Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

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  • kittyx2
    kittyx2 Posts: 33 Member
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    You should only lose weight for *you*, for your health first & foremost & also to feel confident in your self.

    You deserve better than this guy. His comments don't show any concern for you or your health. Instead he just seems to want an arm trophy to show off to his family & friends.

    The best thing would be to find a guy who loves you for who you are & is supportive of you & your goals, and then still work on your weight loss goals for your own improved health.
  • Cupcakehippiemommy
    Cupcakehippiemommy Posts: 457 Member
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    Drop him like I know you will drop the extra lbs ! I am sorry this happened, but you seem like a smart girl. How do I know this? because you have an account here on MFP :) Good luck doll!!
  • k____
    k____ Posts: 4
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    So - here is where your opinion comes in. How would you react to this? What do you think about it? Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? Obviously, I am trying to lose weight anyway. I guess I am wondering if you would take this as him trying to help you look better and be nice about it, or if you would be offended and move on. He says I am perfect for him except for my weight. I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either. I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?

    I would be absolutely hurt and horrified at this. His family meets you for the first time after you both had been dating for 2.5 years, I WOULD THINK that's long enough for him to love you for you and stand up FOR you to them. Absolutely superficial and shallow on all accounts. You losing weight should not be a condition for a proposal of marriage, I mean for me that would have been a deal breaker! He should have been supporting you in your weight loss journey, and again, he should have stood up for you to his family if he truly loved you for you. Put him in your past! Good luck, I'm rooting for you in all of your happiness! :smile:
  • Kay2405
    Kay2405 Posts: 54
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    If you want to lose the weight for yourself, go for it. There's nothing more encouraging than setting yourself a goal and doing it for yourself.

    If he can't appreciate you for who you are, he doesn't really love you. No one says that to someone they love, that's ridiculous.

    I would ditch him. It might suck for a while and you might be hurting, but use that to kick butt in the gym. It's the perfect opportunity. When I'm angry, I go to the gym and I work out. I feel so much better for it afterwards.

    I know you'll do well, because you'll end up doing it for the right reasons.

    Kay.
  • pinkgurl87
    pinkgurl87 Posts: 25
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    That is horrible :( sigh this is why I hate being fat people treat us like crap even though we are just human.
  • Cmr317
    Cmr317 Posts: 2
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    Hey Jess
    I give you lots of credit for putting this out there. I know exactly how you feel. My situation is a little different as I was "thin" when I met my husband and got married. Three kids later and 17 years, I'm not that perfect size 8 anymore. My situation is a whole other message lol

    My honest advice is to dump his *kitten*. If he truly loved you, he would love everything about you. I think you are right in saying that if you lose the weight his parents will find something else wrong with you. I know it is soooooooooo hard to end a relationship and even harder to find someone when we don't have the perfect body but you will. Just stay strong. Lose the weight because you want to not because anyone will love you or like you more. You will always be you inside.
  • kizzyb1977
    kizzyb1977 Posts: 199 Member
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    It's HORRIBLE that he is treating you this way after all of the time you have been together. Unfortunately I think you are right about his family. If you were to lose the weight they probably would find something else they would want you to change. Sounds like maybe nobody will be good enough for their son.

    However, if you are going to lose the weight, do it for yourself and NOT for him or anyone else. Good luck!!
  • Afura
    Afura Posts: 2,054 Member
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    I didn't read the other replies, so if mine echo's someone else, well, great minds think alike. I think he's shallow, and trying to follow societies accepted standard of norm, put in by pressure by his family. If he truly loved you, he would love all of you, not because of bikinis and checking you out. Ugh.
    Now, if he had said that he wanted you to loose weight because he wanted you to be healthy, and happy, and live a long life, I could understand those reason.
    But that he gave you an ultimatum on top of all that? That's not love. What's going to be the next ultimatum that he gives you? It may never end. It's emotional blackmail, don't let yourself be fooled calling it anything else.

    Loose the weight if you're ready to loose the weight. Do it for you, because you love you, not because someone demands it of you. Loose the guy because you love you, not someone that's going to blackmail you into things.
  • misspastry
    misspastry Posts: 109 Member
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    can u blame him?
  • ladylass89
    ladylass89 Posts: 21
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    Wow. Gotta love people. I'm so sorry, that's completely awful. You will lose the weight in YOUR time when YOU'RE ready. Not on anyone else's schedule, and sure as hell not on his. I know it's messy because the whole relationship is tangled up in it, but I think you're smart in thinking what if his family finds something else wrong with you?
    He should be sticking up for you.
    Not being the *kitten* he is.
    I'm sorry :(
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
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    Love is a verb, not a feeling. If he 'loved' you, he would be by your side fighting the battle with you instead of throwing it in your face to deal with because he's not man enough to walk beside a beautiful woman regardless of her size. His actions show he values his family and their opinion over you, which is a BAD sign. If the apron strings are that tight, you are in for a future of problems any time his family wants to interfere. Time to move on.

    I agree with this.
  • babyweight100
    babyweight100 Posts: 5 Member
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    Hi, nice to meet you. I cant really say much as i dont know your boyfriend. Could it be that he is hurting you for you? Maybe he really loves you and your health is more important to him than the two of you being together. Some people lose weight after break-ups.　Or another possibility might be that he is not strong enough. His parents might have told him what he should prepare himself for, and he might be scared that you might get seriously ill, and he is not strong enough to see you suffer so this is his plea for help. Obviously, you want to be with someone thatll stick by your side, but maybe you just need to be the stronger one and lose the weight-both for you and your future together as it will affect him if your health declines. I know you are making an effort, or you wouldnt be here, so good for you! But like I said, I dont know him so I cant say, but if you trust that he loves you, believe in him! As long as he just wants you to be healthy and not anorexic, he is a keeper in my book!
  • lisabinco
    lisabinco Posts: 1,016 Member
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    You should lost weight for yourself, for your health, not for him.
    Absolutely THIS.
    Aren't you worth it? You deserve good health, and only you can give it to yourself.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    can u blame him?

    I really hope you are trolling.
  • BamaBreezeNSaltAire
    BamaBreezeNSaltAire Posts: 966 Member
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    He has every right to demand standards, he's voicing them to you. That you're perfect save for the physical aspect.

    Chemistry and attractiveness is very important and I understand the people that are saying "dump him blah blah blah" but he deserves someone whom he is attracted to.

    He's holding on because he believes you have it in you to change. He wants someone he finds sexy. Someone who is going to take care of theirself and live long. Someone who will be able to enjoy him sexually without being out of breath. Someone who will be able to be active with his children. Someone who WILL be able to have children (or at least the reason wouldn't be because they are overweight)

    He loves you. But he wants to love all of you. Nothing wrong with that.

    As far as changing yourself for him, that's on you. I'm sure at the end of the day, you want to lose weight and be healthy because you would feel better. So do it for you. Change for you.

    I call B.S. on this one. Sorry to disagree but the words "for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and health" are never more true. He saw what he was getting into to start with and only after his parents met her he begins to act like this. Yes he has the right to chose what he wants but he does NOT love this lady in the way a man loves his wife should. You NEVER EVER go into a relationship wanting to change someone because that's your issues, not theirs.
  • jenbk2
    jenbk2 Posts: 623 Member
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    If he doesn't love you at your "worst" don't you dare let him love you at your best. You are a beautiful woman ! Someone who would say that to you is not worth your time. If his family has that much control over him believe me you do not want him.
  • obrientp
    obrientp Posts: 546 Member
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    Be glad you've only wasted 2.5 years with this insensitive jerk.
  • BamaBreezeNSaltAire
    BamaBreezeNSaltAire Posts: 966 Member
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    Run.

    Run far away.

    That is NOT love.

    Run.

    And keep running until you can't see him and you've lost all the weight for YOURself!

    X1000
  • Catlady87
    Catlady87 Posts: 302 Member
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    If you're perfect for him EXCEPT for your weight you're not perfect for him.
    Dump his *kitten*, lose the weight for yourself and then find him in 3 years time show off how fan-effing-tactic you look and then tell him that he had his chance and lost it for being a hypocritical, selfish arsehole!!
  • ashb811
    ashb811 Posts: 17
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    You are beautiful the way you are and the one and only person you should lose weight for is yourself. If he cannot accept you the way you are then he never will unfortunately. This journey is all about you and no one else, so do what you want to do for yourself. The rest will fall into place. Sorry you're going thru this!

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