Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

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  • thesoup11
    thesoup11 Posts: 72 Member
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    For him to threatin your relationship thats not love thats mean and it takes time tolose weight thats very unkind especially sicnce u with him a long time there temptation out there but u cant get skinny in a day
  • WaterBunnie
    WaterBunnie Posts: 1,370 Member
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    I'm not going to tell you what to do - but if he were mine he'd be gone.

    How can you ever feel good enough for someone who would rather you risked your health by having parts of your body surgically removed rather than love you as you are?

    What right does his family have to criticise you when they've only just met you? Are they so perfect that their judgment counts for anything? A real man would have disowned his family before hurting his partner!

    Even if you lost the weight would you ever feel good enough for him now or confident in your relationship? I wouldn't! What would be next? I can't love someone with stretch marks?
  • PennyM140
    PennyM140 Posts: 423 Member
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    Edited because my actual thoughts were probably insensitive to OP. I don't think he is so terrible for being honest. Not everyone is perfect. Not everyone can stay in a relationship when they are not physically attracted anymore.
  • neacail
    neacail Posts: 228 Member
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    Wow! I can understand that you must be terribly hurt.

    But, you've dodged a bullet. He has admitted to you that he loves you, but his family's opinion of your weight trumps that. You don't want a man who is that weak minded. What would happen when you bought your house together, or had children, or made any other significant life decision? Who knows, his family could be the type of people who would even sneer at your choice in annual flowers or bathroom towels.

    You have just, thankfully, gotten rid of this man. You are now free to find a partner who is interested in building the life he wants (not the one his family wants for him) with you.

    I know it hurts . . . but having a man who is more committed to the family he was born into than the family he has chosen is even more hurtful, and more long-term.
  • VorJoshigan
    VorJoshigan Posts: 1,106 Member
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    His family recently visited for the first time, and ever since then he has been treating me differently. When we talked about marriage, he said that he won't propose unless I lose a lot of weight. He said his family made him realize how heavy I am and he doesn't want to be with me if I am that overweight.

    He said he has only been holding onto me because he loves me and hopes I will change.

    How would you react to this? What do you think about it? Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? Obviously, I am trying to lose weight anyway. I guess I am wondering if you would take this as him trying to help you look better and be nice about it, or if you would be offended and move on. He says I am perfect for him except for my weight. I feel like if I fix my weight FOR him, he and his family might just find something else that they don't like either. I am wondering if I should move on or feel grateful that he told me?

    I can't judge somebody for what they like, but here are some thoughts.
    -He sounds like he's not his own man, he's far too swayed by what his family says.
    -NEVER NEVER NEVER go forward in a relationship with somebody who is only still with you because he "hopes you will change". People always change, but hardly ever in the way we HOPE they will.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Get rid of him and then get revenge.

    Success and happiness are the best revenge.
  • megsmom2
    megsmom2 Posts: 2,362 Member
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    If he pays more attention to what his family thinks than to how he feels about you..the whole you..hes shallow and doesn't deserve you.
  • itsallyson
    itsallyson Posts: 24 Member
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    Please watch this video "My girlfriend looks good, but she could look better!": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QduF69rFoI&feature=youtu.be

    And realize that he is SO not worthy of you.
  • samcat2000
    samcat2000 Posts: 106 Member
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    If it were me, I would look at him one last time, turn around, and walk away - no RUN AWAY - and don't EVER look back. I wouldn't waste once more ounce of energy on this jerk off. Spend your energy on you and the people who deserve YOU.
  • BOOMaggedon
    BOOMaggedon Posts: 244 Member
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    I just read your post OP and no one else's so I may be regurgitating stuff here you have already heard.

    If you are even considering allowing yourself to be treated like that, talked to like that, and being made to feel like that...do you think that it will change?

    If you were my friend, daughter, relative, or just person on the street and I heard that someone talked to you in that way I would ask you why you are dating a complete douche bag. Yeah - I know guys aren't always the best communicators. Yeah - I know we all say things we wish we could take back. And yeah - I should applaud this douche bag for being honest about his feelings.

    My two cents...get away from this guy as quickly as possible and go about the business of finding your love of yourself, your self respect, and never allowing yourself to be talked to or treated like that.

    I had a girl tell me once that she thought I was great but she doesn't date overweight guys. I respected her for telling me that in the beginning. I didn't think poorly of her because she didn't start something thinking she could or would change me. I did use her words (and still do though it was many many years ago and I am married to a wonderful girl who loves me...all of me) to fuel my fire. It got me to take a look at myself, take a personal inventory, and find out what I really wanted.

    Anyway - you are a gorgeous girl, you seem very intelligent, take a step back and above all love yourself.

    Good luck to ya!
  • SandiM007
    SandiM007 Posts: 5
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    Don't waste your time on him!! He did you a favor! When my ex dumped me, I got buff, got a makeover, joined a bunch of things (Sierra Club, dance lessons , .etc) & I got my RN. My ex was floored, and wanted me back sooo bad. But I was a new gal and wasn't about to go back to him. Revenge is SWEET!!!!!
  • grdnr03
    grdnr03 Posts: 547 Member
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    say hasta la vista baby!! glad he was truthful now than later!! take care of yourself!
  • AprilBarkulis
    AprilBarkulis Posts: 76
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    I am so sorry for the pain he has given you !! He does not truly love you or he has no ideal what true love is !

    Love is patient and kind.
    Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.
    It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.
    It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

    1 he is very rude and unkind
    2 He has not been totally honest with you

    I know it might not be easy at first but start taking care of you first ! Just put him on the back plate and move forward in making yourself happy You will find your true soul mate by learning to take care of yourself and loving yourself Who knows maybe he will see this and realize just how wrong he was for not loving you for who you truly are inside and he will seek to be the best he can be for you as well.

    Good Luck and never give up on being who you are meant to be :-)
  • mccbabe1
    mccbabe1 Posts: 737 Member
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    I'm assuming by the title of the thread that one or the other of you decided to end the relationship?

    Honestly, he should never have gotten into the relationship expecting you to change who you were for him. And you're never going to forget the hurtful words he has said or the way his family has treated you.

    THIS ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
  • jhigg11
    jhigg11 Posts: 121 Member
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    I would dump him on the side walk. Then I would get healthy, hot and sexy and find a good man, who wants me for everything I am inside and not what some jerk thought was expendable. I think the key you are missing to losing weight and being healthy is believing you deserve it. Girl, you deserve to be healthy.
  • fattyfoodie
    fattyfoodie Posts: 232 Member
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    I know a girl who was with this guy and had two kids with him. They weren't married and he wouldn't even talk about getting married until she lost the weight.

    Personally, I would have told him where to go, but she lost the weight, he proposed, and now they are living unhappily ever after.

    You need to lose the weight for YOU. Not for your mom or your dad or your best friend or your inconsiderate lover. You, my dear, are far better off without this guy. You WILL lose the weight and look fabulous because you want to. And when the time is right the Universe will intervene and you will meet a man worthy of you.
  • xLexa
    xLexa Posts: 482 Member
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    Please watch this video "My girlfriend looks good, but she could look better!": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QduF69rFoI&feature=youtu.be

    And realize that he is SO not worthy of you.


    Amen! Sing it loud!
  • algebravoodoo
    algebravoodoo Posts: 776 Member
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    I understand his point of view if he were starting the relationship. I am not attracted to larger women either.

    That said its obvious he was swayed by his family and decided to take the harsh, brutal route. This guy doesn't deserve you. You don't need to change for anyone but yourself. Someone who dumps a girl like that isn't a man at all.

    ^^THIS^^
  • jeansuza
    jeansuza Posts: 148 Member
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    My cousin's husband (!) told her to slim down or he would quit her. She did but he finally did ditch her anyway. Now, about 20 years later, he is an old fart, alone and miserable, and she is a beautiful woman that is not thin but a happy and healthy person...
  • LowFatMama
    LowFatMama Posts: 625 Member
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    OMG! What a complete jerk. LEAVE him, get fit & healthy for YOU. You are such a beautiful girl, and don't need to be with someone who doesn't think the same. And "love" is unconditional, so whatever he has for you-im sorry-it is not love. Also, if his opinion of you can change just from what his parents may have told him, then I doubt you want them as your in-laws.

    Leave. And find someone who will love you & treat you the way you deserve. There are good men out there, TONS of fish in the sea! No need to stay with one who is a complete douch bag. :smile: Hope things go well for you!

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