Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

He has every right to demand standards, he's voicing them to you. That you're perfect save for the physical aspect.

Chemistry and attractiveness is very important and I understand the people that are saying "dump him blah blah blah" but he deserves someone whom he is attracted to.

He's holding on because he believes you have it in you to change. He wants someone he finds sexy. Someone who is going to take care of theirself and live long. Someone who will be able to enjoy him sexually without being out of breath. Someone who will be able to be active with his children. Someone who WILL be able to have children (or at least the reason wouldn't be because they are overweight)

He loves you. But he wants to love all of you. Nothing wrong with that.

As far as changing yourself for him, that's on you. I'm sure at the end of the day, you want to lose weight and be healthy because you would feel better. So do it for you. Change for you.

I might agree with some of this if she'd weighed 50-100 pounds less when they started dating. From the OP, it seems like she's been overweigth from date 1, and that hasn't changed much. So, if he didn't find her "hot" or 'attractive" or is embarrassed to hold her hand at the mall, he should've known that the first time they met. So, this argument doesn't have merit, for me, in this situation. And, if he liked her but wasn't physically attracted to her from day 1, why wait 2.5 years? That's what troubles me. If he liked everything else, why not start talking about a healthy lifestyle and do fun, active things together from the beginning, and then if nothing changed, break it off before they'd spent so much time and emotion on each other? And, the fact of the way he said it sucks *kitten*.

DUMP HIM QUICKLY !!!!!

I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

Or at least, thats what I would do

this.

Was there any indication during the 2+ years that he had a problem with your weight or did it all just surface after his family met you? When I was at my heaviest I went through that with an ex and his family meeting me and trying to tell him to leave me over my weight. It certainly can be the direct opposite of motivating.

It's good that he was honest (if that is actually *his* opinion and not what he's been told to think) but I, personally, would be really turned off by a person who was that mentally weak. If he is going to let everyone else's opinions and what they think effect him that much I don't know that I could even tolerate being with HIM. I'd turn the tables and let him know just that. Not that lashing out will help but it might let him know how it feels to be judged.

Get healthy for you. You will feel better.

If he is saying he won't marry you or move forward in the relationship until you lose weight, run (don't walk) away. I think you are very pretty. My fiance and I jokingly said that we would get married after we both lose 30 lbs. However, the wedding date is set and I guarantee that we will go through with it regardless of whether or not we lose anything. I know plenty of husbands that will tell their wives that they have put on weight but it shouldn't be done in a negative way. It's one thing to be open and honest with each other because you care and want the other person to be healthier. It's another to put you down because of anything superficial. Weight should never be a dealbreaker. We will all get older and might even get less attractive. It happens. What will he ask for after you lose the weight. Plastic surgery to help with wrinkles?

I'm so sorry he hurt your feelings like that. Let me get my bat. What's his address?

A man that lets friends and family dictate his life is not a man worth having. Stop being sad and get mad. You'll get fit for yourself and give him the finger.

Just let him go and start dating again. Show him you don't need him to be happy, because you DON'T!!!!!

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon!

He is a perfect example of a shallow guy who gets into a relationship that isn't for him. You seem to have confidence so you will be able to find someone who likes you for who you are.

I didn't read the other replies, but as per usual, I'm going to go against the grain, the majority and the crowd that is perhaps egging you on to call him all kinds of jerks, monsters, devils vilifying him as evil and more because he finally shared his heart with you and told you his truth of how he thinks and feels...Nope--I say this is opportunity for you disguised as trouble, heartache and woe!

Count it ALL Joy, because even though it surely doesn't look, feel or seem like it--honey you are BLESSED...embrace the pain and accept it. You former boyfriend is entitled to his thoughts and feelings, don't discount the pain or reject the pain of what he said or even how he said it--believe him, accept what he has said...don't make-up excuses for him (his family and whatever). Listen to what he has told you, give him the right (without judgment of him) to be able to tell you how he feels and again, accept it. Don't allow his feelings, words or reasons to hurt you (you have the total power to get bitter or better in this situation--it's completely and totally up to YOU)--Thank God that you've discovered this now (before you guys got more involved/married--you are BLESSED, not cursed as you may seem to feel or think or believe because of this). Don't hold it against him...set him FREE (in your heart and mind) without being sad, mad or feeling bad. Forgive him totally--if you do, you'll be guarding your heart and mind and not giving him or anyone your POWER...again, it's up to YOU!

Once you give him the right to express himself, as he has--love him enough to let him go completely (from your heart, mind and soul) without ANY ill-will AT ALL, because the reality is he's done you a big favor as well as himself. We live in a society now where truth is denied and rejected, where people have to go along to get along. Thank him for showing you who he really is and how he really feels and MEAN it! He doesn't want you anymore and that's his right--it REALLY is!

As you embrace this pain, use it to fuel your energy to live, love and get to the place of eating and drinking and living the way you want to.

Here's some words of life and truth for you to "chew" on and hide in your beautiful and precious heart, soul and mind:

A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.
Bo Bennett

I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.
Sylvester Stallone

“Was I bitter? Absolutely. Hurt? You bet your sweet *kitten* I was hurt. Who doesn't feel a part of their heart break at rejection. You ask yourself every question you can think of, what, why, how come, and then your sadness turns to anger. That's my favorite part. It drives me, feeds me, and makes one hell of a story.”
― Jennifer Salaiz

“I don't want anyone who doesn't want me.”
― Oprah Winfrey

Life's blows cannot break a person whose spirit is warmed at the fire of enthusiasm. - Norman Vincent Peale, Preacher and Author

I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. - Jimmy Dean, Actor, Singer and Businessman

I think that you have to believe in your destiny; that you will succeed, you will meet a lot of rejection and it is not always a straight path, there will be detours - so enjoy the view. - Michael York, actor

Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothings others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. - Don Miguel Ruiz, New Age Author

Life is a succession of lessons, which must be lived to be understood. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, Author, Poet and Philosopher

There's nothing like rejection to make you do an inventory of yourself. - James Lee Burke, American Author

Dear to us are those who love us... but dearer are those who reject us as unworthy, for they add another life; they build a heaven before us whereof we had not dreamed, and thereby supply to us new powers out of the recesses of the spirit, and urge us to new and unattempted performances. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, Author, Poet and Philosopher

True success is overcoming the fear of being unsuccessful. - Paul Sweeney, Author

In so far as one denies what is, one is possessed by what is not, the compulsions, the fantasies, the terrors that flock to fill the void. - Ursula K. Le Guin

Over emphatic negatives always suggest that what is being denied may be what is really being asserted. - Jonathan Raban

“You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” -- Walt Disney, Entrepreneur and Dreamer

“Always remember that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other thing.” -- Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the USA

“If you're going through hell, keep going.” -- Winston Churchill, British Politician and Leader

“Rejection is fun when you can learn from it and grow as a wiser person.” -- Augie from SelflessMinds.com

“Every rejection is incremental payment on your dues that in some way will be translated back into your work.” -- James Lee Burke

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.” -- Helen Keller, Author


“It is not rejection itself that people fear, it is the possible consequences of rejection. Preparing to accept those consequences and viewing rejection as a learning experience that will bring you closer to success, will not only help you to conquer the fear of rejection, but help you to appreciate rejection itself.” -- Bo Bennett, Businessman and Author

“We keep going back, stronger, not weaker, because we will not allow REJECTION to beat us down. It will only strengthen our resolve. To be successful there is no other way.” -- Earl G. Graves, Author and Publisher

“I would never have amounted to anything were it not for adversity. I was forced to come up the hard way.” -- J. C. Penney, Department Store Founder

“If there were no problems, most of us would be unemployed.” -- Zig Ziglar, Author and Motivational Speaker


“I think all great innovations are built on rejections.” -- Louis Ferdinand Celine, French Writer and Doctor

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” -- Martin Luther King, Jr., Preacher, Activist, and Civil Rights Leader

Lose your weight for yourself. Kick his weight out the door and find someone else.

MOVE ON! If he really loved you for you he would have never said that. It's an easy out for him so let him have it.