Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

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  • SailorJas
    SailorJas Posts: 25
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    OMG That's totally messed! I'm sorry if this was me I'd be pissed. When my dad met my mom she was a thin little thing, and over the course of 26 yr marriage she gained weight and was overweight. He has encouraged her to eat healthier, and to try to lose weight, but he has never once said 'when I'm in public I wish you were thin like all those other thin women' because he loves her no matter how she looks. If someone loves you they accept everything about you. Your bad flaws, and your good traits.
  • mccbabe1
    mccbabe1 Posts: 737 Member
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    From a guys point of view...

    He was honest which is good but..

    Changing because of him will set you up for failure. You need to do that on your own. And just going by what you said here - "He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me." means he cares too much about other people and not you. So my honest opinion is that he changed mentally. You need to separate from him and change yourself physically. Once your happy then if you really still have feelings then revisit the relationship. Negative people are everywhere, don't willingly put yourself around them.

    LOVE THIS.. AND ALL TRUE i THINK
  • Wildbran
    Wildbran Posts: 19 Member
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    real love isn't conditional, I didn't believe it until I found it but it exists. I says keep working on yourself, lose the weight and when he comes crawling back slam the door in his face :smokin:

    ^^^
    couldn't agree more, my husband of 15 years is happy that I'm trying to lose weight ONLY because he can see how good I feel about myself...even just losing a few lbs. He's always said that he will love me no matter what, that if I want to lose weight he'll support me as long as I stay healthy BUT he loves me just the way I am...and I was 60lbs lighter when we first met. It's what is on the inside that matters, if you want to lose weight for you - more power to ya! You are a beautiful woman, so I say do what you need to for YOU and if includes getting slimmer and flaunting it - You go girl!
  • Lmdesisto
    Lmdesisto Posts: 2
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    Move on
  • 20107006
    20107006 Posts: 5 Member
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    Dump him and move on. That is so shallow. I am shocked.
  • mathera26
    mathera26 Posts: 90 Member
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    I get where you are coming from on both fronts, my main concern is this: He is obviously HEAVILY influenced by his families opinions, how will this affect where you live? How your children will be raised? What sort of career path you choose? This is a serious warning sign that shoud be deeply considered in all respects including the weight issue.
  • 20107006
    20107006 Posts: 5 Member
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    Totally agree. Great advice.
  • nconley83
    nconley83 Posts: 17 Member
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    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)

    THIS :laugh:

    Seriously though, that guy sounds like a dirtbag. I know you've been with him for a long time, but you absolutely DO NOT deserve to be treated that way. You're a gorgeous girl and it seems like you have a good heart. You need someone who will compliment you, not someone who will try to change you. Change is good, don't get me wrong, but support is always needed in life and I don't think that guy will support you the way you need it.
  • mathera26
    mathera26 Posts: 90 Member
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    P.S. I think you are beautiful, keep up the good work!
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
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    Two things...blunty honest.

    1. He needs to grow a set and understand that by allowing controllable outside influences to impact his life, he will never find tru happiness

    2. If it bothers you to the degree you are posting on a forum, let alone a fitness one, make the change you now have fueled by your emotional pain a goal of one that you will not only achieve, but KEEP.

    Turn the negative force into a positive. Become more aware, and make the best choices that lead you to happiness.

    Remember that you can only control your choices, both in life and love. If your ideals dont match another's, then you shouldn't be together.
  • toridehaven
    toridehaven Posts: 95
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    So sorry for you! But happy that you are seeing this now and not into a marriage or with children. If he is so easily swayed by others opinions of the woman that he supposedly loves....I think you know how the rest of that sentence will go. You are beautiful. Do this for you, prince charming will come along when the time is right and when you are ready. Until then love yourself!
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    I don't usually fall in with the "just dump him" crowd. But on this one, I have to agree with that consensus. He is very obviously trying to manipulate and control you, and just for his own shallow pride. It doesn't seem like he is concerned at all for your health, just appearance. Leave him, learn to love yourself, lose weight and get healthy FOR YOU and build your confidence. Then find a decent man. I'd add, bring your new man to a place that this one frequents, so he can see you with someone better than him :tongue:
  • kekeleeks
    kekeleeks Posts: 74 Member
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    Ewww!!! First and foremost, if you want to loose weight DO IT FOR YOURSELF. Not for this other person. Do It because you want to live a healthier lifestyle not because you want to hold on to this person who wants to only take pieces of you that are acceptable to his flawed standards. This man who loves you should be trying to build you up not tear you down. He should KICK ROCKS. Ask yourself, during your two years together has he tried to uplift and support you in goals of healthier living? Or has he sabotaged your efforts to better yourself? If you were to loose the weight & you two got married, this would follow you throughout your relationship and have a negative impact. You would constantly fear gaining weight because he might leave you if do! That is no way to live. Also, what happens when you two have kids (if that is in your plans)? That would be a challenging process to go through. Get out while you can. Focus on yourself and change your lifestyle for YOURSELF and gain the self confidence to know that YOU CAN DO BETTER than this guy. Don't settle for what he is offering you.
  • ktdid626
    ktdid626 Posts: 185 Member
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    I say if you want to attract Mr. Hot Buff Stuff, you have to be Mrs. Hott Buff Stuff. Like attracts like. And maybe this guy just changed his mind. I say take a break, focus on yourself, and if it's meant to be, it will be. Let him go, and watch him come crawling back if he loves you that much. He'll apologize.
  • vickiessecret
    vickiessecret Posts: 119 Member
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    That's crazy, I agree with everyone else..I would be very hurt by that. I wasn't always overweight, when I met my husband 13 years ago I was skinny, we've been together for over 11yrs & married almost 7 years. I didn't get really heavy until I had my first daughter & now we have 3 kids, & I'm really trying now to lose weight & it's working. But my husband told me he loves me no matter what & if I want to lose weight to do it for myself, not him...because he's happy with me already. So for your boyfriend to be acting like that, it's kinda weird & I wouldn't want to be with him. Good Luck with everything!
  • BrookieHatesCookies
    BrookieHatesCookies Posts: 54 Member
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    Noo way, anyone would be 50x better without him. He sounds needy and CONTROLLING.

    That's how my ex was anyway. I had the same problem but opposite, because he wanted to fatten me up. Either way that's deeply rooted psychological problem that many men have or have a tendency to turn to when faced with a strong, beautiful smart woman.

    He's trying to control some aspect of you to assert his dominance.
    The weight is a huge one not only because he knows you're making changes mentally FOR HIM, but he can also see his affect on you physically. You become the walking evidence of his dominance.

    He is obviously afraid of your power and cannot handle it.
    Find someone who not only appreciates you, but celebrates who you are, and can stand by you proudly anytime, anyday.

    Whether it be weight loss, weight gain, whatever.

    The whole point of a relationship is partnership and this sounds like more of a battle.
  • saudade88
    saudade88 Posts: 29 Member
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    Instead of saying things like ˝I am with you no matter, I'll be your support˝ he's talking of break up! As if it's not already hard enough for you!! Well, if he cant handle you the way you are now, then he sure doesn't deserve you when you get in that hot shape!! AND YOU WILL GET THERE :) Of course, you should lose weight, because of yourself, because that's for your health and your own well being. So hold your head up high and may that experience motivate you even more to do your best in your weight loss journey.
  • meredith1123
    meredith1123 Posts: 843 Member
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    Run.
    Run hard.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Also, I'll have you know; big girls are better in bed anyway ;)

    Until they lose weight, and then they are phenomonal!

    Honestly, sex is so much easier and more fun now that I lost.

    I'm not saying that OP should lose weight for this dude. She should do it for herself and then go find a new dude.
  • bekah818
    bekah818 Posts: 179 Member
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    Hi OP. First off, I just want to say you do not deserve this... Straight to the point, he's a complete *kitten*. It's completely fine for a significant other to want there girlfriend or boyfriend to be healthy, and if that calls for them wanting you to lose weight, that's fine, but the way they could present that you and make that okay would be if they were to assist you with meeting your weight loss goals and encourage you every step of the way, without putting you down or comparing you to anyone regardless of what family or anyone else might've said. What he did to you was flat out wrong. Instead of helping you, he put you down and basically attacked your self worth. The fact that he said he wanted to be attracted to you and check you out the way he would check out other thin girls???!!! That comment he made to you proves that he doesn't care about you or your health! He just wants you to be thin, so that it could be a boost to his ego. He sounds like he is very shallow and lacks character. My question to you is, why the hell were you even with him???

    I know it hurts now and you guys been together for quite some time... But look at this as a blessing in disguise, because you would have married an ignorant, selfish, jerk, and who the hell wants to be seen with that? He doesn't want to be seen with you, well you shouldn't want to be seen with a person like him.

    I hope you meet your goals, not just for looks, but for health reasons and when you do, don't ever take him back, because a *kitten* like him, will probably want you back once you change.. I know your heart probably hurts, but please take some pride in who you are and don't take him back. All men are not like him, there are really great guys out there that will be much better for you, please don't settle for this idiot.

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