enough that it should discourage pushing. Thank you.
Thank you for your perspective on the subject. I have been thinking a lot about how I can be a more assertive and self-assured person. I never really thought of this issue in that context, but it makes me want to face that barrier more. :]
I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.
When I was your age, OP, I had trouble saying "no" to people, as well. This is one of many things I do not miss about being that young. I hope you get better at saying "no"--life is a lot more enjoyable when you do not worry quite so much about what other people think.
Well, how about this. Imagine various scenarios when people try to pressure you to do things you do not want. (I have to deal with this a lot--impositions on my time, invitations to social events I would rather avoid, invitations to have some crappy chocolate covered pretzels that everyone's grubby hands have already rummaged through, etc.) Practice saying "no" in your head--different ways of saying it. "No, but thank you for asking." "No, I am sorry, but I am not going to be able to make it." You don't even have to make up excuses--if you want to be polite, smile and apologize, or thank people for trying to include you, but eventually, they will stop hassling you. If you go out of your way to make excuses or explain yourself, it doesn't necessarily make others feel better. How often do people say "no" to you, and do you really care when they do? It works the same way on their end.
...and remember "no" is a complete sentence. Just say simply in no aggravated tone. "No." imagine an onslaught of really good reasons and again. "No" simple polite to the point. Let the other person worry about making this big tyrade of things to say. You can just still say "No" and leave it at that.0 -
Duude...that was extremely observant of you, and reading that was actually kind of really profound. I very much do want to have the same kind of gumption in real life. I severely lack self-confidence, but that is true, I have it in me somewhere, don't I? Thanks, much, for pointing that out. . .
Well, that's the thing, isn't it? I shouldn't let other peoples' feelings affect my goals. Which is what I'm confronting in THIS post.
I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.
Why should you let other people's feelings affect your goals? They aren't you. At the end of the day, all this guilt will have you making a post on MFP about it and they won't even remember you ate the candy.
Hopefully this thread is inspiring you then.
Btw - You don't need to be defensive when you put something out there for people to give opinions on. Especially if it's something you realize you need/want to change about yourself. Maybe I'm misinterpreting your tone. /shrug
You seem to be doing quiet well on here standing up for yourself maybe take some of this gumption with you? Whatever you are feeling to be able to back and forth with your bold words do it in real life?
aaaaaaand it's different in person. Just sayin'. But you can do it I think you are just on your way. People will stop pushing stuff on you when you've been doing it for awhile, they know you're serious, and the results show. I notice my thin friend no one ever questions her food choices but mine are constantly under attack, no matter if it's ooh that's bad for you, or oooh you're not eating enough. Like the simple fact of my extra pounds lets everyone else trump me. Nevermind that I've already lost weight in the past twice in my long life and kept it off for years.
You just look like a problem to someone when you share your weight loss efforts/goals and everyone loves to "help" right? I find it's better not to divulge too much with too many people because then in come all their ideas and things they just heard on TV all unfiltered for hurt feelings and just regurgitated to prove they know something about the subject.0 -
I get the same attitude, I think that people have become so use to eating unhealthy and eating sweet snacks they don't see it as a big deal. You're trying to make positive changes and they aren't. Being healthy will always be an uphill battle some of the bigger challenges are not getting up and going to work out and eat healthy everyday it is the people around you who aren't ready to change and make it seem easy to pick up that chocolate bar or that doughnut. The secret is they don't know how strong you really are and the changes you want to make. Remember you have to take care of you if a piece of candy causes friction then I would think about how much these people really care about you. If you had a drug or drinking problem they wouldn't force cocaine or whiskey on you make them think of food in that way sometimes when you politely say no.0
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I would like to clarify that I'm not overly upset, and that my annoyance is not with 'hurting feelings'. It's mostly with the situation altogether, and how much of a stigma there is.Just say no thank you. Or save some calories for some chocolate. You need to learn to have iron self control about what you put in your body because a lot of time happiness is centered around food. So of course friends and family will want to share this with you. Because to them its good times. Just say no and don't worry who will be upset. It's really silly to get upset over something like that anyway.0 -
This is true, too. Man, it's kind of annoying to think of it that way. Even if people don't mean it deliberately, when they push food on you, thinking, "they're overweigh/not skinnyt, they obviously don't care." But annoying in a good way, ha! It makes me feel more defensive about putting up a wall around my healthy eating. :]
Duude...that was extremely observant of you, and reading that was actually kind of really profound. I very much do want to have the same kind of gumption in real life. I severely lack self-confidence, but that is true, I have it in me somewhere, don't I? Thanks, much, for pointing that out. . .
Well, that's the thing, isn't it? I shouldn't let other peoples' feelings affect my goals. Which is what I'm confronting in THIS post.
I appreciate that you think it's that simple. Which, when you get down to it, it is. It's as simple as you make it. But I'm very conscientious of other peoples' feelings, I avoid friction, and yes, that has resulted in me making some bad decisions. But I'm at a transitional point, and I was merely looking for input on that transition.I really don't get the peer pressure with food thing. Maybe it's because I'm not that social? What's the worst that will happen if you said "no"? They fight you? Food isn't meant to be a tool to inflict guilt, it's meant to sustain you. If you want to enjoy whatever social event you're at with a piece of candy, do it. If not, then don't.
Why should you let other people's feelings affect your goals? They aren't you. At the end of the day, all this guilt will have you making a post on MFP about it and they won't even remember you ate the candy.
Hopefully this thread is inspiring you then.
Btw - You don't need to be defensive when you put something out there for people to give opinions on. Especially if it's something you realize you need/want to change about yourself. Maybe I'm misinterpreting your tone. /shrug
You seem to be doing quiet well on here standing up for yourself maybe take some of this gumption with you? Whatever you are feeling to be able to back and forth with your bold words do it in real life?
aaaaaaand it's different in person. Just sayin'. But you can do it I think you are just on your way. People will stop pushing stuff on you when you've been doing it for awhile, they know you're serious, and the results show. I notice my thin friend no one ever questions her food choices but mine are constantly under attack, no matter if it's ooh that's bad for you, or oooh you're not eating enough. Like the simple fact of my extra pounds lets everyone else trump me. Nevermind that I've already lost weight in the past twice in my long life and kept it off for years.
You just look like a problem to someone when you share your weight loss efforts/goals and everyone loves to "help" right? I find it's better not to divulge too much with too many people because then in come all their ideas and things they just heard on TV all unfiltered for hurt feelings and just regurgitated to prove they know something about the subject.0 -
It depends on who's offering the food. Sometimes I politely decline, other times I give an explanation, and sometimes I do what another poster suggested and take the treat "for later" and toss it when no one is looking.0
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Whether this is extreme or not, I do not know. I am taking the AA approach to chocolate by saying that I have an 'allergy' to it and that I cannot control myself around it.0
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Screw it all!! Throw it on the floor,stomp on it and start running in circles FTW!!!!!!!0
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I have this problem with alcohol more than food (but an empty calorie is an empty calorie!) I work in a bar and it's constantly "oh, just one shot! Here, have a free beer!" I'm not a big drinker even when I'm not dieting, but in the past I've usually just said yes to avoid the argument. Now, though, I really don't care what they think. I'm just saying "I'm on a diet. Alcohol has a ton of calories. I don't want to screw up my diet, okay?" I hear a lot of crap about being no fun and that kind of thing, but I'd rather be no fun and skinny than fat and drinking. I don't like alcohol enough to make it worth more than one drink on the weekend or whatever.0
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I'd been too self-conscious to want to share about my borderline-binge episodes. But I realized I will probably have to do this, too. I will tell people, "it might just be this one chocolate, but I will go home and eat everything, or I will go to the grocery store to get more, because of this chocolate." Because that is kind of what would happen to me. 8\Whether this is extreme or not, I do not know. I am taking the AA approach to chocolate by saying that I have an 'allergy' to it and that I cannot control myself around it.0 -
Hahahaha. Picturing myself at the casual-formal theatre we were at and doing this...I would've been such a scandal, but it would have been so awesome. XDScrew it all!! Throw it on the floor,stomp on it and start running in circles FTW!!!!!!!0 -
I'd rather be no fun and skinny than fat and drinking.
Amen to that!0 -
Eat what you want to eat. Let them eat what they want to eat. The really funny one is my dad... who told me often how overweight I was, then told me to have seconds because it would make my mom happy. LOL
Eat what you want or feel good about eating; don't let anybody else tell you otherwise.0 -
Just say "No, thank you." It's that simple. Remember, this is your life that you are concerned about and if your peers are pressuring you to stray from your goal, then you need to exert some power.1
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i think you need top lean just because you say no to people doesnt mean they wont like you. feeling pressure to say yes even though you dont want to is ultimately about wanting to please people.
those who are your friends or who love you for you won;t be offended by you saying no i dont want that. if they are, then fuggem.0 -
I find the best thing is to say you don't feel like it, make some excuse. I get that when I don't want to drink a lot of alcohol - I only want one?!?! It's like I'm crazy (Australian culture). I say I just don't feel like it today, and people eventually back off.
:laugh:
Oh very un-australian of you - just kidding! I get the same thing. Or if I say I will have ONE my friend will come out with a FISHBOWL of a glass :grumble: When she goes inside sometimes to top up her drink I tip mine in the garden.
It's hard to say no around people but you can do this - eventually they will back off.1 -
I'm glad you posted this. I realized that sometimes when I'm confronted with a similar situation, I feel a need to give an explanation about why I don't want to eat something, especially when it's a thing that I really like (i.e., sweets, french fries, wine, soul food). But then I feel a little embarrassed about my explanation because my body doesn't reflect one who doesn't eat those things. I often end up saying fugg it and eat. It's a vicious cycle. But from now on, as suggested here, I'm simply going to say, "No thank you!" :noway:0
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I'd been too self-conscious to want to share about my borderline-binge episodes. But I realized I will probably have to do this, too. I will tell people, "it might just be this one chocolate, but I will go home and eat everything, or I will go to the grocery store to get more, because of this chocolate." Because that is kind of what would happen to me. 8\Whether this is extreme or not, I do not know. I am taking the AA approach to chocolate by saying that I have an 'allergy' to it and that I cannot control myself around it.
This is the problem with making excuses and feeling like you owe people explanations. You don't. You are not obligated to eat everything people throw at you, and I personally do not like to be put in a position where I have to lie just to make someone feel better. A simple "no, but thanks" will eventually sink in, especially if you mean it.0 -
I have a perfect excuse now, Chrohns disease (set off by multiple triggers) as well as some food allergies and no one who knows me ever offers me food anymore. But thats not a usefull excuse for everyone lol.
But it wasn't always that way. For the first 6 years of my marriage, my MIL, FIL and my husband grandma (she was by far the worst) were horrible food pushers. Eventually they got used to me saying "Not right now", or "No thanks", and stopped pushing, but it took a long long time. But I didn't give in. I'm not going to eat something that I don't want when I'm not hungry just because someone is pushing it on me, its my body, not thiers.0 -
Say thanks, but I can't, as have to watch my sugar levels.0
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Bump0
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I've been using a very blunt, some what sarcastic approach that has been working "No thanks, I'm not sure if you've noticed but I'm fat and I'd like to change that"0
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Dear OP
Don't let others sabotage your goals or your efforts. A simple "no thanks" should be enough, if these people care about you they should respect your answer. Other answers you could give them "no thanks, if I eat that now I'm going to have to run for an hour later", "my doctor told me if I don't lose weight I'm going to get very sick so no more junk", "thanks but I just found out that im allergic to <insert offered junk food here>"?0 -
I'm kind of a jerk about it. I pull out my phone and google the calorie content of whatever it is they are asking me to eat, then I announce how many calories are in the darn thing to the whole room and compare to other healthy foods. I don't do this with people's home made treats, of course. But store bought junk food? Hell yeah, I'll announce all the terrible things about the item, then go on a tirade about the causes of obesity and type 2 diabetes and hypertension and heart attack and stroke and whatever else I can come up with. I'll start quoting numbers in inches instead of pounds, because most obese people have no idea they are obese. For instance a woman with a waist larger than 34" is obese and a man with a wait of more than 39" is obese (unless they are unusually tall; over 6 foot for a woman or over 6'6" for a man).
Trust me, no one asks me to eat their junk food anymore. It usually only takes once or twice of the Cliff Clavin treatment for them to lay off.0
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