Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

Or at least, thats what I would do

First thing I thought too

First I'll start by saying you are a beautiful woman. Your profile pic shows that. Believe it.

Your boyfriend sounds both immature and insecure himself, if he needs you to look a certain way to the public, so he won't be embarrassed. He loves you? I don't believe that. He does not know what real love is then.

Here's my story, so I know what I am talking about. I have been married for almost 24 yrs. When I met my husband, I weighed 135lbs, and at 5'6", that was a size 8. I worked out 5 days a week and felt great. My husband was very very attracted to me, and never failed to tell me every day. Well, after we married, our schedules changed and I love to cook, and began cooking great meals every night, and ate right along with him. I worked out less, because we moved out of state, and I never found a gym in our new area that I loved, so I didn't go very much. The weight started creeping on. Then I got pregnant....gained 65 lbs. And it's been a steady gain over the last 20 yrs since. I can't believe how much weight I've gained. I'm more than twice the weight I was when I met my husband, and you know what? He has never said a word to me about it. He knows I know, he knows I want to lose weight. He knows I beat myself up enough about it. He has never once told me I was fat, looked bad, or was embarrassed by me. He still acts as attracted to me as the day we met. He still wants to be intimate with me all of the time. It is me who refuses, as I'm so embarassed with my body now. He still reaches for my hand when we get out of the car to go inside where we are going. He still looks almost the same as when we met, except he's gone mostly grey now. He's never been overweight, but he too has always had a little belly.

Now, to me, that is real love. That is love that does not or will not tear you down. He supports me whenever I decide to take better care of myself, but he never is the one to push me, or make me feel bad about it. Your boyfriend needs to grow up....and be more confident in who he is. Because if he loves you when you are not out in public, but gets embarrassed when you are, he has his own insecurities. Some men think that if they say something harsh, it might be what you need to get you motivated to lose weight, they really do think they are helping in some way. Clearly, they need to learn that it is not the way to motivate someone.

Tell him you love him, and you want to be the best you can be, but you can't be with him if he feels that way about you now. You need to only surrond yourself with the most supportive people, ones who have faith in you, ones who will pick you up when you fall and ones who really see the real you and accept you. Tell him he needs to go be with "one of those skinny chicks", and you hope he finds that ego boost he's looking for. Now it's time for YOU. You are beautiful, and you deserve a fresh start. Don't stay with a man who ever hurts your core. There will be another man in your future.....and when the time is right for you, you will find him! You can do this! Please feel free to add me as a friend, I'm here if you need support!

LOVE is not condtional. lose weight is one thing- breast reduction? he doesn't want YOU - he wants some television ideal who loves him like you do.
what about HIM!? WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO CHANGE? why does HE get to make the condtions?

I wouldn't have stayed for the whole conversation. He is, by far, not worthy. I wouldn't waste one more day or thought on him- but that's just me.
You deserve someone who loves you UNCONDITIONALLY. trust me when I tell you I am no longer young and IF he doesn't love you whole-heartedly, you will wind up broken hearted eventually. My past tells me that no matter WHAT you do- he's gonna dump you for the first cute girl that winks at him - OR he might not dump you - keep you on the string to feed his ego and cheat behind your back, then accuse YOU of cheating. Either way, he's making you miserable. I see more misery in your future if you stay with this pig. I'd run, not walk.
You won't find the right guy if you're stuck with THIS WRONG GUY. get out there, honey. set yourself free to be the TOTAL PERSON and find true and complete love WITH NO CONDITIONS.

I would let him go. You want someone that is going to love you at your best AND your worst. What if you get pregnant and gain some weight like most women do. Will he leave you then? It's too stressful. You should be doing this for you or it won't work. Another thing is why does he care what his family thinks? I mean, it's one thing that he worries about you healthwise but if that's the case then he should be supportive and do it with you not give you an ultimatum for marriage. Sounds more like an excuse to eventually break up with you. Like someone already said. I'd get smoking hot for myself and then rub it on his face and say 'look what you missed out on' Just saying.

I would think it really depends on your true feelings. Don't get me wrong, I think you need to lose weight for yourself and only yourself. But he was honest and straight with you, which does count for something in my book. If you feel the love is real, then use it for motivation, but still you need to do it for yourself. No more excuses, just do it. IF the love is realy, then he will be on the journey with you...he will be doing it with you and together you will get closer and healthier. Only you can be the judge of where your relationship really is.

but I can tell you that you will need to make a lifestyle change...not just diet. That is why I say it will need to be something you do together.

good luck.

I say loose the weight, then loose another what 175 - 200 lbs instantly when you dump him. Anyone who would set conditions to a relationship is someone who I would not want to spend the rest of my life with. You can and will do better. Good luck down your path to healthy living.

I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either.

You should worry about this. Also, do you really want to spend your life with a man willing to throw away a two and a half year relationship because he wants arm candy to parade around the mall?

How shallow is that?

Oh hell no! Get rid of that trash, girl!! True love isn't conditional... he'd love you no matter what if it was real. Keep your head up and leave that *kitten*! You deserve better. When you lose weight, it should be for YOU ...not something you have to do to gain or keep "love".

I'm sorry you're going through this. But the fact that he allows his family to determine how he's feeling about you is a big red flag. If you stay with him it's a matter of time before they meddle in your relationship again. Even if you do lose enough weight to satisfy them, be prepared to have them bully you on various other issues that you haven't even thought of yet while your man sides against you. Does that sound like a good situation to you?

Firstly, I feel so sorry for you. my initial reaction would be good riddance but of course that is a long time together to throw away, The way he approached the issue was dead dead wrong and clearly he wants to check out skinny girls and parade you around in a bikini, this is shallow of him because you seem to be a lovely person with a kind heart and he wont find that in another person if all he wants is looks. you deserve better. When i broke up with my bf of 2 years he said "well you've got fat anyway" .. I had. Since then I have found the love of my life and I started my big weightloss journey a year ago, he has stuck with me and supported me entirely, and loved me even when i was bigger. There is a better man out there for you, time to move on with your head held high, knowing you would never have been so shallow like him. If you want to, lose weight, it is your body. next time he sees you he will eat his words.
Good luck!! :flowerforyou: