Because I really need to talk!
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He lied about loving you, not wanting to be in a relationship, and you being ugly. Get out of the 'relationship' ASAP, today if possible. He is wounding you and just using you.0
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LEAVE ASAP! This is the beginning stages of an abusive relationship. His goal is to isolate you, kill your self esteem and make you think you are not deserving of anything better. He tells you he isn't wanting a serious relationship because then it is an excuse for him to talk to other women and when he leaves or cheats he can say " I told you I didn't want anything serious." You deserve better. Get out now before he causes damage that will follow you for a long time. I was in a marriage with someone like that, althought he never called me ugly, he would talk to other women and would always tell me if I didn't like that or his controlling behaviors, etc, to divorce him. So I did... Well I was a train wreck after without full knoweldge of how bad I was... (and I am a counselor). I got myself into a WORSE relationship with verbal abuse, controlling behavior, and eventually physical abuse. But this girl doesn't like being controlled and after 3 months, I broke free. But let me tell you, undoing all that damage is NOT easy. I have been seeing a psychologist for a year now and am actually better then ever but I do still have some lingering self esteem issues. It helped me identify and finally see what I deserve in someone and demand it even if it meant leaving a relationship. I am engaged to a wonderful man now who tells me I am beautiful all the time. I am glad you are going to see a psychologist. Be honest and if that professional is good you will see what steps you need to take and have the courage to take them.0
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seriously? ditch the loser and find a suitable mate!0
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Listen to me......you ARE pretty and deserving of someone wonderful! Don't give up....NEVER do this!!!!!!! Go to the therapist and listen. Look at all the people here who don't even know you and took the time to encourage you. This WILL get better!!!!0
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This post made me cry. I have felt this way before. The guy was an abusive *kitten* but of course I could not see it until after I was out of the relationship and able to move on. He told me once that I was nothing more than West Virginia white trash....that is only the tip of the iceberg......................
Now, 15 years later I am married to a man that loves me dearly and treats me like a princess. The other guy is miserable and still a cheating jerk.
There is probably nothing any one can say to you that is going to make you feel better, only time will do that. But please know this, you are very pretty and deserve someone that will love you and treat you with respect. He is out there and believe it or not, you are worthy of it.
HUGS dear.0 -
You're not ugly. I am not a super nice forum person either -- so I am not just saying that. You're a lovely young women. I am a photographer by trade, if you came to me and wanted a photo session, I would not cringe and ask myself "why, god? why her -- it will take so much work for her to look decent.". I HAVE thought that in the past too about previous clients.
Tell the guy that you are looking for relationship, so sorry about his luck, but you have to go. Go see the therapist. Discover yourself. Be good to yourself and never let a man tell you that you aren't worth his respect (any man that calls you names IS disrespecting you). I was with somebody who never seemed to want to commit, though he was good to me in every other way, after a year of "I don't want a relationship" my suspicion was that he was waiting on something "better" to come along. I bounced. Not long after I met my husband.
This guy sounds like he wants to control you and the relationship. Don't let him. You deserve more and he deserves so much less.0 -
Your post really stood out to me. I was in the exact same situation you are in now 6 years ago. He would write to other girls and I would find out and I went from being so confident to zero self confidence as he offhandedly picked out all my flaws and made me feel ugly and worthless. You are not. Neither was I but I couldn't see his manipulation at the time. He is not going to change and you need to get out of that situation immediately because he will bring you down and down and it will affect you both physically and mentally. You are a beautiful girl, don 't lose sight of that. From what I can see in your profile photo you have incredible hair, a great smile and glowing skin, you are a long long way from ugly. You will find someone who truly cares for you and makes you feel as beautiful as you deserve. I really feel for you after being in that situation and you need to get out of it as soon as possible, no good will come from it and I tell you that from first hand experience, you deserve so much more from life. Get out now, don't wait 6 years like I did.0
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You shouldn't be around anyone that has to put someone down so that they can feel better about themselves. No one deserves that type of abuse. You are too good for him. Drop him like a bad habbit. You'd be surprised at how many opportunities to meet your prince charming that you may be passing up while hanging with this loser. You're a very pretty girl and I'm sure that once you get rid of the dead weight (him) you'll recognize all sorts of guys trying to get to know you.0
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I have a son that would live to meet you ! Dump the jerk!0
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You made me cry, because I'm surprise of all the kind words and support you have shown. I didn't expect it and for that I'm grateful, I thought I was alone and to be honest I felt a little ashamed to speak , but desperately needed to vent.
I will go to counseling, I will keep eating healthier and exercising and I will talk with him the next and last time I see him because I know the first step to getting better is stop being with someone who made me feel so bad.0 -
This is guy speak for "you meet certain needs, but I'm still looking for 'the one' " You deserve better!!!he loves me and wants to be with me but he doesn't want to be in a serious relationship.he even sometimes tell me that 'I'm fat' or that 'I look kind of ugly'.
My heart hurts for you that you accept such meanness into your life. You deserve better!!!I just have this feeling that I would ended up alone because I'm not skinny enough!!! and I hate it, I truly hate it.
Hon, I don't think you will end up alone. Here's why:
1. If you're willing to put up with such poor treatment you will always find a loser to take that guy's place when he finally gets one of the "prettier" girls to go out with him. Do you really want another loser like this? NO! begin to love yourself!!
2. Your lack of confidence is what scares off the good guys... NOT your size. There may be some men who are attracted to smaller women, but guess what men say the MOST attractive feature a woman has...?? It's her SELF RESPECT and CONFIDENCE. You don't need to finish losing the weight to develop a healthy dose of self respect and confidence. You can start right now by putting that man out, and reading books like Boundaries, The Dance of Anger, and Happiness is a Choice.
PS: If a really good guy who might otherwise have been interested in you sees you with a loser who treats you bad, calls you ugly, and chases after other women while you're "together," chances are that he will decide that you are not strong enough to make him a good partner. What I'm trying to say is, not only does staying with a mean guy prevent you from meeting good guys, it can also run off the good guys you have already met.0 -
He's playing a game with you. He figures you're not what he wants but you'll do for now. So he keeps you, and he keeps you insecure so you won't give him too much trouble while he searches for someone else.
When some other poor victim agrees to date this loser he'll ditch you. If it works out with the new one, good riddance, you won't hear from him again. But if she realizes he's a douche and dumps him, you can expect a hilariously pitiful and flattering phonecall from him as he tries desperately to get back with you so he won't be alone for one second. If you fall for that and take him back, the cycle will repeat itself.
Dump him now and walk away head high. Block his number and tell him you never want to see him again. That will let you salvage your pride. Also you're quite pretty. And even if you weren't, as someone already said, there are plenty of physically less attractive people out there who are in happy, healthy relationships with decent partners.
Wow, so you dated my ex, too, huh?
OP: Walk away. Or RUN away. You deserve sooooooo much more and I can guarantee you will be a million times happier without him. Being alone (single) is way better than being in a relationship that makes you feel like ****! And, like many other people who've replied, I know that from experience.
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My heart hurts for you. It's not about you honey. Guys like him get their confidence from hurting pretty girls like you. It's manipulation in the cruelest way.... Dump him like a ton of rocks.0
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Honey, here's a quick way to lose 180 pounds...drop his sorry butt like a hot rock.0
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Oh sweetie...you deserve so much better than a loser like him. You are a lovely young woman, and obviously a smart and sensitive person. Kick him to the curb like the bad memory he is. There is wonderfulness in store for you!0
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Wow, so you dated my ex, too, huh?
OP: Walk away. Or RUN away. You deserve sooooooo much more and I can guarantee you will be a million times happier without him. Being alone (single) is way better than being in a relationship that makes you feel like ****! And, like many other people who've replied, I know that from experience.
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I second this post. :drinker:0 -
You are a complete stranger to me, and I gain absolutely nothing from lying to you. So believe me when I say I think you are VERY pretty :flowerforyou:.
Don't let this man destroy your self-worth. It is him that is not worthy. He has shown himself to be selfish, a liar, and dishonourable. Walk away.
I do think that the psychologist appointment is a good idea, though. I hope they help you to get to the root of why you feel this way about yourself.
All the best!!0 -
You are NOT ugly!!! Dump his loser *kitten*.0
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You made me cry, because I'm surprise of all the kind words and support you have shown. I didn't expect it and for that I'm grateful, I thought I was alone and to be honest I felt a little ashamed to speak , but desperately needed to vent.
I will go to counseling, I will keep eating healthier and exercising and I will talk with him the next and last time I see him because I know the first step to getting better is stop being with someone who made me feel so bad.
Good for you!
Go to counseling. You need to figure out your self worth. And hold your head high the next and last time you see this guy.
Personally, I think you are very attractive (said in a "I have kids older than you, fatherly sort of way.") I'm not a perv.
And I can relate. I am one of the rarely mentioned men who was in an abusive relationship with a woman. Same put downs. I was fat, that was true. But I didn't need to hear it screamed at me. She was cheating on me locally and on the internet as well. It took me far too long to realize how much I needed to get away from that. I'm happy to see that you are ready to do it.0 -
THIS IS ABUSE!!!!!!!
I know someone else said it too, but the things he is saying to you is emotional abuse. This kind of abuse is extremely damaging to your self image (as is all abuse). I am so glad you are getting help. He will try to get you to quit the counseling, because it threatens his position of power. Get the help and get out. And do it now. I was married to my abuser for 11 yrs and had two daughters, which I had to share custody of with him, because the courts have a hard enough time dealing with physical/sexual abuse that they won't touch emotional abuse.
You are worth so much more.0 -
He will treat you just the same or worse even when you are skinny. Run for the hills!0
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You're a beautiful girl. You need to kick that guy to the curb! You deserve - and you will find - much better.
Couldn't agree more! Keep your head up.0 -
I guess it's all about perception. From my point of view, what I think is really ugly, is his inability to see what's beautiful and special about you just the way you are, his inability to encourage you and be supportive of you in your efforts and his insensitivity to your feelings. That's more how I would define 'ugly'. And, I find it hard to see how any of those inabilities could help with forming even a short term healthy relationship.0
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hey girly ---
when i met my boyfriend i was smoking fine ... blond, 5'7, 130 lbs in amazing shape.
then i gained 45 lbs and wore only sweatpants.
he has NEVER told me I'm ugly or that I look fat. NEVER.
you unfortunately have selected a scumbag creep. I say, don't talk to him ever again, and focus on making yourself happy. why would you let someone near you who doesn't appreciate you? who doesn't want to spend every second with you? you could let yourself be dragged around or you could cry and ask him why, but really just the silent treatment and never talking to him again is most effective. it's hard, i know, but you can do it.
and by the way, you are really cute. you have beautiful hair and a huge smile. there are a ton of guys in the world who will look at you and get little stars in their eyes. drop this loser. 0 -
...I've come to the conclusion that he don't want to be in a relationship with me because I'm ugly...
No, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you because he is a worthless piece of crap who deserves to be castrated and walk the streets in shame.
You are beautiful, if you lived near me I would treat you like a queen, guys like that don't deserve to be with anyone let alone someone as pretty as you are.0 -
Dear you are stunning and so not fat. But this guy is using you. He senses your lower self worth and is taking advantage of you. Broom him out but keep your appointment with the shrink. Work on you and you will do great.0
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I had an abusive boyfriend like that - it made me feel constantly upset, on edge, like I was worthless - and I kept going back like stockholm syndrome.
It took 1 year and 8 months for me to actually realise how stupid I'd been to put up with that. It wasn't until my mum got diagnosed with a progressive and terminal illness and he reacted in an 'oh well :ohwell:' way that I realised how poisonous he really was.
When you do break up with him - you will have mad regret and hate, but don't let that change you forever - just learn and promise yourself that you will NEVER let anyone treat you like that again.
You will also want to go back to him when you leave him for the first week or two. Ignore those feelings, get through them and tell a friend. I promise once you see the light you will emerge as a majestic swan ready to crush the haters.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Real love has little to do with appearance. If he really doesn't adore you, no matter how you look, he doesn't deserve you. Life is long, and people change physically. Real love sees beauty no matter what. Hard to hear, but maybe you should ditch him and find someone who knows you're beautiful - thin, fat, no make up, bed head -- he's wrecking your self esteem, maybe to build himself up? but that won't change no matter how thin you get. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself, just as you are. And love you no matter what0
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#1 The first weight you should lose is the guy. Telling you "you're kinda ugly" or "you're fat" is not an indication of anything other than a desire to control. If he doesn't want the relationship to be serious, and is asking other women out, it's not really a relationship, anyway. And you deserve much better.
#2 YOU ARE NOT UGLY. Just from looking at your profile picture, I can say that you are a very pretty young woman.
#3 From your picture, you aren't fat. You may feel like you want to lose some, and that's okay, as long as you are doing it to feel better, not to snag some guy. And, even if you have a few pounds to lose (I can't say either way, no idea about your height/weight) YOUR WEIGHT DOES NOT DEFINE YOU, OR YOUR WORTH.
I'm glad you're getting in to see someone. I hope they can help you see the positives in you. I hope that you can learn to talk to yourself nicely and not let anyone else drag you down.
Perfectly said!!0 -
He sounds full of it. Ditch him, you can do better. Really.0
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