Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

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  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
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    Marry him, take everything he has and leave him and take whatever he has left.

    :laugh: You just earned honorary angry girl status, hope you don't mind.
  • chellec23
    chellec23 Posts: 147 Member
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    Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry... Pardon my being blunt here, but..... he's an *kitten*. Clearly, if he is letting something like this come between you, he doesn't love you. It sounds to me like he has been looking for a way out of the relationship and he's using this is a tactic to get you to end it.

    This is a toxic relationship. You deserve better! My advice is to go get better. Lose that jerk.
  • MRMCCRACKEN
    MRMCCRACKEN Posts: 17
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    Dump him.
  • Jessicupcake20
    Jessicupcake20 Posts: 29
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    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)

    I completely agree with this. Screw him, you are beautiful, my husband think i am gorgeous, im 5'2 and 221 lbs. I am trying to lose weight for myself. Happy and Healthy
  • comete70
    comete70 Posts: 4
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    What do YOU want? The fact is... he's asking you to change! When you love someone, you don't ask that person to change to please you! What will come next? and what will happen when you'll get pregnant? Your boyfriend should be your best friend...
  • Gizziemoto
    Gizziemoto Posts: 430 Member
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    Why does his family have such power over him? Sounds like a mama's boy and kick him to the curb. If he wants you to be with one of the "hot" chicks then tell him to go get one. Very superficial.

    You do this for you and no one else. My husband of 25 years loves me thin or heavy. While a lot of medical issues have slowed my weight loss (5'5" 206 currently), he still supports me in my efforts. He cheers every ounce I lose. He knows this is not for him but because I want to and need to be healthy for me.

    Trust me there is some one out there better than him.
  • Roll_Tide_Meg
    Roll_Tide_Meg Posts: 255 Member
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    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)

    This is what I would do. He sounds so mean.
  • lacharp
    lacharp Posts: 66
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    "He says I am perfect for him except for my weight." :huh:

    Honey... no. True love is unconditional. And the right man for you would never say such a thing - your partner should think you're perfect for him exactly as you are.

    It absolutely sucks that you are in this situation. There is just so much wrong about this situation - the things he's said to you, the influence of his family. You're in a toxic situation, and while it's going to hurt and suck in the short term, getting out now is the best thing you can do for yourself. Of course, I realize that's always much easier said than done! Hugs.
  • ravenwork
    ravenwork Posts: 37 Member
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    First of all, I know this must hurt a lot, sometimes life is WAY too hard.

    As hard as it is to hear now, you are absolutely better off without this guy. He just doesn't really love you. He has made this loud and clear. Based on what you have posted, he has said some VERY hurtful things to you that someone who truly loved you would never even think or feel, let alone say to you. Speaking frankly, he really seems to want to move on, he is having some difficulty with that, and apparently his answer is to lash out at you. Sounds like a real coward to me.

    You deserve better. Everyone does.

    Hang in there!
  • McGrammarnazi
    McGrammarnazi Posts: 5 Member
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    How To Tell Your Girlfriend You Think She Needs To Lose Weight

    Step 1: Punch yourself RIGHT in the ****.

    Step 2: If you still feel like telling her, repeat Step 1.


    The End.

    (I love Tumblr for that)

    P.S: He's a spineless, unimaginative, double standarded ****weed. Dump his scrawny *kitten* and watch him go running back to momma.
  • BranMuffin947
    BranMuffin947 Posts: 104 Member
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    I was scrutinized by my boyfriend for being fat & was told that he would be nicer to me & our relationship would be better if I wasn't fat.

    Literally, 30lbs later within 1 year, I look freakin' smoking :love: now, and two weeks ago he left me.

    Trust me, it's no the weight.

    TRUST ME!! :explode: :explode: :explode:
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
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    Hi everyone! :smile: I have been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years. He met me when I was overweight and didn't have a big problem with it. We were attracted to each other and had a pretty happy relationship. His family recently visited for the first time, and ever since then he has been treating me differently. When we talked about marriage, he said that he won't propose unless I lose a lot of weight. He said his family made him realize how heavy I am and he doesn't want to be with me if I am that overweight. I am 5'4" and 250 pounds. He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me. He wants to check me out the way he does thin chicks. He wants someone that wears bikinis and short shorts. He said he has only been holding onto me because he loves me and hopes I will change. He said he would pay for me to reduce my boobs now just so I would look less heavy.

    Obviously this hurt me a lot since I have been struggling with my weight since my sophomore year of college. He knows I try hard to lose and fall back into unhealthy emotional patterns. I have gone through surgery lately and faced setbacks. It hurts me that he loves me for me until he saw what his family said about my weight. Especially since they aren't thin people either. (Even he isn't super active and has a bit of a belly)

    So - here is where your opinion comes in. How would you react to this? What do you think about it? Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? Obviously, I am trying to lose weight anyway. I guess I am wondering if you would take this as him trying to help you look better and be nice about it, or if you would be offended and move on. He says I am perfect for him except for my weight. I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either. I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?

    *kitten* him, he's an idiot. You can do better than that guy.
  • jmariscal3
    jmariscal3 Posts: 57 Member
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    Wow! I am so sorry that you had to go through that. This does not make sense. He obviously is an *kitten* and has no control over his own thoughts if he can be swayed by his family on anything. The fact that he is happy with you should be enough. No one should get with anyone expecting them to change down the road, ESPECIALLY their looks or weight. Those things are not easy to change, even when you want to change them on your own. I was with my girlfriend for three years. When we first started dating she was close to 200 pounds. I was so happy and so in love with her and did not even notice the weight. Over the years she lost over 40 pounds and now looking at her now, compared to what she used to weigh I can see the difference. It still did not bother me because she was beautiful then and is beautiful now, even though we are not together anymore. I think that now you should start your journey but for the right reasons. Do it for YOU- not for anyone else. Your body is yours and you are the only one that has to live in it and with it for the rest of your life. He can leave or stay. The way you describe him I wish, for you, that he would leave. No one needs someone as superficial and mean as that! You are beautiful and deserve someone who can see it now and later. He will never be happy and if he does go out and find a skinny chick I hope she treats him like dirt. Looks are only skin deep. I know many beautiful, skinny people whose hearts are black and nasty. Looks fade, but the person you REALLY are will always be the same.
  • drchimpanzee
    drchimpanzee Posts: 892 Member
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    I don't know the guy or his lifestyle (does he eat healthy, work out, what his weight is, etc) so I don't have a complete picture of what's going on but a couple thoughts in general on weight and relationships.

    I've lost a lot of weight (140lbs) by changing my entire lifestyle. Even at 225lbs I'd say I still lead a relatively healthy life exercising 6 times a week and eating right most of the time. I've found that when I've tried dating heavier girls (as in some that weighed as much as me), not wanting to be shallow like I felt women were to me when I was really heavy, I ran in to the issue of conflicting lifestyles. Both parties have to be mostly on the same page in a relationship. It's really PC to say weight shouldn't matter but if one person runs 15-20 miles a week, lifts weights, and eats right while the other watches 4-5 hours of TV a day and eats fast food every day there can be more issues going on than weight alone. I'm not saying that is your dynamic with your ex (like I said, don't know him or his lifestyle) but just that it's something to be considered before just dismissing his feelings on weight as totally shallow.

    Whatever you do you should do for you though and not anyone else. Whether that means changing your lifestyle to lose weight or staying the same and finding someone who loves you for who you are only you can decide.
  • Nelliebird1430
    Nelliebird1430 Posts: 108
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    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)

    this! what a jerk

    ^^Agreed!! I understand wanting your significant other to be healthy and looking hot (who doesn't) but there is a much better way of going about that topic then "move it or lose it." You're beautiful and do it for you, not him if that's what you want!
  • chellec23
    chellec23 Posts: 147 Member
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    I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?

    Both.

    Move on because you deserve someone who is mature and knows what true love is.

    Feel grateful that he told you before you were stuck with him.

    Yes, yes, yes! What this person said, definitely! It is best that you find out now how much of an *kitten* he is and how little he really loves you, before you go ahead with any marriage plans. As I said before, YOU DESERVE BETTER!!
  • xMonroeMisfit
    xMonroeMisfit Posts: 411 Member
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    He has every right to demand standards, he's voicing them to you. That you're perfect save for the physical aspect.

    Chemistry and attractiveness is very important and I understand the people that are saying "dump him blah blah blah" but he deserves someone whom he is attracted to.

    He's holding on because he believes you have it in you to change. He wants someone he finds sexy. Someone who is going to take care of theirself and live long. Someone who will be able to enjoy him sexually without being out of breath. Someone who will be able to be active with his children. Someone who WILL be able to have children (or at least the reason wouldn't be because they are overweight)

    He loves you. But he wants to love all of you. Nothing wrong with that.

    As far as changing yourself for him, that's on you. I'm sure at the end of the day, you want to lose weight and be healthy because you would feel better. So do it for you. Change for you.
  • mjfhorsey
    mjfhorsey Posts: 6
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    Been there and it was 23 years ago and still married to him! Crazy, yes there are times I think that but what it is really about is NOT YOU>>>>it's him and his poor self esteem and insecurities. Immaturity too. By having the hot girlfriend he needs it to make himself feel better about himself. Superficial? yes

    Stay with him and fast forward through 20+ years of dealing with his continuous insecurities within himself always needing something external to prop him up. He is attracted to you because you know you are beautiful and strong despite the weight...that is the attraction. And...he wants some of that. Making you feel bad about yourself sucks just a little bit of that confidence out of you and seeps it into him. But, it is never enough and even if you get hot there will be something else to criticize you about.

    Eventually you get older and learn to ignore it all and push the responsibility for self esteem where it lies....with himself.
  • msaestein1
    msaestein1 Posts: 264 Member
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    I understand his point of view if he were starting the relationship. I am not attracted to larger women either.

    That said its obvious he was swayed by his family and decided to take the harsh, brutal route. This guy doesn't deserve you. You don't need to change for anyone but yourself. Someone who dumps a girl like that isn't a man at all.

    This. Some men do this. They find a woman they like for themselves. Then if their friends (Family for you) start pointing out flaws, telling them they can do better, etc, they flip the script. sounds like he is one of those men who wants a trophy wife on his arms or validation from friends and family. If he has been happy with you for this long, then why the change? I wouldn't be so upset over the weight issue, its more or so the lack of defending or fighting for you that matters the most to me. I don't like followers. What else will his family change his mind over in the future? When to have kids, where you live, etc. I like men who can stand up for what they believe in. In this case, you. I think this doesn't have anything to do with weight; its over validation and approval from others. If you love him, fight for your relationship, call him out on his BS...lose weight for YOURSELF! And if he continues his follower ways, reconsider the relationship.
  • WhoIsAmber
    WhoIsAmber Posts: 161 Member
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    He most likely has been having negative thoughts about your weight for a while and the comments his family has made about your weight make his thoughts feel justified. Reason I say this is because if he had absolutely no problems with your weight and he loved you so much, your weight would not be an issue and he would have stood up for you to his family. It's one thing for him to say "I want you to lose weight so we can live a long life together, free of obesity related illnesses," it's another thing to say he wants you to lose weight for vanity reasons. I think he's being superficial and shallow, saying he wants to check you out like he does thin girls and is embarrassed to be seen in public with you because of what others would think of him, it's a big red flag.

    You should be hurt and offended, what he said was NOT okay. You shouldn't have to lose weight FOR HIM, you should lose weight FOR YOU. He should be encouraging you, not giving you more reasons to be self conscious and fall into those unhealthy emotional patterns again. He should not be pressuring you like this "lose weight or I can't marry you."

    I say move on from him, take some time off relationships to work on your mind and your body; lose weight, discover yourself more and come back to the dating scene as a strong woman who knows herself and what she deserves... because you definitely do not deserve to be treated the way you're being treated now.

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