Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?
Replies
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Marry him, take everything he has and leave him and take whatever he has left.
:laugh: You just earned honorary angry girl status, hope you don't mind.0 -
Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry... Pardon my being blunt here, but..... he's an *kitten*. Clearly, if he is letting something like this come between you, he doesn't love you. It sounds to me like he has been looking for a way out of the relationship and he's using this is a tactic to get you to end it.
This is a toxic relationship. You deserve better! My advice is to go get better. Lose that jerk.0 -
Dump him.0
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I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.
Or at least, thats what I would do
I completely agree with this. Screw him, you are beautiful, my husband think i am gorgeous, im 5'2 and 221 lbs. I am trying to lose weight for myself. Happy and Healthy0 -
What do YOU want? The fact is... he's asking you to change! When you love someone, you don't ask that person to change to please you! What will come next? and what will happen when you'll get pregnant? Your boyfriend should be your best friend...0
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Why does his family have such power over him? Sounds like a mama's boy and kick him to the curb. If he wants you to be with one of the "hot" chicks then tell him to go get one. Very superficial.
You do this for you and no one else. My husband of 25 years loves me thin or heavy. While a lot of medical issues have slowed my weight loss (5'5" 206 currently), he still supports me in my efforts. He cheers every ounce I lose. He knows this is not for him but because I want to and need to be healthy for me.
Trust me there is some one out there better than him.0 -
I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.
Or at least, thats what I would do
This is what I would do. He sounds so mean.0 -
"He says I am perfect for him except for my weight." :huh:
Honey... no. True love is unconditional. And the right man for you would never say such a thing - your partner should think you're perfect for him exactly as you are.
It absolutely sucks that you are in this situation. There is just so much wrong about this situation - the things he's said to you, the influence of his family. You're in a toxic situation, and while it's going to hurt and suck in the short term, getting out now is the best thing you can do for yourself. Of course, I realize that's always much easier said than done! Hugs.0 -
First of all, I know this must hurt a lot, sometimes life is WAY too hard.
As hard as it is to hear now, you are absolutely better off without this guy. He just doesn't really love you. He has made this loud and clear. Based on what you have posted, he has said some VERY hurtful things to you that someone who truly loved you would never even think or feel, let alone say to you. Speaking frankly, he really seems to want to move on, he is having some difficulty with that, and apparently his answer is to lash out at you. Sounds like a real coward to me.
You deserve better. Everyone does.
Hang in there!0 -
How To Tell Your Girlfriend You Think She Needs To Lose Weight
Step 1: Punch yourself RIGHT in the ****.
Step 2: If you still feel like telling her, repeat Step 1.
The End.
(I love Tumblr for that)
P.S: He's a spineless, unimaginative, double standarded ****weed. Dump his scrawny *kitten* and watch him go running back to momma.0 -
I was scrutinized by my boyfriend for being fat & was told that he would be nicer to me & our relationship would be better if I wasn't fat.
Literally, 30lbs later within 1 year, I look freakin' smoking
now, and two weeks ago he left me.
Trust me, it's no the weight.
TRUST ME!! :explode: :explode: :explode:0 -
Hi everyone! I have been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years. He met me when I was overweight and didn't have a big problem with it. We were attracted to each other and had a pretty happy relationship. His family recently visited for the first time, and ever since then he has been treating me differently. When we talked about marriage, he said that he won't propose unless I lose a lot of weight. He said his family made him realize how heavy I am and he doesn't want to be with me if I am that overweight. I am 5'4" and 250 pounds. He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me. He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks. He wants someone that wears bikinis and short shorts. He said he has only been holding onto me because he loves me and hopes I will change. He said he would pay for me to reduce my boobs now just so I would look less heavy.
Obviously this hurt me a lot since I have been struggling with my weight since my sophomore year of college. He knows I try hard to lose and fall back into unhealthy emotional patterns. I have gone through surgery lately and faced setbacks. It hurts me that he loves me for me until he saw what his family said about my weight. Especially since they aren't thin people either. (Even he isn't super active and has a bit of a belly)
So - here is where your opinion comes in. How would you react to this? What do you think about it? Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? Obviously, I am trying to lose weight anyway. I guess I am wondering if you would take this as him trying to help you look better and be nice about it, or if you would be offended and move on. He says I am perfect for him except for my weight. I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either. I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?
*kitten* him, he's an idiot. You can do better than that guy.0 -
Wow! I am so sorry that you had to go through that. This does not make sense. He obviously is an *kitten* and has no control over his own thoughts if he can be swayed by his family on anything. The fact that he is happy with you should be enough. No one should get with anyone expecting them to change down the road, ESPECIALLY their looks or weight. Those things are not easy to change, even when you want to change them on your own. I was with my girlfriend for three years. When we first started dating she was close to 200 pounds. I was so happy and so in love with her and did not even notice the weight. Over the years she lost over 40 pounds and now looking at her now, compared to what she used to weigh I can see the difference. It still did not bother me because she was beautiful then and is beautiful now, even though we are not together anymore. I think that now you should start your journey but for the right reasons. Do it for YOU- not for anyone else. Your body is yours and you are the only one that has to live in it and with it for the rest of your life. He can leave or stay. The way you describe him I wish, for you, that he would leave. No one needs someone as superficial and mean as that! You are beautiful and deserve someone who can see it now and later. He will never be happy and if he does go out and find a skinny chick I hope she treats him like dirt. Looks are only skin deep. I know many beautiful, skinny people whose hearts are black and nasty. Looks fade, but the person you REALLY are will always be the same.0
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I don't know the guy or his lifestyle (does he eat healthy, work out, what his weight is, etc) so I don't have a complete picture of what's going on but a couple thoughts in general on weight and relationships.
I've lost a lot of weight (140lbs) by changing my entire lifestyle. Even at 225lbs I'd say I still lead a relatively healthy life exercising 6 times a week and eating right most of the time. I've found that when I've tried dating heavier girls (as in some that weighed as much as me), not wanting to be shallow like I felt women were to me when I was really heavy, I ran in to the issue of conflicting lifestyles. Both parties have to be mostly on the same page in a relationship. It's really PC to say weight shouldn't matter but if one person runs 15-20 miles a week, lifts weights, and eats right while the other watches 4-5 hours of TV a day and eats fast food every day there can be more issues going on than weight alone. I'm not saying that is your dynamic with your ex (like I said, don't know him or his lifestyle) but just that it's something to be considered before just dismissing his feelings on weight as totally shallow.
Whatever you do you should do for you though and not anyone else. Whether that means changing your lifestyle to lose weight or staying the same and finding someone who loves you for who you are only you can decide.0 -
I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.
Or at least, thats what I would do
this! what a jerk
^^Agreed!! I understand wanting your significant other to be healthy and looking hot (who doesn't) but there is a much better way of going about that topic then "move it or lose it." You're beautiful and do it for you, not him if that's what you want!0 -
I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?
Both.
Move on because you deserve someone who is mature and knows what true love is.
Feel grateful that he told you before you were stuck with him.
Yes, yes, yes! What this person said, definitely! It is best that you find out now how much of an *kitten* he is and how little he really loves you, before you go ahead with any marriage plans. As I said before, YOU DESERVE BETTER!!0 -
He has every right to demand standards, he's voicing them to you. That you're perfect save for the physical aspect.
Chemistry and attractiveness is very important and I understand the people that are saying "dump him blah blah blah" but he deserves someone whom he is attracted to.
He's holding on because he believes you have it in you to change. He wants someone he finds sexy. Someone who is going to take care of theirself and live long. Someone who will be able to enjoy him sexually without being out of breath. Someone who will be able to be active with his children. Someone who WILL be able to have children (or at least the reason wouldn't be because they are overweight)
He loves you. But he wants to love all of you. Nothing wrong with that.
As far as changing yourself for him, that's on you. I'm sure at the end of the day, you want to lose weight and be healthy because you would feel better. So do it for you. Change for you.0 -
Been there and it was 23 years ago and still married to him! Crazy, yes there are times I think that but what it is really about is NOT YOU>>>>it's him and his poor self esteem and insecurities. Immaturity too. By having the hot girlfriend he needs it to make himself feel better about himself. Superficial? yes
Stay with him and fast forward through 20+ years of dealing with his continuous insecurities within himself always needing something external to prop him up. He is attracted to you because you know you are beautiful and strong despite the weight...that is the attraction. And...he wants some of that. Making you feel bad about yourself sucks just a little bit of that confidence out of you and seeps it into him. But, it is never enough and even if you get hot there will be something else to criticize you about.
Eventually you get older and learn to ignore it all and push the responsibility for self esteem where it lies....with himself.0 -
I understand his point of view if he were starting the relationship. I am not attracted to larger women either.
That said its obvious he was swayed by his family and decided to take the harsh, brutal route. This guy doesn't deserve you. You don't need to change for anyone but yourself. Someone who dumps a girl like that isn't a man at all.
This. Some men do this. They find a woman they like for themselves. Then if their friends (Family for you) start pointing out flaws, telling them they can do better, etc, they flip the script. sounds like he is one of those men who wants a trophy wife on his arms or validation from friends and family. If he has been happy with you for this long, then why the change? I wouldn't be so upset over the weight issue, its more or so the lack of defending or fighting for you that matters the most to me. I don't like followers. What else will his family change his mind over in the future? When to have kids, where you live, etc. I like men who can stand up for what they believe in. In this case, you. I think this doesn't have anything to do with weight; its over validation and approval from others. If you love him, fight for your relationship, call him out on his BS...lose weight for YOURSELF! And if he continues his follower ways, reconsider the relationship.0 -
He most likely has been having negative thoughts about your weight for a while and the comments his family has made about your weight make his thoughts feel justified. Reason I say this is because if he had absolutely no problems with your weight and he loved you so much, your weight would not be an issue and he would have stood up for you to his family. It's one thing for him to say "I want you to lose weight so we can live a long life together, free of obesity related illnesses," it's another thing to say he wants you to lose weight for vanity reasons. I think he's being superficial and shallow, saying he wants to check you out like he does thin girls and is embarrassed to be seen in public with you because of what others would think of him, it's a big red flag.
You should be hurt and offended, what he said was NOT okay. You shouldn't have to lose weight FOR HIM, you should lose weight FOR YOU. He should be encouraging you, not giving you more reasons to be self conscious and fall into those unhealthy emotional patterns again. He should not be pressuring you like this "lose weight or I can't marry you."
I say move on from him, take some time off relationships to work on your mind and your body; lose weight, discover yourself more and come back to the dating scene as a strong woman who knows herself and what she deserves... because you definitely do not deserve to be treated the way you're being treated now.0 -
Hi everyone! I have been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years. He met me when I was overweight and didn't have a big problem with it. We were attracted to each other and had a pretty happy relationship. His family recently visited for the first time, and ever since then he has been treating me differently. When we talked about marriage, he said that he won't propose unless I lose a lot of weight. He said his family made him realize how heavy I am and he doesn't want to be with me if I am that overweight. I am 5'4" and 250 pounds. He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me. He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks. He wants someone that wears bikinis and short shorts. He said he has only been holding onto me because he loves me and hopes I will change. He said he would pay for me to reduce my boobs now just so I would look less heavy.
Obviously this hurt me a lot since I have been struggling with my weight since my sophomore year of college. He knows I try hard to lose and fall back into unhealthy emotional patterns. I have gone through surgery lately and faced setbacks. It hurts me that he loves me for me until he saw what his family said about my weight. Especially since they aren't thin people either. (Even he isn't super active and has a bit of a belly)
So - here is where your opinion comes in. How would you react to this? What do you think about it? Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? Obviously, I am trying to lose weight anyway. I guess I am wondering if you would take this as him trying to help you look better and be nice about it, or if you would be offended and move on. He says I am perfect for him except for my weight. I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either. I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?
oh wow.. first off, hell no! I wouldn't change for him or his family! !! I would say I got alotta *kitten* for yall to get to kissing! I have lost weight 2 times and my fiancé is shocked that I still want to loose! he told me that he never realized thtat I got as big as I did, but he is more open to the idea of being physically able to do stuff. I could of never lifted weights before.. now that is what I do and I think it scared him.. any way. I would not change for the family. I would ask them y do u get to dictate to him that I am overweight? just because im not a size 2 don't mean im not a human and that I don't have feelings and that I cant love or be loved! personally it would have offeneded me cause what if you did loose all the weight and you go to the mall together and he sees a redhead? would he then tell you that you need to color your hair? or if he likes tan girls? one of these days he would have to accept you for who you are and if you are trying to loose weight, then keep trying, and I would dump him and his family!thats just me1~0 -
He is so not worthy of your love. Sad, but true. If he is easily influenced by his family and their opinion.........nope, move on and find someone who is worthy of you and your love.0
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I am so sorry someone you love hurt you so much. The things he said to you were inexcusable and, I imagine, incredibly painful.
A couple thoughts I had: you ask if you should make yourself a "better person" for him. Is he trying to be a "better person" for you? You need someone who is more willing to work on himself than he is to point out the ways he feels you need to work on yourself. If you are already attempting to live a healthier lifestyle, then you are already bettering yourself. Also, some of the worst people I have ever met are skinny, short-shorts-wearing women. Size =/= quality of person.
Secondly, it's not his fault if he is attracted to thinner women (we can't choose what physical type we are attracted to), but that does NOT give him the right to talk to you the way he did and to throw that fact in your face. He either needs to accept that this is the size you are now (even if it's not the size you will be forever) and see all the beauty that is you. If he chooses not to see that, then he is of weak, deficient character and there is no reason to take anything he says about you to heart.
Last thought: no one should manipulate you into losing weight, ESPECIALLY by withholding a marriage proposal or mentioning that he likes to check out other women (potentially implying that if you don't lose weight he'll cheat on you with a skinny chick). That. Is. Disgusting. My heart hurts for you that someone is treating you this way. My weight and my husband's weight have both fluctuated quite a bit in the time we've been together, but no matter what sizes we are we are still wildly attracted to each other, love each other, and treat each other with respect and kind words. I married him when he was at his heaviest. Do I drool over Ryan Gosling's abs on occasion? Sure. Would I ever berate my husband for having a soft belly instead of perfectly chiseled six-pack abs? Absolutely not. His worth and quality are found in a thousand other things that make up the entire man he is and I could give a crap what that is packaged in (as long as he is healthy, of course). It is much harder to be a good person than to be a skinny person, and it is of much more value in life to be a good person than to be just a skinny person.
That being said, only you can decide if you want to put up with it. Do you really think he is "perfect" for you (as he says you are for him, minus the weight issue)? Do you see his current attitude something you want to live with for the rest of your life, and if he spoke to and treated your future children in a similar way, would you be fine with it? I would hope that you say "no" to those questions, but ultimately it's up to you and what you want. Best of luck, hon.0 -
Hi everyone! I have been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years. He met me when I was overweight and didn't have a big problem with it. We were attracted to each other and had a pretty happy relationship. His family recently visited for the first time, and ever since then he has been treating me differently. When we talked about marriage, he said that he won't propose unless I lose a lot of weight. He said his family made him realize how heavy I am and he doesn't want to be with me if I am that overweight. I am 5'4" and 250 pounds. He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me. He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks. He wants someone that wears bikinis and short shorts. He said he has only been holding onto me because he loves me and hopes I will change. He said he would pay for me to reduce my boobs now just so I would look less heavy.
Obviously this hurt me a lot since I have been struggling with my weight since my sophomore year of college. He knows I try hard to lose and fall back into unhealthy emotional patterns. I have gone through surgery lately and faced setbacks. It hurts me that he loves me for me until he saw what his family said about my weight. Especially since they aren't thin people either. (Even he isn't super active and has a bit of a belly)
So - here is where your opinion comes in. How would you react to this? What do you think about it? Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? Obviously, I am trying to lose weight anyway. I guess I am wondering if you would take this as him trying to help you look better and be nice about it, or if you would be offended and move on. He says I am perfect for him except for my weight. I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either. I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?
Sorry but he sounds superficial and shallow and his family sounds even worse. Sounds like he listens to everything they say instead of thinking for himself. I don't think I would want to marry into that family. Lose the weight for yourself and only yourself and your health. Never do it for someone else. Good luck on your journey and all the best to you!!0 -
Beating a dead horse here but....
How shallow is he?? Seriously!!
Tell him to beat it, Jack.
Then lose all the extra weight, work out like mad and transform yourself into a smokin, STRONG and HEALTHY drop dread gorgeous babe.
Then plan to meet him to "catch up" and show off the new you as a "This-is-what-you-lost-Idiot " moment.
REVENGE CAN BE SO SWEET!
Of course, you should just do this anyway for YOURSELF and YOUR HEALTH.
Also... your boyfriend's a jerk.0 -
I think you lost a significant amount of fat - when he walked out on you!
You are worth more than this.0 -
Doll, I'd slap him sideways.
That was just uncalled for. You're gorgeous and obviously such a sweet girl- and he practically said he thinks he's in a higher league than you? Uh-uh.
If he's not the same guy you fell inlove with, and no longer cares about your feelings, leave his unappreciative butt immediately.
x0 -
Ultimately you know in your heart what you want to do. I know sometimes it’s hard to walk away from someone you love, but you have to do what’s best for you in the long run.
My biggest concern is that when you marry someone you marry their family too, is this type of family you want to be with? To be the grandparents of your future children? I would be more concerned with the fact that he allowed his family to put such a thought in his head.
OR
there is always the possibility he wants out and this is his “excuse” Sitting down (maybe with a mediator) and ask him to be honest, is it JUST a weight thing? Because I find that hard to believe beings you have been together & got together while you were overweight.
I have been with my husband 18 years, when we met I was a size 7 at my highest Jan 2013 I was wearing a size 22. Even when I worried about my extreme weight gain my husband ALWAYS reassured me that he found me sexy & beautiful regardless of my size. I made the choice on my own at the beginning of this year to change and he has been nothing but supportive.
Best of luck to you.0 -
I would definitely follow the advice of the person who said, "Run." Anyone who is so shallow that he's more concerned about how you look and how HE looks to others for being with you spells trouble for the long term. It's sad that he can't get past appearances and remember why he fell in love with you in the first place. You know you are the same person inside, thin or fat. Unfortunately, this is a fact in American society: people judge when they have never walked in your shoes and don't take a look at their own flaws first. Hang in there, and become healthier for yourself and your quality of life, not ever for anyone else.0
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LET HIM GO. Perhaps he was CLOSE to your Mr. Right so it feels hard, but he is NOT your Mr. Right. Pray.0
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