Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

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Replies

  • licensing_princess
    licensing_princess Posts: 5 Member
    I say loose the weight, then loose another what 175 - 200 lbs instantly when you dump him. Anyone who would set conditions to a relationship is someone who I would not want to spend the rest of my life with. You can and will do better. Good luck down your path to healthy living.
  • scarrletti_girl
    scarrletti_girl Posts: 479 Member
    Hi everyone! :smile: I have been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years. He met me when I was overweight and didn't have a big problem with it. We were attracted to each other and had a pretty happy relationship. His family recently visited for the first time, and ever since then he has been treating me differently. When we talked about marriage, he said that he won't propose unless I lose a lot of weight. He said his family made him realize how heavy I am and he doesn't want to be with me if I am that overweight. I am 5'4" and 250 pounds. He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me. He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks. He wants someone that wears bikinis and short shorts. He said he has only been holding onto me because he loves me and hopes I will change. He said he would pay for me to reduce my boobs now just so I would look less heavy.

    Obviously this hurt me a lot since I have been struggling with my weight since my sophomore year of college. He knows I try hard to lose and fall back into unhealthy emotional patterns. I have gone through surgery lately and faced setbacks. It hurts me that he loves me for me until he saw what his family said about my weight. Especially since they aren't thin people either. (Even he isn't super active and has a bit of a belly)

    So - here is where your opinion comes in. How would you react to this? What do you think about it? Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? Obviously, I am trying to lose weight anyway. I guess I am wondering if you would take this as him trying to help you look better and be nice about it, or if you would be offended and move on. He says I am perfect for him except for my weight. I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either. I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?

    This nearly made me cry. You SHOULD DEFINITELY MOVE ON. What him and his family are saying are horrible things if the guy really loves you he will love u no matter what!!!! He wouldn't care about ur weight or listen to what anyone said to him about you or the weight. you are a beautiful girl and you seem to be a generally nice person, you deserve to be to treated and respected a lot better then that. I am married for almost 8 months now and we dated for 3 years before that, when me and my husband first started dating I was 120lbs then I gained a lot of weight over the years (I got all the way up to 258lbs) and over the years and months I constantly ask him if I look fat or if I look beautiful and he tells me all these amazing things every time and tells me he loves me the way I am and still would love me even if I were 500lbs, now that is love. I am not trying to make you feel bad or anything but if ur boyfriend really didn't care or really loves you as much as he says he does or loves u for u he would NOT care about ur weight!!! He is being extremely rude and offensive. And if he openly admits he is looking at other girls then he is also being a douche. You deserve better!!! I say kick him to the curb!!!!

    I hope this helped you.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either.

    You should worry about this. Also, do you really want to spend your life with a man willing to throw away a two and a half year relationship because he wants arm candy to parade around the mall?

    How shallow is that?
  • NutellaAddict
    NutellaAddict Posts: 1,258 Member
    Marry him, take everything he has and leave him and take whatever he has left.
  • xbabymama08x
    xbabymama08x Posts: 9
    Oh hell no! Get rid of that trash, girl!! True love isn't conditional... he'd love you no matter what if it was real. Keep your head up and leave that *kitten*! You deserve better. When you lose weight, it should be for YOU ...not something you have to do to gain or keep "love".
  • jlapey
    jlapey Posts: 1,850 Member
    I'll never understand why so many young women would jump through hoops to win the approval of some *kitten* who clearly isn't worth the time and effort. My niece is forever posting on Facebook about how she'll never be "good enough" or will "always be second best" for the jerk she is dating who has made no secret of cheating on her. Ladies, dump the douche bags, and get on with life. I guarantee if you love and care for yourself, someone will come along that will love and care for you as well and in a way that you deserve. Don't settle for someone who makes you feel like you are not good enough when somewhere, out there are several who would feel lucky to have you.
  • tinlee
    tinlee Posts: 60 Member
    I'm sorry you're going through this. But the fact that he allows his family to determine how he's feeling about you is a big red flag. If you stay with him it's a matter of time before they meddle in your relationship again. Even if you do lose enough weight to satisfy them, be prepared to have them bully you on various other issues that you haven't even thought of yet while your man sides against you. Does that sound like a good situation to you?
  • istutzman
    istutzman Posts: 64
    Know that you are a strong and beautiful woman, know your worth. After dating for that length of time, he should know you, your fears, your pains, your strengths, etc. Not only is he shallow, he's only thinking of himself. If he was concerned for you, he would have approached your weight in a completely different way. He is obviously easily steered by his family and that will only cause problems in the long run. Get healthy for YOU and only you. If he loves you he will realize what a jerk he's being and apologize.
  • Morningstar93
    Morningstar93 Posts: 161
    Firstly, I feel so sorry for you. my initial reaction would be good riddance but of course that is a long time together to throw away, The way he approached the issue was dead dead wrong and clearly he wants to check out skinny girls and parade you around in a bikini, this is shallow of him because you seem to be a lovely person with a kind heart and he wont find that in another person if all he wants is looks. you deserve better. When i broke up with my bf of 2 years he said "well you've got fat anyway" .. I had. Since then I have found the love of my life and I started my big weightloss journey a year ago, he has stuck with me and supported me entirely, and loved me even when i was bigger. There is a better man out there for you, time to move on with your head held high, knowing you would never have been so shallow like him. If you want to, lose weight, it is your body. next time he sees you he will eat his words.
    Good luck!! :flowerforyou:
  • Sox90716
    Sox90716 Posts: 976 Member
    He is a shallow moron. You are lucky to be rid of him. Good luck!
  • Gmtribble90
    Gmtribble90 Posts: 463 Member
    I'm sorry anyone has to go through this. In this type of situation, the best thing is to LEAVE.

    I was with a guy who loved me until I gained weight for many reasons (depression from home life, getting pregnant, etc.). After the gain, he started watching porn a lot, walking WAAAY ahead of me out in public so he wouldn't be seen with me, and staring at EVERY "perfect-sized" chick he saw in public (he even dragged me to Hooters often to be around them). After a while of going through this, I felt low and unattractive.

    However, I did eventually figure out that other guys found me beautiful and left him. I started dating again and found the love of my life. He supports me in everything I do and loves me even though I don't exactly have that bikini body (he also doesn't mind if I allow myself to indulge in a big meal every now and then and finish the plate lol). He sees me as a human and doesn't believe I have to look like a "trophy" to be seen with him in public. You, my dear, are gorgeous and need to find a real man who will cherish and truly love you.
  • MrsBozz1
    MrsBozz1 Posts: 248 Member
    If he wanted you to lose weight (even if he was pushy about it) because he is truly concerned about your health and wants you to be around forever that is cool BUT wanting you to lose because he is embarrassed to walk the mall with you :angry: NOT COOL!! He should have told his family to jump in a lake and that he loves you and that's it! I'm so sorry, this sucks! :cry: Lose the weight for you because YOU are worth it! Good luck! I wish you the best! :flowerforyou:
  • marieann82
    marieann82 Posts: 150 Member
    I can understand that when we love somebody we want them to be as healthy as possible-especially if we are hoping to spend our entire lives with them and sharing children with them. However, the LOVING way of asking somebody to get to a healthy weight would be noticing he himself has a belly and or less than ideal healthy habits and would suggest that you get healthy together and be supportive! Not compare you to some skinny chicks in bikini's-very shallow and not helpful!

    If he can change the way he views your weight, and accept the great opportunity it is to work together to have a happier and healthier lifestyle and relationship, maybe not all is lost. You are the only one who can decide if you can forgive him for being hurtful.

    I had an extremely unsupportive relationship for over 3 years that I broke off. It's hard and scary to do so. But it is the best thing I ever did. I know that it made it so much easier to find the right man to share my life with-knowing that I deserved better than put downs and being controlled. (happily married for seven plus years now!)

    Personally, I would tell him you need a break to focus on yourself (which means losing the weight that YOU want to lose but also trying new things, meeting new people, going new places, ect). Then focus on yourself, start making healthy habits, and build healthy relationships with friends. I would imagine as you learn how amazing you are that you will also see things in your relationship and realize you deserve something much better.

    Here is my final point:
    If he family had said something offensive and he didn't have the guts to stick up for you, but it in fact it changed his feelings/reactions towards you, ask yourself, is that a family I really want to be a part of?
  • limepink93
    limepink93 Posts: 9
    I say that if that's what he believes then screw him. That's a real **** move.
    Stay strong and do it for yourself, not for him.
  • 4_Lisa
    4_Lisa Posts: 362 Member
    Honestly if he's not willing to walk through a mall with you because he's worried about what people will think, he's an *kitten*. My hubby and I had a chat about my weight but not because of how I look, he loves me for me, he was more concerned about my health. My mom is overweight and is having a lot of medical issues now that she is in her 60's and he wants me to be around for a long time so we can have a long happy life together without the fear of avoidable health issues.

    Lose the weight for YOU, not anyone else.

    Edit: my hubby is also going through the phases with me. He is going to the gym and getting healthier as well.
  • AbsoluteNG
    AbsoluteNG Posts: 1,079 Member
    The guy was honest and started dating you in your overweight status. It would only be shallow if he left you after you got big. The reality of this subject matter is that we all hold some type of superficial standard in a relationship. How many women here would date a jobless, 40 year old man?
  • Azexas
    Azexas Posts: 4,334 Member
    Honestly, if you two have been together that long and now there is an issue about your weight something else is going on. He is just using your weight as an excuse. Run far far away. you deserve better than that.
  • UticaBoy51
    UticaBoy51 Posts: 344 Member
    A lot of men can see sexy in a larger woman, me included. You should get healthy for yourself not for a superficial d-bag. Time heals all wounds, move on and find someone who loves you for you. Good luck.
  • abnerner
    abnerner Posts: 452 Member
    Honey....if he can't love you for who you are now, he will not love you the way deserve later either. Get rid of him.
  • simplydelish2
    simplydelish2 Posts: 726 Member
    I faced a very similar situation when I was about your age. I was "perfect" except I was too fat. It ended badly and I blamed myself. Fast forward....I am sooooooooo glad that it ended. I realize I deserve to be loved by someone who truly loves me and not some shallow, insensitive, and judgmental person.

    It will be tough...but move on and find that one person who truly loves you.
  • christina0089
    christina0089 Posts: 709 Member
    I have no idea how much he weighs but drop him and lose that weight instantly! Then keep your head up and move forward!

    You need to do this for you and you ONLY!

    If he can't see past your weight why should you see past his or his families shallowness?? :angry:
  • tashamilliken
    tashamilliken Posts: 1
    He's a jerk and you can do better. Get healthy and lose weight for you- not for a man who doesn't appreciate you now. As many have said- RUN!!!
  • always_smiling_chachita
    always_smiling_chachita Posts: 28
    Hmmmm... simple... grab all his **** and throw it out the window - truth is if he doesn't want you now because you have extra pounds then he doesn't deserve you once you have gotten rid of them.
  • dolcemaria81
    dolcemaria81 Posts: 25 Member
    You are beautiful! He is the one missing out! You do not need him. Write down all the things you are thankful for as of right now. Don't let that a-hole bring you down! Dump him, motivate yourself to loose a ton of weight so when he sees you he will regret ever loosing you!!
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
    I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?

    Both.

    Move on because you deserve someone who is mature and knows what true love is.

    Feel grateful that he told you before you were stuck with him.
  • kariannmbc
    kariannmbc Posts: 144
    Kick him to the curb.

    If he "loved" you until his family said something about your weight, it's only a matter of time before they don't like your hair, or the way you cook chicken (or whatever), or your pet, or your shoes, or your laugh, etc...
  • emilysebastian
    emilysebastian Posts: 245 Member
    He says I am perfect for him except for my weight.

    There should be no "except" when someone is perfect for you--flaws, annoying habits, etc. are things that make each person unique and are just part of the package that makes you "you"... and you should be loved WITH them as whole, not in-spite of them! Don't settle for less :heart:
  • Dr_Flo
    Dr_Flo Posts: 465
    Im not saying anything that hasn't already been said 10 times over, but lose him. Any guy that has the stones to say something like that to you, isnt worth your time.

    I'd say, "That's fine .. I can lose the weight, but you'll always have a small $%#"

    I say move on and leave him where he belongs, in your past.

    Do whats right for you, make yourself happy. The rest will come.
  • MelStren
    MelStren Posts: 457 Member
    I'd kick his large butt to the curb and then lose the weight for myself! He doesn't deserve you at any size!
  • chunkydunk714
    chunkydunk714 Posts: 784 Member
    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)

    this! what a jerk

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